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The Hogs of Entropy 0016
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| | Hogs of Entropy Text Files Present... | |
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| | "How be ]<001 Anarkustz" | |
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| | By: Mogel | |
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Hello, d00dz. This is my first in the line of many parody articles
that I will be doing for H03. You see, my entire life has been centered
toward this very moment, where I will write a text file that will fully
explain the technique of creating and running a T0T41 FUCKIN' 4N4RKEY
GR0UP (Note: The 'FUCKIN' was added purly for dramatic affect!)
At this very moment there are ka-zillions of text file groups that
are floating around... some will prevail, but most will be miserably
forgotten in the deathlands of the lame....next to Madonna's youth.
Actually, to have a kewl An-ar-cust group you don't have to worry about the
hustle-and-bustle about producing texts. Let me explain...
First let me get one thing totally clear! The point of having a kewl
aNaRkUsT group is to get famous. There's no other reason behind it...
although there's the illusion of getting RAD fileZ, the point of it all is
to get Distro sites all around the country. And the more important thing is
to get repect in your area c0d3 f0r being Nati0nal. Everyone will think you
4r3 r3411y ElYT3 and kiss your ass. But the first thing to do is to get
writers. If you run a BBS, this is an easy task, you just do a massmail
to every user on the board explaining that they must write for your AnAkuzt
group or they will be deleted. If you don't run a BBS, you can still use
this method, just find a really RaD board with /<0deZ. Then send the SysOp
money only if he will e-mail all the users, and tell them that to write for
your aNaRkuTZ group or he will delete them. Another method to get writers
is my favorite. You pick out 3 or 4 userZ that are really RaD and you
private e-mail them on every board they call every single time you call up.
Now you have writers.
The next thing you need is a name. The name is the most important
part. Don't pick any LAMER names that have words like "Vaginal" or "Cow" or
"Entropy". You need to have your group say what oyu are about!!!1! If you
want your group to be RaD, you *MUST* have the wordZ "AnArKuzt", "Phreak",
"Hacker", "Fuck", and/or "Anarkutz." I have some suggested kewl nameZ:
UnhG = Underground Narc Hating GuyZ
PooP = Phreakerz Operating on PhoneZ
TfA = Total FUCKING AnArK3Y
TpM = Total phucking moronZ
KUP = Killer Underground PhreakerZ
PHART = Phreakerz, HackerZ, and AnarkustZ Really Ticked-off.
Making "ArtuKulz" is a little tricky. Remember, if you want to be
kewl them you gotta look rad. I suggest you get professional help. First
you should contact an ascii artist. Tell them you want really kewl GRAPHIX
for a header. Since anyone that would actually bare the title "ascii
artist" obviously has no life, they will be happy to get it done right away.
The next part is the tricky part. You need to make articles that will
interest people. Here's the part that many groups run into a snag with:
everything you learned about AnARKkie iZ from other people and you don't have
anything original to say! Most LAmeRZ give up thier group there... but,
never fear, as I love my Entropy childern, I have the most ELITE solution to
the problem. You know those miscellanious fileZ that are in peopleZ file
bases about H/P/J....(oh, shit sorry.. I meant H/P/A.. my mistake!)? Well,
we all know that NOBODY readz those fileZ!! I mean, why the frig would
someone write something that is not affiled wiff a GROUP!?! All you need to
do is download something that sounds really rad.... like "C4RDiNG iN TH3 PUSH
0F TW0 K3Y STR0KZ!" and then just add your RAD new H34D3R and add your name
to the bottom with a copyright and a warning. Actually the file might
already have a warning on it for you while will make your 0UTPUt RaD!
The next part to making your board ELYT3 is to name a Home Base
board. Then you need DiSTR0 SiT3Z!! You get these by calling LD BBSs that
you get the numbers of. Make sure that the board you are calling has LOTS
AND LOTS of WaReZ on it. The reason for this is that WaReZ SysOps will
not give you a hard time by looking at your text fileZ and will take
virtually anything to get another affiliation to attach on thier boardZ
StatZ so he can be just as ELITE aZ y0u. Plus, those sysops for H/P/A boards
are all snobs anyway.
Now you got the writerZ, you got the Distr0Z, is there anything else
that I forgot? Wait, let's do a test to see how ELITE you think you are.
Go on and guess what you think our RaD group needZ STI11*:
[ Fill in your guess here: ________________________________
__________________________________________________________ ]
No, not "tips on Masterbation" you LAMER!!! It needZ it'Z own NET!!
All the ELITE groupZ have thier own NETZ. That way you have control over
all the boardZ by BL4CK-L1STiN' 411 L4M3RZ!!!! TH4T'Z R4D!!
Well, that concludeZ my guide to making your own ANERKUZT Group!
Coming soon iZ my most ELITE file EVER.. "How to Hack ALL Bank Computerz!"
* = Note: i stole the "fill in the ELITE Blank" joke from Tequila
Willie in CDC #71. Great 'ZiN3! R3411Y 31Y+3!!!1!!
Now it's time for the GRE33TZZZzzZZZZzZzZZzzzZZzz section. This is
the part where I grEEEeTTzz lots of people, and maybe 1/100th of
them you have heard of. I wanted to do GREeeEEYiieEETTttZZzZz for
everyone that I knew, so they are a little long. I hope you don't
mind.
-*=*- GReeeEEeeeEAAAeEEeiiEEeTTZZZzzZZiieEieEZzZzZZZzzZZZZz -=*=-
Defiant: Still waiting for the "How to rape your mother" t-file!
