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The Hidden Obvious 008
Dear You,
Well, I know that I am probably the only member of THO that is still
writing for this damn group, and this will be the second to last THO file
that will ever be made. I am gonna start a ElectronicMagazine, dunno what
I am gonna call it, but it'll be out whenever I get enough crap from other
people for it. HEY! I got a great idea, why don't you submit crap to me
by sending it to me by the Asylum (908)914-9318 to the handle Pip the Angry
Youth, or you can even mail it to:
HardSnot
Attn:Pip the Angry Youth
PO box 1700
Toms River, NJ 08753
Guess that it'll be named HardSnot, eh? Pretty catchy title I think, now
I have to get my friend to agree to that name. Enough Bull Shit, here's the
second to last <snif snif> THO file.
°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°±²Û°
STORY
By PiP the Angry Youth
This story takes place in an enchanted forest where Nymphs, Dwarves, Dragons,
Killer Telephone books and other similar things live.
Jhar and Milo were on a quest for the most prized thing in the world, the
fabled bubble liquid of Scab-land. Said to be 4 inches tall and 2 and 1/2
inches wide, this was a real treasure indeed. It is also said that there is
a bubble wand, that, when blown into, created dozens of bubbles, more than
anyone has seen before. Truely a marvelous treasure.
Alas there was someone else that wanted the bubble liquid, the evil warlock
Oliver Clothesoff, a wicked old man who liked to look at child pornography,
necrobeastial trading cards, and moldy blood. Nice guy, but I wouldn't want
to wash behind his ears.
A little old ex-Killer Phonebook had the bubble liquid of Scab-land hidden
in the grand-piano in lower Nigeria. More specifically in the house of his son
Jim "The Somewhat Pale, but Really a Nice Guy When You Get to Know Him" Olsen
of Dwarve's Wood. Jim didn't know of the bubble liquid inside his piano
(which he nicknamed "Onga-Swaka", but why do you care?), he only knew that the
piano was a gift from his father for learning how to play the tuba. This
confused Jim greatly, so he spent several years in a mental institution called
Sunny Hills. After many sessions of shock therapy, Jim was ready to face the
world again.
Upon joining the world, Jim promptly sold the piano to Kurdt Corbain, the
king of Dwarve's Wood, who sadly left for the land of Seattle upon learning
how to scream incomprehensible lyrics and strum a few chords of a guitar. He
released an album of easy listening tunes for the mentally unstable called
"I'd Like to Stop Drooling on Myself Now." This album spawned the singles
"Hi, Can I Carve You?", "I Can't Get You Out of My Head, PLEASE GET OUT OF MY
FUCKING HEAD!" and "A Bloody Knife is Romantic, Dammit" which climbed
the charts because of prepubecents and wannabe's, but that's another story.
Getting back of track....
20 years have passed since Jim sold THE piano (10 since Nirvana and 3 days
before Dan Quale realized he spelled Potato wrong) and now the piano is
covered with Jim's bed sheets. These bed sheets are interesting really,
they have this strange stain that Jim's mother could never identify, but they
were allways there either after Jim brought a girl home and they started that
"wrestling", or during those many times that Jim had no contact with the
opposite sex for quite some time, draw your own conclusions. It is what's on
the sheet now that would make you gag, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT GROWS AND
MUTATES AFTER 20 YEARS LIVING ON STRANGE STAINS??? Trust me, you don't want to
know. By the way, the bubble liquid is terribly bored by this time.
CHAPTER II
Jhar and Milo stumble into the "Villa de Corbain" after being battered by the
rain. It's the kind of rain that really hurts when it hits your eye on the
pupil, then the acid in the rain starts to eat away at your eyeball and slowly
works its way towards your brain, but you wouldn't know about that would you? I
was working my way through giant sloths in my bathroom when you were still in
diapers punk! Don't tell me that YOU'VE been through hell, do you have any
idea what kind of dump those suckers take? Take the biggest piece of Elephant
crap that you've ever seen and multiply that by 10. Jeezus, I was the only one
who could, and still can, see those things. I'm not crazy, they didn't prove a
thing about nothing. Did they find any bodies? No, they didn't, so I am free
to buy a house in your neighborhood and move in right next to you. Guess who's
coming for dinner honey, Pip and he was sent free because they didn't search
his basement for the bodies that he didn't kill. HeheheheheheHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
"It sure is raining cats and dogs out there.", said Jhar eyeing Milo
strangely.
"Sure is,", Milo replied, "but wasn't it a hoot when that little puppy fell
right on top of the up ended pitch fork?"
"No." Jhar was starting to wonder if it was the strain of the quest that
was making him slowly go insane or if it was the voices in his head. A lone
voice in his head told him to kill Milo because he owed his soul to the Lord
and Master Satan, and the only way to repay was death.
Like a wild animal, Jhar lunged at Milo with a Ginsu World Traveler with
three cutting blades, stainless steel and a handy carrying case. With this
piece of cutlery mastery, Jhar sliced through Milo's head like a hot knife
slicing through a over ripe mellon. A chorus of voices spoke up in Jhar's
head, but one was stronger than all of the others.
"You dirty sinner! You hath killed thine friend who has trusted thou with
his life and you broke that trust. You MUST die and go to heaven before God
hears about this, you naught boy you. And by the way, that shirt goes badly
with those pants, who dressed you, your mother?"
Reflecting upon this Jhar Pulled out the paring knife, that came free in the
last box of Coco Puffs that he had this morning, and slit his wrists so he
could do his Spider-Man impression.
TO BE CONTINUED.....
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Well, I guess that THO #9 will be the ending of this story. Tell me what
you think about it by mail if you can get to me at all that is.
ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
³ T H E A S Y L U M ³
³ (908)914-9318 ³
³ H/P/A/C/V ³ OFFICIAL THO DIST SITE
³ RPGnet ³ OFFICIAL C0RPSE DIST SITE
³ 100:1908/3 ³
³ DRAGnet ³ SysOp: AnsiBoy:
³ 1:141/4 ³ Panther PiP the Angry Youth
³ Come... Join the Insanity ³
ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
DIDJA EVER PICK YOUR BUTT AND SMELL IT?
