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The Hogs of Entropy 0128
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$$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #128
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>> "The Fun I Had with a Crazy, Old Vietnamese Lady" <<
by -> Muze
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Listen to this wild story. I have a radio show here at college with
two other guys. It's a morning talk show called "The Chattershack". Dumb
name, yes I know, but I didn't make it up, so that makes me happy. Woz and
Chicago are the guys I do the show with. My radio name......we won't discuss
that now, that's a whole different story. Ok, so I have this radio show and
we do crazy shit on it. This is the dumbest tho.
One night I was out driving around with one of my friends. We drive
around aimlessly all the time. What else is there to do in Rensselaer?
drink. But I didn't feel like doing that this night. So my friend, Jason,
starts talking about spooky stuff that happens around the area. He mentions
something about a crazy Vietnamese lady that throws things at people as they
drive by in their cars. Sure they're not minding their own business, you
have to honk at her to get her to come out of her house, but anyways. After
Jason mentioned this I got _really_ curious. So I started asking tons and
tons of questions. I find out all I need to know from Jason and move on to
other sources. After I get all the info I can, I tell Woz and Chicago about
it. They thought it was the funniest thing, so Woz gets the brilliant idea
that he'll send me out one morning to harrass the old lady. And I did, we
braodcasted it and everything. I even have in on videotape.
So Woz sends me, Schneider, Michelle and Sam out to this ladies
house. Mind you, this house isn't easy to find. It took me two nights to
find it. Let me describe the location. Corn, corn,corn, soybeans, jungle,
soybeans, corn, corn, corn. The jungle would be Vietnam <the ladies house>.
It's set back pretty far from the dirt road. It looks like a neat little
house, what you can see of it. Except there's this little car sitting in the
frontyard. All the windows and lights are smashed out of it. We're still
not sure who's car it is, hers, or her victims. Anyway, the house is really
hard to see from the road, but if you're at the right angle you can see parts
of it.
So the four of us truck on out to the middle of nowhere at 7am not
really expecting much. We drive be the house and honk the horn and blow an
airhorn and stuff at the house. Nothing. So we turn around and drive back.
I'm sitting in the passenger seat, so I have a nice view of this ladies
jungle. I see her. At first I thought it was a broken tree branch. You
know how the inside of a tree can have that yellowish color......well, it
wasn't a tree branch. She was out there plain as day. All I can remember
is the yellow. As soon as I realized it was her I ducked. Sure I had the
video camera, but I feared for my life. I couldn't just sit there and tape
it. I screamed as loud as I could, we all did. the cell phone we had was on
and we were live on the air on the radio. This lady chucked a fucking $8.00
hammer at us. And hit us hard.......she's got good fucking aim. Schneider
yells "She broke my fucking window!@#$^". On the air. ouch. fcc. So when
I look up, there's a fucking _claw_ hammer stuck in the windshield. Had we
been going any faster the hammer would've shattered the passenger side window
and knocked me in the face. I have it all on video and audio. I'll have to
make a .wav file out of it. Funny shit after the fact. I'm still
traumatized.
So no one believes us until we show them the video. They all laughed
at my near death, but then so did I.
The van we were driving got a flat tire about one mile from this
ladies house. We thought she was going to come bounding out of a field
wielding another $8.00 hammer and kill us all. I've got to get the license
plate number and run it. Must find out who that car belongs to. Crazy bitch
almost took my life. But then, two nights later, I went back. Not of my own
choice of course. I wasn't driving. She wasn't out tho, we only drove by
once. I freaked out. Joel, who was sitting in the backseat with me had my
head in his lap for about 5 minutes. I think he liked it. but that's it.
that's my story.
Except, before we went there the first time, I knew that she throws
things at people. Hammers, axes, shovels.....she shoots shotguns. Rumor has
it that she killed someone and got off. Crazy people in Rensselaer. Never
drink the water.
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #128 -- written by Muze -- 11/5/97 *
