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Sub Space 9208_C04
"Pancake Play"
A Parody of the ST:TNG
Episode, "Power Play"
By Robert I. Brayer(RIB Productions.)
This parody is along the same lines as "Power
Play", except for a few things, 1) It's funny. 2) We hope.
-=-
SCENE I
(Worf, Riker, Troi, and O'Brien have beamed down to a planet)
Riker: What a strange planet..it's so dark!
Troi: Yes but there is a storm coming.
Worf: <Grunt>
O'Brien: I'm in the show! I'm in the show(leaping up and down)
Riker: Hmm.. The weather patterns are awfully-argh!
(The four collapse to the ground for no apparent reason, out cold)
(And suddenly, four dots of light, the size of an ant testicle,
each hover over each member of the crew, the fourth one(Jerry)
hovers over Troi, but finally leaves, determining that since Troi
is a Scorpio, they wouldn't be compatible. The others join in a
mystical ceromony with the crewmembers, we won't say much but it
involves twinkies.)
Picard: What's going on down there?
Rest Of Crew Except For Worf: <Silence>
Worf: <Grunt>
-=-
SCENE II
(Back On The Enterprise, in the briefing room
the four have been beamed back when they wouldn't answer)
Picard: So you guys are fine?
Riker: I feel great.
Troi: Oh yes..we're..fine.
Worf: <Grunt>
O'Brien: I feel better then that time I got drunk and vomitted in
the turbolift!
Dr. Crusher:<sighing> That was a heck of a clean-up day..
Picard: Er..good, I think.. then let's go to Ten-Forward for the
annual "Which ensign will die" Contest...
Troi: How did that start anyways?
Picard: I think it began back on the very first Enterprise
starship, but it's become quite a tradition.
(They divulge into small talk and walk off towards Ten-Forward)
-=-
SCENE III
(Ten-Forward, a few minutes before the crew gets there, immersed in
the wonderful festive atmosphere of the ceremony)
Guinan: I just LOVE when "Which Ensign Will die" contest time comes
around..the betting.. the drink sales.. the pure enjoyment of the
competition...
Geordi: Yeah, personally I like the blood.
Data: I would, but I am an android, so I cannot.
Geordi: That must bite.
Data: Well so what! I can pick up 500 channels with my cybertronic
dish!
Guinan: Some get mad..some brag..some get drunk.
(A crewmember walks over and looks at Guinan curiously, and then,
as if on cue, he picks up Guinan's hat, vomits into it, and then
puts it on Guinan's head again).
Guinan: Ew. That's the fourth hat this hour..
(Guinan takes off the hat and walks off frowning)
(At this point most of the crew enters, Dr. Crusher, Picard, Troi,
Riker, that kinda sort)
Crusher: I think that Ensign Iamgoingtodiepainfully has a real good
shot.
Picard: Oh come on, Ensign Reallylucky has a shot
Troi: He's hiding something though.
Worf: <Growl>
Riker: Where is the twinkies?
O'Brien: And the drinks?
(Suddenly an announcer steps out of a stage that magically appears)
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen..please direct your attention to
the center of the stage where many fine ensigns play "Which Ensign
will DIE?"
(Several people make last minute bets for the unhappy looking
Ensigns.)
(When suddenly O'Brien, Worf and Riker pull out big phasers)
Riker: FREEZE EVERYONE!
Troi: They are NOT hiding something!
O'Brien: Yeah!
Worf:(Pulls out a gun that takes up half of Ten-Forward, by pulling
it out the mere size kills at least 10 people)<Grunt>
Picard: <In Shock> What are you guys doing?
Riker: Do not call me that bald one! I am Captain Francis
Longdeadguy of the Spaceship "Badbrakes", and I want pancakes!
Troi: Pancakes?
O'Brien: You try being dead for a hundred years without pancakes!
It drives a man insane!
Crusher: Wait a second! Who the heck are you?
O'Brien: I am Second In Command Reallyboringperson.
(When suddenly a man dressed as a policeman entered)
Cop: Now stop! These silly names have gone far enough! You're all
under arrest!
Picard: But we didn't..
Cop: Enough slime! Into the truck!
Riker: What truck?
(When suddenly a huge truck pulled in through what WAS a nice view
of space and a window)
Cop: In! I have a big gun too!
(Suddenly Worf grabs Troi and puts his realllllyy big gun to her
head!)
Riker: Don't move or the annoying one gets it!
Cop: Who cares, in fact go for it!
Riker: Get someone else!
(Worf throws Troi loose and grabs Picard)
Cop: Oh no! We'll be back!
(The cop jumps in his truck and leaves! During this, Data and
Geordi have snuck cleverly out of Ten-Forward and spent a few
minutes figuring out why the turbolift wouldn't work, they of
course found out it was because it wasn't a turbolift at all, but
instead a janitor's closet. But at least they didn't implode)
-=-
SCENE IV
(Picard is talking with Longdeadguy)
Picard: You don't honestly think you can take this ship over!
Longdeadguy: I have my pancakes already! And once we get the ship
to where we want it..
Picard: Where are you taking my ship?
Longdeadguy: Earth. Lotta pancakes on Earth.
Reallyboringperson: Yeah! Yeah!
Worf:<Grunt> Pancakes!
Picard: Just what happened to you "Francis"? You died a long time
ago!
Longdeadguy: Hardly! Our souls were enslaved on that planet because
of the USS Badbrakes..the brakes were out.
Picard: I saw it coming.
Longdeadguy: Anyways, they took us in for a hundred years of
BOREDOM. And all we could think about was-
Reallyboringperson: PANCAKES!(Slurp!)
Picard: If you were REALLY Captain Longdead guy you would never do
this!
