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The Game Review Issue 05
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$' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$ $ $$ SERIES #2
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$$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$. $ ,$$ 12/03/95
`$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$&@%o%@&hd'
Un-Releastic: "I have never played a game I didn't like." -Stu Pid Fewl
Realistic : "This game sucks more than 3 lesbians and a blow pop!"
-Ionizer
(*) SPECIAL NOTE (*)
-Since I started this review/magazine about 4 months ago (with WWN), there
have been a lot of other wannabe's with their neat little coded reviews that
require you to actually download the 130k review <for just one game> and then
unzip it and then run it. The Game Review has a simple concept, to inform
you of what is what in the gaming world, what works, what doesn't work, how
to fix things, and an occasional game hint. The idea is simple, making it
easier for you the reader to get a hold of it, and view it. No need for
unnecesary color viewers. It's released on a consistent basis every Sunday,
and even has the latest game on Sunday in the review. Sometimes you have to
wait weeks just to get ONE game review from another group. This review/
magazine allows you to evaluate the weeks games and then decided what to
download after having heard everything you need to know. Other groups put
information that you never could possibly dream of needing to know and they
seem to think that EVERY game is a 8 or 9 out of 10. What was the point of
me writing this? Absolutely none, but it was something to do. And that's
another thing, The Game Review is honest, and is not bias to any group
whatsoever. What the game got or criticism a group got, is what they
deserved. I also try to add a touch of humor to it, because we could all use
some of it during our day.
("Where and when can I get The Game Review?" The Game Review (c) Ionizer,)
(will be released every SUNDAY, in IRC, in #warez5 and other channels and)
(can be obtained by /m iondcc xdcc list or /m ionizer xdcc list on Sunday)
(This magazine is also released in the magazine Inquisition)
-Do you live for games? Do you want to play games every second of your life?
Do you find yourself picturing me playing these games and reviewing them?, If
so I'm calling the police and filing a suit against you for stalking, but
that's besides the point...
- * - * - * - * - * -
* - * - * - * - * - *
GAME REVIEWS, RATINGS, UN-BIASED OPINIONS, HELP/TIPS FOR INSTALLING GAMES!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
-Rating scale:
(0-19)/100 = In a nutshell, it sucked!
(20-39)/100 = Still crap but slightly better.
(40-49)/100 = Possibly worth downloading.
(50-69)/100 = Pretty decent game. Might want to check it out.
(70-79)/100 = Worth the download if you like that type.
(80-89)/100 = Very good, 9 outta 10 its worth the download.
(90-99)/100 = Excellent game, a MUST download.
100/100 = HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BETTER GAME!
-It's time for the reviews. The format is like this:
Name of game, group, # of disks, review, rating.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-<*><*> THE GAME REVIEW <*><*>-
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
=The Last Eicchof=
Uhhhhh. Who are the wackos that come up with these ideas? It's an
asteroids game, but with beer. Your not a ship, your a beer bottle and you
shoot beer, you buy beer weapons and you shoot more beer. Strange.
RATING: 42/100
=Powerslave Playable Demo=
Another doom type. It's a little different then others, but still
the same 'ole thing. Might keep you occupied for like 5 minutes.
RATING: 38/100
=Descent 2 (Nonplayable Preview)=
Looks like descent all over again. Sure it may appear to have cooler
graphics and all, but when it comes down to it, there can't possible be too
much difference b/t this one and the first one.
=Virtual Karts=
RazorCD, 22 disks. Tisk Tisk Tisk! Poor packaging = a game that orig
does not work = an addon thats really a 28 disk fix. First off, the nfo says
to run "VKARTS.EXE" when there is only a VKART.EXE, secondly when you do run
it, it says the sound config file is missing. So you NEED the 28 disk addon
which somewhere in it has the file it was looking for before. So now you got
a 230 meg <unarjed> game on your puter (22 disks + 28 disks = 50 disks). Now
you want to play it, well you better hope you have a pretty fast computer, &
a steering wheel type joystick. The game runs extremely slow and unplayable
on a 486/33 and the mouse method of controlling it is impossible, and you can
not use your keyboard for the actual game playing. The game is racing, but
in go-karts, lots of different tracks, and options, including network. If
you really like it I would suggest the need to buy it, unless you have 230m
to spare.
