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The Game Review Issue 06
THE GAME REVIEW
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"All the games that's fit to print."
Un-Releastic: "I have never played a game I didn't like." -Stu Pid Fewl
Realistic : "This game sucks!" -Ionizer
HOW TO GET THIS MAGAZINE ON A REGULAR BASIS:
--------------------------------------------
("WHERE and WHEN can I GET The Game Review?" The Game Review (c) Ionizer,)
(will be released every SUNDAY, in IRC, in #warez5 and other channels and)
(can be obtained by /m iondcc xdcc list or /m ionizer xdcc list on Sunday)
(This magazine is also released in the magazine Inquisition)
(Which can be obtained at the following web site)
|WWW| ( http://www.hooked.net/users/tails/inq )
( NEW ) ( NEW )
( _\|/_ ) ( _\|/_ )
|WWW| (You can now get the game review via the WWW @)
|WWW| ( http://www.aych-dee.com/tgr.html )
NOTE: THERE IS NO MAILING LIST OF ANY KIND!
-Do you live for games? Do you want to play games every second of your life?
Do you find yourself picturing possible different scenarios to make for your
own Warcraft 2 scenery?, If so then you need a life, but that's besides the
point...
- * - * - * - * - * -
* - * - * - * - * - *
GAME REVIEWS, RATINGS, UN-BIASED OPINIONS, HELP/TIPS FOR INSTALLING GAMES!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
-Rating scale:
(0-19)/100 = In a nutshell, it sucked!
(20-39)/100 = Still crap but slightly better.
(40-49)/100 = Possibly worth downloading.
(50-69)/100 = Pretty decent game. Might want to check it out.
(70-79)/100 = Worth the download if you like that type.
(80-89)/100 = Very good, 9 outta 10 its worth the download.
(90-99)/100 = Excellent game, a MUST download.
100/100 = HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BETTER GAME!
-It's time for the reviews. The format is like this:
Name of game, group, # of disks, review, rating.
RATINGS are based on if you would have fun playing it NOW.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-<*><*> THE GAME REVIEW <*><*>-
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=WARCRAFT 2=
Hybrid, 10 disks + crack. Once again Hybrid brings us a top quality
game. This long awaited release was released at wee hours of a sunday night
for the majority of us on the net. The game was nicely ripped to a simple 10
disks, plus a crack. Their ARE NO VIRUSES, which was due to speculation b/c
of past releases containing the `tai pAI pussy virII' in the install.exe.
The game runs perfectly, except for the network and modem which I'm told will
have patches soon. For those of you unfamiliar with warcraft, what fucking
cave are you living in? Seriously though, it's a SUPERB war strategy game.
It involves very LITTLE thinking, and more "build this, click, make a guy,
click, kick that guy's ass, click, etc" I do not personally like war strat-
egy games at all, but this is one you can't miss. The graphics are crystal
clear, sound effects are as good and at times better then they were in WC1,
and their are music but you hardly notice it. Unlike WC1 where you were just
given a different scenery and the object was to go kill the other guy, you
now have different tasks and jobs to complete, such as building 4 farms and a
barrack (Mission 1, Human). Rescuing archers from the enemy (Mission 2
Human). The list goes on, the game gets more challenging, and diverse. If
you played the demo of WC2 and think it wasn't so great, I urge you to try
the full, because it does have a lot of differences. Also some other nice
features that WC1 did not originally have are; Sound Effects editor (instead
of when he say's `why are you touching me?' you could make it easily say `get
the fuck off me you gay faggot!'), a Map Editor <included this time>, and
battleships <since you will now travel the ocean also>, and an assortment of
new spells and people. This game is a must download unless you know you just
totally hate ALL wargames. Even though there is not much difference b/t the
rip and the actual cd, accept for the voice files and intro, I do highly
reccomend buying the game, as it is well worth it, and the authors <gulp>
really do <gulp> deserve the <gulp> mmmm....oone..ey!
RATING: 97/100
=Warcraft 2 <TDU-JAM!>=
Tdu-Jam! (der), 23 disks. The only two noticeable differences b/t
this one and the hybrid, is the narrator speaking between missions, and that
network is supposed to work. I also noticed that my modem actually dialed
with this one, however I haven't had the chance to look into modem play with
either version.
=Virtual Shooting Gallery Deluxe CD=
RoR, 4 disks. Two simple windows based shooting gallery type games.
