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The Hogs of Entropy 0107
do you miss that feeling of oldschool stupid & silly text files...?
well, dem HOGS 'of' ENTROPY present...
oooo .oooo.
.dP .dP `888 d8P'`Y8b Yb Yb
.dP .dP 888 .oo. 888 888 .ooooo. `Yb `Yb
<< dP_____dP_________888P"Y88b__888____888_d88'_`88b_______`Yb____`Yb >>
<< Yb~~~~~Yb~~~~~~~~~888~~~888~~888~~~~888~888ooo888~~~~~~~.dP~~~~.dP >>
`Yb `Yb 888 888 `88b d88' 888 .o .dP .dP
`Yb `Yb o888o o888o `Y8bd8P' `Y8bod8P' dP dP
- -> #107 <- -
>> ao, li-fo #7 <<
by -> food
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ACT ONE: AO LI FO ENTERS THE DUNGEONS OF DOOM
Act one, scene one;
Enter Satan;
Satan: Hahahaa. Soon, I shall rule the world. But first, I must destroy that
pesky Ao Li-Fo! A curse upon the house of Ao! Ahhh! But what do I say?
I doth divide my own house. I am a fool for not being so careful!
Still, this won't affect my future plans for Li Fo! Haaa! Hahaaaa!
Hahahaha! Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha! hahahahaha-
enter daemon;
daemon: Lord High Satan Sir!
Satan: Shut up you fool! I was in the middle of laughing! [strikes down the
daemon with a bolt of lightning]. Now, where was i.. Oh yes.. Hahaha!
Haaaa hahahaha!
enter second daemon;
Satan: Hahaha! Haaaaaaa! [peers at daemon] Haa-haaaaa! [begins to look
disgusted] Haaaahahahaa! [gives up] Oh bother! I suppose I must
get back to being evil now... What is it!
second daemon: Lord High Satan! Ao Li-Fo enters the first gate!
-----
Act One, scene two
enter Ao Li-Fo, dog.
Li-Fo: Hey, spuds.. what's that noise?
Spuds: Arf!
Li-fo: Shhh! I think I here some snorting!
enter orc;
orc: Hey you stupid fucking bastard! I want your fucking dog for supper!
Li-Fo: Hey! You can't talk to my dog like that!
Spuds: Awoooo!
Li-Fo: Get 'em, spuds!
[Spuds leaps thirty feet and sinks teeth deep into orc's neck. Orc dies.]
Li-Fo: Clean kill, spuds. Spuds? Oh, spuds! Thou hast died from a rotted orc
corpse! What now, shall I do in times of trouble? How may I go forth
alone and kill the monsters and the dungeon denizens save tame and
peaceful creatures, for though I am neutral I feel a tinge of lawful
stirring within me! Cao! Cao4 ni3de ma! [cries at the foot of spuds].
Enter Satan;
Satan: I killed your dog, you stupid fool!
Li-Fo: [looking up] Oh no, it's satan!
Satan: Yes, that's right, it's me, i'm the prince of darkness! Hahahaha!
Haaahaha! Hahahaaaaaahahaha--oof!
[Li-Fo punches Satan in the stomach and runs through a door to the east.]
Li-Fo: Damn, that was close! I've got to find some stairs down before the
prince of darkness catches me! [jams a spike into the door behind him]
Ahh! I must run faster. Finally, stairs! [Li-Fo escapes downstairs.]
-----
ACT TWO: AO LI-FO DISCOVERS FORT LUDIOS
Act Two, Scene One;
Enter Ao Li-Fo, gelatinous cube.
Cube: Gurrgle snort bork snort!
Li-Fo: Oh my! It's a giant cube of quivering gelatin!
Cube: [moving towards the sound of Li-Fo] Snarrrrcckkkoink! Snort borglesnort!
Li-Fo: Ahhhhh!
Cube: Gooorglesnorgsnort!
Li-Fo: Hiiiiii yaaaaaaaaaa! [cleaves cube in two] Oh no, what terrible trick
of the three sisters be this! In impudent haste have I doubled the deep
dungeon's danger? These carniverous cubes of giant jelly which snortle
snorgle banal before me are too much to bear, and my Shen Jian seems
suddenly a copper tinted steel now, is it rusted? Ahh, but no, even
though it may turn time tamed trust and rust red, it shall unfailingly
unrust, for it also graciously grants gifts of intrinsic regeneration!
