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Pizza Underground Digest Volume 2 Issue 02
PuD v2.02 Volume 2, Issue 02
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PuD Update PUPDATE.DOC: The stream of thingzzZZzz and the DTR 03/25/93
DON'T FORGET: ôúáç z /<!
þ Forward <March! (The 25th)>
As much as you lepers hate to admit it, I know you are all just hanging on
edges of your seats, waiting for the DTR. Well, THIS file is intended for
mostly local purposes or whatever; it's too much of a waste for even a long
distance thing. Anyway, it is intended to fill you lamers in on the state of
things. It is indeed possible that this PuD might do something for you.
Maybe not. I sometimes forget that Huntsvegas, VBBS capital of the world, is
the most well-informed city on the planet. Pardon me if I insult your
intelligence (or lack of).
þ GR@@TS
Greets go to me, myself, and I.
þ So what's up with the DTR?!?
Nothing's up... we just want to starve you social cripples of something cool.
As a matter of fact, it has already been uploaded to 1,984¬ WaReZ boardzzZZzz.
You Huntsvermin will have to call long distance for once to get it. That means
that you will have to buy a Radio Shak AM radio kit and turn it in to a white
box.
Nah... the DTR is STILL in the works as we speak. So far, only EDLiN/PR0 and
the PSK have been completed. Here's a short listing of what we plan to include,
if everything works out:
* EDLiN/PR0 - Commissioned by Bill Gates III himself.
* The PSK - Makes it E/ZzzZZzz for you idiots to interact with PuD
* SaDC0MM - The K/RaD terminal with built in LEECH/ZMoDeM! <Iffy>
* New Virii - Including fReD, SPaM, and more??
* PuDictionary - More PuDRiFiC PHPHPHPHun
* LoaderZZzzz - For the sake of K00lNeSS
* MODs - Because they're swass, and take up space
* ANSi's - Because it's the R@@L ELyTE thing to do
* A QuickBasic BBS Program - For popularity among ignorant subhuman slime
* Confessions of a DisKo Chinchilla - A short story
* Llamii - One free llama guaranteed to the first 10,000 Downloaders
* A shocking revelation so K_RaD it won't be mentioned, because it's a secret.
* All of Volume 1 - SURPRiSE!
* MORE!, MORE!, MORE!
You see; cranking out quality, family oriented, moral software applications
and utilities takes time. We wouldn't want to crank out two versions a day of
some half-assed bug-infested .GIF viewer like others. We stress quality,
efficiency, and wholesome software that makes your life easier.
The DTR (PuD DeskTop Reference) should be released to general public sometime
soon. We plan to include it with all computer sold by major companies. We
admire the MicroSoft approach.
þ Mostly Local NooZ
Yes, it's time we do the NBC news magazine credibility thing. We're going to
tell you what's going on in the Huntsville area, and beyond. For those who do
not live in Huntsville, think of this as more reasons why you should never want
to move here. I can sympathize completely.
K_RaD new DataFlux loader
Well, it appears as if the Flux freaks are back. Just released earlier this
week: A new DataFlux intro. Let us analyse this little annoyance by Intruder.
The DFX Intro consists of three files - an overlay, a .MOD, and a frontend.
Three files - one intro. Is this efficient coding or what?
Anyway, the ANSi screen features two lines of text which flash with the
beat of the .MOD. Wow. What is so unnerving about this intro is that the code
is more than %90 UNoriginal. What wasn't swiped from toolkits in the first
place was written by Baphomet. The source was then edited and modified to suit
Satan's Mutts needs once he secured the code. Of course, he added a few lines
to make the lines flash. It would take 10 or 12 regularly, but about 75 in his
case.
Rumor has it that Satan's Mutt is now part of DFX. Hmm. Could it be that
Necro is simply using him because he is lame enough to jerk off in Pascal all
day long? No, that wouldn't be the case. Satan's Mutt is really k00l. Really.
Telephone Booth theft
There has been a rash of telephone booth, telephone booth sign, and telephone
booth accessory theft in the North Alabama area as of late. PuD has ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. We carry crowbars, screwdrivers, hammers, conduit
cutters, Liquid Wrench, pliers, Vice-Grips, and other such tools in our cars for
legitamate purposes only.
Lost and Found
Yesterday, at the Decatur, Alabama General Hospital, 22 newborn infants were
maimed, brutalized, and murdered by two unknown assailants with clear plastic
bags over their heads. It is expected that these two felons will return, for
one left his wallet and keys in the Newborn Supervision Unit.
The wallet and keys will be returned to their rightful owner, pending accurate
descriptions of the items.
