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Laughing at the Little Moron
Fight the Fascist Pinheads - The Jackals are coming in - Cornflakespace - About Bob - Anus - Thoughts on Work - Being Unemployed - Hal Hill - Morning in America - Dr. Cat - What are you Wearing? - Focus Groups
who am i but a lonely soul lost in a vast wasteland of rational
viewings of selfmanifested drug empire states and puppydog fears? maybe
caught like the rat in his indulgent trap nipping at cheese doodled
nightmares looking through rose colored evasivecy and gnawing through
his own foot rather than face the challenges in a post-apocalyptic
neuro-plague..........well, whatever that word is.
laughing at a shallow moon-----
johnny kingfish
(via e-mail)
babybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybaby
babybaby yba aby byba abyb byba babybaby
babybaby bybabyba babybaby byb yba babybaby byb yba ba ba babybaby
babybaby yba babybaby yba aby yba ba ba babybaby
babybabybabyb yba babybaby byb yba babybaby byb yba ba ba babybaby
babybaby yba aby byb yba aby byb yba ba ba babybaby
babybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybaby
Laughing at the Little Moron
June 11th, 1995
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Tom Kindig (tokind@netcom.com) Fight the Fascist Pinheads
The Jackals are coming in Cornflakespace
About Bob Ediborial (me)
Anus
Series : Thoughts on Work (me) E-mail
Being Unemployed Hal Hill
Morning in America Dr. Cat
What are you Wearing?
Focus Groups
The Jackals are coming in! (Tom Kindig)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Jackals are coming in and, as usual, it's quite a show. They are pretty
and charming & they remind you of Bob, but they are not. They come sniffing
around, one at a time, because they suspect that something is up & they want
to be a part of it. They work alone, but they will form pairs or a pack for
a few minutes if it will serve their interests. The Jackals dress nicely &
communicate wonderfully. You know exactly what they are saying because you
have seen it before. They remind you of Bob, what with their shiny fine
coats, enthusiastic ears, and that built in smile so reassuring. You sit,
mesmerized, and watch them work. You wonder if one would shake your hand.
It's just possible; but you know that fetching something or sitting on
command would be out of the question. You wonder. But no, it would take a
long time to coax a Jackal over to you & they are very busy at the moment.
They begin to circle and prance. They take little snaps at each other to try
to establish some sort of pecking order. It is completely fluid & informal,
but it will only have to work for a while. Until the job is done.
The problem with the Jackals is that, in all of this charming exchange,
preliminary to the job at hand, they attract the attention of the Hyenas.
<shudder> No one likes the Hyenas, big ugly brutes. But before you know it
they are there. They come in packs, well organized, ready to go straight to
work. They don't take shit from anyone. They are so massive, so repulsive,
that almost everyone else clears the area right away. Except now you are
caught in THEIR circle. You were sitting there admiring the Jackals, outside
of the circle, when the Hyenas came in. Now the circle is enlarged. The
Hyenas are all around. The Jackals have vanished and you are wondering what
the FUCK you are going to do now. You'll be very lucky if you are not killed
just for being in the way.
Ediborial (me)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phil Gramm
Pete Wilson
Pat Buchanan
Bob Dole
If there is a phrase which best expresses the current roster of
Republican Presidential candidate front-runners, it would be "fascist
pinheads."
Remember that you read it here first.
The hand writing is on the wall. America is crying for leadership and you
and I had better start looking someplace else.
Where will the current wave of ex-patriates head to? Czechslovakia is
filling up, is what I hear, plus both Wired and Details have written
articles about it. None of the former countries of the U.S.S.R. have
stable enough Net connections to consider. Plus, I don't know if I can
afford a good enough gang. Since Jag moved to Seattle, I don't hear
much anymore of his floating ship project, Autopia. E-mail me if you
have any suggestions for the country of choice for people wanting to
flee the repressive cultural crackdown programs slated for 1997.
A more likely scenario than leaving the country is that I will leave
behind the exploration and probing of the darker side of the psyche.
