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Super Stupid Slambook Issue 6
From jis@panix.com Mon Sep 19 11:49:25 EDT 1994
Article: 823 of alt.etext
Path: news.cic.net!ddsw1!panix!not-for-mail
From: jis@panix.com ()
Newsgroups: alt.zines,alt.etext,alt.music.alternative,alt.music.independent,alt.comics.alternative,alt.non.sequitur,alt.slack,alt.society.generation-x
Subject: E-ZINE: SUPER STUPID SLAMBOOK #6 (SEPTEMBER 1994)
Followup-To: alt.zines
Date: 18 Sep 1994 15:52:49 -0400
Organization: PANIX Public Access Internet and Unix, NYC
Lines: 571
Message-ID: <35i5qh$80h@panix.com>
NNTP-Posting-Host: panix.com
Summary: hypnotic fuck-o bullshit
Keywords: big waste time get life now
Precedence: bulk
Xref: news.cic.net alt.zines:5751 alt.etext:823 alt.music.alternative:122742 alt.music.independent:1825 alt.comics.alternative:2620 alt.non.sequitur:4069 alt.slack:21241 alt.society.generation-x:48879
+--------------------------------------+------------------------+
| !!!! !! !! !!!!! !!!!!! !!!!! | peteR kupeR |
|!!!!!! !! !! !!!!!! !!!!!! !!!!!! | cakE |
|!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! | banD of susanS |
| !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! | guM |
| !! !! !! !!!!!! !!!!! !!!!!! | naturaL borN killerS |
| !! !! !! !!!!! !! !!!!! | waffeR/wafflE |
|!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! | beastiE boyS |
|!!!!!! !!!!!! !! !!!!!! !! !! | candY |
| !!!! !!!! !! !!!!!! !! !! | douG martscH intervieW |
| | anpaN maN |
| !!!! !!!!!! !! !! !!!!! !! !!!!! | guM |
|!!!!!! !!!!!! !! !! !!!!!! !! !!!!!! | calviN johnsoN |
|!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! | intervieW |
| !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! | guM |
| !! !! !! !! !!!!!! !! !! !! | |
| !! !! !! !! !!!!! !! !! !! | |
|!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! | |
|!!!!!! !! !!!!!! !! !! !!!!!! | |
| !!!! !! !!!! !! !! !!!!! +------------------------+
| |
| !!!! !! !!!! !! !! !!!!! !!!! !!!! !! !! +-----+
|!!!!!! !! !!!!!! !!! !!! !!!!!! !!!!!! !!!!!! !! !! | S 1 |
|!! !! !! !! !! !!!!!!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! | E 9 |
| !! !! !! !! !! ! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! | P 9 |
| !! !! !!!!!! !! ! !! !!!!! !! !! !! !! !!!! | T 4 |
| !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! | . |
|!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! | |
|!!!!!! !!!!!! !! !! !! !! !!!!!! !!!!!! !!!!!! !! !! | |
| !!!! !!!!!! !! !! !! !! !!!!! !!!! !!!! !! !! | #6 |
+---------------------------------------------------------+-----+
| [ The lives of unhappy teen-agers (sic) often center ] |
| [ around a neon-lit, noisy penny arcade or a 'jalopy' ] |
| [ which becomes a success symbol for a great many of them. ] |
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
Chocolate, cocoa, and foods flavored with these substances
from the cocoa bean are usually prepared with large amounts of
sugar that add carbohydrates to the diet while adding no
significant amounts of vitamins and minerals. Chocolate and
cocoa contain two stimulants, caffeine and theobromine, which
speed up the heartbeat and stimulate the central nervous
system. Chocolate also contains oxalic acid, an excess of
which could interfere with calcium absorption. Cocoa is lower
in fat than chocolate and therefore will keep for longer
periods of time. It is slightly higher in nutritive value
than chocolate.
Thank you for your patronage,
_ _
| | __ _ ___| | __
_ | |/ _` |/ __| |/ /
| |_| | (_| | (__| <
\___/ \__,_|\___|_|\_\
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
| [ E-MAIL ] [ STANDARD MAIL ] |
| jis@panix.com P.O. Box 242 |
| Village Station |
| New York, NY 10014 |
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
TITLE: Wild Life #2 (COMIC)
ARTIST: Peter Kuper
ADDRESS: Fantagraphics Books (7563 Lake City Way North East,
Seattle, WA 98115)
PRICE: I paid $2.75 at the store. It goes for $3.75 post-paid.
