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The Game Review Issue 07
THE GAME REVIEW
===============
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"All the games that's fit to print."
Un-Releastic: "I have never played a game I didn't like." -Stu Pid Fewl
Realistic : "This game sucks!" -Ionizer
============================================
HOW TO GET THIS MAGAZINE ON A REGULAR BASIS:
--------------------------------------------
("WHERE and WHEN can I GET The Game Review?" The Game Review (c) Ionizer,)
(will be released every SUNDAY, in IRC, in #warez5 and other channels and)
(can be obtained by /m iondcc xdcc list or /m ionizer xdcc list on Sunday)
(This magazine is also released in the magazine Inquisition)
(Which can be obtained at the following web site)
( http://www.hooked.net/users/tails/inq )
(You can now also The Game Review via the WWW @)
( http://www.aych-dee.com/tgr.html )
NOTE: THERE IS NO MAILING LIST OF ANY KIND!
Subscribe to INQuisition if you want
to be on the mailing list.
===========================================
-Do you live for games? Do you want to play games every second of your life?
Do you wonder what Madonna would look like naked....playing games on your pc?
If so then you need a life, but that's besides the point...
- * - * - * - * - * -
* - * - * - * - * - *
GAME REVIEWS, RATINGS, UN-BIASED OPINIONS, HELP/TIPS FOR INSTALLING GAMES!
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
-Rating scale:
(0-19)/100 = In a nutshell, it sucked!
(20-39)/100 = Still crap but slightly better.
(40-49)/100 = Possibly worth downloading.
(50-69)/100 = Pretty decent game. Might want to check it out.
(70-79)/100 = Worth the download if you like that type.
(80-89)/100 = Very good, 9 outta 10 its worth the download.
(90-99)/100 = Excellent game, a MUST download.
100/100 = HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BETTER GAME!
-It's time for the reviews. The format is like this:
Name of game, group, # of disks, review, rating.
RATINGS are based on if you would have fun playing it NOW.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-<*><*> THE GAME REVIEW <*><*>-
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
=Speed Haste (Playable Demo)=
A very upbeat racing game. The graphics aren't exactly superior, but
the car movement is very good, and it's a lot more like the arcade type,
rather than a sim type.
RATING: 48/100
=Turrican 2=
Hybrid, 2 disks. Similar to Megaman, but no where near as good. The
chracter has a gun, and can also squat into a razor like thingi that can give
off bombs. When your like the razor, you can't be hurt by the enemies <for
the most part>, but when your standing up, it only takes like 1-2 seconds b4
your energy bar runs out if you touch an enemy. The game is a little hard
especially since it's only two major buttons and they perform all the action.
Good if your bored, don't mind rebooting w/o EMM or QEMM, and don't mind hard
games. Also note: It didn't seem to play any sound w/ my SB16.
RATING: 43/100
=Formula 1 Grand Prix Manager=
RazorCD, 26 disks. Wow, its the mother of all car managing games,
probably the only one too. Damn, who's the loser who sits at the fucking
computer all day and plays this shit? Ya know, it's people like YOU who give
people who use computers, a bad reputation. Unless your going to grow up and
become a Dale Earnhart or something, then why the fuck would you want this?
RATING: 57/100
=Wrath of Demon=
Genix, 2 disks. Since this lame group decided to release this lame
old release, I suppose I'll just tell you about how it sucks anyway. Well
it's an old game as I mentioned before, and it sucks. You go on different
tasks such as riding a horse and avoiding obstacles, the next one is to kill
some little green dwarf, then I stopped and said "this sucks!". The graphics
are ugly, and oh, did I mention the game sucks? Anyway, it's really shitty
and well, it sucks. Also note: This game sucks.
RATING: 11/100 PS: This game sucks.
=Card Players Paradise=
RazorCD, 9 disks. A nice collection of card games such as Casino,
Rummy, Bezilque <or something> and some others. This is not your las vegas
video poker. They are all card games, with some entertaining music in the
background. It has modem playability too, don't know if it works however.