One is with prairie dogs, and it has scrolling to the left and right, not
just the usual plain view in front. The other is the typical disk shot, like
where they say "Pull". The supplier/packager of this one seemed to think
it was pretty funny to shoot the prairie dogs and watch their blood splatter.
I personally think this inhumanity to the animals is not only an act of
cruelty to animals but is also a disgrace to us men....bwhahahahahah yeah
right! KILL THE FUCKING PRAIRIE DOGS!
RATING: 57/100
=Planet Siege Final Dos Version=
RoR, 4 disks. Didn't seem to like my video card. No matter what
settings I used or how I tried it just kept saying I didn't have enough video
ram. I don't have some weird card, it's a normal Trident card, but apparent-
ly just doesn't want to work *FOR ME*.
RATING: NA/100
=Ripley's Believe It or Not: The Riddle of Master Lu (DEMO)=
15 Disks. There's really nothing wrong with my fucking computer!
But this shit wouldn't work for me, kept giving me some crap about mouse
driver error. Ah but who cares, it's only a demo anyway. If you do want to
give a shot at it, you have to arj to root (arj x -y -v C:\ or D:\ etc) can't
use your own directories or the install.exe won't work.
RATING: NA/100
=Death By Dark Shadows v1.5 (DEMO)=
A prince of persia type game but your a panther who switches into a
human every time he pick something up or fights. WARNING: THE GAME IS SET TO
BLAST THE MUSIC REALLY FUCKING LOUD, unless of course it's because of master
lu initializing but not working. It sucks, i had to turn my speakers flat so
that it was only slightly deafening. It's a somewhat decent wannabe of PoP,
but it certainly is not PoP, from what can be told from the demo.
RATING: 53/100
=Toy Story Screen Shots=
PWA, 4 Disks. Yes from time to time, I will have a use or curiosity
about a util, and then hell why not review it. I was dissapointed by this
because I thought it was a screen saver, which it turns out it is not. It
is just a bunch of screen shots <about 25-30> from the movie. There is no
sound, or animations, which you'd think the first fully computer animated
movie's software would have. On the plus side, the pictures are stunning
life like quality.
RATING: 43/100
=Thor's Hammer (DEMO)=
A low end budget <(c) MVP so what do you expect> Doom/RPG piece of
shit. Lame, boring, and outright ugly. It should be illegal to ask for
money for this piece of garbage.
RATING: 18/100
=Jack The Ripper=
Hybrid, 7 disks. Another release not too compatible with my NORMAL
Trident video card. From the .pcx's it looks a lot like a video game version
of the board game Clue. You have to solve the murders, I assume, and gather
clues from different areas. Once again, this didn't work *FOR ME*, don't
know why the past two weeks have been having problems like this, oh well.
RATING: NA/100
=Icebreaker=
RazorCD, 9 disks. In order to explain this well, I'd have to write a
novel. So I'll keep it short and sweet. Your a pyramid shaped object on a
small playing field. There are different colored pyramids around you. Some
you can shoot, other you walk into, and yet others you need to get the enemy
to walk into. The purpose is to get all the pyramids and enemies off the
playing field and then you go onto the next level. Each level usually has
some new element to it, or a new trick needed. It's kinda hard, even on easy
mode.
RATING: 66/100
=360 Points=
ULC, 18 disks. Note: Do not adjust your monitor, there is nothing
wrong with your picture! HELP! I need a translation from the read.me file:
"ÕÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ͸
³ ú ú ³
³
³
³ "" ³
³ ú ú ³
ÔÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ;
"
360"-
1.00 -
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ÍÍÍÍ
. ""
.
""
.(Enter <ÄÙ
MOUSE -)..."
(READ.ME)
RATING: /100
=Where in The World is Carmen Sandiego?; Junior Detective CD Gold=
For such a long filename it's a shame it's a fake. And if it's not
a fake then the packager is a fucking idiot. ARJ is PW protected, but der
the password is "carmen" "arj x -y -v -gcarmen carmen.001" but the zip file
in it <archive.zip> has crc errors, and it's just either a bad attempt at a
fake, or a really fucked up release.
=Island Casino=
RazorCD, 19 disks. Another release that stands right out and says,
"Hello download all 19 disks of me, b/c I don't work!". I followed the info
exactly as it said to, and everything was fine until I tried to run it. I
unzipped, I arj -x -y -v blah blah, I ran install, it installed. I ran the
cute little icon and I get a nice "Can't read file:-" error. So I don't
think this time it's just me or my video card.
