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Sub Space 9301_C02
RIB Productions
Proudly bring to you
"Leprosy"
A Deep Space Nine Parody of the Original
Two Hour Pilot, "Emissary"
Double Length For your reading enjoyment
By Robert I. Brayer
Robert I. Brayer
1/8/93
-=-
SCENE I
(We see words scrolling by on our screens)
Words: On Stardate 43892.blah
Captain Picard became a borg
And blew up a lot of things
One of them was a guy named Sisko's ship. Er wife.
This is his story.
(We see Locutus on the viewscreen of a Starship)
Locutus: You will surrender. Resistance is futile.
(A Vulcan looking guy steps out)
Vulcan Looking Guy: Resistance isn't futile!
Locutus: Do you wish to die?
Vulcan Looking Guy: Resistance is futile..
Sisko: Wait a second here, how can we surrender to these people?
They'll just make us one of them?
(An unnamed Ensign steps out)
Unnamed Ensign: Perhaps there is nothing wrong with being one of
them.. to be.. a borg..<cough cough>
(Suddenly a spotlight falls on the Unnamed Ensign, and the room
turns dark, we hear some music)
Unnamed Ensign: Oh..the life of a borg.. until the end.. to be as
one..always to have a friend.. to share your recipes..to share your
air.. to shave your head.. to get to scare.. to open up a large
take-out restaurant...!
Sisko: Hey that didn't rhyme! What kind of a singer are you anyway?
Unnamed Ensign: I don't see YOU doing it!
Locutus: Hey!? Anyone remember me? The big guy who's going to kill
you all?
Vulcan Looking Guy: Maybe we just want to be left alone!
Locutus: Look, surrender or die! It's that simple!
Sisko: Oh come on now! Must you always be so depressing?
Locutus: Depressing!? I'm a borg, this is what I do.
Unnamed Ensign: Have you ever considered a career change?
Sisko: Yes, you have a sharp physique. I could see you modeling.
Locutus: This is INSANE! Die Starfleet Scum!
Vulcan Looking Guy: But you're Starfleet!
Locutus: Oh..shut up!
(Several blasts from the borg ship rock the Saratoga,)
Vulcan Looking Guy: ABANDON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP!!
(Everyone starts to run like heck!)
Sisko: Wait! We must fight them!
Unnamed Ensign: Yeah. Right.
(Sisko gives up and runs after them)
-=-
SCENE II
(In a corridor, we have a camera panning after Sisko and the Vulcan
looking guy very fast)
Sisko: I have to save my family!
Vulcan Looking Guy: What family!? You have one kid and he's already
in a shuttle! That and your wife who is in that wreckage on the
right..
Sisko: But..my pet turtle!
Vulcan Looking Guy: He won't make it! What about your wife?
Sisko: My turtle!!
(Sisko runs down a corridor and sees his turtle..trapped in some
wreckage..it's eyes closed)
Sisko: No! We must save him!
(Sisko tries desperatly to budge the wreckage but cannot do it, the
Vulcan looking guy tries it and then shrugs)
Vulcan Looking Guy: We can't save him..
Sisko: No..!!! My beautiful..wonderful..turtle..!! I've had him for..
why..MONTHS! He was named Bill you know.
(The Vulcan looking guy sighs and drags Sisko out of the room, he
is screaming wildly)
Sisko: We can't just..LEAVE him there!! I haven't fed him in two
days! He could go at any second!
(They jump into a shuttle, which takes off, coincidentally right
before the Saratoga explodes)
Vulcan Looking Guy: Boy it's lucky we had that timing device to
leave the second our ship exploded!
Sisko: I loved Bill.
Ensign: What about your dead wife?
Sisko: Oh yeah. Her too.
-=-
SCENE III
(More words)
Words: Three years later...
(The scene becomes a lake with a young black boy fishing on a pier
over it, Sisko enters)
Sisko: Jake! Caught anything?
Jake: Herpes Simplex II.
Sisko: Jake! Have you been talking to that Riker guy again?
Jake: Er ..no... really I haven't...
Sisko: Anyways, I'm sure you'll be happy at the new station.
Jake: What new station!?
Sisko: The one we're going to right now!
Jake: I thought I was on a pier!
Sisko: You're on a holodeck!
Jake: I knew when this fishing trip lasted 6 months something was
wrong..
Sisko: There will be lots of kids to play with on this new station.
Jake: Any chicks?
Sisko: Er..aren't you a little young?
Jake: I don't care about kids!
Sisko: Anyway son, I'm going to be the Commander there.
