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The Game Review Issue 03
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$$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$. $ ,$$ 11/19/95
`$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$&@%o%@&hd'
Un-Releastic: "I have never played a game I didn't like." -Stu Pid Fewl
Realistic : "FUCK, This game sucks more than all those releases
that aren't working!." -Ionizer
("Where and when can I get The Game Review?" The Game Review (c) Ionizer,)
(will be released every SUNDAY, in IRC, in #warez5 and other channels and)
(can be obtained by /m iondcc xdcc list or /m ionizer xdcc list on Sunday)
SCANTRON QUIZ:
What were you doing when you downloaded your first pirated game?
(a) Trying to figure out what those Blocks in XMODEM were.
(b) Staring at the status bar.
(c) Looking for a manual to your computer to see if it had anything
about using pkunzip.
(d) All of the above!
_\|/_ _\|/_
-NEW THIS WEEK is a simple mention of the best game of the week (not always
the game with the highest rating). Based on game idea, graphics, sound, and
ability to run on computers other than the perfect system.
_\|/_ _\|/_
-NEW THIS WEEK is an adjusted scale. Things were changed to make the scale
start with #'s of 10 <10-19,20-29, etc>. Check it out for best accuracy of
judging games.
-Upon POPULAR DEMAND: It's back, it's better then before, and it's got normal
looking ascii's at the top and the bottom (courtesy of High Density).
-Do you live for games? Do you want to play games every second of your life?
Do you find yourself sitting in #warez? constantly asking if anyone has WC2
or quake? if so then you need a LIFE, but that's besides the point.
- * - * - * - * - * -
* - * - * - * - * - *
GAME REVIEWS, RATINGS, UN-BIASED OPINIONS, HELP/TIPS FOR INSTALLING GAMES!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
-Rating scale:
(0-19)/100 = In a nutshell, it sucked!
(20-39)/100 = Still crap but slightly better.
(40-49)/100 = Possibly worth downloading.
(50-69)/100 = Pretty decent game. Might want to check it out.
(70-79)/100 = Worth the download if you like that type.
(80-89)/100 = Very good, 9 outta 10 its worth the download.
(90-99)/100 = Excellent game, a MUST download.
100/100 = HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BETTER GAME!
-Enough of the crap, it's time for the reviews. The format is like this:
Name of game, group, # of disks, review, rating.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-<*><*> THE GAME REVIEW <*><*>-
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
=Extreme Pinball (Real SW)=
This is the real copy of it. Last time it wasn't really Extreme
Pinball. The reg. game will have 4 tables, and from the looks of the one
table it looks pretty good. Lots of animation of those pinball light type
graphics in the arcade, good sound, and overall it's got all the options and
levels and games you could ask from a pinball game.
RATING: 67/100
=Realms of Chaos (SW)=
Suprisingly somewhat good. Similar to Jill of the Jungle. I beat
the sw version in less than 20 minutes. You'll be bored of this in less than
1 day if the reg. version came out.
RATING: 41/100
=Actua Soccer +Sound=
This is just the review of the sound. The announcer is a `joly 'ole
chap 'o mine, we should get together an' have a spot o' tea mate. His voice
can be annoying after a while. He'll criticize your play, and show emotion
unlike Hardball 4 type announcing: "#3-Steps-To-The-Plate, There-is-1-out-and
runners-on-first-and-second" <in that monotone skippity voice>. Anyway, all
this includes is the game, announcer, and crowd noise, there is no music, and
this is missing that really cool intro <G>. Oh, and you'll need the hoodlum
fix. Unless I read this nfo wrong, here you read it:
" Lancer INSTALL.BAT pour decompresser le jeu.
Le lancement se fait ensuite automatiquement.
N'oubliez pas de lancer go.bat pour charger cdemu2. :)
Merci a MAMOS pour notre petite intro NFOINTR.EXE
ACTUA SOCCER : C'est un jeu de foot (et oui)
Mais c'est aussi la version anglaise.
Donc ca parle Anglais.
L'intro,et les noms de joueurs(wav) ont ts suprims.
Seuls les noms des joueurs Englais et Bresiliens ont survecus.