Yes, rapid regeneration and resistance to Gelatinous cubes! Yes, rapid
regeneration, resistance to gelatinous cubes, and hunger aversion-
Narrator: Don't push it. You have increased healing, count your lucky stars.
Li-Fo: Who said that? [silence]
Cube 1: Snoooort!
[exit Cube 2]
Li-Fo: Oh my god, it's digesting my foot! [struggles to remove foot from cube]
Hi-yahh! Hiiii ya! Chop! Slice! [cuts loose from cube] Yuch! eesh!
[wipes foot on door to get rid of slime] I'm getting out of here!
[Li-Fo jumps to the side to escape cube and hits a teleportation trap]
Ahh! What strange and magical place is this! So many golden coins!
There is a fortune here, but wait, am I trapped inside of this small
20 by 20 room with an 8 foot high ceiling and stone walls, ceiling and
floor that seem to be cut from the inside of a single stone? How was
this place created? What will become of me and my magical coins? Oh
wait, there seems to be something strange about that pile of coins over
there... [moves to pile] I wonder wha--[hits a level teleporter]
My word! [Li-Fo gazes upon fort Ludios] It certainly looks imposing!
I wonder what it is? I shall climb down this wall and investigate, and
oh, is that a fountain I spy?
-----
ACT THREE: AO LI-FO DECENDS INTO GEHENNOM
Act Three, Scene One;
Enter Satan and three daemons;
daemon 1: Master, you sure showed him!
daemon 2: Yeah, Heheheh
Satan: Shut up.
daemon 3: Hehehehh.
daemon 2: Heheh hahaha
daemon 3: haaahahahahaa!
Satan: [fries daemon 3 with a bolt of fire] I said shut up! Oh, the pressures
and perils of being an entity, bear down upon my dark heart! I lust for
the days of my youth, yes, my youth, when I was a young lad, burning
up the dance floor, and the dancers.. Inciting riots, and causing
ruckussesses..
daemon 2: Rucki, sir.
Satan: Fuuuck yoouu! [fries daemon two with a bolt of lightning] Fuuuuuckk
yoou aaass hooooollleee! [daemon 2 is burned to a crisp]. Don't ever
correct me! I am god, I win, and if I say ruckussess, I mean ruckusses!
daemon: Sir, did you feel that?
Satan: Feel what?
daemon: There was a tremble in the ground...
Satan: Oh no! That must mean he's found the fountain!
daemon: Oh no sir, not the fountain!
Satan: Yes, the fountain you fool!
daemon: yes master, yes, yes, the fountain! call me a fool again!
Satan: You fool, you crazy fool you!
daemon: thank you sir!
Satan: You're welcome.. Oh.. wait, did you feel that?
daemon: Feel what, sir?
Satan: I felt the ground tremble.
daemon: What do you suppose it was, sir?
Satan: I'm not sure, uhmm.. Weren't we just talking about this?
daemon: I don't think so. Well, I don't remember.
Satan: Damn. Damn my forgetful memory, damn it all to hell!
daemon: Permission to speak frankly sir.
Satan: Permission granted.
daemon: Can we have homosexual sex?
Satan: Sure. Let's have homosexual sex right now. [with an expression of
intense concentration, trying to remember what the tremble in the
ground ment, Satan drops his pants and begins to slowly ass-fuck the
daemon] Now what was that tremble supposed to mean... Ohh.. Yum.. Let
me seeaaahh!! Oh yes, ahh, YES!!! Now I remember! No! No!
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!
-----
Act Three, Scene Two;
Enter Ao Li-Fo, Satan, and daemon.
Li-Fo: I have found the fountain that sprang forth from the river Styxx!
Satan: Fucking shit! Can't you see I am in the middle of some high quality
ass sex here?
Li-Fo: You are evil, that is plain. Now I will destroy thee, with my blessed
Shen Jian!
Satan: [withdrawing penis from the daemon's wet ass] You bastard, fight me
like a real man, hand to hand!
Li-Fo: [Dropping his sword, and putting up his dukes] Where I come from, we
talk with these!! [making hands talk] Hey, can't we talk this over?