RATING: 68/100 <predicted on a fast computer>
=Front Page Sports Football '96=
Hybrid, 27 disks. If you ask me this one's gone a bit over the edge.
Too much sophisticated options, and not enough hard core tackling. Plus I
don't think I was even playing the game because even though I set the control
for the k/b, all I could do was yell "BLUE 32, BLUE 32" and a bunch of other
shit. It woulda been nice if they put a keyboard config in the game, but no
they had to waste all the time making little detail shit like "humidity at
the start of game" and a million other weather factors. All in all, it's
just another brick in the wa.. er I mean football game on the shelf. Some
docs would be nice.
RATING: 63/100
=Torin's Passage=
Legacy, 38 disks. Doesn't work, what did you expect.
RATING: NA/100
=Lion CD=
Hybrid, 20 disks. YES! I love typing the lion.exe and getting shit
that says "hr_hires.c #1.-1" and locking up my computer. Thats the kind of
fucking shit that just makes my day! Damn, If only all games could do that.
I even edited the stupid lions.cfg to my dir, and it still did that shit.
BTW: Unless you feel like having the taipan whisper virus, get the fix, which
is simply the hybrid install.exe w/o a fucking virus, unless of course you
don't believe me that it does not work.
RATING: NA/100
=Extreme Pinball REG=
COL, 5 disks. Why is it some no-name group can manage to put togeth-
er a game to work, damn it's about time too. It's the full version of the
pinball game, it's got 4 tables, all nicely done, except for the fact that
they all have too many ways for your ball to go straight down the center of
the pinball machine and lose your ball. Otherwise it's the same as all the
rest, pretty much. The usual `dot-light animations' in the game.
RATING: 72/100
=Radix, Beyond the Void=
Since it's still the same game, here's the quote from review2.txt
of the shareware version.
SW: "Anothe....heart pound...zzzz..OH sorry, um right, another heart
pounding Epic Megagames. Doom atmosphere in a ship, wow something new <G>.
Annoying soundtrack, and crappy sound effects. Maybe the other two missions
in the reg. version will really kick ass! Pff right, and maybe dragon will
release something in english (j/k guys ya know i love ya). Not much else to
say about this one.
RATING: 41/100"
REG: The registered version has two other missions and the game still is
the true quality Epic that we know (it sucks). Unless you drool over games
like descent, then you'll probably fall asleep over this one.
RATING: 41+2 more missions = 43/100
=Rayman (Non Playable Demo)=
The demo takes you through parts of the game, in actuality showing
you how to beat it. It's a nice 3D Scrolling Jump and run type game, similar
in my opinion to Earthworm Jim. Looks like a pretty fun game if you like
those Super Mario type games.
=The Dig (FLW)=
FLW, 38 disks. It's nice to know that when a group fucks up on a
release, that their is another group right behind them to fuck up too! I
mean how long would it take for these geniuses to realize that their subst
method does not work? The moron who packaged it probably substituted the
drive WITH the cd rom in it and went "Er, gee Mr. Wilson, it works!" Come on
wake the fuck up.
RATING: NA/100
=Pool Champion=
Tdujam, 24 disks. A good windows based pool game, similar to virtual
pool, but a little less virtual, and more role playing. You play against
certain characters with different artificial inteligence. The game play good
and the graphics are not as dull as virtual pool. However tdujam fucked this
one up, because after you play your first game, it's missing the animation of
the characters reaction, and so the game closes. Other than this minor fault
the game is what you would expect a pool game to be.
RATING: 74/100
=Pro Pinball: The Web=
DOM, 19 disks. Damn, seems like everything is too big this week. 19
disks for a single table. Although the nfo criticizes it much more than it
should. The gameplay seems normal, and it has the now standard `dot-light
animations'. However the abstination of music may make you think the game is
duller than it actually is. It's got the usual ramps and multi balls and all
that shit.