Mais tous les sonds sont l
:)" (NFO.NFO)
Sound RATING: 45/100
=Big Red Racing Playable Demo=
Decent racing game. You drive a jeep around, in a polygon 3D look-a-
like. Graphics are a bit shabby. Demo has no sound, so it's somewhat dull.
RATING: 55/100
=Zone Raiders Alpha 4.0=
EIRG, 8 disks. I reviewed this one a while back for WWN. It's
very similar to slipstream 5k, accept that you are on a track and it involves
missions of getting things and getting out. Nothing we haven't seen before
in some way or another. Games flows nicely, not too much jaggedness.
RATING: 60/100
=Fifa Soccer '96 <TDU>=
Tdujam, 11 disks. Once again a once decent game is made even better.
Too bad you can't enjoy it because of the lack of sound. Things look a lot
better, but when it comes down to it, I'd take Fifa <'95> over this one any-
day, for two reasons, (1) quicker, easier, gameplay (2) sound. But, I
suppose, if you have the perfect system, and you actually bought it, this one
would probably be more appealing. It does have modem support, but I have not
tested that yet.
RATING: 77/100
=Fifa Soccer '96 <RCD>=
RazorCD, 15 disks. Don't ask me what the difference is, because I
was not able to get this one to work, turned sound off, did everything. Kept
getting some msg in some other language.
RATING: NA/100
=Comix Zone=
Razor, 4 disks. This one surprised me a little. I figured it would
be some comic book you watch, with a few animations or so. It's actually
tottaly interactive, you control the writer of the comic book as a character
through his own comic books. You fight, get weapons and all kinds of neat
shit. It is for windows, but you won't notice it even if you put it in full
screen, which runs nicely.
RATING: 73/100
=Worms (Full Reg)=
The Council, 2 disks. FINNALY! I've been waiting for this one for
over 2 months. Most of you probably have never even heard of it before. It
is really hard to explain what type of game this is, but it has MY seal of
approval. Don't let what I'm about to say it's like, discourage you, because
this really is a fun, addictive game. It's got the lemmings atmosphere, with
an attitude, yet similar to that 'ole tank war game, where the tanks sat on
the hill. There are many, many options and weapons in this one and practic-
ally unlimited scenery. This game will have you addicted to it, and you wont
even realize how much time passes you by. It will soon also have a modem
patch (can't wait!). This one is worth the download, 2 disks, and worth the
effort of the install problems.
-Install Help: I myself had problems, but here's the most help I can give
you; (A) After unzipping, change all the directories in the
install.bat and batch files to whatever dir you plan on
installing it to. (B) Run install, and when it goes to the
game's setup, install it to the same place you changed the
dirs to. (C) You must have MSCDEX and a mouse driver running,
then either subst <subst cdromdrive: X:\where\you\installed>
and then try running the "wrms.exe" <not a spelling mistake>.
Fool around with it, b/c it is worth it, and also note the
game takes about 20-30 seconds to load up so give it time.
RATING: 93/100
=Screamer=
Hybrid, 17 disks. I think Novemeber is international release a car
game month. If you've been looking for that car game to suit those wants for
Cruisin' USA or any other good racing game, here it is. Although there are
only 3 tracks in this one, they are by far the most detailed, and graphical
ones ever on the pc. This ain't the same old "Are we going in a circle, Cuz
I swear I've seen that same building 50 times!" Nope, this game has excell-
ent scenery, and a nice choice of cars. There is a decent amount of other
options to, such as slalom, or hitting the cones, etc. The two downsides to
this game are (a) if you got a 486/33 or less, its slightly choppy, but not
very noticeable at all (b) using the keyboard to control the car left and rt.
causes it to be sensitive and sometimes it's hard to make turns. Otherwise
this is the new king of car games for the year, putting Need for Speed in
it's dust.
RATING: 95/100 <For once the group that released it, graded it accurately>
=Wacky Wheels 1.1=
Hybrid, 2 disks. I don't seem to see the difference of tracks with
this one compared to the 1.0. But according to HYBRID.NFO...