Yikes! Not another autobiographical comic you say. But never
fear. Unlike most other people doing the autobiographical thing
Peter Kuper knows what he's doing, visually and storywise. He's
proven that with the myriad of strips he's done for _DETAILS_
magazine as well as the work he has done on _World War III
Illustrated_ and his other comic, _Bleeding Heart_. And in this
second issue of his newest comic, we learn about Peter's fun
filled, drug filled, youth.
I can't decide whether my fave scene is when Peter's sisters
give their mom a joint on her birthday. Or when Peter get's
accosted at a Pink Floyd show by a psycho-jock-boy who keeps on
yelling subtle, insightful, quips like "Fuckin' Floyd!", "Where's
my fuckin' tequila?" or "What the fuck are you staring at?!" Heck,
even the section where Peter has a really nasty acid trip at a
Grateful Dead show is pretty classic. All in all, it's well worth
your comic buying dollar. So buy it, dammit.
=================================================================
TITLE: Slimjoy Stick Soft Cake: Green Tea Flavor (CANDY)
ARTIST: Bourbon
Green tea is a wonderful drink. In addition to being as potent as
Turkish coffee, it's supposedly good for you; that is "good" in the
health sense. So I guess the fine folks at Bourbon thought that
coating small, dry pound cake slices with a green tea tasting icing
would be a good thing. No way, buddy. This stuff stinks worse
than the Broadway-Lafayette subway station in mid-August. That
being said, I don't believe that I ate a whole box of these things.
I don't know what came over me. Hunger? Addiction? Yeah,
addiction. Maybe green tea _is_ as addictive as coffee? I mean,
imagine a product that was manipulated, modified and marketed to
fulfill an addiction-related need in the consumer population. I
mean, that could never happen, right?
=================================================================
TITLE: Veil (CD)
ARTIST: Band of Susans
ADDRESS: Trace Elements (172 East 4th Street, #11D, New York, NY
10009)
PRICE: Sorry. I don't really remember.
This _is_ guitar rock for electric guitars. Period. No doubt
about it. I'm pretty confident that Band of Susans aren't going to
be doing any acoustic or "unplugged" stuff any time soon. And
that's a good thing.
Specifically, the tracks _Not In This Life_ and _The Last
Temptation of Susan_ are nice, moody and rhythmic all at once.
Heck, they're even hypnotic in a weird sort of way. The bass in
_Truce_ is pretty neat also; nothing beats a good bass in my book.
_Trollbinders Theme_ is another fun little instrumental that I'll
be adding to my list of fun little instrumentals that I like to
listen to. Lyrically though, the songs are waning. But who the heck
cares. The group definitely knows how to use, choose and manipulate
tons of sounds out of their equipment. And that's really nice to
hear. Since, nowadays, too bands declare ineptness and lameness as
a desirable virtue.
=================================================================
TITLE: Fortune Bubble (CANDY)
ARTIST: R.L. Albert & Son Inc.
Wow! I almost fainted when I saw this stuff hit the review desk.
The last time I saw a stick of Fortune Bubble was back when I used
to cut out of class in fifth or sixth grade. A whole bunch of us
would manage to sneak past the security guards and crossing guards
to goof off around the candy stores. But screw all this
reminiscing stuff. Back to the candy.
First, this stuff is cheap as hell. You can find them being
sold for two or three for five cents in most stores. Definitely
cheaper than that stuff they pass off as Bazooka Joe nowadays. And
the taste. Man, the stuff tastes exactly like orange flavored
fortune cookies (which is a good thing). Each stick also comes
with a little fortune wrapped around it. So it's just like a
fortune cookie. But it isn't, because it's a piece of gum. Got
it?
=================================================================
TITLE: Natural Born Killers (MOVIE)
ARTIST: Oliver Stone
This flick is one of those unique pieces of crap that flocks of
card carrying sheep in the "alternative" army will gush over.