RATING: 62/100
=Ecco The Dolphin=
Tdujam, 10 disks. Far too many problems to name, plus the fact that
it woulda been best run under a pentium/60 as the nfo states, makes this one
unreviewable.
RATING: NA/100
=Pro Team Soccer=
RoR, 400k. Oh come on guys, I mean don't take me wrong, but WTF IS
THIS SHIT?! Did you find this lying around on an old 5 1/4 floppy? Ugly ass
soccer game (must i describe to you what 400k of crap looks like). The shit
is programmed pretty bad to, like waiting around an hour before kick off.
Don't waste your time on this.
RATING: 9/100
=Fist Light Action Fighting Game=
RoR, 14 disks and Hybrid dupe, 6 disks (Both exactly the same, how I
have no idea) I don't know why the nfo (BOTH) refers to this as a "mortal
kombat and sf" type game b/c it's neither. It's a Double Dragon type game,
but of that `foreign-chinese' type. Pretty shitty movement, graphics, and
gameplay. Nothing to get all excited about.
RATING: 39/100
=Jigsaw Power=
Tdujam, 16 disks. It takes pictures (BMP/AVI/PZL, etc) and it cuts
it into pieces that you fit to make a puzzle. Why people enjoy doing this, I
don't know, but I know they do, b/c losers in my school sit their playing
some shit just like this on the leet Macs for hours. The only thing is, I
have a program just like this, except its a minor 39k and this is like 30 or
so megs.
RATING: 57/100
=Cog Hill Golf Course=
Razor, 4 disks. It's a golf course for links386, must I really try
to install this to disk, just so I can tell you "It's a golf game." I mean
we all know or should know what links386 is like, this is just yet another of
the million courses available for it. It's not like it's going to turn the
golf course into some MK type game or make the people in the background nude,
so I don't think there's a need to rate/review it.
=Worms CD=
ACC, 48 disks. It's not even really the entire cd, since it doesn't
have the music files. This one just had the 80+ megs of .avi's that are in
a way fun to watch, but then who the hell wants to see them again after once.
Anyway that's the only difference, and of course the game doesn't just subst.
like the nfo's always say to do, so here's some install help.
-Install nfo: (1) Unarj <x -y -v> all the files into any dir you want.
(2) Run setup.exe and install it to any dir other than where
it is unarjed to.
(3) In the dir you unarjed the shit, type:
"xcopy *.* /e <X:\dir\you\told\setup\to\install\to>"
(4) Then change all the directories in the `install.bat' and
`batch' files to whatever dir you told setup.
(5) After that is done, make sure you have mscdex running,
then subst your cd-rom drive or one past it for the dir
you told setup to install to.
(6) Run "WRMS.EXE" <not a spelling error>, make sure you got
your mouse loaded, and note it takes a while to load up.
RATING: 94/100 <Non-cd was 93 + 1 for avi's>
=Beyond The Wall Of Stars=
TUB, 26 disks. This thing runs like a storybook. You remember those
stories that there'd come a point where you had to make a decision and then
you would turn to a certain page? That's exactly what this is, but for win.
It's got plenty of pics and moving animations, its not of top quality gfx, &
neither is the sound, but it is a brilliant idea and done extremely well. I
only got a chance to go through one game of choices, but I was drawn to it &
couldn't stop playing. If you have some time, and you don't mind reading a
little, check this one out, it's not your usual game.
RATING: 78/100
=Tie Fighter Enhanced=
Hybrid. Has the tai-pan virus AGAIN. Their packager obviously
either hasn't realized it or is not bright enough to get rid of it.
=Darkseed 2=
Hybrid, 21 disks. Another adventure click and play, murder solving
game. Your some dude, who doesn't remember what happened on the night of
your high school reunion where some lady got killed. So now your a suspect,
and you must figure out who really did it to protect yourself. The game has
nice digitized animation of the characters, and gorgeous backdrops. The avis
were cut to make this game downloadable, and they would probably make the
game a lot better. I didn't seem to want to play this game very long as it
got dull and boring.