"This is the Updated version of Wacky Wheels v1.0. This new updated version
has a total of 41 Tracks and a total of 18 Tracks for Modem Play."
All in all it's the same wacky wheels we played a year ago. (And for those
who didn't: Mini kart racing around tracks, lots of options, modem play, etc)
RATING: 52/100
=Atari Action Pack #3=
Tdujam, 2 disks. I had no problem with the other packs released a
while back, but this one said "Cannot create BMP files" and the same with
"ScreenP".
RATING: NA/100
=Indy Car Racing 2 Demo=
This looks worse then the first one. Not impressive at all.
RATING: 40/100
=Trick or Treat=
Energy, 4 disks. Point and click adventure. You're some housekeeper
or something of some yucky old house. Graphics are more frightning then the
game itself. Looks like an outdated game.
RATING: 31/100
=Su-27 Flanker CD-RIP=
Hybrid, 5 disks. Couldn't get it to work, and had no motivation to
to install a flight sim, so here's what Hybrid had to say about it.
"Own the sky with SSI's newest air combat simulation program. Modeled
after the awesome Su-27 fighter by a team of Russian aerospace engineers,
Su-27 Flanker is being hailed as the most realistic flight sim ever for
the PC... Su-27 exhibits considerable potential to unseat Falcon 3.0 as
king of the hard-core simulations. Or so the ad hype says. Well, I
guess they want you to buy the game. I'm not a big fan of this kind of
game, but it does boast an "exceptionally powerful, multi-tiered mission
editor" so it MUST be good. Su-27 places you in the middle of a war
between Russia and Ukraine/Eastern Europe. You get to fly, well, an Su-27
Flanker. Looks pretty good, though I think that someone will need to put
out some full dox to make the game really playable, as there are a lot of
commands." <HYBRID.NFO>
RATING: NA/100
=Tower (Control Tower Simulator)=
Tdujam, 6 disks. Oh boy, who are the fucking geniuses who come up
with these games. This is not my idea of fun, waiting around for planes to
land and then giving them direction. That's a job, I wouldn't pay for some-
thing that would simulate a job. The only purpose of this game I can see is
for actual plane traffic controllers.
RATING: 18/100
=Tritryst Demo=
RoR, 1 disk. In the tradition of tetris, it's a little square with
colored pieces that you must place on to it. Get three of the same color and
it vanishes. Nothing too special, but it's not a piece of junk. It is very
challenging.
RATING: 54/100
=Wipeout=
Hybrid, 11 disks. Similar to slipstream 5k. Extremely jaggedy and
slow on a 486/33. Not even fun to play on it, if playable at all. Tbe game
did not autodetect my soundcar <Sb16> like it should have, and the actual
racing is dull and boring when it's moving at a frame a second.
RATING: 43/100
=Druid...=
Tdujam, 29 disks. Nothing makes my day more excited and happier,
then knowing that (1) I've lost my telnet account, (2) I spent time looking
for good disks, d/l it part by part, to find out it the picture fucks up any-
way. The music plays (isn't that nice), but the picture shows some fucked up
shit as if it were in the wrong vga mode, but there's nothing you can do to
fix it.
RATING: NA/100
=Boink the Arcade Game=
Lamerz, 2 disks. Whoomp, it don't work!
RATING: L.A.M.E/100
=I Must Scream, But I Have No Mouth=
Tdujam, 30 disks. Oh yeah?, well I have no clue what to do in this
game, but I must play it anyway. It's an adventure game with excellent svga
graphics. There are 5 different characters to choose to play, each with
their own problems from the past, that this god "AM", makes them re-suffer &
fools with their minds. The characters are placed in weird worlds and
settings. The game has excellent humor, not the corny kind, this one is act-
ually funny. If you are looking for a good adventure game, and you got some
money, I'd reccomend buying this CD.
-Game play help: Try "s vesa" instead of "scream.bat" if your screen starts
to fuck up when you play.
RATING: 78/100
=Conqueror AD 1086= (Review Courtesy of Woody)
Tdujam, 25 disks. This is the type of game where you either like it
or hate it. You're a guy from medieval times and you are given the title of
knight and get to control your own portion of the country. The graphics in
this game are good, and the sound is decent, alhtough there isn't much of it.