Jake: YOU!? You can't even cook !
Sisko: You don't need to cook to command a Space Station!
Jake: What if you run out of food?
Sisko: We won't! We have food synths!
Jake: What if they break down?
Sisko: They WON'T BREAK DOWN!
Jake: I guess you could always order out..
Sisko: Ok then!
Jake: But what would you do if your ship broke down? You can't fix
anything!
Sisko: That's what we have engineering for!
Jake: Oh sorry..I don't know much about computers and stuff.
(Suddenly a door opens up in the holodeck, and a man in a suit
comes out of it with a smile on his face and a microphone in his
hand)
Man In Suit: Congratulations Jake Sisko on NO TECHNICAL KNOWLEDGE!
Let's all give him a round of applause
(Wild sustained applause)
Sisko: Hey who the heck are you!? How'd you get in here! Get out!
Man In Suit: Hey ! I'm union ! I'm alright!
Sisko: I don't *CARE* what you are, we're trying to have a deep,
meaningful father-son discussion here!
Man In Suit: Can I be in it?
Sisko: You're not a father-son!
Man In Suit: Well I may not be a father, but I have one. Do I
qualify?
Sisko: NO! Now *LEAVE*
(The Man in the suit sticks his tounge out at Sisko and ambles off)
Jake: I'll have fun on Deep Space Nine..just get me out of this
talk!
Sisko: OK.
-=-
SCENE IV
(The Promenade. Deep Space Nine)
Major Kira: Ok folks, let's get this place cleaned up, it's quite a
mess!
O'Brien: We're trying Major, but it's awful dirty. The Cardassians
don't clean up after themselves!
Kira: Stupid bums! I would like to kill them ALL quite violently!
O'Brien: I'm sure they love you too. Now would you please roll that
dead body over so I can get to that box of chocolates?
(Kira rolls over the body)
Kira: Too many dead people that aren't Cardassians.
(O'Brien grabs his chocolates.)
O'Brien: There. I feel better now.
(Suddenly we see Commander Sisko enter the mess of a room)
Sisko: Hello all I'm your new Starfleet Commander!
Kira: Starfleet is involved!? Great.
Sisko: Where's my office?
Kira: You don't deserve one! So we didn't build one.
Sisko: But you didn't build this station! And there *IS* one.
Kira: Oh..that office.. first door on the left.
Sisko: Thanks.
Weird looking woman: Sisko!! Your time will come! We must talk!
Sisko: Er yeah..whatever lady..
Weird looking woman: Soon! I cannot hold on much longer!
(O'Brien goes to take a bite of his chocolates, but suddenly it
metamorphes in an incredible $60 million effect that is WAY beyond
our budget. Dream it.. it's Odo)!
Odo: <Grunt>
O'Brien: Oh no.. Odo..say it ain't so!?
Odo: It isn't. I'm basically Worf, the difference is I can talk, oh
yeah, and I get a REALLY neat special effects budget.
O'Brien: So I can see! How is it you can change into something that
has so little mass then you anyway?
Odo: Uh....don't ask me these questions..
O'Brien: Why not?
Odo: They're not for the world to know.
Sisko: Nice to meet you Odo, my name's Sisko.
Odo: Oh great, Federation SCUM.
Sisko: I'm beginning to sense a warm happy welcoming party here!
Kira: Well what do you want!? A party!?
(Suddenly a ferengi steps out..it's Quark)
Quark: Hello gentleman, ladies(and Odo), I was the local keeper of
the "establishment" around these parts. I could get a party together.
Kira: Oh for Bajor's sakes! I wasn't serious!
O'Brien: Don't you think it'd be a nice way to break the ice?
Odo: No. He's a federation officer.
O'Brien: Well so am *I*!
Odo: Yeah but you don't have a kid.
O'Brien: Oh good point.. that reminds me.. Sisko..you're supposed
to talk to Picard as soon as POSSIBLE!
Sisko: Oh great.
Quark: Is it just me or is there a lot of hostility here?
All but Quark: SHH!!
Quark: What!? What!?
O'Brien: We're trying to set a mood here..be quiet!
Quark: I don't understand!
O'Brien: We're supposed to be acting really tense!
Kira: Not me! I'm just always this way.
Quark: Well do you want to have a "party" or what? I'll bring the
cards.
Sisko: Beam me up Enterprise. Dammnit Picard, here I come. But I
don't have to *LIKE* it.
