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Random Access Humor Writers Guidelines
Random Access Humor - The Electronic Humor Magazine
Writer's Guidelines
Random Access Humor (RAH) was originally formed within the deep
psychoses from which the editor suffers. If it's going to last for
long, the support of the online community (as well as the psychiatric
community) will be needed. Many people out there seem to think that
they're comedians. Here is their chance to prove it.
There are two basic forms of submission being sought for publication
in RAH: Articles, fillers and taglines. No, *three* basic forms of
submission.
Articles are humorous collections of words which should be somewhat
related to the BBS/Online world, or at least personal computing.
Articles should be between 200 and 2000 words in length. High
quality longer articles may be accepted and published in serial form
if necessary.
Fillers are humorous tidbits less than 200 words long. These can be
jokes or anecdotes. They must definitely be funny.
Taglines should be self explanatory. You may submit a few at a time
if you'd like. We only want funny taglines for publication here.
Language and content: Harsh language is not allowed in RAH. This is
a "PG" rated publication. Double entendres are allowed, provided
they are witty and subtle. Childish, scatological humor is not
welcome in RAH. We are looking for "mature" humor, but not adult
humor. All submissions should be witty, but not abusive. Make fun
of online institutions and personality types, not individual persons.
For example, it's OK to make fun of Compu$erve, but not OK to make
fun of Joe Smith, who hangs out on Compu$erve. Public figures, like
politicians, are always fair game for humorists.
Style:
Since RAH is steeped in the online world, it follows that RAH should
support the style of writing generally found in online messages.
This does not include the semi-literate, mostly obscene trash found
in conferences such as the FidoNet FLAME echo. It *does* include
some of the basic online writing conventions. There is one in the
previous sentence, did you see it? The asterisks around "*does*" in
the previous sentence indicate that the word is being emphasized, but
the writer IS NOT SHOUTING. Remember that the use of all caps in an
online message indicates that the writer is shouting. Shouting is
considered rude in the online world, just as in real life.
Another important facet of online writing is the use of acronyms
for common phrases, which tends to save bytes in writing that is
being shipped around the country or world at someone's expense. Here
is a brief list of a few common online writing acronyms:
BTW By the way
FYI For your information
IMHO In my humble opinion
OTOH On the other hand
ROFL Rolling on floor, laughing
TPTB The powers that be
There are many more. Another online custom which needs mentioning is
the practice of placing action statements in between "<>" signs, for
example: <grin>, <evil laughter>, <ducking and running>. These
action indicators can be used to good effect, and humor, so they are
welcome here. Like everything, they are best used in moderation.
One online custom which will not be welcome in the pages of RAH is
the practice of including smiley faces { :-) } or variations on that
theme. I use these myself in messages, but they have no place in the
semi-serious writing being published in RAH. Remember, writing humor
can be a very serious business. Besides, humorists are not supposed
to laugh at their own jokes.
Legalities:
In writing jargon, RAH is deemed to be given "One Time Rights" to
anything submitted for publication unless otherwise noted in the
message accompanying the contribution. You still own the material,
and RAH will make no use of the material other than publishing it
electronically in the usual manner. The only exception is that your
article may be selected for publication in a planned annual "Best of
RAH" electronic book.
RAH is copyrighted and each issue is registered with the U.S.
Copyright Office. Rights revert to the author after publication. If
you want your own copyright notice to appear in your article, place
it as desired in the text you submit. Previously published articles
may be submitted, but proper acknowledgement must be included:
periodical name, date of previous publication. In some cases you
must obtain the permission of the previous publisher before your work
may be published in RAH. Simultaneous submissions are accepted.
RAH can accept only the following types of material for publication:
1) Any material in the public domain.
2) Material for which you own the copyright. If you wrote it
yourself, you are automatically the copyright holder.
3) Authorized agents for a copyright holder (typically an
organization) may submit material on behalf of that holder.
Payment:
RAH is given away to the online public and accepts no advertising,
so obviously we can offer no payment to writers. It should be noted
that RAH is distributed throughout North America and Europe each
month, and each issue may remain in the file libraries of boards for
years. A few issues have even found their way to Australia. So RAH
is an excellent vehicle for getting your writing known to the online
reading public. Payment may be offered to writers in the future. In
this event, writers who contributed to RAH in the early years will be
given preferential treatment.
It is currently planned to compensate authors whose original articles
are selected for the "Best of RAH" Annual. Rates have not as yet
been established. Authors whose work has appeared in RAH may also be
invited to submit additional original material for the RAH Annual.
How to Submit Material to RAH:
Contributions to RAH are always welcome. All submissions must be
made electronically. File attach your article to a netmail message
to Dave Bealer at 1:261/1129. E-mail may also be sent via Internet
to: dbealer@access.digex.net
Users who do not have netmail or Internet access should ask their
local RAH distribution sysop if he/she would be willing to send in
your article for you.
Tagline and filler submissions may be made via e-mail. Article
submissions should be made via file. Submitted files must be plain
ASCII text files in normal MS-DOS file format: artname.RAH; where
artname is a descriptive file name and RAH is the mandatory
extension. Your text should be less than 70 columns across for
widest readability. If your article does not conform to these simple
specs, it may get lost or trashed. Also note that such imaginative
names as RAH.RAH might get overlaid by the blatherings of similarly
minded contributors. If your hardware is incapable of producing file
names in the proper format, you may send your article as one or more
e-mail messages.
You may manually upload your submission to the RAH Publication BBS:
The Puffin's Nest BBS
(410) 437-3463
1200-14400 bps (V.32bis)
Make your upload in any area. All uploads go to a private area for
perusal by the sysop before being posted for download. Make sure to
indicate in the description that the file is a submission for RAH.
The Puffin's Nest (TPN) contains many files pertaining to electronic
publishing. TPN also carries the conferences of the Electronic
Publishing Network (EPubNet). Limited Access on your first call.
If you have absolutely no way of getting your submission to RAH via
modem, you may make your submission via diskette. Your disk must be
in MS-DOS format (5.25" or 3.5", high or low density) and the file(s)
should consist of plain ASCII text, with no word processor control
codes. Mail your diskette to:
Random Access Humor
P.O. Box 595
Pasadena, MD. 21122 USA
The editors will attempt to respond personally to all submissions and
correspondence received. As the volume of mail increases this may
become impossible for *every* message. Mailed contributions that do
not have an e-mail return address cannot be acknowledged at all
unless accompanied by an SASE. Make sure to include a valid e-mail
return address with all submissions. All submissions should be
accepted or rejected within 30 days. If you do not receive a reply
within that time, resend your contribution. Mail does get lost on
BBS systems.
The editors reserve the right to publish or not to publish any
submission as/when they see fit. The editors also reserve the right
to "edit", or modify any submission prior to publication. This last
right will rarely be used, typically only to correct spelling or
grammar misteaks that are not funny.
Dave Bealer, Editor
Random Access Humor
Pasadena, Maryland, USA
May 30, 1993
