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The Hogs of Entropy 0088
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| | ...Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | |
| | | |
| | "The Magical Penis" | |
| | ...a campy tale made to offend... | |
| | | |
| | By: Lucky | |
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-[ Chapter One ]-
It was late, around 1:30am, and The Penis was fed up. He was tired of
being beaten for no reason and smacked around at his master's will. He was a
frustrated penis. He decided tonight was the night he was gonna run away.
Penis got up and wiggled his way out of his master's underwear and went to
the closet, packed his balls, and left. He had a hard time getting to the
door quietly. The floor panels made a lot of noise.
"Well this is it," he thought. "I'm on my own for now. Nobody to tell
me what to do and when to do it. I'm my own penis now. I'd better grab a
slice of pizza for the road." As he was walking to the fridge, he stumbled
over something, it was dark and he didn't know what it was till he heard a
loud "MEOW!" screech.
"ACK! It's the cat! What am I gonna do now?!" he shrieked. Then it
came to him. He shot the cat in the eye with a wad of magical cum. The kind
that only magical penis's have. He got his pizza, called a cab, and off he
went into the cold cruel world.
The penis went into the first bar he saw. He sat down and ordered a
drink and who wandered in, but those rowdy mexican tequila worms!
"Oh man, there's gonna be trouble I'd better leave."
The next morning he found himself under a napkin on a park bench. He
got so drunk the night before he didn't remember what happened. Then someone
by the name of Herpes tapped him on his shoulder.
"Hi, remember me?" she asked. "You fucked me last night. My name is
Herpes and this is my friend Two-Dollar-Whore."
"Oh shit I can't believe I fucked a whore and I forgot to pack my
condoms!" thought the Magical Penis, but he was scared and didn't know what
to do until he found his VD packet _EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT
STD'S_. "Ahh, this will clear up in a few days." he concluded.
The Penis was very hungry by now and thought he'd take himself to get a
piece of ass. It was cheap and available. He remembered a few friends he'd
met over the years. Their names were Vagina, Snatch, A-Nasty-Run-in-with-
-Someone-Named-Sphincter, and Booty. He took a nice leisurely stroll in the
park when he ran across Snatch.
"Hey what are you doing here? Nice to see you again," she squealed.
"I ran away from my master," said The Penis. "Do you have any spare
ass? I'm kinda hungry."
"Sure," she said. "I always have a little ass for you." said Snatch.
Penis feasted and when he was full went on his way in venture of fame and
fortune.
-[ Chapter Two ]-
It was almost a year later and The Penis had done well for himself.
He'd gotten himself a job working at a condom store. a new girlfriend, and an
apartment. He was set. Not a care in the world, but yet he wanted more.
Something of more importance than trying on condoms for horny people. He
decided today was the day he would set off for new york the big apple and
find himself a real job. Once again he found himself in the all too familiar
position of packing his things. He folded his balls neatly in the suitcase.
He also took his toothbrush, condoms, and a jar of vaseline. He had a car
now, so didn't need to use a cab or public transportation. He had a long way
to go - once again in a city he never knew. Dangerous yet intriguing.
He arrived in New York about half past the cows ass. He was undecided on
where to go, so he just sat there and fed the birds all day in central park.
One bird mistook him for a giant worm and tried to eat him, but The Penis
defended himself with a used condom.
"Tomorrow is a long day," thought The Penis. "Better hit the sack." So
he snuggled up in his trojan sleeping back and he drifted asleep.
He awoke to the sunrise got dressed in his finest sheep skin suit and
headed for Wall Street. The place where all the action is. This is where he
belonged and he knew it. For he was going to be THE MOST POWERFUL PENIS IN
AMERICA!
Casually, he strolled up to the receptionists office and said "I would
like to speak with Donald, please."
"Do you have an appointment?" she asked. The Penis was confused. He
didn't really know what an appointment was, so he just answered yes. He
waited about an hour to see Mr. Trump.
"Mr. Trump will see you now." finally the secretary said.
"Yes! This is my chance to prove myself and make something of my
miserable penis life."
He entered the office and it was very large with leather sofas. Oh, how
he remembered leather sofas. Waking up on them and having to be pulled off
cause he was stuck from sweat.
"Hello, what's your name?" Donald asked. "Why don't you sit down?"
"Mr. Trump, my name is Penis. I'd rather stand. I'm looking for a job.
I'm a real hard worker and will work cheap."
"Hmmm," Donald said. "You're much bigger than the penis I have now.
How would you like to work for me fucking rich bitches and their snobby
friends?" Wow! This was just the change The Penis was looking for! Finally
to be an _important_ penis. To live the good life and never have to worry
about anything at all!
"That would be great Mr. Trump, when do I start!?"
"Well, if you could start now..."
"Say no more Mr. Trump, I'll get to work right away!" proclaimed The
Penis. And you know what The first thing Donald Trump did when The Penis
climbed into his shorts? HE BEAT HIM SENSELESS!
And so end the tragic tale of The Magical Penis. A life filled with
sorrow and tragedy. Next time maybe you'll think twice before you beat your
helpless penis, because if you don't he might just up and leave you dickless
one night.
Yeah.
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Copyright (c) 1995 HoE Publications and Lucky. #88 -> 06/16/95
All rights Reserved. Did it work?