-=-
SCENE V
(The Enterprise. The Ready Room. Picard is waiting for Sisko, but
in the meantime he is occupying himself with a friendly game of
Tetris on his gameboy)
Picard: Gray! No..dark gray! GRAY! DARK GRAY!
LEFT ! RIGHT! This is even better then flying a ship! You gotta get
this thing!
(Sisko enters)
Sisko: Yes sir. What is it?
Picard: Hang on I'm almost to my all-time score.
Sisko: I understood this was of *EXTREME* importance!
Picard: Well so is this! I'm about to break 1000!
Sisko:<to himself> Why don't I *LIKE* this guy?
Picard: Dang it! Ok now..Mr. Sisko..hello.
Sisko: Hello...
Picard: Your mission is an important one, I'd like to start by
outlining what you have to do on Deep Space -
Sisko: YOU ! You KILLED MY TURTLE!
Picard: Huh!?
Sisko: You're the one! He was so young! Oh God.. why did you have to
kill Bill!?
Picard: Who's Bill?!
Sisko: My turtle! Or he *WAS*..you ..you bastard!
Picard: You were at Wolf 359!
Sisko: Very good! You got my wife too..
Picard: Well I'm a good shot.
Sisko: HEY!
Picard: Ok Sisko, I knew you and your turtle were on that ship, and
seeking to make you blisfully unhappy I shot straight at you and
only at you! And killed Bill.
Sisko: I knew it!
Picard:<sigh> Your mission Commander, is very difficult. As you
know, we have just recently evicted the Cardassians from this
space, when we posted the first notice they chose to ignore it, we
gave them two weeks notice, but when they tried to get in and they
found the locks changed! Boy that straightened THEM OUT! We got to
keep their stuff too.
Sisko: What stuff?
Picard: Cardassians have all kinds of neat stuff! All sorts of
religious trinkets for us to pawn.
Sisko: You sound like a Ferengi!
Picard: Well.. at least my Goldfish lives!
Sisko: Not for LONG!
(Sisko rushes the tank)
Picard: NO! You will not have WILLIE!
Sisko: Willie?
Picard: That's what I call him! Is there anything wrong with that?
Sisko: You took my name and stole it!
Picard: You're Benjamin!
Sisko: No, my TURTLE's name!
Picard: Would you shut up about that darn turtle already?
(Sisko shakes his head negatively and breaks open the fish tank he
then grabs the fish and begins to try and choke it..to death)
Picard: No!
(Picard pushes him down and saves Willie..)
Sisko: I shall have my revenge!
(Picard tosses the fish aside)
Picard: Now..the Cardassians may be a problem, if you see them
coming, lock the door and turn out the lights.
Sisko: You sound like a looney! Space sectors don't have KEYS!
Picard: Oh no? I have it right here in my drawer, see?
(He produces a key, printed on it is, "Key To The Sector"!)
Sisko: That's an AWARD! Like the key to the city! It doesn't
really *OPEN* anything.
Picard: What a gyp! No wonder they kept getting in when the door
was locked.
Sisko: <sigh> So what is it I *DO*?!
Picard: Well..keep everyone's dental hygiene ok.. pack a good
lunch, and make sure you don't all get killed. Paramount paid a lot
for this thing.
Sisko: So I'm Commander Of Dentistry!?
Picard: Something like that.
Sisko: Wait a second, why am I talking to you, I hate you!
Picard: Oh sorry. Goodbye now!
-=-
SCENE VI
(Deep Space Nine....We see a room with a big guy and a small
Ferengi child, stealing something we think!)
Big Guy: <Grunt>
Nog: Hurry up! We really gotta go!
Big Guy: I'm going..I'm going! Getting these workout videos loose
from Kira's collection is difficult work ya know!
Nog: You idiot! Let's go!
(They burst out into a hallway to face Odo! The Big guy throws a
workout video at Odo, who's head falls off to avoid it, it then
reattaches)
Nog: Uh oh.
(Sisko bursts on the scene!)
Sisko: What's going on here!?
Odo: These THEIVES are stealing!
Sisko: Well what else would theives be doing?
Odo: Well..uh... still!
Sisko: Fine! Put them in the brig!
Odo: Good idea! I'm beginning to LIKE you already. Let's go punks.
Nog: All I wanted was buns of steel!
Odo: Sure sure, that's what they all say!
-=-
SCENE VII
(The Promenade, ten minutes later, Sisko is talking to Kira)
Sisko: Buns of steel!?
Kira: Well look at 'em! It works doesn't it?
Sisko: <Sigh>!