RATING: 58/100
=Fifa 96 (TFR)=
TFR, 8 disks. Let's just say, stick with your other copy if you
managed to get it installed, b/c this one is just as much of a pain if you
have two different hard drives.
=Shannara= (Courtesy of Woody)
RazorCD, 27 disks. Better be asking for a new hd for Christmas,
because this game takes up a whopping 101 megs! This game is a very good
rpg game based on the Shannara book series. Unfortunately, the game suffers
because the fight scene animations have been ripped out. The music is very
cool, but the sound fx and voice have been ripped. The SVGA graphics look
great in this game. The storyline is good, too. You have to use your items
to solve various puzzles, travel to different cities, and fight monsters.
And like all good rpg games, this takes place in medieval times.
-NOTE: While playing the game, be sure not to read your journal, if you have
written anything in it, the game will freeze.
RATING: 78/100
=The 11th Hour : The sequel to The 7th Guest= (Courtesy of Woody)
4 CDs. Of course this game won't be ripped, but it needs to be
reviewed since it's so cool. This game is absolutely amazing. Probably the
best graphics I've seen on any game ever. Incredibly detailed SVGA graphics
and video that looks better than tv. Has an awesome soundtrack too.
Requires a 486dx2/66, and I'd recommend at least a p60. I'm running it on a
p90 with a 2x cdrom, and I have to run the video in quarter screen because
the double speed makes full screen video choppy. If you have a 4x or better,
full screen video is no problem. The game takes place 70 years after the 7th
Guest. You're a guy that needs to go after your girlfriend who's a reporter
that went into the Stauf mansion and never came out. The puzzles and games
are even harder than in the 7th Guest, but still very fun. Buy this one.
RATING: 95/100
=EarthWorm Jim= (Review Courtesy of HellRaiser aka _HR_)
Razor, 5 disks. This win95 game is a translation from a very popular
SNES console game. This is one of the few console translations that do the
original justice. Only sound ripped was music, all voices etc are here. The
game play is extremely smooth. Not the slightest bit choppy, in any size
window. And jaggies are only the tiniest bit noticable in full screen mode,
in a smaller window they are totaly invisable. This game is a standard side
scroller, where you beast big boss #1 to get to level 2 etc. The handling is
pretty much ok with a joystick, though the keyboard makes it a little
difficult. I have yet to see a dos action game run as smoothly with as much
detail. Here is a perfect example of win95's capabilites when used right. One
notice, the game dir MIGHT need to be in your path depending on your win95
setup.
RATING: 95/100
=Hooves of Thunder=
Tdujam , 15 disks. Unless you've got a knack for horses and betting
or something like that, you're not going to have fun with this. You place
bets, or manage a horse, watch the race, and try to become rich. And just
like in real life, you'll end up losing all your money and becoming a bum.
RATING: 60/100
=Bermuda Syndrome=
?, 18 disks. It's a combo of adventure (click + play) and the game
"Out of this World". This is however only a demo/preview. Looks kinda neat,
especially the amazon chick in the beginning who's got one tit showing. Bleh
wtf am I talking about, it's just a drawing. Anyhow, the game's got nice
music, but the actions are a little slow, and don't work as soon as you press
the button. Overall the CD is probably going to be somewhat good.
RATING: 62/100 <demo>
=Rings of Magi=
Tyranny, 1 disk. Cute little puzzle game. One of those brainteaser
types where you really do have to think. It's a new idea, not some tetris
wannabe or anything. Nothing special about the graphics or music.
RATING: 57/100
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>GAME OF THE WEEK<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Nothing overall impressive this week, but the award would have to go to TUB
for their release of Beyond The Stars. It's a game that we haven't seen the
likes of much, if at all. It sure as hell ain't the best game in the past
month, but for this week it was the only thing that was a fun thing to play.
