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poop enlightment zine_021
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| ______ ____________ |
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| /__/ \ _)__ / /__ |
| / \____/ \ / \ \ |
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| ÷÷ poop enlightment 'zine ÷÷ |
| ÷÷ issue #021 ÷÷ |
| ÷÷ released 02/24/95 ÷÷ |
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poop enlightment 'zine issue #21
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1.) letter from the editor
2.) pez mailbag
3.) the godd saga
4.) brand gnu music
5.) rejected submissions (one of six)
6.) frannie's poetry corner
7.) pez family additions
8.) the usual crap
warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
lETTER fROM dA eDITOR
welcome to the first issue of pez, which, in actuality, is
the 21st issue of red magazine. sound confusing? well, for a while now,
i've published red magazine. for 20 issues, to be exact. after stumbliing
for a while and releasing files just to release them, we have decided to try
and find a direction for ourselves. so, here we are. a new format and a
new name. this format is actually more "'ziney" than the previous format
and has more crap for everyone. we certainly hope you enjoy it. if there's
anything you'd like to see, or you have any comments in general, you can
call the pez whq at (215)750-0392. we could also use more writers since the
new format makes a demand for more articles, so, if you're interested, pick
up the application inside this pack, fill it out, upload it to gba, and
you're set.
also, if you didn't know, we've made dead cheese head editor of pez.
he'll fix all our booboos. but, he can't fix my lower case letters! no!
buahahahaha! that's how elite i am! i don't use capital letters! oh. uh.
sorry. anyway, enjoy the 'zine.
- bf
warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
dA eLITE pEZ mAILBAG
this is actually some new user feedback that i got on my board. this
is completely 100% serious. i guess it wouldn't hurt to mention that he's
got a 2400 baud modem.
---
Date: 11:19 pm Sun Feb 19, 1995 Number : 19 of 26
From: Phailsafe Base : Private Mail
To : Black Francis Refer #: None
Subj: GiMMe aKZeZ, d00d! Replies: None
Stat: Normal Origin : Local
WHO ARE YOU? IF YOU ARE 'ONE' LET ME KNOW OF YOUR WORK. ARE YOU GUYS
UNDERGROUND OR IS THIS A COVER FOR GOVERNMENT. I WANT TO BE FRIENDS, IF YOU
SCRACH MY BACK I'LL SCRACH YOURS, KNOW WHAT I MEAN, IF YOU ARE ONE YOU KNOW,
IF NOT WELL I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR BOARD- UNDERGROUND OR NOT.
UNDERGROUND
PHailSafe
---
needless to say, i gave him access. people like this are good to
have around for a few cheap laughs.
- bf
warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
dA gODD sAGA
maybe _you_ haven't heard of "godd", but, around here he's basically
a celebrity. if you have never heard of him, i suggest that you pick up hoe
#60 ( hogs of entropy ). if you have, you've probably heard of his stupid
little group, too. the "text forcasters." i thought i'd share with you some
excerpts from the text forcasters first issue. the whole file is available
on godds bbs in 215, or you can download it from the shitty goup section of
my bbs. it's made up of quite a few files, including a "box" which godd
claims to have created ( it's in actuality a star-command ). here it is -
raw and unedited - the text forcasters :
---
( here is their "disclaimer" )
aNY aND aLL iNFORMaTiONaL MaTeRiaL OF aND aS SuCH iS FOR PeRSONaL
KNOWLeDGe aND FOR ReaDiNG ONLY.... WE FROWNS uPON THe uSe OF GiVeN
aND SuGGeST aCTiON WiTHiN aNY iNFORMaTiON FOuND ON THESE TEXTS
OR ANY OTHER INFO WE GIVE aND CONSiDeR aNY
THiNG IN THESE TEXTS aS uSeD SOLeY FOR iNFORMaTiONaL PuRPOSeS, We SuGGeST aND
ReQueST YOu NOT uTiLiZe THiS iNFORMaTiON TO HaRM/aNNOY OTHeR POePLe OR TO BReaK
THe LaW. THe uSe OF THiS iNFORMaTiON TO aTTaCK OR eNDaNGeR aNOTHeR iS FuLLY
aND MOST CeRTaiNLY NOT aLLOWeD. iF YOu DO HOWeVeR iNDuLGe iN THiS YOu aRe
FuLLT ReSPONiSiBLe FOR YOuR aCTiONS.... We ReTaiN THaT aNYONe WHO COMMiTS
aN aCT WOuLD Be BReaCHiNG OuR aGReeMeNT.