Gushing over half-baked entertainment like this is the perfect
fashion accessory to accompany a fresh new tatoo or piercing, you
know. But back to the point. Stone can't direct his ass to a
toilet.
Is anyone supposed to believe that this film is a commentary
on the public's fascination with blood guts and violence? Please.
Stone goes for the sensory overload thing with tons of cross-cuts,
obscure angles, in addition to an incredibly loud and over-mixed
soundtrack. And yeah, in a strange way, it does work... for about
five seconds. That's why direction like this is very useful in
short music videos, but not in long movies. In this case, Stone's
"over-the-top" direction comes off as a garish, desperate and
annoying attempt to mimic hipness. Or maybe even distract the
viewers attention from the plot of the flick. I almost forgot
about that. The plot.
Beneath all the stylized bullshit is the same guns-on-the-run
story that has been done a million times better in flicks like
_Wild At Heart_, _Bonnie and Clyde_ and _Badlands_. Heck, even
Drew Barrymore's after school special, _Gun Crazy_, was more
interesting than this film. But what did I expect. Stone is a one
dimensional twit of a director. Stone stinks on ice.
=================================================================
TITLE: theCALCIUM (CANDY)
ARTIST: Otsuka Pharmaceuticals
Yum! Yum! Gimme some of that cal-see-um! A snack treat that's not
only good tasting, but good for you. While it may seem odd that it
focuses on only one mineral, what else would you expect from a
snack manufactured by a company that has the word "pharmaceutical"
in it's name. But whatever. It actually doesn't taste all that
bad since it's your standard waffer/waffle like snack thing. But
as far as it being a nutritional supplement, I dunno. Here's what
the broken english on the package says:
"theCALCIUM, the delicious cream sandwich to build and keep a
healthy body--from children to aged people.
Do not forget to exercise and eat theCALCIUM--every day."
Yeah. Right. Can't wait to try _thePOTASSIUM_, _theZINC_ and that
fave flavor all the kids are climbing over each other to get,
_theTHIAMINE_.
=================================================================
TITLE: Ill Communication (CD)
ARTIST: Beastie Boys
ADDRESS: Grand Royal & Capitol Records are to blame.
PRICE: I forgot. Virtually every "used" CD store I know has a
whole mess of spanking new shrink-wrapped copies for sale. People
really take care of "used" CDs nowadays.
Am I supposed to like this thing? Why did I fall asleep both times
I listened to this? Why did half of the songs sound like they were
trying to mimic _Check Your Head_? Why is _Check Your Head_ much
better than this album? Why is _Paul's Boutique_ better than this
album? Why are these guys still trying to pathetically cop a punk
sound in tracks like _Tough Guy_ and _Heart Attack Man_? Don't they
learn? Why the fuck does the Grand Royal non-star equivalent of
Zsa Zsa Gabor, Ricky Powell, get a song written about him called
_Ricky's Theme_? Doesn't this guy's ego get massaged enough in
_Dirt_, _Grand Royal_ and virtually every other Beasties interview?
Does anyone care anymore? Has anyone _ever_ cared? Why do the
huddled masses gush incessantly about this album? Did someone slip
them all a collective "mickey"? Enough of these snotty questions.
Basically, with the exception of _Sabotage_, this whole album
is pretty non-memorable and redundant, since the Beasties have done
tons of the same things better on other albums. Listen to _Paul's
Boutique_ a jillion times. It's much more fun than this thing.
=================================================================
TITLE: Gobble D Glu (CANDY)
ARTIST: Zeebs Enterprises, Inc.
What a concept. Who is the genius who decided to market candy to
kids in little glue containers. Yes, you heard me folks, little
glue containers. What the heck was the product development meeting
like? Was it like this:
BOSS: "Kids demand new and unique ways to enjoy flavorful sugar
filled treats."
FLUNKY: "Yes sir."
BOSS: "And we have all of these empty glue containers."
FLUNKY: "Yes sir."
BOSS: "And vats of this putrid tasting, neon colored, sugar
filled goo."
FLUNKY: "Yes sir."
BOSS: "So here's an idea."
FLUNKY: "Sir."