It's mostly a strategy game. You get to build up your castle and army and
attack other castles. This game also has a cool way of creating character
stats, you answer around 5 or so questions and this determines your strength,
intelligence, etc. Not too bad of a game. Get this one if you like strategy.
RATING: 72/100
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>GAME OF THE WEEK<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
For our first week of this new section, we have a tie! *Screamer*
and *Worms*, both are two great games of the week. They are both highly
reccomended and worth the d/l, especially Worms b/c it is only 2 disks.
Screamer is the answer to "Are there any good car games out?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>TOP 5 SELLERS<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
ENTERTAINMENT
1. Hexen - Heretic 2 CD-ROM
2. [1]Stonekeep Demo CD-ROM [info]
3. [2]Command and Conquer CD-ROM [info]
4. Ascendancy CD-ROM
5. Rise of the Robots
EDUTAINMENT
1. Winnie the Pooh storybook CD-ROM
2. Dr. Seuss Windows CD-ROM
3. Orgeon Trail II CD-ROM
4. Puut Putt Saves the Zoo CD-ROM
5. SAT version2 MPC CD-ROM
PRODUCTIVITY
1. SoftRAM for Windows 95
2. Windows 95 CD-ROM
3. Microsoft Encarta 1996 - Windows 95 CD-ROM
4. Win 95 & SimCity 2000 CD-ROM bundle
5. MS-PLUS for Win 95
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>UPCOMING RELEASE DATES<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WINDOWS CD
----------
Bttlgrnd:Gettysbrg 11/29/95
Chessmates 01/01/96
CivNet 11/20/95
Congo 11/22/95
Darkseed 2 11/20/95
Dinotopia 12/11/95
Dragon Dice 01/01/96
Empire II 02/01/96
FPS:Football 96 11/30/95
Gabriel Knight 2 12/18/95
Load Runner Ntwrk 12/04/95
McKenzie & Co 11/20/95
Police Quest 5 SWAT 12/04/95
Romance IV 12/12/95
Space Bucks 01/10/96
Spr Bubsy/WIN95 02/01/96
T-Mek 01/09/96
This Means War 12/07/95
Tommy 03/04/96
Torin's Passage 11/20/95
WINDOWS 95 CD
-------------
Allied General 11/29/95
Civilization 2000 03/01/96
Commodore64 15pk 11/27/95
Cyberspeed 11/24/95
Daedalus Encounter 12/12/95
Doom II 12/08/95
Magic Illusions 11/20/95
Shockwave 12/07/95
Solitaire DLX 12/04/95
St Trk Generations 03/01/96
Ult Doom: Flesh 12/08/95
Warhmmr:Horned Rat 11/29/95
WINDOWS 3.5
-----------
Spaceward Ho! 12/06/95
MACINTOSH CD
------------
Aikman Football 02/01/96
Allied General 12/10/95
Atmofear 01/10/96
Chessmates 01/01/96
Conquest/New World 04/24/96
Daggerfall 01/01/96
Descent 11/21/95
Empire II 02/01/96
Heroes M&M 02/01/96
Mad Dog II 12/15/95
Outpost 12/18/95
Ripper 02/01/96
Skins/Bighorn 02/01/96
Star Trek:tNG 12/11/95
Ult Doom 12/01/95
X-Wing Collector 12/13/95
MACINTOSH 3.5
-------------
Ult Doom 12/01/95
MACINTOSH & WINDOWS CD
----------------------
Wizardry Gold 01/15/96
DOS CD
------
3D Action Pack 12/01/95
Adams Pinball 02/01/96
AH-64D Longbow 01/01/96
Anvil of Dawn 11/16/95
Arcade Classics 12/01/95
Atmosfear 01/10/96
Battlcrsr 3000 12/08/95
Battles in Time 11/24/95
Bioforge + 12/19/95
BRAIN DEAD 13 11/21/95
Braindead 13 11/21/95
Chronomaster 02/07/96
Clayfighter 2 01/01/96
Colonization Gold 04/01/96
Conquest/New World 04/24/96
Cyberia 2 01/15/96
Cyberjudas 11/30/95
Cybermage 12/11/95