RATING: NA/100
=Triple Threat=
TDV, 5 disks. This is three Windows games, F18 No Fly Zone, Black
Rein, and Quatra Commands. The F18 and Quatra are both asteroid type games,
shoot at ships, and other galaxy shit. Black Rein is a tank view game. None
of these games are close to spectacular, however the sound and music are some
what good. The menus are probably better than the games.
RATING: 36/100
=Extreme Pinball=
Razor, 5 disks. This was released before, but it was a cd rip, even
though it was the same size as this one. That's Razor's answer to it when I
called it a dupe, anyway since it's exactly the same here's the past review:
"It's the full version of the pinball game, it's got 4 tables, all
nicely done, except for the fact that they all have too many ways for your
ball to go straight down the center of the pinball machine and lose your
ball. Otherwise it's the same as all the rest, pretty much. The usual `dot-
light animations' in the game."
RATING: 72/100
=Zone Raiders=
RazorCD, 13 disks. This is the final version of this one, but no
obvious game differences between this one and the alpha released a while back
so once again I will quote myself.
"It's very similar to slipstream 5k, accept that you are on a track
and it involves missions of getting things and getting out. Nothing we have
not seen before in some way or another. Games flows nicely, not too much
jaggedness."
RATING: 60/100
=Touche=
Hybrid, 12 disks. Touche, ass, butt, buttocks, rear end, all words
which have nothing to do with Touche. It's an adventure game with decent
graphics, not impressive though. You play a musketeer <no not the candy bar>
and you go on all sorts of adventures. Not exactly exciting, but the game
does have a semi-good sense of sarcastic humor. There's also a very annoying
owl sound effect that just doesn't shutup when your outside, and it could
drive you crazy. There's a lot of talking to do in this game, so it kind of
gets boring after a while, since it's more like reading a book. If you're
looking for a recent adventure game that is worthy of being sold in stores,
then try this one out.
RATING: 64/100
=Football Limited=
Hybrid, 4 disks. First off it's a managing game. Secondly it's not
"American" football. It's really as most would know it, soccer (foot fairy).
I suppose if you like spending your free time trying to coach a soccer team
that this game is for you. I also suppose that if you do like that, then
your also the kind of person who registers pkzip, wears thick black glasses,
and enjoys reading books.
RATING: 27/100
=Unnecessary Roughness '96=
Hybrid, 30 disks. They just don't make them like they used to. This
is joins the line of let-down football games. I suppose the actual cd might
not be too bad, but don't download this one for the reason of having a good
football game. The announcers and the music missing make this game seem dull
and empty. The graphics are crisp, and the gameplay is smooth. Once again
however, a stupid company couldn't program a lame keyboard config, so those
who don't like joysticks have to use uncomftorable settings. You'd really
need to buy this one if you liked it, so you could consider this a preview.
RATING: 57/100
=Jungledyret Hugo=
DOM, 9 disks. A dutch cartoon character put in his jungle world.
The gameplay is not as smooth as we are now accustomed to with these cartoon
like games. It's similar to The Jungle Book and The Lion King type games,
but the quality is not as good. Unless you got a little brother or sister, I
don't think you'll find this one too exciting.
RATING: 49/100
=Santa's Secret Valley=
Pathetic, lame, stupid, gay, retarded, and a waste of 30 mins d/l.
Oh no, santa's been robbed! (Stupid old fool shoulda had an alarm system).
You must track down the thief in this windows based piece of crap. If you
find yourself playing this for more than 5 minutes, call 9-1-1 IMMEDIATELY!
RATING: 12/100
=Ocean Trader=
Hybrid, 7 disks. Similar to Machiavelli and High Seas Trader. It's
another of the sim type. The graphics are not too impressive, and well their
just isn't a hell of a lot of sound at dock ports. "And thet's awl' I gut'
tuh say uhbou-dat'" -Forrest Gump
RATING: 53/100
=Williams Arcade Classics=
Legacy, 4 disks. Six classic arcade games: Defender, Defender II,
Joust, Robotron, Sinstar, and Bubbles. They are dos and win95 playable. It
is exactly what it says it is, arcade classics. The games are just like they
were in the arcade, no supervga graphics, nothing added on. If you liked
them then, and you still like em now, then, well, you must have been living
in a cave for the past 10 years.
