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SURFPUNK Technical Journal 070
Date: Thu, 1 Apr 93 20:26:15 PST
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From: surfpunk@osc.versant.com (hygvzngr bs tragvyvgl)
To: surfpunk@osc.versant.com (SURFPUNK Technical Journal)
Subject: [surfpunk-0070] 1APR: Rectium; promotions; SuperSHARK CARRERA CLASSIC
# The Optimists tell us that we will all be eating
# human excretion in twenty years. The Pessimists
# tell us that there will not be enough to go
# around. I hope they're full of it.
# G.L. Searle <GSEARLE@ccs.uoguelph.ca>
More timely news. And these better not be forgeries this time. --strick
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
From announce@inside.intel.com ()
Subject: INTEL ANNOUNCES NEW PROCESSOR
Date: Thu, 01 Apr 1993 00:00:00 GMT
INTEL ANNOUNCES NEW PROCESSOR FOR TRULY PERSONAL COMPUTING
1 April 1993
Intel Corp. today announced a new line of low-power high performance
microprocessors for a entirely new concept in "personal" computing. The
new processors, codenamed "Rectium", are designed to actually fit the
appropriate body cavity for "Computing Anywhere, Anytime", according to
Fred Burfl, Vice President for New Product Locations at Intel. "We
figured that with our 'Intel Inside' advertising campaign, which has
high consumer awareness, we couldn't lose!".
Within six months, a high-performance co-processor will also be made
available. Implemented in Gallium Arsenide technology, the co-processor
is tentatively code-named "Rectium GaAs". A new high-speed communications
bus based on a proprietary "Fast Aerodynamic Regional Transport" protocol
will take performance to new heights.
Intel officials suggest that the chips will be ideally suited for
back-end processing applications.
Reaction on Wall Street was mixed. PepsiCo (owner of the Taco Bell
restaurant chain) gained an eighth, to close at 82 7/8, after announcing
a strong commitment to the new GaAs technology. Ralston-Purina (maker
of Bean-o) fell an eighth, to 50 5/8.
________________________________________________________________________
Date: Thu, 1 Apr 93 09:51:19 PST
From: Ashwin Honkan <ashwin>
Subject: Re: April Fool's Intel posting (fwd)
Hey Strick,
Any word on backward compatibility for this `Rectium' ?
:-)
Ashwin
________________________________________________________________________
Date: Thu, 1 Apr 93 14:47:12 PST
From: Ashwin Honkan <ashwin>
VERSANT ANNOUNCES NOVEL STRATEGY TO BOOST MORALE
Menlo Park, CA, April 1, 1993 -- Versant Object Technology today announced a
novel strategy to boost employee morale. Industry watchers predict that if
Versant is successful in its efforts, this strategy may be implemented all
across corporate America.
According to this plan, all Versant employees will receive the title of
`Vice President' effective immediately. "That ought to improve the employee
morale", said David Gilmour, Executive Vice President of marketing (who was
an Executive Vice President even before this strategy went into effect).
"By bestowing the title of `Vice President' on everyone, we are showing how
much each individual employee means to Versant", Gilmour continued, "and it
effectively answers the complaint of Engineering that practically everyone
in the Marketing and Sales organizations is a manager or director if not a
vice president. Now the system administrator is a Vice President of System
Administration, the lone member of the tools group is now a Vice President
and Grand High Wazoo of Tools and even the receptionist is now a Vice President
of Reception."
When asked if the change in title will be accompanied by a corresponding
change in salary, Samuel Hedgpeth III, the new Vice President of Finance,
answered, "We have no plans of filing for bankruptcy."
Matt Miller, the Vice President of Advertising, said that it is a mere
coincidence that the announcement was made public on April 1. "It is customary
to make all important announcements on the first day of the quarter" he added.
Versant Object Technology is the leading worldwide vendor of high performance
object database management systems designed to support object-based data in
shared, distributed applications.
________________________________________________________________________
Date: Thu, 1 Apr 93 17:09:30 EST
From: keith@cc.gatech.edu (Keith Edwards)
Subject: SUNSTRUCK FLASH: SUNTANK ANNOUNCES SuperSHARK CARRERA CLASSIC
Sun has a long and proud tradition of carrying off good April Fool's day
pranks, usually involving the (expensive) cars of the Sun founders (once
the put Bill Joy's Ferrari in the lake near the Mountain View campus. Ha ha.)
The "SHARKstation" thing is a carry-over from a prank a couple of years ago
when they transplated the entire office of Wayne Rosing (Sun Labs chief honcho)
into the big tank at the Monterey aquarium.
Of course, all of these pranks are followed up by lots of free beer and
T-shirts to comemmorate the occasion, and usually a bogus press release that
makes fun of the usual Sun marketroid press releases and perhaps recent
events at the company as well (read: lots of inside jokes).
-keith
----- Begin Included Message -----
The annual Sun Microsystems April Fool's Day joke on some executive
Probably of interest to the porschephiles... Those in the San Francisco
Bay area can view it from the outside of the building. It's in
Mountain View, off 101 at Rengsdorff. I can give directions to those
interested.
This year they took Andy Bechtolsheim's 911 Cabriolet and placed it
in his office. The top is down and there's a large fish tank inside,
with a Sun workstation under the water and a monitor displaying
an aquarium scene.
All of this was done overnight without the person knowing about it. This
incident involved removing a wall (real wall.. plasterboard and all) and
probably the windows. Somehow, they got the keys to the car and
placed it inside the slightly enlarged room, then everything is put
back in place.