BOSS: "What if we take the putrid tasting, neon colored, sugar
filled goo and stick it in the empty glue containers.
Isn't that a unique method of enjoying flavorful sugar
filled treats?"
FLUNKY: "Yes indeed it is sir."
BOSS: "I am brilliant, aren't I."
FLUNKY: "Yes indeed you are sir."
BOSS: "Stop drooling Himmler."
=================================================================
TITLE: Doug Martsch (PERSON)
ARTIST: Doug Martsch
ADDRESS: UP Records (P.O. Box 21328, Seattle, WA 98111-3328)
Doug was in Treepeople. And is still in Built to Spill, who should
have a new album out on UP Records by the time you read this thing.
And he's also the push and the shove that started the Halo Benders.
Read on. This interview was done in August, 1994.
[SLAM] How did the Halo Benders start up?
[DOUG] I was in a band called Treepeople a few years ago. On
tour, we played a show with Beat Happening. And I really
like them a lot. I listen to them a lot. And then I
wanted to make some music with someone else singing. And
I really didn't talk to them much when we were there [in
the Pacific Northwest], but I sort of knew him a little
bit. When we lived in Seattle we played some shows that
he set up. I asked him if he wanted to do something and
about half a year later he got himself a little studio in
his basement [Dub Narcotic] and I went down there and
spent a week and we made the record.
[SLAM] As far as someone else singing goes, you and Calvin are
kinda sharing singing duties on the album?
[DOUG] That kinda just happened. It changed quite a bit from
what I originally envisioned us doing together.
[SLAM] So it was a project you started?
[DOUG] It was my idea to get the thing going. I got a hold of
him. This other band I'm in, Built to Spill, we just
recorded some stuff and I sent that to him.
[SLAM] And with Built to Spill. I heard some things about the
_Ultimate Alternative Wavers_ CD. Like it wasn't
supposed to be released? Did you want that to come out?
[DOUG] Yeah.
[SLAM] Well, a rumor monger was telling me that it was put out
behind Built to Spill's collective back.
[DOUG] No. Not at all.
[SLAM] Well that clears that up.
[DOUG] (laughs). That's funny.
[SLAM] Well you know how rumors spread. Well what are the Halo
Benders doing? Are they going to exist beyond the album?
[DOUG] I hope so. We actually played a few shows...
[SLAM] Well I know you did Yoyo a Go Go...
[DOUG] Built to Spill has gone up there and played a few times
up in the Pacific Northwest. And a few of the shows we
played, Calvin just gets up and sings with us with our
line-up, but we do Halo Benders songs. We did a little
tour with the people who played on the record--Ralph and
Wayne. We did like ten days. Went to Oregon,
California, Las Vegas and Boise.
[SLAM] So it was a quick little tour.
[DOUG] It was just a quick little thing. We decided to do it
about a couple of weeks before we went out so it was
really quickly set up and it was pretty spontaneous.
[SLAM] Have you ever toured before?
[DOUG] Treepeople went across the country right before I quit
the band a couple of years ago and Built to Spill has
gone up to the Pacific Northwest about four or five
times. Just short little trips. Maybe the longest one
was less than a week.
[SLAM] Did you play on any of the Dub Narcotic singles?
[DOUG] Different people played on those. I know that on the
_Fuck Shit Up_, Heather [from the now no longer a group,
Tiger Trap), played drums on it. She plays drums for
Lois. Lois was just here last week. We played with her.
[SLAM] How was that? Have you ever played with her before?
[DOUG] We played at Yoyo a Go Go. This was the second time.
[SLAM] Are there going to be any other Halo Benders releases?
What's the response been?
[DOUG] Good that I know of. I don't really know how good it's
doing nationwide. But I did talk to a friend of mine in
San Francisco who said that they play it a lot on the
radio down there.
[SLAM] What tracks?
[DOUG] _Don't Touch My Bikini_.
[SLAM] Who came up with that one?
[DOUG] I made up the music and Calvin made up the words. That's
how all of that stuff was put together. About half of
the songs, a little over half of them maybe, were songs
that I had just music for. And then we both milled over
it for a week or so and came up with different words and
melodies and stuff. But that song, he totally came up
with the words and the melody. Then _On a Tip_ was
something that I came up with the melodies for. Same
with _Canned Oxygen_. It's pretty obvious when you
listen to the songs who came up with what.
