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red-014
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| Really ELiTE Doodz Prezent : |
| RED-014.TXT aka |
| "How to Break Stuff" |
| By : Intestinal Scum-Monkey |
: "Better Living Through Stupidity." :
. .
WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!
Well, it seems that all you rad doodz out there like anarchy, or, YOUR
little version of anarchy. You know. Breaking stuff, etc. Well, I recently
found out that most of you like to read anarchy text files, so I decided to
join in and jump on the bandwagon. So, in this file, I'm going to teach you
how to break stuff. This is for the beginner anarchist. For you more
advanced kids, I suggest, "How to Smash Stuff". Let's get started.
I started breaking stuff when I was about two. I broke lots of stuff. So,
if I can break stuff at age two, I'm sure you can do it now. Am I right?
You can benefit from breaking stuff in a few ways. Number one, breaking
stuff is fun. A lot of fun. Number two, breaking stuff is an easy way to
get your point across. Example - "Hey! Give me money or I'll break some of
your stuff!" or "You don't believe me? Fine! I'll break some of your stuff
then." Another way you can benefit from breaking stuff, is, you can show the
world what a cool anarchist you are! You can hold people hostage and threaten
to break large amounts of stuff if the government doesn't fulfill your wishes!
Think of it - a nice island home, a fast car, women, etc. all given to you by
the government just because you threatened to break stuff! Wow! What a deal!
Now, I bet you're saying to yourself, "C'mon man! Enough of this stupid
bullshit! Tell me how to break stuff!" Well, there are a few more things I
should go over before we get to the stuff breaking. First off, safety! You
wouldn't want to hurt yourself while breaking stuff, now would you? That's
what I thought. So, pay close attention, bunghole.
Stuff-breaking safety : Don't break anything that may harm you, and if you
do, wear special protective stuff. Like safety glasses. For examples, stuff
that would harm you would be glass and things like that.
Don't break other people. This could really piss someone off. Let's say,
they're just walking down the street and you walk right up to them and break
their leg. I'm sure they wouldn't like that very much.
Don't break yourself. It hurts, and, it makes you look like an idiot.
That's about it. Then again, you are a kewl anarchist, so why should you
worry about getting hurt? That's half the fun, Spunky! Okok, now I'm getting
to the good stuff, hold your horses. Next, you'll have to worry about how to
break stuff and get away with it. You wouldn't wanna break stuff and then go
and get yourself caught, would ya? Nah. That's what I thought. Here are
some simple suggestions:
Wear dark clothes. They can't catch your white ass if they can't see it.
Catch my drift?
Break stuff, and then blame it on other people. Yeeaahh! Especially if
the other person is a miscreant to begin with. Like, uhm.. hm.. you're little
brother. Blame it all on him. Little brothers are good for that. Break
away, mi amigos!
Break stuff somewhere and then leave. Brilliant, eh? I'm a bloomin'
genius, I tell you! Like, here's an example. Go to someone's house, break
some valueable stuff, and then leave! Wow! They'll never snag you! If they
ever accuse you, act shocked for one, and say something along the lines of:
"No, I didn't break your stuff. I left before stuff was broken." It's
garaunteed to work.
I'm sure since you're a kewl anarchist, you can think up other stuff to do
to get away scott-free. Remember, they were just examples!
Now, the part you've all been waiting for! HOW TO BREAK STUFF! Ya-hoo!
You're on your way to becoming a full-fledged anarchist! Remember, the
contents of this article are for informational purposes ONLY! I am not to be
held responsible for anything stupid you may try to do. Remember : YOU SHOULD
NOT ATTEMPT BREAKING STUFF!
(Drum-roll begins here)
Intestinal Scum-Monkey in Association with Really 3LiT3 d00dz proudly
presents.. a division of Stuff-Breakers Inc... HOW TO BREAK STUFF!
(End drum-roll here)
1) The floor. The floor is a GREAT way to break stuff! Throw stuff on
the floor and it will (most likely) break! Wow. Modern technology dazzles
me.
Downfall : It makes a mess. Broken stuff usually does, though, so get used
to it.
2) The wall. This takes a little more effort than the floor. You have to
actually THROW the object to break it, where with the floor, you simply have
to drop it.
Downfall : Marks up your wall, and when it does fall, also makes a mess.
But, if it's not your stuff, or someone elses wall, then you have no reason to
worry! You nasty anarchist, you!
3) Your fist. It's a novel idea. Break stuff with your fist. This
requires more energy than the above mentioned, unless, of course, you're
throwing something really huge at the wall. Here's a small variation on the
idea.. use your feet. This one's a little easier, so you amatuer anarchists
may want to try this one first.
Downfall : This one could get VERY messy, with all the blood, scrapes,
bruises, etc. If you lose enough blood, you may even pass out. This makes
you open to arrest! Bad anarchist! BAD!
4) This is for all you anarchists who may want to take breaking stuff to
a new level, or, you're just too damn weak to do any of the other things.
Heavy machinery. Heavy machinery breaks stuff with extreme ease. Try a
bulldozer or just even a simple tow truck. If you want to go for the extreme,
use a wrecking ball. They can break lots of stuff. Lots of stuff at once,
nonetheless.
Downfall : Heavy machinery is tough to get. Uhm. That's about it, really.
Oh yeah, if you don't know how to operate it, that can be a real damper on
your parade, too.
5) Large explosives. This is the ultimate. Large amounts of stuff in a
very short amount of time. Major stuff-breaking abound.
Downfall : They're explosives, idiot. Figure it out for yourself.
6) Your butt-cheeks. Butt-cheeks are extremely powerful and underrated.
Downfall : Breaking glass stuff with your butt hurts like a bitch.
There you go. Now you're a bonafied anarchist rather than a budding
amatuer! Take what I told you and run with it. Have fun. Go nuts. Get
sooper-dooper crazy wacky silly! All thanks to me.
Just make sure you remember what I told you, this file is for educational
purposes ONLY! You should not go around breaking stuff just for the hell of
it or just because it's a whole lot of fun.
WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!
! Copyright (c) Intestinal Scum-Monkey and ReaLLY 3LiT3 d00Dz! 1995 !
! All rights reserved, but two wrongs don't make a right !
WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!WaReZ!