The Wizard: Um. Er. Uh. Well. Uh. Ah. Er. Eh. Um. Uh. Er. Well. Um. Uh.
Flagg: This T-File is dedicated to you.
Wolverine X: You do ansi. It's time to move on now with your life. Accept it.
King Blotto: Thank you for teaching me everything you know, dad!!!
Guff: My penis is BiGGER. So THERE!
Slater: You taught me all this and I *STOLE* it all and put it in a T-file!!
Slater's Mom: Give this message to Slater: "HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!!"
Shotgun Willie: SHHHH!!!!!
James Bond: No message to you. I Just wanted to laugh at Slater: "HAHAHAHA!!"
Phiber Optik: Is that Geraldo's real hair?
Abigwar: Hey, man... you need /<0deZ s0Z you can call my b04rD!!!
R4Z0R: YOUARESOELYTEICAN"TSTANDITIMUSTCOVERMYEYESBECAUSEYOURELYTENESSSHINES
Dark Magic !: Hey, Do you like my "Slater/HAHA!" and "Hair" themes?
James Dean: You're dead. Sucks to be you. Cool hair, though...
Emmanuel: You're like, the like, inspiration, for like t-files and stuff.
jUNGLE jIMMY: You are the "R" in your group. But a genious "R"!!
Everlast: Go for the humor. Trust me.
Ascii Express: your like trippy and that is like cool and like yeah.
Wire Fashion: Parody is like, cool and shit. uhhh huhu huhu huhuh huh.
Nate: I'm trying not to sound like Butthead.
Swamp Ratte: I will kill you and take over cDc.
The President: I will not kill you. (I'm legally bound to say that)
Denture Boy: Want some? It'll make you feel good! "No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o"
iNtR0: 3v3RyThiNg y0u d0 iZ r3411Y E1Yt3!1!!!!!1!
Cyberelf: Sppeeelinz esss coll.
Zen: You are the slowest, dumbest moron. But you're still k001.
The entire Internet: The end of something great is near.
Haywood: Hey, wood - how did you get your name?
cDc: DAMMiT! I tried to not use your "00" D00d stuff... it just slipped out!
Mom: You raised a fine son. Gotta light?
ACiD/iCE: YOUR ANSi LiKE RULEZ & i WANT TO BE A DiSTRO SiTE SO SO BAD!!!!!!!!
CiA: That really wasn't a sarcastic comment to ACiD and iCE!! i SWEAR!!
TRiBE: Oh, I forgot to mention that my "i" key sticks every now and then.
PHRACK: What do you feel about the fall of communism?
2600: There's nothing I could say that wouldn't sound "lame," so I bow.
Obscure Images: You're really a good writer. Just wanted to mention it.
All Bobs: You have the coolest name.
All Mikes: You have the most common name! ASSHOLE!
CAFBL: Did you ever notice that your name is like "calf-bell"?..that's neat.
Casper: The King of Dooms....er, I mean Shrooms. AHH!! *MUST* get it right.
Mr. Self Destruct: Just say "no."
Masher: De ja vu.
The Professor: Life's an eskimo pie....let's take a bite.
Tequila Willie: You're fucking halarious man...
Tina Turner: I'm glad I added that 'fucking' to my comment. Makes me kewler.
Dad: Hi Dad! (variation on "hi mom")
The Terrorist: Did you ever like Vanilla Ice?!?! Just curious...
Jeager: Suck my ham.
Bobert: When you have a chance mention this to Slater: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
J.F.K.: I know who killed you. It was King Blotto... SHHH!!!!
Corrosion: Like the way I mixed up all the nobodys with somebodys?
Bio-HaZard: And I GrEEEttZZzzed people I don't even know! I'm SO RAD!!
The Guest: COME BACK!!!! COME BACK!!!!! I NEED YOU!!!!!! COME BACK!!!!! ah.
Socrates: Did you want a yellow or a pink carnation?
The 'where's the beef' woman: What happened to you?! I *LOVED* you DAMMiT!
Franken Gibe: You're like a good writer and stuff. Cool.
Zorro: You have immortailzed the art of Spam Tossing. Good work, chap!
AWA: You guys write some halarious stuff.
Jhaixus: Nice to imagine being in an ELITE group like HoE, but you aren't.
Wynoda Rider: I have had 3 sex dreams about you and I can't even spell you.
Half-Baked: This greetZzzzZzzzZ is getting really long.
BGR: Please ignore all this. Remember it's called "PAR-0-DiE"
Swamp Ratte: DAMMiT! I already greetZzzzZZed you.
VaS: Honky, Crankers, and other such hobwash.
Violent Femmes: You guys kick butt. YEAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!@!@
cRAnK: I'm running out of people to greetZZzzZZ. Oh, I almost forgot: "sex."
Rann: I'm glad I can publically annouce that you LOVE Nirvana.....<g>
Bill Gates: You're the anti-christ.
The guy who made MajorBBS: uhhh huh huhu huhu huhu huhuh uhu uhuhuh uuhhu.
Charlie: I wonder if he'll read this. I'd have more luck getting Bill Gates.
Nikkie: I love you. I want you. Phreaker chicks are cool.
Slater: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAH ha.
FuzZy: I hope you get something done soon<coughcoughurslowasshitcoughcough>.
Cott Lang: I have nothing to say to you. HAHA!!!
Jay and Spiff: You guys can program your buttock muscle's off!!
PeeWee Herman: You changed my life, man...
Stan Lee: How many people am I capable of being sarcastic too?
The Kitchen Sink: Did I get everybody?
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Copyright (c) 1994 HoE Publications and Mogel #16 --> 10/28/94
All Rights are ELITE.