BlaH is back
Yhea, we're feelin' all lame 'cuz we didn't even know until recently. BlaH:
Big Long and Hairy, is back and bigger than ever. BLaH features the
philosophical, deeply intellectual insight of Guido Sanchez, Constantine,
Lemuel, Chessman, and other such Teenage Role Models. If you haven't ever heard
of BLaH, you are probably from Huntsville. Anyway, they're back, and NBA might
be back one of these days also. You can pick up your copies of the BLaH T/FiLE
from RipCo or some other such K_RaD WaReZ board. We would list support boards,
but we're not trying to advertise. We're just trying to put something in your
empty bloated skulls. Download BLAH-CUM.BAK if you see it anywhere.
Timothy Leary's dead
I'm Timothy Leary, and no, I'm not dead.
Accidents
It's time we made it all public. The Biafran Affair. The Assassination of
JFK. Cambodia. Watergate. The Iran-Contra Affair. The Space Shuttle Disaster.
Somalia. Sarajevo. The World Trade Center bombing.
We did it. Sorry.
PCBoard v1.0
PCBoard v1.0 has been released. With this tool, Huntsville may very well find
something to use besides VBBS. Maybe not. Copies of PCBoard v1.0 are being
sold for $32.62 by me, NO COURiER. E/Mail for ordering info.
CyberPunks
Through intense, objective study, it has been confirmed that CyberPunks suck,
always have sucked, and will continue to suck in the future.
What R@aLY R@@KS
I know somebody who acquired the newest revision of VSum when it was less than
36 hours old. 1« day WaReZ, d00d. Almost instinctively, he rushed to upload it
to CyberNetic Violence. It was already there. Doesn't that reek?
-------- end update
start of pud volume 2 issue 2
Welcome back to PuD. As you can see, this issue is half-assed and not really
polished. What do you care? Got a complaint? Write your own damned T/FiLE in
.COM format, you sad-ass fuck.
Baphomet and I decided to give the DTR more time, and to include Volume II
with it. We decided that rather than deprive you idiots of Volume II while
waiting for the DTR, we would go ahead and write until we are satisfied with
what we've got. Got a problem with that? Good.
Now, I know and you know that there are things to be said in the way of
T/FiLES. There are so many to choose from. Let us narrow down to some of the
better-known E/Zines / Newsletters / T/FiLES and conclude why you should read
PuD instead of these cheesy imitations.
CUD - The name says it all. An obvious plagiarism of the one and only PuD.
Who wants to read 300 lines of InterNet mail anyway? If you want to
do that, why don't you just use InterNet?
PHRACK - Wow. Swell. This sin't what you lamers want. This is too involved,
Too technical for the simple-minded fool like yourself. Besides, this
is too undergroundish. Let it be known that no Self-Proclaimed
CyberPunk like yourself ever has anything to do with the computer
underground. Too clich. Stick to Hubba Bubba commercials.
CAU - Just another three-letter acronym. Obvious rip-off.
LOD - Legion of WHO? These files are H0T NeW INFo in Huntsville. Sad.
Scream N *me *me - Too big. 320k of HyperText is just way too much crap.
When you need to draw a map for a document, that's a little excessive.
CDC - Cult of the Dead WHAT? This is new to Huntsville, too.
Legal Bytes - Too conservative. You can't be ELyTE and stildhgkhg,f
<This article has been cut short to allow for something interesting>
============= Hatemail from Stan's Mutt
Reference: Steve Brady
Aliases: Intruder, Sniper, Jamaican Bob-Sledder, Satan's Mutt
Phone: v205/880.9566 BBS: 205/650.0302 (Damn, I hope this hits InterNet)
Please call Steve at any time (preferrably 2-3 am Central time) voice and ask
him about anything you want. Try to order a Pizza from him. Perhaps he will
catch on. Steve's a great guy. He's the only person I know of who is so
talented in Pascal that he can't clear the screen without a toolkit. Of course,
I wouldn't want to make fun of him or anything. HE is, by the way, the most
ELyTE guy to ever grace the Ft. Wroth scene. He said so himself. Maybe that's
why nobody has ever heard of him in Ft. Worth. Too ELyTE, right?
These message were logged from a local BBS, Civic Forum, which is also known
(not-so affectionately) by a select few as "Wish I was Project/X."
His response to an E/Mail I (NO COURiER aka Beanie) sent him:
--
Well, I don't procounce warez war-ez, the first time we were on the fone,
I said that I have heard people say it like that...i know what the fuck
warez are, and how to say it you inbred piece of shit. Also, that typematic
rate was a joke you idiot, what kind of typematic rate do you think I wan get
out of this sorry 286/10....geeezz man...you need to figure out what the hell
you are saying b4 you say it idiot.
==============
Need I say more? Nah... That almost sums it up right there. The lamer tried
to have a typematic rate race with me one day online. Perhaps this will give
you even more insight in to what type of person he is.