[SLAM] What about new Built to Spill stuff?
[DOUG] We have a full-length coming out in few weeks. Out on UP
Records. We're going to be over there in New York in
October.
[SLAM] Where?
[DOUG] A couple of shows in CBGBs and one over in Maxwell's
[SLAM] Maxwell's is great. CBs is CBs.
[DOUG] Right. We played at CBGBs with Treepeople and it was
really bad.
[SLAM] Bad in what way?
[DOUG] We played during the New Music Seminar with a bunch of
Poison-like bands. We got on at about three in the
morning and played for the woman that we were staying
with and that was it.
[SLAM] What do you think of the place itself? Hasn't it gotten
to the point that they have such a reputation for
themselves that they don't even have to clean up after
themselves?
[DOUG] (laughs). Right.
[SLAM] One time when I as hanging out there, I had this leaky
pipe dripping on the back of my shirt. Too bad I didn't
realize it until it was too late.
[DOUG] (laughs). That's funny. They probably damage the pipes on
purpose to give it that whole atmosphere.
=================================================================
TITLE: Anpan Man Live at Daiei (LIVE SHOW)
ARTIST: Matt Kaufman
ADDRESS: EXILE (3-4, Tanigawa-Cho #202, Tondabayashi-shi, Osaka,
Japan 584)
PRICE: While not hanging out with Anpan Man, Matt spends most of
his time putting out his zine, EXILE. The latest issue is an 80
page monster focusing on the Japanese underground music/art scene.
Send him three bucks in well hidden cash (U.S. funds only) and
he'll send you a copy.
For those of you that are unaware, Anpan Man is the most popular
kiddie show in Japan. When I say kiddie, I mean ages of two to
six. After six, you move onto other cartoon characters like
Doraemon or Dragonball. That didn't stop me from heading down to
the Daiei department store in my neighborhood to see a rare live
show of Anpan Man and his posse.
Anpan means "bean jam bun", and Anpan Man's enemies will not
hesitate to take a bite out of his big fat head. His arch enemy is
the sinister Baikin (germ) Man, who has yet to defeat our hero.
Anpan Man is joined by two of his "girlfriends," the striking
Butter and the lovely Melon Pan. He has loads of other friends,
but due to scheduling conflicts they were unable to attend the
performance I saw.
The parking lot was filled with young children, some of them
barely old enough to walk. Some of these children were about to
see Anpan Man live for the first time in their lives. You could
feel anticipation. It reminded me of the first time that I went to
see Iggy Pop. Butter and the evil Baikin Man (Boo! Hiss!) came out
on stage first. Some of the children started crying at the sight
of the hideous villain. Butter and Baikin Man exchanged a few
words on stage and it seemed as though Butter was in some sort of
trouble. Baikin Man was joined by another evil villain, Skeleton
Man (Actually, I don't know his exact name, and I'm not about to
start hanging out in the kiddie section of the bookstore to do
research on Anpan Man).
Another good guy, Hamburger Man came onstage. Hamburger Man
was dressed in a Cowboy uniform and had a big lasso. The crowd
gave him polite applause, but you could tell they were disappointed
that their hero had not yet appeared.
Butter made the shocking announcement that Anpan Man would not
be joining the show today. There was a gasp from the crowd. I
guess he was at another department store and couldn't make it. I
started to walk home, dejected and disappointed that I didn't get
to see Anpan Man. It reminded me of the time when I went to see
Pavement, Superchunk and My Bloody Valentine at the New Music
Seminar a couple of years ago. I got there a half hour late and
missed Pavement. I almost cried.
All of the sudden Anpan Man appeared from behind a curtain.
I was overjoyed. He was able to make it after all. The crowd
roared with excitement. I don't know how he did it, but Anpan Man
talked his way out of the situation and it was resolved
harmoniously. Man, what a rip-off! I wanted to see some fighting
like them Ninja Turtles do in the movies. I wanted to see Anpan
Man kick the shit out of Baikin Man. No dice. He didn't even give
him an atomic knee drop or nothing. Anpan Man has gone soft on
crime.