I'm not recomending this game as a must get, because to be honest there were
no MUST gets this week.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>TOP 5 BEST SELLERS<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
*UPDATED TOP 5 IS UNAVAILABLE, SO HERE IS LAST WEEKS*
ENTERTAINMENT
1. Hexen - Heretic 2 CD-ROM
2. Stonekeep Demo CD-ROM
3. Command and Conquer CD-ROM
4. Ascendancy CD-ROM
5. Rise of the Robots
EDUTAINMENT
1. Winnie the Pooh storybook CD-ROM
2. Dr. Seuss Windows CD-ROM
3. Orgeon Trail II CD-ROM
4. Puut Putt Saves the Zoo CD-ROM
5. SAT version2 MPC CD-ROM
PRODUCTIVITY
1. SoftRAM for Windows 95
2. Windows 95 CD-ROM
3. Microsoft Encarta 1996 - Windows 95 CD-ROM
4. Win 95 & SimCity 2000 CD-ROM bundle
5. MS-PLUS for Win 95
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>UPCOMING RELEASE DATES<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WINDOWS CD
Bttlgrnd:Gettysbrg 12/05/95
Chessmates 01/01/96
Congo 12/04/95
Dinotopia 12/11/95
Dragon Dice 01/01/96
Empire II 02/01/96
Gabriel Knight 2 12/18/95
Load Runner Ntwrk 12/04/95
Police Quest 5 SWAT 12/04/95
Romance IV 12/12/95
Space Bucks 01/10/96
Spr Bubsy/WIN95 02/01/96
T-Mek 01/09/96
This Means War 12/07/95
Tommy 03/04/96
WINDOWS 95 CD
Allied General 12/11/95
Civilization 2000 03/01/96
Commodore64 15pk 12/11/95
Cyberspeed 12/05/95
Daedalus Encounter 12/12/95
Doom II 12/15/95
Shockwave 12/07/95
Solitaire DLX 12/13/95
St Trk Generations 03/01/96
Ult Doom: Flesh 12/15/95
Warhmmr:Horned Rat 02/01/96
WINDOWS 95 3.5
Ult Doom: Flesh 12/15/95
WINDOWS 3.5
Spaceward Ho! 12/06/95
MACINTOSH CD
Aikman Football 02/01/96
Allied General 12/10/95
Atmofear 01/10/96
Chessmates 01/01/96
Conquest/New World 04/24/96
Daggerfall 01/01/96
Empire II 02/01/96
Heroes M&M 02/01/96
Mad Dog II 12/15/95
Outpost 12/18/95
Phantasmagoria 12/11/95
Rebel Assault 2 12/13/95
Ripper 02/01/96
Skins/Bighorn 02/01/96
Star Trek:tNG 12/07/95
Ult Doom 12/04/95
X-Wing Collector 12/13/95
MACINTOSH 3.5
Ult Doom 12/03/95
MACINTOSH & WINDOWS CD
Wizardry Gold 01/15/96
DOS CD
3D Action Pack 12/15/95
Adams Pinball 02/01/96
AH-64D Longbow 01/01/96
Arcade Classics 12/04/95
Atmosfear 01/10/96
Battlcrsr 3000 12/08/95
Bioforge + 01/01/96
BRAIN DEAD 13 11/30/95
Braindead 13 11/30/95
Chronomaster 02/07/96
Clayfighter 2 01/01/96
Colonization Gold 04/01/96
Conquest/New World 04/24/96
Corporate Colonies 01/01/96
Crystal Skull 03/18/96
Cyberia 2 01/15/96
Cyberjudas 12/11/95
Cybermage 12/29/95
Daggerfall 01/01/96
Dawn Patrol 12/12/95
Descent 2 03/13/96
Descent II SHWR 02/01/96
Destruction Derby 11/29/95
Dragon's Lair II 03/01/96
Escalation 01/01/96
Extreme Pinball 12/08/95
Ganster Bundle 12/04/95
Grand Prix 2 01/15/96
Grand Prix Mgr 12/13/95
Gretzky NHLPA 12/12/95
H! Zone 12/15/95
HARVESTER 12/10/95
Hyper 3-D Pinball 12/12/95
Jack The Ripper 11/30/95
Jagged H2H 03/01/96
JET FIGHTER III 01/01/96
Jetfighter III 01/01/96
Klingon 04/01/96
Konquest 03/01/96
Kyrandia Trilogy 12/12/95
Lost Admiral II 12/01/95
Madden NFL 96 12/10/95
MAGIC/GATHERING 03/01/96
Master of Antares 03/01/96
