Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
red-008
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
____________________________
\___________\_________\_____\
\__ __ / ____/ \
/ / _/ ___/__ _/ \
/ / / \ / /
\/____/_____\________/________/
"âî/´ îiçî />éé/>z" pâîzîïç:
RED-008.TXT aka
"Fun With Drive-Thru Windows"
by: Intestinal Scum-Monkey
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Warning! The ideas presented in this article have not all been tested!
Some may prove to be extremely dangerous! You may end up getting your ass
kicked some some drive-thru window guy. So, proceed with caution and enjoy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You know by now. The people who work the drive-thru of your local Burger
King, McDonalds, Wendy's, Roy Rogers, or your generic fast food joint, are the
single-most stupid people on the face of the Earth. Stupid people are not
good, but yet, they're fun. That's why these drive-thrus can be the most
entertaining thing on the face of the Easth. A virtual amusement park for
the clinically bored. How do these imbeciles get jobs here anyway? No
matter. If it wasn't for them, I would have probably killed myself by now
because of chronic boredom. It's basically a cliche by now, they are
scientifically proven stupid. E=MCPeopleWhoWorkTheDriveThruAreStupid.
The idiots are hired, seen for the idiots they really are, and then plopped
down in the drive-thru window. This is where we come in. It may seem cruel,
and in an episode of The Simpsons, Homer was held at by police after
constantly taunting the boy in the drive-thru booth.
"Sir, did you know it's a federal offense to taunt the drive-thru window?"
And, not only are they stupid, but they constantly screw up my order. Of
course I give them the benefit of the doubt and drive away without checking my
order, considering they read me back my order, I confirmed it, and they have
it on their little machine there. This is a pain in the ass. Why? Because
by the time you get home and check your order and find out that your order
has been screwed up, you don't feel like putting your sneakers and coat back
on and driving back to [your favorite fast food place here] to demand the
correct order.
Living with my lazy family, I know the drive-thru in and out. I'm handed a
few bucks, and sent on my merry little way to the local fast food "resturant"
to feed myself mountains of greasy slop passed off as food. So, in my various
expliots, I've come across quite a few ways you could have fun with the ever-
so-abundant drive-thru window. Here are a few little ideas that my cohorts
and I have come up with in case you too get bored out of your mind and decide
to risk life and limb and taunt the drive-thru boy. Please attempt these at
your own risk, fast food managers have known to be dangerous.
1.) I've always wondered why when you pull up to drive thru windows, they
ask you, "Can I help you?" What the hell is that all about? Of course you
can. That's why I'm here. Hey, if you're one of those people who still needs
time to decide what to eat, you're a moron. You've most likely been there
one thousand times before. They haven't changed the menus. If you're
feeling frisky, and feel like eating something different, decide on the way
there! Don't wait until you get there! Anyway, next time you pull up, if
there's no one in front of you, you may want to try this. When they ask you
"Can I help you?", scream (preferably as if extremely pissed-off), "NO! (add
expletive here if you wish)" and then speed off past the window. This is
sure to baffle these bastards.
2.) Remeber those little CB-lookin'-megaphone things you used to have as
a kid? The ones that made siren sounds, too? They can be a shitload of fun
at drive-thrus. You know how terrible the people sound as they take your
order, well, this is a great way to get back at them. While ordering your
food, stick the speaker end right up to the microphone and give them your
order as you usually would, trying not to laugh. Not only will it sound
extremely annoying and irritating, but it will generate an extreme amount of
feedback, possibly giving the person on the recieving end a migraine. (iTz
AN AzzAziN BoX, D00Dz!)
3.) It doesn't take a genius to think this one up, but, just generally be
rude and obnoxious to whoever is taking your order. Use filthy language.
Rasie your voice. Refer to your sexual organs as much as possible. You don't
have to nessescarily have to be vulgar, you could be just as funny by being
subtle. I do little things like say, "Yeah, gimme some of those big ass
fries. I love them things. And a chocolate shake. Not for me, though! I
would never drink those fuckin' things. They're fucking disgusting." Take
what I told you and run with it. Have fun!
4.) Be extremely indecisive. Contradict yourself as much as possible and
change your mind at least three or four times for every item you order. This
is especially fustrating at some of the older fast food places where the
equipment isn't sophisticated enough to cancel orders, and the manager has to
sign-off each mistake made. It can fustrate everyone in the building.
5.) Start preaching. Ramble on about God, Satan, or anything you want,
and then offer them literature.
6.) Throw rotten fruit at the window and heckle the workers. I would
never personally do this one, it's just too extreme. It's pushing the
whole idea a little too far.
7.) Don't even drive through in a car. Walk through, but, PRETEND that
you're in a car. For dramatic effect, even like the little "Vroom! Vroom!"
noises. Last time I did this, I had someone in the passenger seat and in
the back seat. I stood there for a half an hour and they wouldn't serve us.
They kept peering out the window at us, they knew we were there, but just
refused to serve us. <shrug>
8.) Ask for odd items that aren't on the menu. Personally, I use
Wombat burger, fried worms, and poop shakes. When they insist that they
don't have those items, being angry and iritable. Start raising your voice
and insist that the items are on the menu.
"Can I have.. a.. uh.. fecal burger?"
"Sorry, Sir. We don't carry them."
"What? What the hell are you talking about? It's right here."
"Excuse me, Sir?"
"Right there! Fecal fuckin' burger! $1.59! I want one!"
9.) Drive through naked.
10.) Order as normal, and when you drive up to the window for your order,
duck under the dashboard and hide. Take it from there. Try staying there as
long as possible. I've never tried this because I can't fit under my
dashboard. But try it and see what happens. I'm anxious to hear about the
results.
There are ten wittle suggestions for you. I'm sure if you sit down and
really think about it you can think of plenty more. Remeber, no matter how
harsh you think some of these are, these people really deserve it. Later!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Intestinal Scum-Monkeys Greets!
Absolutely nobody! Hahaha! That's right! I just got my modem and I know
absolutely NONE of you! Deal with it, pink boy!
For those of you who would like to be greeted or something, kiss my ass and
maybe I'll put you in my next article.
And for those of you wondering where I got my handle, it was from some
cartoon. It was a Nicktoon. I think it was Ren + Stimpy or something like
that. Whatever.
Oh yeah. Thanks to Black Francis for help with all this stuff and letting
me in this group. It's pretty cool.
Creepy fun for everyone!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