aGaiN iF YOu uSe THiS iNFORMaTiON TO COMMiT WRONGFuL OR HuRTiNG aCTiON YOu
aCT ON YOuR OWN BeHaLF aND aRe iN NO WaY CONNeCT TO THESE TEXTS. THiS aGReeMeNT
iS BiNDiNG aND We iMPLORe YOu TO SaY WiTHiN iTS BOuNDaRieS.
-=TF=-
---
( here's a little ditty named "READMY.ASS" )
ç'S teXT is presented by: GODD
(nO interpritations)
Text ForeCasters
(EnJoY the Lyrics more to come)
( what the _fuck_ does all that mean, anyway? )
---
( the actual "issue" itself )
teXt ForCastors Issue Singular
Produced and editted into its pHaT'est 3L33t3 Setup by:Tf's own Usurper
..
/\
.|/\|.
.|//\\|.
|///\\\|. TeXT FoRCastors
.| oo |ù "Symbolism's one chance"
|\\\///|
ù|\\//|ù
| |
|^^^^|
\ùù/
Tf- Text Forcastors
"Your Bark was Loud but ya Bite wudn't vicous"
-Snoop Doggy Doggy
"Kurt Rules"
-Some dude at the music awards
How to hack yer ass out of your own shoes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This will only work on 1994 Con's, With the React juice!
.... if you thought that this was gonna be real your lame.!
ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.
teXt ForCastors Presents....
TopTen Reasons NOT to call a PD BBS
10.Fuck its PD
9.Definetly no one to relate to
8.The Pussy's Are always cold!
7.The Sysop actually thinks she' in control
6. HAS 5 CD-Rom PD CD's!
5.Welp i'm sure 10 was right
4.it Smells like Butt-Crack
3.your seriously tired of people filling there messages with "huhuhuh that
would be cool, huhuhuhuhuh"
2.The Coolest Dude on there still has his real info in there!
1.The number reads 426-5723 (iam-krad)
Now on the brighter side ....
How to become a millionaire with ease!
1) write an idea for show!
(basically go for the black sitcom.... there popular these dayz)
2) goto fox!
(desperation demands you get a chance)
3) get you show on running againt saturday night live
(read the bottom of 2 bahahahahahahaha)
instant cash!!!!!
Now for something cool
ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù.ù
//\\//\\ //////
// //
\\ \\\\\\
// //
e o
c
X a
s
t t
o
r
s
WaLkIn FeDs!
Your BasiK FedS are allowed to chase down the bbsz in the area to keep
the eleet heads off the scene.Cover Your ass. this is how to protect your bbs
from any charges that maybe forced on said bbs' staff.First thing is make
one of your application questions ... this and this exactly
"Are you in anyway connected to Law Enforcment,Federal Agencies or Private
invs. services, parties. that legel binds em in court.... if they lie about
and make sure that its known that liarsw of info have no right to anything
to do with the bbs. then if it gets to court if their right to any info
obtained is null/void. also Make a bulletin which expresses that if a user(s)
reads this and does not send email saying they disagree to it then they are
considered in agreement. and in the bulletin state "That at logon without
disagreeing a user forfeits his right to tell,explain, devulge any information
about the bbs of any nature to local,federal,private law enforcing or
investigation agencies,parties or servicies. Now! big thing is.
Lets say a fed comes on ... dont delete em .... dont worry. They're are some
walkin fedz .... let em on ... at your shareware access.
email them saying account is only good for 1 week do to the nature of this
PRIVATE BBs. always include that your a priavte and not public bbs so you can
reserve the right to rake and grant access levels and sort from and to users.
NeXt is alwayz have a good copy of what the hell is going on out there fed
wise... once and while someone will upload to the other bbs in the area or
maybe yourz the list of fedz they know of .... hold on to each update.
Also ... you can do as i did and have this notized by JD&F Law Associates for
20 bucks.... your bulletin and shit, it rulez, then your toally covered
becuase its a binding contract and not just a Verbal type Agreement.