Daggerfall 01/01/96
Dawn Patrol 11/27/95
Descent 2 03/13/96
Descent Levels 11/17/95
Descent SHWR 02/01/96
Desktop Toys 11/20/95
Dragon's Lair II 03/01/96
Escalation 11/22/95
Extreme Pinball 12/08/95
Fifa Soccer 96 11/21/95
Gangster Coll 12/04/95
Ganster Bundle 12/04/95
Grand Prix 2 01/15/96
Grand Prix Mgr 12/07/95
Gretzky NHLPA 11/28/95
H! Zone 12/08/95
Ice & Fire 11/20/95
IndyCar II 11/20/95
Island Casino 11/20/95
Jack The Ripper 11/20/95
Jagged H2H 03/01/96
JET FIGHTER III 01/01/96
Jet Ski Rage 11/30/95
Jetfighter III 01/01/96
Klingon 04/01/96
Konquest 03/01/96
Kyrandia Trilogy 11/21/95
Locus 11/20/95
Lost Admiral II 12/01/95
Madden NFL 96 12/10/95
MAGIC/GATHERING 03/01/96
Master of Antares 03/01/96
Mastr Lvls Doom 12/08/95
Maximum Roadkill 02/15/96
Mech Expnsn Pck 11/20/95
Mile High Club II 01/01/96
Mortimer 01/10/96
Navy Strike 11/22/95
NBA Jam TE 11/20/95
NBA Live 96 01/01/96
Nemesis 03/01/96
Net Mech 12/04/95
NFL Football/Aikman 01/10/96
Nicklaus@Muirfield 02/06/96
Northlands 03/01/96
Pax Imperia 01/15/96
Pinball Classics 02/01/96
Pro Pinball:Web 12/08/95
Promised Land 02/01/96
Psychc Detcv 12/18/95
Raven Project 11/20/95
RBI '96 03/05/96
Rebel Assault II 11/20/95
Red Ghost 11/27/95
Sensible Soccer 01/10/96
Sensory Overload 02/01/96
Shadows Over Riva 02/01/96
Shannara 11/27/95
Silent Hunter 12/15/95
Space Hulk 2 01/10/96
Spr Strt Fighter 11/20/95
St Trk Judement Rites 01/01/96
Star Control 3 02/06/96
Star Rangers 11/20/95
Starship 02/01/96
Term:Future Shock 12/10/95
The 11TH HOUR 11/27/95
The Dig 11/20/95
Third Reich 05/01/96
Tie Fighter CD 12/04/95
Top Gun 12/11/95
Toy Story 01/01/96
Vision of Glory 01/01/96
Visions/Glory 03/01/96
Warcraft II 11/28/95
Warhammer:Dark Crs 12/11/95
Whiplash 02/07/96
Wing Commander 4 12/19/95
Wolfenstein 3D 12/04/95
Wooden Ships&Iron Men 01/01/96
X-Car:Exp Racing 12/01/95
Zone Raiders 11/28/95
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
CORRECTIONS
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Destruction Derby does not work with just ANY cd in your cd rom drive, so
try whatever ones you may have. If you don't have a cdrom drive, there does
not seem to be a way you can play this fine game. Also it just may not work
period, so give up after a while ;).
-Jungle Book does have a way to exit, it's alt-q, i musta missed it while
slamming the keyboard with my fingers.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
CLOSING
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Federal Law prohibits editing and dispensing or something. You may not edit
this file and spread it w/o written consent of The New York Yank.. oh snap,
anyway I'll get to the point: Feel free to spread this wherever as long as I
don't get in trouble for it, and as long as it has not been edited.
-Please note, due to my refusal to install that crap you know as Win95, I am
of course not able to review any win95 games.
-That's it for this week, hope it was of help.
-Ionizer (Game Reviewer/MALiCE Senior Courier)
Comments/Complaints send to jionin@monmouth.com (NO QUESTIONS OR REQUESTS!)
.a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$a.
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