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The Hogs of Entropy 0141
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>> "A Womans's Guide to Geeky Guys" <<
by -> Lonewolf
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Editor's Note: It came to my attention after publication that
this article actually came from BunnyHop and was published in 1994. It's
an article that has apparently been re-published without permission
dozens of times and we feel awful sorry that some random idiot pretended
that they wrote it.
Here's the original URL:
http://www.bunnyhop.com/BH5/geekguys.html
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So, your crush on the bass player from Vibrating Sandbox has finally
died a whimpering death and you're wondering where to go from here. All the
sinister dudes are either dating a series of interchangeable high-school
riot girls in baby doll dresses and an overdose of manic panic, or
permanently shacked up with some bitter old lady who pays all the bills.
Which will it be, a wifely prison or a humiliating one night stand? Into
this void of potential mates comes a man you may not have considered before,
a man of substance, quietude and stability, a cerebral creature with a
culture all his own. In short, a geek.
_Why Geek Dudes Rule_
They are generally available.
Other women will tend not to steal them.
They can fix things.
Your parents will love them.
They're smart.
_Where The Geek Dude Lurks_
While they are often into alternative music, geek dudes tend not to
go to shows too often. Instead you'll find them hanging out with their
friends, discussing the latest hardware revolution or perfecting their Bill
Gates impressions. You know how some people wear t-shirts with their
favorite bands on them, thus showing that they went to certain shows? Well,
geek dudes wear t-shirts with the logos of different software companies on
them, thus showing that they are up on the latest, um, releases. A small,
though convivial, rivalry may be detected here amongst the geek dudes. Try
wearing one yourself and see if he strikes up a conversation.
Of course the best way to meet a geek dude is through the Internet.
All geeks harbor a secret fantasy about meeting some girl in cyberspace,
carrying on an e-mail romance in which he has the chance to combine an
activity he is comfortable with, computing, with one he is very
uncomfortable with, socializing. To many geek dudes, cyberdating is just an
advanced form of some kind of video game, but they are frustrated by a lack
of players. Their lack is your strength.
_Imprinting_
You might notice that these men harbor some strange ideas about how
the world works and some particularly strange ideas about women. There is a
reason for this. Because they've had limited interpersonal experience, geek
dudes must look elsewhere for behavior models. Lacking a real world social
milieu, geeks often go through a transference stage with such narratives,
and try to model their interactions on them. Thus, certain media images and
themes come to have an overly cathected, metaphorized reality to them, while
the rest of us view such programming as mere entertainment. Case in point,
our next topic...
_The Trek Factor_
If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or
keeping a geek dude. And I'm not just talking vintage-era Captain Kirk and
Spock either. You've got to be up on your The Next Generation, your Deep
Space Nine, your Babylon 5. Armed with your own knowledge of Federation
policies, you can better gauge when and how to act. The sexual politics of
Star Trek are pretty blunt: the men run the technology and the ship, and
the women are caretakers (a doctor and a counselor). Note the sexual
tensions on the bridge of the Enterprise: the women, in skin tight
uniforms, and with luxuriant, flowing hair. The men, often balding, and
sporting some sort of permanently attached computer auxiliary. This world
metaphorizes the fantasies of the geek dude, who sees himself in the
geeky-but-heroic male officers and who secretly desires a sexy, smart,
Deanna or Bev to come along and deferentially accept him for who he is. If
you are willing to accept that this is his starting point for reality, you
are ready for a geek relationship.
_Once You've Got Him_
Of course, catching that geek guy is only half the battle. Keeping
him by your side is another story altogether. I was privileged to speak
with Miss Victoria Maat, who not only got herself a geek guy but was also
clever enough to marry him just a few short months ago. She interrupted her
newlywed bliss to give us a few tips on the care and feeding of a geek man:
"Geeks are sensitive and caring lovers and husbands. If you can hang
with the techno-lifestyle, they make the best mates. They are the most
attractive people, not flashy or hunky, but the kind who get cuter and more
alluring over time (I told you she was a newlywed). Definitely give geeks a
chance."
_Geek Cuisine_
Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and
think and aren't all that into cooking for themselves. Make sure that your
geek understands that you are not merely a replicator, and provide him with
home cooked food. A batch of chocolate chip cookies will let him know that
you love him. You do have to monitor your geek for weight gain; however,
remember that most of their days are spent sitting and staring at a monitor.
_Geek Lifestyle_
The geek dude has long work habits and tends to bring his work home
with him. He seems permanently connected to his hard disk. You must at
least appear interested in his work. Generally, a solid understanding of
the computer is a must; if you cannot master this, you should at least be
able to talk the talk. Remember most geeks are anal and they get stressed
about details which appear insignificant. Be understanding, put on your
best Deanna Troi face (see above) and empathize.
To relax, geeks love to play the latest computer games. Let him play
_Myst_ or Chuck Yeager's _Air Combat_ for hours if he wants to. Act
concerned if he's stuck or has just been ambushed by three MiGs. My geek
loves to try to help people on the Internet who say that they are stuck in
_Myst_. He comes up with clever riddles instead of directing them point
blank. Geeks also like to go to sci-fi and Japanese animated movies,
again, a basically harmless vent for your man.
_Geek Buddies_
Many geeks extend their work friendships into what they jokingly
refer to as RL (Real Life, also known as 'that big room with the ceiling
that is sometimes blue and sometimes black with little lights'). The
greatest thing about your geek's buddies is that you can feel secure in
setting them up with your girlfriends. They may feel awkward around females
at first, so don't overwhelm them. In time they will come out of their
shell and realize that you are into the same things they are.
Oh yeah...
I thank Victoria for the above advice. I must say that when she read
my draft of the piece, before writing her section, she asked her husband
which one he thought she was more like, Deanna or Beverly. Howard, the
devil, immediately replied that he had always thought Victoria was actually
most like Ensign Ro Laren, a cute character with a slight authority problem
who is always had trouble (this is fairly apt).
This exchange is interesting for several reasons:
Howard had already thought about who she was most like.
He could summon up characters from seasons past with ease.
Victoria actually knew who he meant.
Folks, I think this marriage will last.
_One Last Thing_
Because they have been so abused and ignored by society, many geeks
have gone underground. You may actually know some and just haven't noticed
them. They often feel resentful, and misunderstood, and it is important to
realize this as you grow closer to them. Don't ever try to force the issue,
or make crazy demands that he choose between his computer and you.
Remember, his computer has been there for him his whole life; you are a new
interloper he hasn't quite grasped yet.
Geek dudes thrive on mystery and love challenges and intellectual
puzzles. Don't you consider yourself one? Wouldn't you like a little
intellectual stimulation or your own? We thought so.
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #141 -- written by Lonewolf -- 12/4/97 *