Satan: You are such a god damn fuc--
Li-Fo: ha! [Li-Fo reacts too quickly to be seen]
Satan: Gasp! I never expected a blow from... the left side..... [dies]
Li-Fo: That was close.
daemon: Wail! Thou hast kilt my master, satan. This wasn't supposed to happen!
Li-Fo: I am a powerful martial artist. I know Chinese Kung Fu!
daemon: I'm telling on you! [exits]
Li-Fo: What a dork. God i'm hungry. [eats corpse of Satan]
enter God;
God: Li-Fo! What the jesus christ fuck have you done! Oh shit, I swore!
[God dissapears in a puff of logic]
enter God;
God: haha, you can't kill me with such a silly trick!
Narrator: Oh shit. Not again
God: Nyah nyah!
Li-Fo: What the...
[God exits]
enter God.
God: hey! You can't get rid of me so easil--
[God exits]
enter God.
[God exits]
enter God.
[God exits]
enter God.
God: Fuck you!
[God dissapears in a puff of logic].
Li-Fo: This place is strange! I think that satan corpse must have been
hallucinogenic!
enter God;
Li-Fo: What is it this time?
Narrator: Don't pay any attention to him!
Li-Fo: Who said that?
God: I'm taking over here now! Hahahaha! Haaaahahahaha! HAHAHahaHAHHaahah!
Li-Fo: I'm getting out of here! [runs away]
God: You can't get away from me!
Li-Fo: Oh no, i'm being chased by God! [hides around the corner]
[God comes running around the corner and gets tripped by Li-Fo's foot]
God: Oof!
Li-Fo: Heheh, bet you didn't expect that! Now take this! [Li-Fo draws a frying
pan and hits god over the head. Pan bends over God's head like a cowl
and a profile of God's head can be seen set in metal. Pan vibrates.]
[Li-Fo plants a hanging fist on god's exposed back! God reels!]
[God gets up and throws a punch at Li Fo!]
[Li-Fo outwardly blocks God and lets loose the tiger at God's throat!]
[God grabs Li-Fo's wrist!]
[Li-Fo places his hand at the base of his wrist and withdraws!]
[God tries to punch Li-Fo!]
[Li-Fo graps god's wrist and applies Basket fist to break God's right arm!]
[God staggers back, and tries another left handed punch!]
[Li-Fo subdues the dragon, dislocating God's right elbow!]
[God screams in pain!]
[God dissapears!]
[Li-Fo stops hallucinating!]
Li-Fo: Jeez. It was that stupid daemon! [eats daemon corpse] Nope, I don't
think I am hallucinating anymore [looks at doors, walls, objects on
floor] Nope. Now, time to get out of here! [reads a scroll of exit
Ghehennom]
-----
ACT FOUR: AO LI-FO ESCAPES THE DUNGEONS OF DOOM
Act Four, Scene One;
Enter Ao Li-Fo.
Li-Fo; Yes.
You went to your reward with 3 points.
Li-Fo: Three points? But I killed satan!
You were supposed to let God do that.
Li-Fo: But wouldn't he thank me?
God, thank you? What for?
Li-Fo: For killing satan!
Oh my, someone killed satan?
Li-Fo: Yes, I killed him. Stop being stupid!
I'm not, you are. And that tie stinks.
Li-Fo: What?
I said that tie stinks. It doesen't go with your faded pall, they don't match.
Li-Fo: But i'm not wearing a tie!
You're not wearing a faded pall either! Ha! Hoist by his own petard!
Li-Fo: But I am wearing a faded pall, they are known as elven cloaks.
Oh, I forgot about that. Ok, 5 points.
Li-Fo: 14
14, are you crazy? People like you usually get only 3, and I am giving you 5!
Li-Fo: Ok... 11 points.. Come on, I have to make the top 5!
11? Jesus, you are insane. Look. I can give you 7. I don't have any more than
that.
Li-Fo: 9 points!
Ok look. I'll give you 8, but I am going to get in trouble for this!!
Li-Fo: ok, 8 points it is! Haha, sucker!
Game Over
Hahaha! That fool! He could have had 22 million Now I can keep all these
points for myself! Haaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha!!
The End.
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* (c) HoE publications & metalchick. HoE #107 - written by food - 6/11/97 *