A good card game for those interested in the above mentioned games.
RATING: 61/100
=Shockwave Assault=
RazorCD, 22 disks. Couldn't get to do anything from the main menu,
followed nfo, didn't work.
RATING: NA/100
=Virtua Fighter Remix=
You need the special 3D diamond edge card to play it. It just so
happens that my sisters computer has it. I unarj'ed it, and then I tried to
run it, but it needed the cd.
RATING: NA/100
=Braniacs: 3D Board Games=
RoR, 2 disks. Two games, checkers and connect 4. Both of good very
good quality, nice music, effects. Each takes up about 4 megs. If I have to
explain to you what checkers or connect 4 is, then you should be reading a
book, like "Final Exit" or something.
RATING: 73/100
=Super Street Fighter 2 (MODEM)=
RazorCD, 9 disks. I could go on forever about this one but I'll try
to keep it short and sweet. First off, half the disks are for an 8 meg .fli
that says CAPCOM. So that leaves you with about 4-5 disks for a fighting
game and as you can expect, it's not of high quality. I don't exactly remem-
ber the original release, but I do remember it being much better than this
one. This one reminds me of the homemade/betas of SSF a long time ago. It's
just not what you were probably expecting.
RATING: 38/100
=Terminator: Future Shock=
Hybrid, 9 disks. This game is pretty ugly. The graphics are far
deserving the right to be called SVGA. The game is your typical doom rip-off
and doesn't have anything we haven't seen before. You start off in a city
that has been destroyed with dead bodies all around you. You load up with
weapons and you go after some robots and whoopdee, "Are we having fun yet?"
The sound is below average, no good music, and the effects are certainly not
anything to brag about. Unless your a phreak for doom type games, don't
bother. Also, the nfo says the wrong file to edit for the drive, it's a .cfg
file not .ini.
RATING: 44/100
=Lode Runner "Win/Win95"=
Hybrid, 9 disks...of wasted time to download. According to Hybrid's
nfo, this is for win and win95, but according to Mr. Sierra Install, you need
win95 in order to run this.
=Mimi and The Mites=
Hybrid, 2 disks. A little logic thinking game. A lot like lemmings
type strategy, but with this little blue blobs. You control an oversized
headed bitch who's head is so big you can't jump, or else this game would be
a hell of a lot easier. Decent game for it's size, kept me busy for an hour
or so.
RATING: 42/100
=Might and Magic: Swords of Xeen=
RazorCD, 7 disks. For 7 disks, you'd think the graphics would have
some resemblance to vga. Terrible rpg game, annoying and loud sound effects
and music. It's just overall terribly disgusting. Gives me the chills.
RATING: 24/100
=Realms of Chaos (REG)=
Welp, no need to write something different for a game just because it
was registered. We all know this just means more levels, but in some diff.
color or some slight difference. So here's the quota from review4.txt:
"Suprisingly somewhat good. Similar to Jill of the Jungle. I beat
the sw version in less than 20 minutes. You'll be bored of this in less than
1 day if the reg. version came out."
I stand by my word. I was done with it in 5 minutes.
RATING: 41/100
=Firestorm Thunderhawk 2=
Razor, 14 disks. A very good helicopter sim. I couldn't experience
it to the fullest because it required installing it to/from a different drive
it was unarj'ed so i ran main.exe, but it didn't seem to run the sound. It
looks very good, there's not much to say about it however. Graphics look
ok, but not exactly crystal svga.
RATING: 72/100
=Litil Divil Deluxe CD=
Legacy, 7 disks. A cartoonish graphic game where you have to figure
out the little trick needed to pass a level or board, but it's not like Mimi
and the Mites/Lemmings type. The game was made in 1994, so it's not exactly
state of the art. You're a devil and your first job is to kill a big goblin
to get pass the bridge, then your on catacombs and their are several diff.
areas you can go on to after that. It requires mscdex loaded and 560k.