The poster for the show clearly stated that Anpan Man would be
signing autographs after the show. At 400 Yen a pop! Who does he
think he is, Mickey Mantle? What's more, he had the audacity to
hand out pre-signed photos of himself that some flunky probably
signed while taking a dump. What a lazy bastard. Then one of
Anpan Man's lackeys announced that Anpan Man would be posing for
photos with his fans. Okay, cool. I can dig it. But then came
the catch: He would be taking photos with five kids at a time. You
couldn't just take a picture with Anpan Man alone, you had to take
one with four other kids. Who was the brain surgeon who came up
with that idea? What if you didn't like one of the kids in the
picture? What if he was the same kid who beat you up in
kindergarten every day? Now you can't look at your photo with
Anpan Man without seeing his ugly mug. Adults never think of these
things.
Anpan Man's roadie, this dude with long hair and ripped Levis,
loaded the tots onstage like cattle and some of them started
crying. I felt bad for those poor kids. Anpan Man tried to
console them, but they started wailing louder. Anpan Man posed for
photos with everyone and only terrified five or six more kids, and
that isn't bad when you think about it. They were really young
anyway. But still, the whole thing was a big advertisement for
Daiei when you come down to it. The big corporations have a
monopoly on fun if you ask me.
FLASH! A huge Lollapalooza type show has been announced! Anpan
Man, Crayon Shinchan, Sazae San and Ultraman! Forget Woodstock '94,
this is the hottest ticket in the world.
=================================================================
TITLE: Tropical Fruit Bubble Jug (CANDY)
ARTIST: Amurol Products Company
Welp, I guess it's just not fun enough nowadays to just chew a
stick of gum. Damn kids nowadays. Making things complicated for
us older folks. I swear, I'm going to write to my congressman or
something. I pay taxes dammit... Ooops, sorry... Rambling... On
with the review. Overanalysis and hyperbole is GO!
Historically, this thing seems to be the is the natural
descendent of gums like _Big League Chew_ and _Razzles_. Like _Big
League Chew_, sugar hogs and people with sublimated oral fixation
problems can down as much--or as little--of the candy as you want.
Like _Razzles_, it has that weird candy to gum transformation thing
going, since one initially consumes this junk as a powder.
Flavorwise, it's really neat. Very fruity, and just sugary enough
to give you a buzz and not put you in a coma. All in all, a damn
fine candy. And it comes in a neat little resealable jug. What
more would one want?
=================================================================
TITLE: Calvin Johnson (PERSON)
ARTIST: Calvin Johnson
ADDRESS: K (Box 7154, Olympia, WA 98507)
Don't blink or you'll miss this interview. Blame me for the
brevity. My sense of timing was totally whacked during this
conversation thanks to the wondrous effects of some cold medicine
I popped earlier in the day. This will teach me to take drugs
before doing an interview of any kind; especially with someone I
admire. I suck. This interview was done in August, 1994.
[SLAM] How do you like doing the Halo Benders stuff?
[C.J.] Oh, it's great. I'm having a good time.
[SLAM] As far as side-projects go, I got a copy of a Japanese
zine (BEIKOKU ONGAKU [TRANS: American Music]: The
Magazine of Superdeformed World) that had a track you did
with the Boyfoons. What was that?
[C.J.] Oh, that's a song that Dan, he plays guitar on that,
recorded. He was doing a compilation and he wanted to
record a song so we got together and recorded the song
for his compilation. But his compilation never came out
and it's been about a year and those people wanted a song
so we gave it to them.
[SLAM] So it was a one shot deal.
[C.J.] Yeah, we just recorded it in one day and there it is.
[SLAM] Was that at Dub Narcotic?
[C.J.] No. That was before I had the studio up and going.
[SLAM] When did the studio start up?
[C.J.] Last August or July. About a year or so ago.
[SLAM] And it's been working out okay?
[C.J.] Yeah. It's in the basement. Got the 8-track and a bunch
of old machines. Kinda get them fired up and let 'er rip.
[SLAM] Another thing. I've read about you going to Japan and
doing something on the Japanese music scene while you
were at Evergreen.