RATING: 32/100
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>GAME OF THE WEEK<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-The long awaited release of Warcraft2 finnaly came out. No more listening
to lamers begging for it. There's nothing much to add to the page long rev-
iew already done. Hybrid has come out with a modem/network patch for their
version which is only 500k. So you can either choose the Hybrid which is the
same as the Tdu-Jam except for the voice reading the scrolling text before
each mission. I sincerely suggest you buy this if you like it, because it is
well worth the money, and for once the authors of it deserve it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>TOP 5 BEST SELLERS<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Sorry, but this section is no longer available. The information that was
used to provide this section no longer exists. However be sure that if it is
available again, I will be sure to have this section back.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>UPCOMING RELEASE DATES<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
RELEASE MM/DD/YY Operating System
WINDOWS CD
Bttlgrnd:Gettysbrg 12/05/95
Chessmates 01/01/96
Congo 12/04/95
Dinotopia 12/11/95
Dragon Dice 01/01/96
Empire II 02/01/96
Gabriel Knight 2 12/18/95
Load Runner Ntwrk 12/04/95
Police Quest 5 SWAT 12/04/95
Romance IV 12/12/95
Space Bucks 01/10/96
Spr Bubsy/WIN95 02/01/96
T-Mek 01/09/96
This Means War 12/07/95
Tommy 03/04/96
WINDOWS 95 CD
Allied General 12/11/95
Civilization 2000 03/01/96
Commodore64 15pk 12/11/95
Cyberspeed 12/05/95
Daedalus Encounter 12/12/95
Doom II 12/15/95
Shockwave 12/07/95
Solitaire DLX 12/13/95
St Trk Generations 03/01/96
Ult Doom: Flesh 12/15/95
Warhmmr:Horned Rat 02/01/96
WINDOWS 95 3.5
Ult Doom: Flesh 12/15/95
WINDOWS 3.5
Spaceward Ho! 12/06/95
MACINTOSH CD
Aikman Football 02/01/96
Allied General 12/10/95
Atmofear 01/10/96
Chessmates 01/01/96
Conquest/New World 04/24/96
Daggerfall 01/01/96
Empire II 02/01/96
Heroes M&M 02/01/96
Mad Dog II 12/15/95
Outpost 12/18/95
Phantasmagoria 12/11/95
Rebel Assault 2 12/13/95
Ripper 02/01/96
Skins/Bighorn 02/01/96
Star Trek:tNG 12/07/95
Ult Doom 12/04/95
X-Wing Collector 12/13/95
MACINTOSH 3.5
Ult Doom 12/03/95
MACINTOSH & WINDOWS CD
Wizardry Gold 01/15/96
DOS CD
3D Action Pack 12/15/95
Adams Pinball 02/01/96
AH-64D Longbow 01/01/96
Arcade Classics 12/04/95
Atmosfear 01/10/96
Battlcrsr 3000 12/08/95
Bioforge + 01/01/96
BRAIN DEAD 13 11/30/95
Braindead 13 11/30/95
Chronomaster 02/07/96
Clayfighter 2 01/01/96
Colonization Gold 04/01/96
Conquest/New World 04/24/96
Corporate Colonies 01/01/96
Crystal Skull 03/18/96
Cyberia 2 01/15/96
Cyberjudas 12/11/95
Cybermage 12/29/95
Daggerfall 01/01/96
Dawn Patrol 12/12/95
Descent 2 03/13/96
Descent II SHWR 02/01/96
Destruction Derby 11/29/95
Dragon's Lair II 03/01/96
Escalation 01/01/96
Extreme Pinball 12/08/95
Ganster Bundle 12/04/95
Grand Prix 2 01/15/96
Grand Prix Mgr 12/13/95
Gretzky NHLPA 12/12/95
H! Zone 12/15/95
HARVESTER 12/10/95
Hyper 3-D Pinball 12/12/95
Jack The Ripper 11/30/95
Jagged H2H 03/01/96
JET FIGHTER III 01/01/96
Jetfighter III 01/01/96
Klingon 04/01/96
Konquest 03/01/96
Kyrandia Trilogy 12/12/95
Lost Admiral II 12/01/95
Madden NFL 96 12/10/95
MAGIC/GATHERING 03/01/96
Master of Antares 03/01/96
Mastr Lvls Doom 12/08/95
Maximum Roadkill 02/15/96
MetalLords 02/01/96
Might & Magic Trilogy 12/04/95
Mile High Club II 01/01/96
Mortimer 01/10/96
Navy Strike 12/01/95
NBA Live 96 01/01/96
Nemesis 03/01/96
Net Mech 12/11/95
NFL Football/Aikman 01/10/96