RATING: 40/100
=Allied General=
Hybrid &/or RazorCD (Hybrid u/l it to rcd whq and their whq first.)
I'll be reviewing the RCD version, 14 disks. The SSI sequel to Panzer
General, it's got all the details of classic war you could ask for.... why
you'd ask for it, I don't know, but it's here and must be reviewed. It's
nothing different from the usual sim at first glance, and then at second
glance too! <G> It has every possible scenario you could think of, and a
good amount of graphics to go along with it, to give you a break from the
lame tank/plane/people icons that move on top of each other and make noise,
which is the actual game. For war strategic fans, I'm sure you'll love it.
Anyone else, I'm sure you won't want to even bother.
RATING <for SSI fantatics>: 77/100
RATING <for non-ssi fantatics>: 46/100
=Tony Larusa Baseball 3=
Legacy, 19 disks. It's a dupe, but I'll review it for you anyway.
There is no sound. The game has a lot of extras and neat shit you could do,
however for most of it, the cd would kinda help. The actual field play is
pretty bad, with the players looking really blurry. The pitching part is
exactly like Hardball, but at a slightly different angle. It has real play-
ers and real stats, but of course no pictures in the rip. It's getting to
the point where if you want a real good baseball game, you are going to have
to buy it.
RATING: 54/100
=Rayman=
Hybrid, 12 disks. Similar to Earth Worm Jim. Very complicated and
annoying installation. The game is the the usual run and jump, but it has
excellent graphics and vivid colors. It locked up on me when I tried to get
to the second level, but I didn't play around with it a lot b/c I'm trying to
get this out as soon as possible <G>.
RATING: 69/100 <if all works well>
=Actua Soccer=
Razor, 6 disks. Hoodlum released this back in issue #2 of TGR, so
since this is only the disk version <plus commentary>, and since it's getting
late and you have to install this to and from disk, let's just quote...
"Hoodlum? Back from the dead? Wow, and impressive release too. The
intro was kinda neat, nice sound to it. The game is soccer, but with those
virtua fighter looking characters. The game is also not full screen. The
movement is fine, and the graphics are semi decent. However the camera
angles can get a big annoying, because it forces your movement towards a
destination to change to left or left-right, etc."
RATING: 68/100
=3D Hyper Pinball=
Hybrid, 13 disks. I tried to get this working in as little time as I
have. It may work, but if so, not easily. The hybrid installer fucks up, so
I manually arj'ed it, ran setup, and all the shit, but it didn't seem to want
to run, and the install.exe in the game didn't seem to work either. May
still work, if so I will re-review in next week's edition.
RATING: NA/100
=Chess=
Dragon, 4 disks. A decent "chess" game, if that's what it is. It
didn't look a thing like chess, but then again I can't read chinese. But if
you can then good for fucking you!
RATING: 62/100 <if you can read chinese>
=Descent 2 (Playable Demo)=
To say it's exactly the same would be a lie. The graphics are much
more improved, and the only thing that doesn't blow up are the walls! This
is only a 3 level demo. The sound and graphics are what you could expect,
and overall it's a pretty good game, especially if you eat these doom/flight
type games up.