Thankz for the time ....
and Dont FaLL
íGoddí
T
---
there is more. including the newsletter, index, box plans, their
"theme song" ( which is a very bad "enter sandman" mod), and this right
here :
---
ÛßÜßÛ ÜÛÛÛÜ ÜÜÜÜß ÛÛ Û Û ÜÛ ÜÛÜ ÛÛ
Û Û Û Ûß ß ßßß Û Û Û Û Û ÛÛ Ûß ßÜ Û Û
Û Ü Û ÛÛÜÜ Û Û ÛÜÜÛ Û Û ÛÛ Û ß ÛÜÜÛ
Û Û ÛÜ Üß Û Û Û ÛÛÛÜ ÛÛÛÜ ÞÛ ÛÜ Üß Û Û
Û ßÛÛÛß ß Û ß ß Þ ßÛÛÛß Û
ß Û Û
ß ß
ÛÜÜÜÜ Ü Û ÜÛÛÛÜ ÜÜÜÜÜ Ü Ü Ü Ü Ü Ü
Û Üß Û Û Ûß ß Û ßÜ Û Û Û Û Û Û
ÛßßÝ Û Û Û ÛÛÜÜ Û Ü ßßßßÜ Û Û Û Û Û Û
Û Û Û Û ÛÛÛÜ ÛÜ Üß ßÜÜÜÜß Û Û Û Û Û Û
Û ÛÜ ÜÛ ß ßÛÛÛß
ß ßßß ß ß ß ß ß ß
---
the scary part of all this is, i didn't make any of this up. i could
never make something like this up. more on godd to come in later issues.
warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
bRAND gNU mUSIK
artist : ass ponys
album : electric rock music
label : a&m records
rating : eight out of ten
this is exactly what the music scene needs now. something different.
the ass ponys have a very folky sound to them that i like. the lead singer,
chuck cleaver, sounds exactly like micheal stipe. the musical, however, is
much more difficult to identify with. i wouldn't reccomend this to just
anyone, however. if you've heard their first single, "little bastard", and
you liked it, i certainly would suggest the album. the ass ponys sing about
real-life in a small anytown, usa. some of it is humorous, and some of it is
just plain odd. each song is like a different story, and it's great to
listen to. the highlights on this album include, "little bastard", "place
out there", "wall eyed girl", "banlon shirt", "gyped", and "earth to grandma"
- bf
warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
rEJECTED sUBMISSIONZ
occasionally, we here at pez get submissions for articles that don't quite
meet the quality standards we like to adhere to. we've decided to compile
some of the shorter ones and show them to you for your reading enjoyment in a
six part series. while some of them can be pretty damn stupid, they can be
humorous also. here ya go ...
---
sassafras and my fat ass
bob lived just next door to me. he was a nice guy. he wore nice clothes,
lived in a nice condo, and talked nicely to people. last year, he bought a
nice dog that made nice poops on my front lawn. i shot the nice dog with a
nice rifle. it made a nice, red mess all over the ground. bob came running
out and nicely cried over his nice, dead dog. i shot him in his nice ass.
nice bob wasn't able to sit down for a nice month. he nicely sued me, so
i broke into his nice house and shot him in his nice ass again. then I shot
him through his nice head. bob made a nice mess. how nice.
-inspector 12
---
i like it and everything, but, it's just too.. too.. nice. Besides,
you should put more _actual_ sassafras in there.
- bf
warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
fRANNIE'Z pOETRY kORNER
this one is called "i ate too much"
i ate too much.
way too much.
i think i'm going to puke
all over myself.
maybe if i can run to the bathroom
i won't
too late
i shouldn't have eaten so much.
thank you. thank you very much.
warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
pEZ pHAMILY aDDITIONS
we'd like to welcome to following pez dispension sites to the pez
family :
the dreamscape - (913)897-0433 - sysop: madhatter
templeton - (609)628-4092 - sysop: the riddler
warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
dA uSUAL kRAP
this issue's contributors are : black francis and dead cheese
pez staff :
~~~~~~~~~~~
black francis - president
dead cheese - head editor
mogel - writer
logik - writer
intestinal scum-monkey - writer
leper messiah - writer
satan - writer
stinky - writer
godd(+dd) - mascot
warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.warez.
/----------------------------------------------------------------------------\
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