Mastr Lvls Doom 12/08/95
Maximum Roadkill 02/15/96
MetalLords 02/01/96
Might & Magic Trilogy 12/04/95
Mile High Club II 01/01/96
Mortimer 01/10/96
DOS CD
Mortimer 01/10/96
Navy Strike 12/01/95
NBA Live 96 01/01/96
Nemesis 03/01/96
Net Mech 12/11/95
NFL Football/Aikman 01/10/96
NFL Qback Club 12/08/95
Nicklaus@Muirfield 02/06/96
Northlands 03/01/96
Pax Imperia 01/15/96
Pinball Classics 02/01/96
Pro Pinball:Web 12/08/95
Promised Land 02/01/96
Psychc Detcv 12/18/95
RBI '96 03/05/96
Red Ghost 12/12/95
Ripper 02/01/96
Screamer 12/12/95
Sensible Soccer 01/10/96
Sensory Overload 02/01/96
Shadows Over Riva 02/01/96
Silent Hunter 12/15/95
Space Hulk 2 01/10/96
Sport Hits 2 12/12/95
Spr Strt Fighter 11/30/95
St Trk Judement Rites 01/01/96
Star Control 3 02/06/96
Starship 02/01/96
Term:Future Shock 12/11/95
Third Reich 05/01/96
Top Gun 12/11/95
Toy Story 01/01/96
Unnecsry Rghns 96 12/06/95
Vision of Glory 01/01/96
Visions/Glory 03/01/96 -------------------
Warcraft II 12/04/95 <---- THAT'S TOMMOROW!!!|
Warhammer:Dark Crs 12/11/95 -------------------
Whiplash 02/21/96
Wing Commander 4 12/19/95
Wipe Out 11/29/95
Wolfenstein 3D 12/12/95
Wooden Ships&Iron Men 01/01/96
Zone Raiders 12/01/95
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>CORRECTIONS<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-None, I'm so damn perfect sometimes <G>.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THIS MAGAZINE IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, CONDOLES THE PIRATING, STEALING, OR ANY
OTHER ILLEGAL MEANS OF OBTAINING SOFTWARE. I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBILE FOR
YOUR ACTIONS AS A RESULT OF READING THIS MAGAZINE, NOR HAVE I DONE ANYTHING
ILLEGAL TO OBTAIN THE REVIEWED GAMES. IF YOU LIKE THE REVIEW OF A GAME THEN
BY ALL MEANS PURCHASE IT LEGALLY AND SUPPORT THE SOFTWARE COMPANY.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>CLOSING<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Sorry for the late timing of the day, but I like to have the review as up to
date as possible, and this is when time allowed it to be released.
-ANY AND ALL MAGAZINE GROUPS HAVE PERMISSION TO USE THIS IN THEIR
MAGAZINE, AS LONG AS IT HAS NOT BEEN EDITED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM
-I was, for a day, w/o an account so I missed a few things AGAIN, but I
got someone to help me out in reviewing them.
-Federal Law prohibits editing and dispensing or something. You may not edit
this file and spread it w/o the expressed written consent of The New York
Yank.. oh snap, anyway the point is: Feel free to spread this wherever as
long as I don't get in trouble for it, and as long as it has not been edited.
-Please note, due to my refusal to install that crap you know as Win95, I am
of course not able to review any win95 games.
-That's it for this week, hope it was of help and thanx to Woody, and HR.
-Ionizer (Game Reviewer/MALiCE Courier)
Comments/Complaints send to ionizer@ns2.clever.net (NO QUESTIONS OR REQUESTS)
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