Those places where people get upset if you look at. John Leo is a
conservative columnist for US News & World Report, and in one column
slagged Nine Inch Nails for having songs containing lyrics of death and
nihilism. He repeated it twice. For these type of people, there is no
distinction between discussion and advocacy. I also read in other
magazines about Trent Reznor being offered poetry, letters, etc. at
*each* show because of the connection made through his music. It's like,
oh, someone else feels the same way I do. I thought I was the only one,
blah blah blah. I don't want to turn this into a Ninniehead love-a-rama,
but rather to point out that being part of something larger than one
self is an anti-dote to isolation and alienation. This too, is lost to
people like Leo, who also fails to acknowledge the distinction between
not having values and not having *his* values.
Fuck 'em. On one hand I want to dismiss this as just another Baby Boomer
getting his rocks off of slagging the values of me and those my age.
They do it so often, they just like it. Maybe it prevents them from
looking at who it was that was responsible for teaching us said values
in the first place. I mean, you guys run the country, not us.
But the flip side is the huge amount of time spent worrying about
integrity. No charge is more damaging or deadly than that of "selling
out". It pervades the culture like nothing else. What do you think
killed Curt Kobain?
Oops! I made a reference to someone who committed suicide. Oh well, I
have until 1997 to learn to reprogram my thinking. Keep looking on the
bright side of life! It'll be all hope and sunshine from now on!
Ok, I need to practice more in the mirror.
Thoughts on Work : MORNING IN AMERICA (me)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All across America, people start their work day the same. Futzing around.
Whether it's heading for donuts or bagels in the break room, gathering around
the coffee machine, or collecting money for breakfast tacos, the first
20 minutes of any work day is spent discussing every salient detail that
happened between 5:00 p.m. the day before and this Very!second.
Usually about what was on television the night before.
See, you and I are not so different.
FOCUS GROUPS (me)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you live in a University town like I do, there's probably a market
firm specializing in focus research groups. Basically you walk into a
room with nine other strangers, while someone really really friendly
asks you questions about your shopping experiences. Mine was on 7-11.
What is it like to go through the express lane at a grocery store? What
is it like when you go to a convenience store? Questions like that back
and forth for an hour and a half.
I actually unearthed a testable sociological theorem : when one stands
in grocery store check out lines, one tends to think about committing
acts of mass violence on the people in front of you. When one goes to a
convenience store, one tends to think about acts of mass violence
committed upon you.
Think about it. No one ever worries about being robbed, mugged, or
assaulted at an HEB or a Tom Thumb, but everyone has a story about
soemthing happening at a 7-11 or a Circle K. Likewise, it was only while
discussing HEB did people fantasize "whipping out a gun and blowing
everyone away".
I don't think my really really friendly marketing assistant appreciated
the beauty of this inherent truth.
Nor my speculation on why we didn't think an elderly woman was a typical
customer. A pastiche of demographically diverse photographs were
splattered on the wall, and we were asked which ones you thought of
being customers, and why, and which ones we didn't, and why. In our
society, I said, we have a tendency to discount the value of elderly
people. We try to shove them out of our thoughts and mind, such that
elderly women often complain about being "invisible" members of society.
She quickly moved on to another photograph. Oh well.
One other thing about focus research groups.
Once I answered a phone call for one of my roommates, asking about being
in a research focus group. He wasn't home, but I was, and after going
through the initial screening, was offered $25 for an hour's worth of
answering questions. Was I interested? You bet!
So was my roommate Christopher, and so he called the research firm right
back to see if he could get in on the action.
MRFG: "Certainly, what category do you qualify for?"
C: "Uh, what categories are there?"
MRFG: "college students...blah blah blah...small businessmen."
C: "Oh, I own my own business" [Lie! Lie! Lie!]
MRFG: "Ok, then show up at this time and you will be paid $100"
$100! for the same hour!
America loves small business. Try to remember this : if anyone ever
asks, just say you're a small business owner.
CORNFLAKESPACE (you don't have the security clearance to know)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cyber this
For all of you who are sick of the term "cyber"
the new Operative term is "cornflake".
Use it as much as possible to throw people off the scent.
For example: "We cornflaked the images together to that psycho-doloop effect"
or "We were cornflaking like crazy during PANIC"
This public service annoucement from your friends in Chicago.
we will know if we were successful if "cornflake" shows up in Wired's jargon
watch.
Thoughts on Work : BEING UNEMPLOYED (me)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's something about being unemployed that incubates the Angry Young
Man living inside each and every one of us. A grating anger at the
world, an irritableness at the people around you, and a conspiratorial
conviction that every yazoo in the world is out to make your life a
living.
about Bob Tom Kindig
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You need to know a few things about Bob. Bob comes in all shapes and sizes.