NFL Qback Club 12/08/95
Nicklaus@Muirfield 02/06/96
Northlands 03/01/96
Pax Imperia 01/15/96
Pinball Classics 02/01/96
Pro Pinball:Web 12/08/95
Promised Land 02/01/96
Psychc Detcv 12/18/95
RBI '96 03/05/96
Red Ghost 12/12/95
Ripper 02/01/96
Screamer 12/12/95
Sensible Soccer 01/10/96
Sensory Overload 02/01/96
Shadows Over Riva 02/01/96
Silent Hunter 12/15/95
Space Hulk 2 01/10/96
Sport Hits 2 12/12/95
Spr Strt Fighter 11/30/95
St Trk Judement Rites 01/01/96
Star Control 3 02/06/96
Starship 02/01/96
Term:Future Shock 12/11/95
Third Reich 05/01/96
Top Gun 12/11/95
Toy Story 01/01/96
Unnecsry Rghns 96 12/06/95
Vision of Glory 01/01/96
Visions/Glory 03/01/96
Warcraft II 12/04/95
Warhammer:Dark Crs 12/11/95
Whiplash 02/21/96
Wing Commander 4 12/19/95
Wipe Out 11/29/95
Wolfenstein 3D 12/12/95
Wooden Ships&Iron Men 01/01/96
Zone Raiders 12/01/95
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<*>CORRECTIONS<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-None, I'm so damn perfect sometimes <G>.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THIS MAGAZINE IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, CONDOLES THE PIRATING, STEALING, OR ANY
OTHER ILLEGAL MEANS OF OBTAINING SOFTWARE. I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBILE FOR
YOUR ACTIONS AS A RESULT OF READING THIS MAGAZINE, NOR HAVE I DONE ANYTHING
ILLEGAL TO OBTAIN THE REVIEWED GAMES. IF YOU LIKE THE REVIEW OF A GAME THEN
BY ALL MEANS PURCHASE IT AND SUPPORT THE SOFTWARE COMPANY.
ANY AND ALL MAGAZINE GROUPS HAVE PERMISSION TO USE THIS IN THEIR MAGAZINE, AS
LONG AS IT HAS NOT BEEN EDITED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM
Federal Law prohibits editing and dispensing or something. You may not edit
this file and spread it w/o the expressed written consent of The New York
Yank.. oh snap, anyway the point is: Feel free to spread this wherever as
long as I don't get in trouble for it, and as long as it has not been edited.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>CLOSINGS<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
=-= =-= =-= =-= =-= =-= =-= =-= =-= =-=
IF YOU KNOW ANYONE OR YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO RUNS A T1 OR BETTER SYSTEM WHO
CAN PROVIDE ME WITH A TELNET ACCOUNT, AT LEAST 100 MB OF SPACE, ON A NON-
LAGGED SYSTEM, AND YOU'D LIKE TO RECEIVE ALL OF THE DAILY RELEASES OF GAMES/
UTILS PLEASE MAIL ME AT ADDRESS BELOW (Include computer type/ram/connection
to the net/hd space and any other vital information). DEAL OF A LIFETIME!
=-= =-= =-= =-= =-= =-= =-= =-= =-= =-=
-Unless stated in the review, you must assume that when I say a game doesn't
work, I mean for me personally, since I consider myself to have an average
computer, and even an above average inteligence of getting things to work.
If the game does not work for ANYONE, then in the future I will specifically
state that.
-Feel free to send me any game reviews you have done of any released games or
non-released cd games, as this may aid any problems that occur if I can't get
a game to work. By doing this you agree to allow me to edit and use it in
this magazine. Mail it to the address listed below, and try to maintain the
style and form used in TGR.
-Please note, due to my refusal to install that crap you know as Win95, I am
of course not able to review any win95 games.
-That's it for this week, hope it was of help.
-Ionizer (Game Reviewer/MALiCE Courier)
Comments/Complaints send to ionizer@ns2.clever.net (NO QUESTIONS OR REQUESTS)
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