Soveriegns Of Bell Issue 08

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Soveriegns of Bell

 · 5 years ago

  

          ___                ___ 
         /   | Soveriegns   |   \     As the shovel speaks unto the ground, 
        /    |      of      |    \ 
       /     |      Bell    |  |  \     Hands that cannot build must steal. 
      /  /|  |   __________ |  |   \ 
     /  / |  |  /          \|      |_        With love to Ma Bell. 
    /  /  |__| /      |     \        \ 
   /   ---------\     |      \  |\    \ 
  /__________    \    |       \ | \    \ 
 /                \   |        ||__\    \      Issue #8  By Dr. No 
/                  \           |         \       Fun Things To Do In Stores 
\__________________/_________ /__________/ 

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Walk into Victoria's Secret and say... 

(to the salesman)   .."Do you think this would look good on my Grandmother?" 
                    .."Where is the whips and chains section please?" 
                    .."Do your underwear give you a terrible rash? Mine..." 
                        (be creative with the ending on this one..) 
                    .."Do you guys have any type of cream that would cover 
                      the bruises on my ass?" 
                    .."Do you have anything that would fit eight year olds?" 

When the salesman says... "May I help you?" 
                   say... "No thank you, I think I'll just go masterbate in 
                           the bra isle." 

When you check out and he says... "Will that be all for you?" 
                          say...  "Actually, the whole time I was wondering 
                                   where the condom/magazine isle was..." 
                           or...  "Actually, can I have your penis to go.." 

Go into a clothing store and... 
        ..ask the manager if there are peep holes in the dressing rooms.. 
        ..walk into a dressing room a man, and out a woman, making sure to 
           get noticed.. 
        ..put a pair of underwear on over your pants and ask passer-by's if 
           they think they fit.. 
        ..start french kissing the manakin's, and then leave with it, and if 
           anyone asks, tell them you've found the "sex queen of the 
           universe".. 
        ..walk into the women's lingerie section, and start smelling the 
           underwear, saying you have found the "Essence of Woman" in Fruit 
           Of the Loom.. 

Walk in to any store and .. 
        ..looking conspicuous, touch everything in the store very slowly.. 
        ..recreate Ghostbuster's scenes with the gatekeeper/keymaster theme.. 
        ..discover new ways of drinking from the water fountain.. 

Go into a grocery store and.. 
        ..proceed to dump six 1 pound bags of M&M's on the floor and if 
           someone asks, Say you are "looking for the bag with the most green 
           ones.." 
        ..grab a bottle of squeeze cheese and draw a homicide chalf line on 
           the floor.. 
        ..walk into the back of the meat section where they have the huge 
           slabs laying around, and look around at the huge pieces of meat 
           until someone stops you. Then ask how much they are selling the 
           huge slabs for.. 
        ..ask the manager if the whip cream and dog leashes come with 
           instructions.. 
        ..spell out obscene messages on the floor with chicken nuggets.. 

Just walk into Radio Shack. The fuckers will hound you, especially if you have 
the "punk" look going. Go around the store and fake like you stole something, 
making sure to get noticed, and then when they stop you, comlain about how 
this happens every time VERY loudly, preferrably when a lolt of people are in 
the store.. 

Return porn magazines to the shelf with all the pages stuck together (with 
glue I hope).. 

Walk into your local telephone office or AT&T store, and complain loudly about 
how much 900 and 976 numbers cost.. 

Go into the circle K (or wherever they sell slushies now-a-days) and flirt 
with the slushy lady, and get her phone number, telling her you find squishy 
drink makers attractive.. 

Walk into a toy store, and pull a whole bunch of matchbox cars out of the 
packages and then crash them together, while twitching uncontrollably and 
yelling "Beep! Beep!" and "DIE PEDESTRIAN!".. 

Go into the animal shelter and go around measuring the dog's dicks, and say 
you looking for one with a "big pecker".. 

Walk into Sears and exclaim in a loud, high voice "Look at all these 
exposed tools!!" 

Walk into any resteraunt around lunch time, and look the waiter right in the 
eye and say "I'd like the first wiener available, please." and then wink.. 

Walk into the record stores and ask where the "gay" album section is.. 

 
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|                       Soveriegns Of Bell Issue # 8                         | 
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