Having spent any significant time around any of him, you know who he is and
what he is saying. Bob is an open book. You can walk up to him, a total
stranger on neutral territory, and he will tell you how he's feeling,
whether or not he's approachable, whether or not he likes you. This is true
of Wolf too, but he's not socialized; he reserves the right to change his
mind quite suddenly. Back to Bob.
For some reason it is seen as useful to train Bob in special ways sometimes.
Bob is not especially mean or defensive. He is most likely to be very
social. He wants to fit in. You have to train Bob to act otherwise. So you
teach Bob, starting when he is young, to be territorial. He has it in him
but you have to coax this trait into the foreground to make it useful. You
will train Bob to guard your property & person. You withhold affection from
Bob. You keep him away from other people, or you tense his leash in presence
of others to communicate a sense of threat. You play very rough with Bob &
without affection. You reward him for biting. You tech him to be mean. You
establish a territory for him & you teach him to attack any intruder. He
responds to polite greeting with a snarl and bluster.
The problem with all of this is that Bob is no longer a very trustworthy
friend. Guests no longer feel safe in your home because, being strangers to
Bob, they have to be careful where they go. Even family members have to be
careful around Bob. You don't quite trust him with the kids. He just doesn't
have those social skills. He jumps to conclusions, and into action, too
quickly for you to control. The asset that you have created in Bob begins to
look like a liability.
It's not his fault, but you feel like you can't handle Bob anymore. No one
else wants him--he's scary. You can't stand the idea of having him
destroyed. He IS Bob, after all. I mean, you can't just kill him & forget
about it. So you set Bob free to fend for himself.
Bob finds a niche for himself somewhere & he is the biggest, baddest Bob in
the area. His territory grows as the months pass. He gathers a following.
Being the Alpha male of the group, he encourages certain standards of
behavior. Only time and his own physical stamina work against Bob. People in
the area start to worry. As the damage increases & people begin to feel more
threatened, they will call in the authorities. They don't know Bob & they
don't care where he came from or how he got to be the way he is. They only
know that being Alpha is anti-social & is not to be tolerated.
Time,
and the limits of his own stamina,
work against Bob.
Thoughts on Work : WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? (me)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back in the winter of 1993, there was a thread running on the Future
Culture mailing list that Andy Hawks created about what people were
wearing *right* at that moment.
While looking at the contents of an old diskette, I found a clip dated
February 2nd, 1993. Here's what I wrote:
"I'm wearing plaid boxers; a 2600 t-shirt with a picture of a
blue box on the front and a collection of hacker headlines on
the back; one is a large metal 'healing bracelet' made monks in
Tibet, the other is two small black leather cables; and two
necklaces, a silver chained Mayan phoenix bird and a leather
strapped metal tablet that says 'War is not healthy for children
and other living things.'
I'm embarassed to be sitting here in my underwear, so excuse me
for a minute while I go put on some shorts.
100% cotton, blue and purple striped Guatemalan.
Much better."
Amazingly, on June 10th, 1995, while doing most of the work for this
issue, I am wearing the *SAME* pair of Guatemalan shorts. I just look
down, and there they are. I didn't plan it or nothing. If that is not a
testimonial, I don't know what is.
>From hal@CyberGate.COM Sun Jun 11 00:21:19 1995
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Date: Wed, 22 Mar 95 12:20:56 -0800
From: Hal Hill <hal@CyberGate.COM>
Hi David, here's a fan letter for you sent as an attachment. If this
portion is all you get please let me know so I can re-send the main
letter. Thanks, Hal Hill
Hello David Smith, wanted to let you know I have enjoyed reading
issues 1, 2, and 3 of Scream Baby. You are a thoughtful young
gentleman, that's for sure; and you seem not to take your pain
too seriously, so I predict you'll keep on thinking as the years
go by. No fear of the passion going away, you don't sound full
of yourself enough for that to happen.