RATING: 50/100 <demo>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>GAME OF THE WEEK<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-It's a tough decision, but the game of the week award goes to.... ALLIED
GENERAL (HBD/RZR). Not exactly the best game, but for SSI fans this one
should last them a looooong time. Don't get it if you don't love these games
though, b/c it's not going to win you over.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>UPCOMING RELEASE DATES<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
RELEASE MM/DD/YY Operating System
WINDOWS CD
Bttlgrnd:Gettysbrg 12/05/95
Chessmates 01/01/96
Congo 12/04/95
Dinotopia 12/11/95
Dragon Dice 01/01/96
Empire II 02/01/96
Gabriel Knight 2 12/18/95
Load Runner Ntwrk 12/04/95
Police Quest 5 SWAT 12/04/95
Romance IV 12/12/95
Space Bucks 01/10/96
Spr Bubsy/WIN95 02/01/96
T-Mek 01/09/96
This Means War 12/07/95
Tommy 03/04/96
WINDOWS 95 CD
Allied General 12/11/95
Civilization 2000 03/01/96
Commodore64 15pk 12/11/95
Cyberspeed 12/05/95
Daedalus Encounter 12/12/95
Doom II 12/15/95
Shockwave 12/07/95
Solitaire DLX 12/13/95
St Trk Generations 03/01/96
Ult Doom: Flesh 12/15/95
Warhmmr:Horned Rat 02/01/96
WINDOWS 95 3.5
Ult Doom: Flesh 12/15/95
WINDOWS 3.5
Spaceward Ho! 12/06/95
MACINTOSH CD
Aikman Football 02/01/96
Allied General 12/10/95
Atmofear 01/10/96
Chessmates 01/01/96
Conquest/New World 04/24/96
Daggerfall 01/01/96
Empire II 02/01/96
Heroes M&M 02/01/96
Mad Dog II 12/15/95
Outpost 12/18/95
Phantasmagoria 12/11/95
Rebel Assault 2 12/13/95
Ripper 02/01/96
Skins/Bighorn 02/01/96
Star Trek:tNG 12/07/95
Ult Doom 12/04/95
X-Wing Collector 12/13/95
MACINTOSH 3.5
Ult Doom 12/03/95
MACINTOSH & WINDOWS CD
Wizardry Gold 01/15/96
DOS CD
3D Action Pack 12/15/95
Adams Pinball 02/01/96
AH-64D Longbow 01/01/96
Arcade Classics 12/04/95
Atmosfear 01/10/96
Battlcrsr 3000 12/08/95
Bioforge + 01/01/96
BRAIN DEAD 13 11/30/95
Braindead 13 11/30/95
Chronomaster 02/07/96
Clayfighter 2 01/01/96
Colonization Gold 04/01/96
Conquest/New World 04/24/96
Corporate Colonies 01/01/96
Crystal Skull 03/18/96
Cyberia 2 01/15/96
Cyberjudas 12/11/95
Cybermage 12/29/95
Daggerfall 01/01/96
Dawn Patrol 12/12/95
Descent 2 03/13/96
Descent II SHWR 02/01/96
Destruction Derby 11/29/95
Dragon's Lair II 03/01/96
Escalation 01/01/96
Extreme Pinball 12/08/95
Ganster Bundle 12/04/95
Grand Prix 2 01/15/96
Grand Prix Mgr 12/13/95
Gretzky NHLPA 12/12/95
H! Zone 12/15/95
HARVESTER 12/10/95
Hyper 3-D Pinball 12/12/95
Jack The Ripper 11/30/95
Jagged H2H 03/01/96
JET FIGHTER III 01/01/96
Jetfighter III 01/01/96
Klingon 04/01/96
Konquest 03/01/96
Kyrandia Trilogy 12/12/95
Lost Admiral II 12/01/95
Madden NFL 96 12/10/95
MAGIC/GATHERING 03/01/96
Master of Antares 03/01/96
Mastr Lvls Doom 12/08/95
Maximum Roadkill 02/15/96
MetalLords 02/01/96
Might & Magic Trilogy 12/04/95
Mile High Club II 01/01/96
Mortimer 01/10/96
DOS CD
Mortimer 01/10/96
Navy Strike 12/01/95
NBA Live 96 01/01/96
Nemesis 03/01/96
Net Mech 12/11/95
NFL Football/Aikman 01/10/96
NFL Qback Club 12/08/95
Nicklaus@Muirfield 02/06/96
Northlands 03/01/96
Pax Imperia 01/15/96
Pinball Classics 02/01/96
Pro Pinball:Web 12/08/95
Promised Land 02/01/96
Psychc Detcv 12/18/95
RBI '96 03/05/96
Red Ghost 12/12/95
Ripper 02/01/96
Screamer 12/12/95
Sensible Soccer 01/10/96