----- Begin Included Message -----
SUNTANK ANNOUNCES NEW OFFICE WORKSTATIONS
SuperSHARK CARRERA CLASSIC UNVEILED TODAY
SunTank, a division of SunStruck, Inc., today announced the availability
of a high performance portable computing system designed for the small
office environment -- the SuperSHARK Carrera Classic. The new system, based
on the Convertible Office Submersible Environment (COSE) specification,
was unveiled this morning in the Mountain View office of company founder,
Andreas Fish Bechtolshiem.
"This technology is an enhanced version of our SHARKstation product
line. It shows our total commitment to 32-bite commuting and powerful
hardware," said Bechtolshiem. "And it's my favorite color, too."
The heart, or rather guts, of the system lie in its 120-Megabuck
SuperSHARK processor chip. Despite being a much smaller version of the
7-gill processor in the original SHARKstation 1 machine, the new
SuperSHARK is ferocious enough to destroy its closest competitors in
seconds. Today the SuperSHARK was demonstrated performing at an
astounding 100-tetrabites per second.
The true beauty of the new SuperSHARK system is in its European-engineered
Carrera packaging. The sleek, aerodynamic chassis is built for high
maneuverability and has a convenient user interface. "We are delighted that
the SuperSHARK chip can deliver so much power to our stylish exterior,"
commented Hans EinFranz, project manager for Pisce, the German
hardbody manufacturer that co-designed the Carrera Classic with
Bechtolshiem. With a full 200 gallon tank capacity, front and rear
wheel stabilizers, and roomy plexiglass interior, the SuperSHARK
Carrera Classic office workstation is truly a user's dream of high
functionality at a low price. (Suggested retail: $7995, tax, license,
and dealer-installed Cabriolet top extra. Non-discountable.)
No hardware system is complete without a robust operating
environment. The SuperSHARK-powered Carrera system runs Windows ET
from SunSlosh, a sister company of SunTank. "The WET environment
puts a whole new motif on transparent, distributed hydrokinetic computing,"
said Ned Zander, president and chief perch at SunSlosh. "Of course,
no one really knows what that means, but it sounds good.
Let's just say - the system goes fast, and it's powerful."
At the bottom of the SuperSHARK system is SunLinks, a set of
ground-level user tools for increased office productivity. The compact
SunLinks course adds even more stability and entertainment value
to the Carrera office system.
Initial market reaction for the SuperSHARK and the related technologies
has been remarkably favorable. "I saw a beta version, and I had to
have one in my office immediately," commented Lotty Varey,
Bechtolshiem's neighbor.
SunStruck executive Sturgeon McReely noted, "It's the ultimate
driving machine. Oh no, that's the other German guys. Anyway,
it's what I've been trying to develop all along - a computer
that's as easy to use as driving a car."
"This is the pinnacle of the series that I foresaw years ago,"
commented Wilhelm Glad, former user of an on-pond system.
Depending on further market acceptance, the SunTank team may introduce
an AstroSHARK server version later this summer.
P Copyright 4.1.93 SunTank, the totally dependent
N O and finally retired business unit of SunStruck, Inc.
I N SunStruck, SunDunk, SunPuck, SunTank, and the
E D OFFICE* logo are trademarks of SunStruck, Inc.
C I SuperSHARK is a registered trademark of SHARK
I N Intergalatic, Inc. The SHARK technology is based
F C on a tradition first developed by the SunKit
F A Racing Team who taught us all that "Friends don't
O R let friends have the keys to their car."
* O
N N For an open look at the new SuperSHARK Carrera
I G Classic convertible office environment, stop by
E O building 17 in Mountain View, or call Andy
S L Bechtolshiem at 800-IT-BITES.
R F
U C To commemorate this announcement, t-shirts
O will be on sale at local cafeterias on April 1
and 2 (while supplies last) and afterwards through
SunWare for a limited time ($10/shirt, $12 XXL).
NOTE: for best viewing, use the southern entrance to Bldg 17, near
Bldg 15 or Great Bytes (B16).
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
The SURFPUNK Technical Journal is a dangerous multinational hacker zine
originating near BARRNET in the fashionable western arm of the northern
California matrix. Quantum Californians appear in one of two states,
spin surf or spin punk. Undetected, we are both, or might be neither.
________________________________________________________________________
Send postings to <surfpunk@osc.versant.com>, subscription requests
to <surfpunk-request@osc.versant.com>. MIME encouraged.
Xanalogical archive access soon. Still contains at least one bug.
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
@osc /v/lang/strick/surfpunk 13 % finger @coke.elab.cs.cmu.edu
[COKE.ELAB.CS.CMU.EDU]
WARNING: This software still contains at least one bug!
Coke Server Ver 0.99 2-26-93
Coke: Cold: 0 Warm: 0 Buttons
Diet coke: Cold: 1 Warm: 0 C: EMPTY
Sprite: Cold: 0 Warm: 0 C: EMPTY D: COLD
C: EMPTY D: EMPTY
C: EMPTY D: EMPTY
C: EMPTY
S: EMPTY
@osc /v/lang/strick/surfpunk 14 %
brazil % finger bargraph@coke.elab.cs.cmu.edu
[COKE.ELAB.CS.CMU.EDU]
WARNING: This software still contains at least one bug!
Coke Server Ver 0.99 2-26-93
M&M information may not be correct, use at your own risk.
M & M Buttons
/-----\ C: CC........................
| | C: CC........... D: 333333333....
| | C: CCC.......... D: C............
|*****| C: CC........... D: C............
|*****| C: C............
\-----/ S: .............
| Key:
| 0 = warm; 9 = 90% cold; C = cold; . = empty
| Leftmost soda/pop will be dispensed next
---^---
brazil %