I would say that I was much like you twenty years ago--I'm 46--
but I'm mostly like you now so it doesn't amount to much. I'm
a part time freelancer and have been for twenty years. Got two
degrees, one in lit one in philosophy in 1975. I've been a
groundskeeper for the State of California for about twenty
years, at a state diagnostic facility in Fresno--Bang Bang
You're dead--California. Lots of gangs. I used to write
fiction and published stuff in Amazing Stories, Twilight Zone,
and the Mag of Fantasy & Science fiction, but haven't written
fiction for about ten years. Last couple of years I've been
writing about cyberspace, it being the most fantastic thing I've
run into. Dont' know much about hippies, but I think I was one.
I liked Mr. Mizrach's piece on generation Xers in Scream 2 I
believe.
Point being that I'm writing a piece for a magazine called
INFOBAHN now on zines, only electronic ones. I'm planning to
rip off some of your answers to the lady that asked a bunch of
questions in the alt.zines newsgroup in December of last year.
I've been reading zines for awhile and will not be taking the
same zines-as-entreprenureal-platform that I think she was
after.
I will be talking about passion and such. Cutting off an ear to
paint a clearer picture of your day at the laundromat or
something like that. That's what I like about zines. Not just
personal zines more-or-less like yours, I'll be looking at a
zine that exposes religious jerks and jerkettes, a news zine--
Bong L I believe it's called. There is still certainly something
stringing them all together, something respectable I believe,
and I plan to write about that.
So I'm hoping you can give me some update on your thoughts about
zines. You said you write your zine for you, the readers being
along for the ride. "If you have to think about whether you're
going to start a zine," you told Hilary Lane, "you probably
won't. Those that do publish zines, it's just something that
they do, that they have to do. It's an obsession, an itch that
has to be scratched, and either you have it or you don't. And
if it's not a zine, it becomes expressed some other way."
Maybe you could tell me a little more about that. You know
other zine publishers, like **** I believe. How many of them
share your feelings? Or anything else you want to say about
that. You'll be turning 27 soon. How long will you keep up
with Scream Baby. And if you dont' mind, like Mickey Rourke
said to Faye Dunaway in BARFLY, "I'm goin to ask you the same
thing people always ask me. What do you do?"
So in conclusion I'm including a thought I cleaned up over
several years I believe, and stuck in my file--wish I had a
scanner as this was pre pc. Hope you like it. And I look
forward to any thoughts you may care to share with me about your
zine writing and publishing experience.
Best, Hal Hill
hal@cybergate.com
Hal is referring to an article that I posted to alt.zines in response to
a reporter's question about why people do zines. You've included the
basics of what I believe, and I don't know if there is anything *to*
add. There's no justification or rationale for why people publish zines,
other than there is something that I have to say that is not being
expressed. It itches, scratches, and claws at your mental insides until
finally it just comes boiling out. At least that's what it is like for
me. It's not the type of thing I ask other people.
Factsheet 5 used to have a section where people would try to answer this
question and all the answers were the same : a variation of "just
because". I think more interesting would be to ask people why they
picked one format over another. Like why writing an e-zine than say,
drawing a comic? I could be a decent artist by now if I spent the same
amount of time learning to draw rather than learning to write. What is
it about a medium that allows the expression of certain ideas? That'd be
something I'd be more interested in.
As far as Scream Baby goes, I've promised 287 issues, of which this is
number 12.
Laughing at the Little Moron: Hal Hill
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I find I'll often laugh at tasteless jokes before I can make a
decision whether I ought or ought not laugh, if they're funny.
Which is a funny thing because jokes that pivot on dehumanizing
elements shouldn't be funny. Mind you this doesn't apply if I
understand that an offensive joke is on the way. That is, if a
story starts out, "Did you hear about the fag that . . .," or,
"This cunt walks into a logging camp and says . . .." then I can
walk away, or simply explain that I don't want ot hear anymore
AIDS or nigger jokes, thanks anyway. But if I'm caught off
guard I'll laugh at anybody or anything.
I've laughed at jokes about farmers daughters and salesmen,
about blacks,yuppies, Mexicans, elephants, Pollacks, Aggies,
WASPS, morons, Bohemians, mondeys and corks, women and children,
priests, popes, and Jusus Christ. To my chagrin, it seems that
nothing is sacred to my funny bone.
It seems that my sense of humor often outstrips my sense of
propriety, which is for the most part a good thing,because I
wouldn't want to sacrifice a sense of humor for a keen sense of
propriety, the former being more necessary for survival that the
latter. That is, you can get along in the world just fine
without a sense of propriety, but you'll never make it without
a sense of humor.