Sensory Overload 02/01/96
Shadows Over Riva 02/01/96
Silent Hunter 12/15/95
Space Hulk 2 01/10/96
Sport Hits 2 12/12/95
Spr Strt Fighter 11/30/95
St Trk Judement Rites 01/01/96
Star Control 3 02/06/96
Starship 02/01/96
Term:Future Shock 12/11/95
Third Reich 05/01/96
Top Gun 12/11/95
Toy Story 01/01/96
Unnecsry Rghns 96 12/06/95
Vision of Glory 01/01/96
Visions/Glory 03/01/96
Warcraft II 12/04/95
Warhammer:Dark Crs 12/11/95
Whiplash 02/21/96
Wing Commander 4 12/19/95
Wipe Out 11/29/95
Wolfenstein 3D 12/12/95
Wooden Ships&Iron Men 01/01/96
Zone Raiders 12/01/95
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>CORRECTIONS<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-None, I'm so damn perfect sometimes <G>.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
THIS MAGAZINE IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, CONDOLES THE PIRATING, STEALING, OR ANY
OTHER ILLEGAL MEANS OF OBTAINING SOFTWARE. I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBILE FOR
YOUR ACTIONS AS A RESULT OF READING THIS MAGAZINE, NOR HAVE I DONE ANYTHING
ILLEGAL TO OBTAIN THE REVIEWED GAMES. IF YOU LIKE THE REVIEW OF A GAME THEN
BY ALL MEANS PURCHASE IT AND SUPPORT THE SOFTWARE COMPANY.
ANY AND ALL MAGAZINE GROUPS HAVE PERMISSION TO USE THIS IN THEIR MAGAZINE, AS
LONG AS IT HAS NOT BEEN EDITED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM
Federal Law prohibits editing and dispensing or something. You may not edit
this file and spread it w/o the expressed written consent of The New York
Yank.. oh snap, anyway the point is: Feel free to spread this wherever as
long as I don't get in trouble for it, and as long as it has not been edited.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<*>CLOSINGS<*>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Unless stated in the review, you must assume that when I say a game doesn't
work, I mean for me personally, since I consider myself to have an average
computer, and even an above average inteligence of getting things to work.
If the game does not work for ANYONE, then in the future I will specifically
state that.
-Feel free to send me any game reviews you have done of any released games or
non-released cd games, as this may aid any problems that occur if I can't get
a game to work. By doing this you agree to allow me to edit and use it in
this magazine. Mail it to the address listed below, and try to maintain the
style and form used in TGR.
-Please note, due to my refusal to install that crap you know as Win95, I am
of course not able to review any win95 games. HOWEVER recently my sister got
a computer w/ that shit pre-installed, so occasionally I will be able to rev-
iew some win95 games starting next issue!!
-That's it for this week, hope it was of help.
**** DUE TO THE HOLIDAY TIME COMING UP, THE GAME REVIEW MAY BE OUT BY FRIDAY
**** IF AT ALL. IT WILL -NOT- BE OUT DURING THE HOLIDAY BUT WILL CONTINUE
**** SOMETIME AFTER IT IN JANUARY. IF IT IS RELEASED ONCE MORE BEFORE THE
**** HOLIDAYS, YOU CAN EXPECT IT ON FRIDAY OR SUNDAY! HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND
**** HAPPY NEW YEAR!
-Ionizer (Game Reviewer/MALiCE & Razor Courier)
Comments/Complaints send to ionizer@ns2.clever.net (NO QUESTIONS OR REQUESTS)
or malice1@netcom.com
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