Longdeadguy: Oh no? How can we be sure you'll give us pancakes if
you capture us? This action was NEEDED!
Picard: They'll never listen to you!
Longdeadguy: Oh no? <Whips out communicator> Riker to bridge
Geordi: Laforge here!
Longdeadguy: Take us to Earth, Warp Factor 300.
Geordi: But I can only give you warp 6.
Longdeadguy: Whatever
Geordi: Wait a second! Aren't you possessed?
LDD: Er..I was.. but..I...took a cold shower!
Geordi: Oh! OK!
-=-
SCENE V
(On the bridge)
Data: Geordi, don't you think that is a bit odd?
Geordi: Yes, but we can't let him know we're on to him! We have to
find out who that guy REALLY is because I don't think he's Captain
Longdeadguy. Longdeadguy would NEVER resort to anything like this.
Ro: Sure he would! He worked his way up to the captaincy by
backstabbing and lies!
Geordi: Maybe it IS Longdeadguy.
Ensign Normalname: But we have to DO something! The Captain's LIFE
is at stake here!
Data: True. Those pancakes look good.
(Data points to a plate sitting near Geordi's station)
Geordi: Yum. Enough for everyone!!
Normalname: But! But!
Geordi: No buts Mister! Eat your pancakes!
Normalname: No! I'm going to save the captain!
Data: Good luck!
(Ensign Normalname gets a phaser and takes Ro with him to the
turbolift)
-=-
SCENE VI
(The turbolift)
Ro: How can we save the Captain? We're just two people!
Normalname: I'm a guest star, so I don't have to worry about
living, I'll sacrifice my life. Trust me. It'll work
Ro: They have big guns though.
Normalname: Good point, maybe we shouldn't go-
(Before they can change their mind the turbolift opens and they
face Ten-Forward)
Ro: Augh!
(Riker turns and points his gun at them)
LDD: Nice try! DIE!!!
(LDD fires, the shot misses wildly and Normalname and Ro dive out
firing, hitting many innocent people in the process)
Normalname: Oops.
Ro: Oops.
(Reallyboringperson is too busy eating pancakes to notice, Worf
fires his gun in a random pattern and miraciously, hits, NOBODY AT
ALL! Not even a table. Worf determines the reason behind this is
because the safety was on. Ro then dives in and knocks him down,
forcing a can of maple syrup over his mouth and then putting a
phaser to his head)
Ro: Don't move!
(LDD shoots and kills Ensign Normalname, or makes him about to die)
Normalname: Augh! Last time I try and help.
Ro: You woulda died anyways. Wait! You just won the contest!
Normalname: What!?
Announcer: Yes that's right! You've won the "Which Ensign Will Die"
contest!
Other Ensigns: <Groan>
Announcer: You win a free trip to Tahiti! A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF
CHOCLATE(3 seconds. A minature) as well as 2 tickets to anywhere in
the galaxy on our new luxury liners!
Normalname:(In excitment) (Klunk.)
(Ro trains her pistol on LDD as they face off in what appears to be
a showdown, cheesy western music comes on)
LDD: It's high noon.
Guinan: Actually it's 4:30
LDD: Shut up! OK..when I count to three..draw!
Ro: Ok.
LDD: 1. 2-
Ro: (Boom)
LDD: AYIEE (Klunk.)
(People run over and circle around the scene!)
Picard: Ro! How could you cheat?
Ro: Cheat? 1, 2, oops.
Picard: Nevermind that! Neutralize O'Brien!
O'Brien: <Slurp, Slurp, urp>
(Simultaneously two-hundred people surround him and knock him out,
they round the three together in a cage-like area until they awake)
-=-
SCENE VII
(On The bridge)
Data: Yum!
Geordi: Yum!
Troi: Yum!
-=-
SCENE VIII
(O'Brien, Riker and Worf have woken up)
Picard: Now who are you REALLY?
Riker: ok..ok.. I am NOT Francis Longdeadguy..I admit it!
Worf: <Grunt>
Picard: Who then!!?
Riker: My name is....George.
Picard: Who's O'Brien?
O'Brien: My name is....Bill.
Picard: Who are you Worf?
Worf:<Grunt> My name is....H.
Picard: H?
Worf:<Nodgrunt>
Picard: There must be some explanation
Riker: Ok..I admit it George Bush.
Picard: George BUSH!? The Former american president?
Bush: Yes.
Picard: Er..who are these people
Riker: Bill Clinton and H. Ross Perot of course!
Picard: But you three disappeared from Earth centuaries ago! No one
has been able to find you!
Riker: Well.. a group of voters got mad..no one wanted ANY of us so
they exiled us to that planet. That was a penal planet.. there were
some bad candidates there..Mondale.. a few others- but never all of
the candidates!
Picard: But I thought Perot dropped out?
Riker: He didn't..he was forced out when they sent him into space.
(Meanwhile on the bridge)
-=-
SCENE IX
Geordi: YUM!
Data: YUM!
Troi: <Urp>
-=-
SCENE X
Announcer: And so it came to pass that the three canditates
had their fair share of pancakes, all though after Picard realized
who these people were he was forced to kill them violently. The
bodies survived and were fine, though Riker will still occasionally
twitch a bit and whisper of "no ..new" and Worf may once in a while
think he is rich...
Scotty: She canna take it anymore she's gonna..
Announcer: What the!? Hey we used that thing a few pardoies
back!
Scotty: 'es sir! I am here to protest my implosi-
(Scotty implodes, and the implosion tradition continues!)
-=-
END... Or is it ? Or is it not? Or is it..(Rambling)
-A RIB Production, Fnord. (C)1666, 1996, 1992.