[C.J.] Yeah. It was about 10 years ago. 1984. Actually Beat
Happening went to Japan and I just did some research into
what was going on there underground music wise. I did an
article about it.
[SLAM] How did you like it there?
[C.J.] Had a great time. Like to go back someday.
=================================================================
TITLE: Sting: With Caffeine Crystals (CANDY)
ARTIST: I don't know...
You know, I thought those candy researchers in Japan hit the
ultimate low in taste when they made _Kiss Mint: Wake Up_ (see
Slambook #5). I was dreadfully, dreadfully, wrong. This has to be
the worst tasting piece of junk I've ever tasted.
It tastes like a slice of chewable talcum powder. Ugggh.
Chewable talcum powder with caffeine crystals. UGGGH! Yes, just
like _Kiss Mint: Wake Up_, this thing is one of those "functional"
gums that is supposed to help stimulate you and wake you up. But
just like _Kiss Mint: Wake Up_, it didn't do anything for me. So
for those of you keeping track of what I think of various things in
the world that have the name Sting attached to them, here's the
latest tally:
STING (the gum): Sucks (tasteless crap)
STING (the movie): Okay (the music is decent)
STING (the musician): Sucks (too boring nowadays)
STING (the bee): N/A (I've never been stung by a bee)
STING (the wrestler): Sucks (no explanation needed)
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
| This was SUPER STUPID SLAMBOOK #6 (SEPTEMBER 1994) |
| All contents (c) 1994 Jack Szwergold, all rights reserved. |
| And after saying all that, I realize that this is an elec- |
| tronic zine, which by the nature of it's medium, allows it to |
| be duplicated with little or no effort. So this is to let |
| you know that distribution is free. You can copy and send it |
| to as many people and places as you want. But the content is |
| mine, and plagiarism is just not a nice thing. Which is the |
| only reason why I stuck a copyright statement on this thing. |
| So be nice, and don't claim authorship to things you didn't |
| write. Okay? |
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
| [ OH WHERE, OH WHERE CAN IT BE? ] |
| |
| USENET: Each issue of the Slambook is posted to _alt.zines_, |
| _alt.etext_, _alt.comics.alternative_ and _alt.music. |
| alternative_ as well as various other sundry news- |
| groups on the ever expanding gimmish of babble that |
| is known as the USENET. |
| GOPHER: gopher.well.sf.ca.us (Thanks to Jerod at Factsheet 5) |
| E-MAIL: For all you idle types who don't like using the |
| USENET or playing around with gophers, you can get an |
| e-mail subscription to the Slambook. Drop me a |
| communique telling me you'd like to subscribe and |
| you'll be added to the Slambook's ultra-ineffective |
| electronic-mail distribution list. Just say please, |
| and the deed will be done. (NOTE: I'm not a LISTSERV, |
| and I don't play one on TV. So please don't send me |
| any stupid LISTSERV-like messages, okay? Also, if |
| you have more than one e-mail account, _please_ |
| clearly state which account should receive the |
| Slambook.) |
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
| [ IF YOU CHOOSE TO SUBMIT TO ME... ] |
| |
| Be sure to remember, folks, that any and all materials sent |
| to the Super Stupid Slambook offices will not be returned un- |
| less it is accompanied by a self-addressed stamped envelope. |
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
| [ ITSY BITSY MINI-COMICS ] |
| |
| If you haven't experienced the pure joy contained within the |
| pages of my mini-comics, send me some e-mail and I'll send |
| you all the pertinent info required to acquire such mini- |
| comics. The information will be transferred from me to you |
| via the Slambook's high-tech Mini-Comic Information Dispenser |
| 3001 (TM). Highly effective, very secretive and extremely |
| expensive the Mini-Comic Information Dispenser 3001 (TM) is |
| guarded around the clock by Tina, King of Monster Island. |
| There is very good reason why Tina is the King of Monster |
| Island. So just don't get on Tina's bad side, okay? |
+---------------------------------------------------------------+
| [ E-MAIL ] [ STANDARD MAIL ] |
| jis@panix.com P.O. Box 242 |
| Village Station |
| New York, NY 10014 |
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