(Suddenly the door opens, and out steps some new guys)
Sisko: DAX! I haven't seen you in forever!
Dax: Neither have I!
Amoros: Er..hello sir..Mr. Sisko! Hey Dax..do you think we could go
out sometime?
Dax: Well, I don't know if it would work..you're 27...I'm 328...
Amoros: Ah come on ! When I'm 95, you'll be 396! Who will notice?
Dax: Well then..ok!
Sisko: It's been too long Dax, let's go have a talk.
(They wander off)
Kira: Go to your station Amoros.
Amoros: I'm just here for adventure.
Kira: Excuse me?
Amoros: I'm just here for the THRILL of space!
Kira: What the heck are you talking about?
Amoros: Ah..the beauty of it all!
Kira: Did I *ASK* you Anything!?
Amoros: Uh no..sorry..just slipped into my speech about this place
being a center for adventure and fun stuff like that! Real fringe
pioneer stuff!
Kira: But..I don't *CARE*!
Amoros: Oh..Guess I'll leave then.
-=-
SCENE IX
(In Sisko's office!)
Dax: In all the years I've known you, you've never, not ONCE, given
me a dental check-up! Why are you starting now!?
Sisko: Spit!
Dax: NO!
Sisko: Ok ok.. that's all I'm here to do. Plus to make sure you all
get a good lunch.
Dax: I thought you were here to command the station!
Sisko: Oh yeah that too.
(Suddenly Quark runs in)
Quark: Hey wait a second! I've been busy planning this party, and I
hear something about Nog being put in the BRIG?!
Sisko: Yes..he's here in a dark damp disgusting BRIG dungeon!
Quark: Why? What did he do?
Sisko: He tried to steal some of Major Kira's work-out videos.
Quark: How can you blame him for that? He just wanted..those BUNS!
Sisko: I'm going to make you into the community leader!
Quark: But I'm leaving.
Sisko: I'll trade you Nog for a community leader and a Klingon to
be named later.
Quark: It's a deal. But what do I have to do?
Sisko: For starters, get this party going..I'm going out there to
talk to Kira.
Dax: What do *I* do?
Sisko: Have a flashback! How should I know?
(Sisko walks out)
-=-
SCENE X
(On The Promenade.. Sisko walks out, Kira isn't there, but the
weird looking woman is!)
Weird looking woman: SISKO! OUR TIME HAS COME!
Sisko: But I have a doctor's appointment!
Weird looking woman: TOUGH! I can only hold up this desperate
person's act for SO long you know!
Sisko: Fine I'll come with you!
-=-
SCENE XI
(Down on the planet)
Weird looking woman: Now Sisko.. you must find our magical wig.
Sisko: Your magical..what!?
Weird looking woman: Our wig! Or the place where they
originate..over hundreds of years, eight holy wigs have been found
floating in space, and have been found to be magical. We have kept
one, but we suspect the Cardassians have the other.
Sisko: What magical properties could a WIG possibly have!?
Weird looking woman: Do not doubt them!
(She unveils.. a red haired wig)
Sisko: What's it going to do? Flail me with it's hair?
Weird looking woman: Just shut up and stare at it!
Sisko: Whoa..I'm having a flashback..
-=-
SCENE XII
(It is a nice beach..on it in the middle is a very nice looking
black woman in a very skimpy outfit, Sisko is walking on the beach,
stops, looks at her, shrugs and keeps walking, the woman gets up)
Woman: Hey ! You're supposed to hit on me! Come back!
(Sisko keeps walking, until we see, on a towel, sunbathing, a
turtle. He stops to talk to it)
Sisko: BILL! It's really you!?
Bill: Do I know you?
Sisko: Of course you know me! This is where I found you! Washed up
from that storm!
Bill: I bet you tell that to ALL the turtles!
Sisko: Wait a second, turtles can't talk!
Bill: This is quite a cheesy flashback!
Sisko: Weird looking woman, Turtles can't talk! I just took Bill
and he never *SAID* a thing!
(The scene fades out)
Weird looking woman: Well sorry! It gives you flashbacks, sure, but
we never said they were ACCURATE!
Sisko: So what do I do?!
Weird looking woman: Take this wig, and find where they come from!
Sisko: How do I do that?
Weird looking woman: How should *I* know!? Just do it!
-=-
SCENE XIII
(In Commander Sisko's office, he and Dax are trying to figure out
the mysteries of the Wig)
Sisko: It surely didn't just appear! Do we have any records of
strange wigs coming from anywhere around here?