Date: Sun, 12 Feb 1995 17:20:52 -0600 (CST)
From: "Dr. Cat" <cat@eden.com>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Re: The Burn, Recycle, Blame Issue
> Another point of disagreement revolves around escape plans. I'm like, why
> bother making them? There is no way someone will be able to walk into a mall on
> Christmas Eve, drop concussion grenades into the atrium in order to wipe out
> people on the ground level while simultaneous strafing the mall hallways with
> automatic fire, and expect to escape alive. It's not the mall police that you
> have to worry about, but armed shoppers. Either way, B_____ wastes a lot of
Armed shoppers are not an issue if you do proper research in advance. Do
not go to a Texas mall, or a New York City mall. Deliberately select a
part of the country where there is a mall of sufficient size, but few or
none of the average citizens ever go around armed. Anyway - I would tend
to think that to get the proper shock, publicity, and fame, a killer
should be limiting themselves to guns or below. But if you ARE going to
allow concussion grenades, it's a piece of CAKE to escape. Go to a two
story mall, lean on the rail overlooking the most crowded first floor
area. Hold two grenades discreetly in your fists, ready to drop. Act
casual occasionally glance around a bit, wait until you think there's a
good chance nobody is looking directly at you, or if anyone is, very few
people are. Let the grenades slip from your hands, while calmly turning
to the side and starting to walk away from the railing. Act surprised at
the blast, then just mimic the reactions of some particular large subset
of the panicing crowds. Piece of CAKE. If you wanted, you might be able
to roll some MORE grenades over the edge, or into the crowd on your
level, in the ensuing chaos, and STILL get away.
Mind you, I think this is somewhat moot. If you want to become a legend,
the escape probably does not have the sheer dramatic impact of the
shootout with the cops to the very end. Whether the end is them shooting
you, you shooting yourself, or you setting off explosives and maybe even
taking a few more people with you. The possibility of killing a few
extras by getting some cops isn't to be overlooked either, and the
killing of one or more cops provides a different kind of startlingness
than the killing of a civilian, so it's better to mix both. Still, now I
think about it, getting away is of possible merit because A) it's novel,
hasn't really been done before. B) You can do MORE to boost your fame,
whether it be anonymous letters, even taunts someday like "Twenty years
later, you STILL have not caught me!", or even things like C) You can go
and do a SECOND mall if you get away clean, and double your body count!
Of course, doing a mall is really pretty wimpy compared to a world cup
soccer game, the superbowl if you're american-biased, or best of all, a
rock concert, where people are packed REALLY fucking close together, and
searched for weapons at the gate, and the exits are too few and small and
would be jammed and you could take out HUGE numbers of people! You might
argue that the difficulty of getting your own weapons in rules this out.
I say sure, the mall may be accessible to any BOZO of a would-be mass
murderer. But a BOZO isn't going to come up with the quality of planning
that you and your friend are, either. Once you've gone that far, you
might as well plan for the ultimate. Getting a job working to help set
up the concert would let you do the job. ESPECIALLY if you get a job
working security! You would be in a position to know where the key
threats to you were, and when, and exactly how they're armed! Better
still, get a job as HEAD of security, and you can make sure there are
weaknesses in the planned arrangements that EXACTLY suit your plan.
>
> 1. People jump into cyberspace for these things : software, sex, games,
^^^^^^^^^^^
> services. Then there is a small percentage (10% or so) who use the
> technology of communication to think, to create, and to explore.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> Join us.
This is the REAL reason I wrote back to you. Sex, games. Think, create,
explore. Don't fool yourself - same damn things. Really, they are. If
they're not, you're not doing them right. That's where my job comes in.
-- Dr. Cat
Anus Tom Kindig
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The preceding comments are not about security guards or police. They are
most explicitly about the pack of Jackals who appear on your television
every day, and the Hyenas who will surely follow. They are about the Bob's
who get a raw deal, either through training or through neglect.
These analogies to dogs are applied to people with some accuracy. People
and dogs have been living & working together for tens of thousands of years.
People entertain cats. People LIVE with, WORK with, care for and ARE CARED
FOR by dogs. We are so much alike that it is alarming.
-ToKind