"b4" ...K00l. I like that.
Mail {?} :
___
Yet another sad-ass message from the freak:
---
(3/3): hehehe
Name: The Jamaican Bob-Sledder #76 @2501
Date: Mon Mar 15 09:51:39 1993
RE: Why WWiV?
BY: Beanie #39 @2501
> The new Remote Access is bad as hell... if you are proficient with QBBS/RBBS
hehehe....you Remote Access lover...you suck
___
A response of substance:
---
Mail {?} : A
E-mailing The Jamaican Bob-Sledder #76
Title: ViSiON/X Boy
Enter message now, max lines are 60
Enter '/HELP' for help.
[---=----=----=----=----=----=----=----]----=----=----=----=----=----=----=----]
Who the fuck are you to tell me what I like and dislike about BBS ware?
Hell, I'm not the lame, sad-ass fuck who was running ViSiON .83 and Frontdoor
v2.01 unreg'ed. Hell, once your inbred dicksucking self got a copy of the new
ViSiON, it didn't take you a week to fuck it up and lose it.
I'm not about to hear bullshit about what is and what isn't about BBS ware.
There are those who KNOW, and those who hack WWiV. Go home, lamer.
...back to Ft. Worth, if you can get on a real BBS there again.
---
Explanation
---
Well, I have always been fond to the QBBS phylum of ware. Springing from this
dawning is an entirely different class... SuperBBS. SuperBBS is by far the
most powertful, most configurable BBS software in the world. It is the best,
and damned if the name doesn't say it all.
It's not K_RaD ELyTE software... no NUV, no lame shit. Just hardcore
configurability and outstanding expandibility. Damn, I love Scandinavian Ware.
---
Soundtrack Boy
There is this one local indignity to humankind who we shall know here as
Acoustic Deacon. He loves soundtracks. No; he really, really, loves
soundtracks. I think he is going to be featured on Geraldo next week. Perhaps
it is a genetic thing.
I have (and am quite proud of, I might add) the original soundtrack, on
8/Track, to the _Hair_ broadway play. It is still in the box. I am willing to
sell this item to any person with such a mental affliction as Deacon's for the
low, low price of $320.06
==========================
A poem: Suburban Streets
The children play
in the street
And watch the ball roll down
Watch them frolic
in the street
Of a quaint suburban town
And one by one
they disappear
Like some force retreating
Three and then four
they disappear
The Sacred Llama is feeding
At the altar
in the temple
The parents scour for reasons
See all the rage
in the temple
Butter and garlic seasoned
Like Hansel and Gretel
in the oven
Father Still Knows The Best
Inhaling gas
in the oven
And marinating the rest
At headquarters
in rural Lima
The FBI searches for clues
See the detectives
in rural Lima
With seemingly nothing to lose
What did they do
At PuD Chapel
Finding the evil beast
Falling down
At PuD Chapel
Course Seven of the feast
=============
The art of Cynicism
Many a time in my life, I have been confronted with questions asking my
cynicism and how I managed to obtain such a redeeming trait. What these people
don't realize is that cynicism is not a born trait, it is not by choice either.
I, personally, am not cynical by choice. I am cynical because I have to be.
Why do I have to be cynical? You suck. I have to be cynical to knock this
ounce of information through your birth-defected face and in to your polyhedran
shaped cardboard skull.
They key to cynicism is rudeness. What is the rudest thing you have done
today? Me? I spoke lustily and pervertedly to an innocent senior citizen. The
reaction was amusing. Mildly.
The key to being rude is knowing what other people care about. When somebody
is trying to gain your attention for something important, change the subject by
speaking of how you sexually assaulted a Brownie selling cookies. Don't ever
let them tell you something meaningful. When they start to get the words out,
interrupt and say something like, "I am just way to busy to speak to a low-life
like yourself. I have much more important things to do, such as count the spots
on the ceiling."
Of course, this does not always work on some people. Another tactic is to
answer questions before they are finished, sarcastically and totally
off-subject. A good example would be something like this:
"Hey COURiER, I was wondering if you could-"
"Yhea, you lamer. The sky is still blue. Almost as blue as your mom after I
beat her with a shoehorn. Y'know, I almost let her get away when I was
performing illegal sex acts with your sister, but I managed to hit her over the
head with a broom before she got out the door."
I rest my case. WIth patented, graceful technique such as mine, you will
have no problem losing all of your friends. Good luck.
- NC
======
Let's go ahead and end this thing now.
<*** End of PuD v2.02 ***>
Mail:
NO COURiER the Niceguy ------------- WWiV 2506@36
Baphomet the Mighty Kitten Slayer -- WWiV 2506@14
Y'know, an attitude like that doesn't get you anywhere.
Huh? I've been to the courthouse several times!