Dax: The computer says they just kinda have drifted out of that
wormhole in this sector.
Sisko: WORMHOLE!?
Dax: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, while we were working, a
wormhole opened up.
Sisko: How could you FORGET to tell me something like that!?
Dax: It just sort of slipped my mind while I was eating lunch ok?
Sisko: You saw a wormhole, and then ate lunch?
Dax: I marked it down on my "To do" list, see here.."Tell Sisko
about the huge wormhole that just opened up"
Sisko: Don't you think that's more important then lunch!?
Dax: No way! Quark made me tuna fish! I *LOVE* tuna fish.
Sisko: So you didn't tell me about this wormhole, over a tuna fish
sandwich?
Dax: Well it's awfully good!
Sisko: I deserve a bite!
Dax: Sorry, all finished.
Sisko: AGH! Let's go check this wormhole out in those neat new
ships of ours.
Dax: We can't!
Sisko: Why not?!
Dax: Because that big Cardassian fleet wouldn't like it much.
Sisko: WHAT big Cardassian fleet!?
Dax: Didn't I tell you?! That huge one that is threatening to blow
up Deep Space Nine!?
Sisko: WHAT!?!?
Dax: Uh oh..guess the carrot sticks took prevelance, but look it's
right here on my "to do" list, "Tell Sisko about the huge
Cardassian fleet that's going to kill us all.
Sisko: <Sigh> AGH!!!!!!
Dax: Maybe if we create a distraction!
Sisko: What a great idea!
Dax: Well I'm not just good lunch, ya know!
-=-
SCENE XIV
(In the bar, several Cardassians are playing a fun game of "Pin The
Tail On The Ensign")
Ensign: No, that's not my -
Cardassian: <Ploik>
Ensign: OUCH!!!!
Quark: You win *AGAIN* Cardassian! Take off the blindfold and see
where you stuck Ensign Painless!
(The Cardassisan takes it off, looks and laughs)
Quark: You've won a collection of bologna sandwiches!
Cardassian: What happened to MONEY!?
Quark: The dang Special Effects crew took it all! We didn't even
have enough money to get FAKE money! All we could do was loot the
writers lunchboxes! They didn't seem to mind..
(Suddenly several angry looking writers run onto the set)
Writer#1: Hey! Those are *MY* Sandwiches!
Writer#2: And that's MY Pickle!
Writer#3: I say we strike! They can't go on without us!
Writer#1: Yeah! STRIKE!
Writer#2: STRIKE!
All the Writers at once: STRIKE!
(The writers sit down in the middle of the floor and pull out big
signs, one says, "ACTORS UNFAIR TO HUNGRY WRITERS", another says,
"NIXON-FORD..THE RIGHT CHOICE"- another-)
Writer#2: HEY! Who gave me this LOUSY sign!?
Writer#3: So what!? Look at mine! It says, "Robert I. Brayer is #1"!
I would never say anything like that! Who's behind this!?
(Suddenly a dark imposing figure wearing a mask steps out)
Figure: It is...I!
All: <GASP>!
(Everyone turns to the figure)
Writer#3: Who are YOU!?
Figure: I am the one responsible for ALL OF THIS! MUAHAHAHAHA!
Quark: What..WHAT DO YOU WANT!?
Figure: I want...
Cardassian: If this turns into another plea for Troi in her
miniskirt outfit I'm leaving!
Figure: You can't LEAVE!
Cardassian: Why not!?
Figure: This is a dramatic scene! 'Sides, Those are *MY* sandwiches!
Writers(At once): No they are OURS!
Cardassian: MINE!
(They all rush together and start fighting, in the confusion, the
figure's mask is thrown off...he is revealed to be.. she...TROI!?)
The Writers: TROI!?
Quark: TROI!?
Cardassian: I'm outta here.
(The Cardassian gets beamed out)
Troi: Well.. I was hungry, ok?
Writer#1: Great excuse! That's the best they could do without REAL
writers!? Why did I FIGURE that!?
Writer#2: I say we sit here on strike, until our voices are heard.
Writer#3: YEAH!
Quark: I say we douse them with water until their voices are NO
LONGER heard!
Troi: YEAH!
(Quark and Troi take out a big hose and start dousing the writers
who are screaming in agony..the scene switches)
-=-
SCENE XV
(Onboard the Cardassian ship, A Cardassian is walking down a
hallway and, stopping, he takes his sandwiches and tosses them
under a nearby table, smirking to himself he walks away, the
sandwiches then form into..ODO!)
Odo: Well who did you expect?!
(Odo runs through the ship turning off everything, while of course,
no one is looking!)
-=-
SCENE XVI
(On Deep Space Nine)
Kira: ODO DID IT! You and Dax are free to get in those funny ships
now!
Sisko: GREAT! Let's go!
(Dax comes, but first we move to her staring into the wig, and
having a tramautic flashback)
-=-
(Flashback Mode:ON)
(We see two bodies, the body of an old man, and the body of a young
woman, as well as several doctors over both of them, exerting a small
wormlike thing and putting it into the woman, the man closes his
eyes and the woman opens hers)
Man: Ugh!
Woman: I now have a large worm inside my body. Finally, an excuse
to play the lottery.
-=-
(Flashback Mode: OFF)
Dax: Boy that was a strange one. Should I report it to Sisko? Naah
that might actually help with this case.
Sisko: Come on Dax! Jump into the ships!
(They race into these handy dandy ships, and take off towards the
Wormhole)
-=-
SCENE XVII
(Flying towards the Wormhole)
Dax: Neat we're almost within range.
Sisko: Agh! The hole has closed up on us and trapped us here.. and
we're docking with something..
Dax: What is it?
Sisko: I don't know, let's go out and see.
(They exit the ship and walk out onto..from Sisko's perspective a
garbage dump)
Sisko: What a horrible place this is! Smelly..rotty!
(It is of course from Dax's perspective a wonderfully beautiful
field)
Dax: What are you talking about!? It's beautiful!
Sisko: It's horrible!
Dax: GREAT!
Sisko: HORRIBLE!
Dax: GREAT!
(Suddenly a smiling man in a suit comes out)
Man: Calm down folks, because this place is both great AND HORRIBLE!
Dax: Who asked you?
(The man flips his fingers and Dax goes flying out into space, the
man disappears, and we see Sisko emerge into a cloudy like thing)
Sisko: Why am I caught up in a huge trap of mashed potatoes!?
(Suddenly we see a scene from the beginning of the parody, with
Sisko screaming and yelling, he then stops)
Sisko: What the heck is going on around here!?
Vulcan Looking Guy: Who are you!?
Sisko: I'm Sisko, who are you?
Vulcan Looking Guy: We..are us...
Sisko: Well hello, we just got here.
Vulcan Looking Guy: Just..got here? Oh yes, linear time.. sorry,
not used to it, it's that intergalactic time zone thing getting us
down again.
Sisko: Yes I know! It can really be confusing at warp speeds.
Vulcan Looking Guy: Anyways, going through that worm hole hurts us
you know.
Sisko: Who are you!?
Vulcan Looking Guy: We are people with no concept of hair on our
heads.
Sisko: Let's see..how can I explain it to you!?
Vulcan Looking Guy: It's ok, in the regular show you spent a long
time explaining time to us, but we no longer care, and we have
decided to be a race of intergalactic moonies anyways. So you can
use the wormhole; anytime! Just don't worry that it shakes us up
and almost kills us and makes us feel horrible! All in a day's work.
Sisko: Aww..you just cut off a 45 minute encounter!
Vulcan Looking Guy: That's cuz we spent all our money on the
writer's "strike signs".
Sisko: Is there anything in this show money was spent on besides
sets and SPECIAL EFFECTS!?
Vulcan Looking Guy: Sure, Tape editing, how else could we have done
this scene twice? Now go home.
(Sisko is kicked out and goes flying into Deep Space Nine, when he
awakens he is on the promenade)
Sisko: OUCH!
(Quark walks out)
Quark: The Welcoming Party is ready!
Kira: What about the Cardassian threat?
Quark: What Cardassian threat? They still haven't figured out how
to turn back on their stuff.
Kira: Odo did a great job, what could he have done to confuse them
so much, anyway?
Dax: He transformed into a big-screen TV, the Cardassians were
transfixed for hours, he'll be back soon. For now, welcome
Commander SISKO!
Kira: Oh big deal! What about the weird looking woman?
(The Weird looking woman appears)
Weird looking woman: Now that we know it all happens from that
permanent wormhole, we can all sleep easily at night, and hopefully
we won't get sent any more wigs, cuz frankly, we're overstocked.
Come on down and see us at Murphy's Used Wig Emporium!
Sisko: Oh please, no promos here!
Weird looking woman: What do you think this whole episode was?
Dax: Shut up!
Kira: SHUT UP!
Sisko: Yeah, I love my new post, this "tension" thing will be great
in the future, now all I need is my turtle back.
-=-
THE END
