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Poor Old Ugly Pompous Electronic Yams 16
P-O-U-P-E-Y SIXTEEN! WOO HAH! JUBJUB IS FIRED!
POUPEY. (intro)
thasright now.
FUCK YAH!
Fuck all you slimy fucking nig greasballs. Fuck you italian meatballs.
Fuck you patties. Fuck you ankle biters (you included mogel). And FIST
FUCK ALL YOU FUCKING REPUBLICANS@!@!$ UP THE FUCKING ASS@!!@$! The poor
don't want less soup, the gays don't want "Official hate gay day" the
blacks don't want pictures of them in suits with penis hanging out semi
erect. I don't fucking want you in office. So from now on, only my vote
counts. Also, you democrats. GRAHHH!#@$!@$!$#@ Just as bad as the
republicans. Almost worse, because you pretend to be about freedom.
FUCKERS!! I will PERSONALLY kill EVERYONE of you until we can put some non
THEM controlled people in. F-U-C-K-E-R-S! Poupey is back ya see? no longer
sleeping!#@$ We will fight.. in the houses. outhouses. We will fight, in
the pancake houses. We will fight, in the green houses with a goat. We
will fight, in the dog house with a moat. by the way, jubjub is
FIREDDDDD!!
(gradual combination of 3 entirely different things)
-----------------------------------------------------
Page break HERE! Jubjub is FIREDDDD!!!
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the inzane TRUE story I wrote after staying up all night -nybar
ok. lets be honest here. I stayed up all night. ok? I said it. fuck you.
anyway, right now it's 12:00. I don't know why I stayed up so long. I
can't go to sleep. I even tried eating some grubs. Grubs. MMMM. Anyway..
I am writing this all right now. The whole issue. Which isn't much,
because poupey issues aren't usually big cause I write all of them you
BASTARDS I HATE YOUR GUTS YOU READ AND YET YOU NEVER SUBMIT I NEED TO
PRETEND TO BE MOGEL!@#$!@$ anyyyyway.. ehehehehe.. I remember pretending
to be mogel:
/m antihero man.. you really need to submit to dto!
we are, like, desperate!
antihero: oh really? whyzat?
/m antihero we only have 20k, and we're 2 weeks overdue.
antihero: sucky, I'll start work on it at work tomorrow
/m antihero no.. now.
antihero: umm.. ok.
pixy-: you aren't REALLY mogel.. are you?
/m pixy- who, me?
-----
heheh.. that ruled. that idiot never finished though. stupid antihero!!
the fucking cog is in the stofe for once! wait.. did what I just say make
sense? who the hell am I talking to anyway. I am typing with preternatural
speed. it's wierd. also thoughts are coming super fast thats why I
decided to put on some pants (err.. pull up my sleeves I mean <blush>) and
write poupey. You see, medear... you will never have as large a dick as
mine. And the Fonz can out fuck you anyday. hwah. oh wait thats part of
umm.. wait.. was it.. oh I dunno.. the erotic mind control archive?
Monkies anonymous? ohh I don't even know what I'm typing anymore. ya see
it's like in that beatles song they were talking about you. Oh wait I
forgot. oh fuck.. hanson... fuck mtv sucks man marily manson fuck I'm
never going to watch these video awars again oh fuck this fucking sucks.
JUBJUB IS FIREEEEDD!!!! FIREEDDD! HE.. IS... TOAST!
--------------------------------------------------------------
this page break copyrighted 1997 by JUBJUB IS FIRED industries.
--------------------------------------------------------------
The story about the leprechaun I wrote after staying up all night -nybar
"Uh oh.. this is bad."
the leprachaun thought. he had to pee. right after announcing himself as
the leprachaun with the traditional scary "AHH'M DA LEPRACHAUN!" he had to
fucking PEE! And he was getting horny. This really sucked. I mean.. what
could he do? Just say "Hey waitasec.. don't run away with the pot of
gold.. I need to go pee and masturbate (wherever leprechauns go to do
that)." Yeah right. And he needed to go so badly he was dying. The
erection he was getting didn't help any. The person he was scaring was
just standing there, tapping her foot. Then, it happened. He peed himself.
She could see it, too!!! Aww man... sucky.. she ran away trying to do the
traditional screaming thing, but ended up laughing like hell. He said "Ahh
what the hell" and started masturbating. Then, the worst thing possible
happened. Some jerk photogropher took his picture! How would he ever get
over THIS little scandal. I mean sure.. the people might elect a
leprechaun who insisted in dressing in green and marching in the gay
rights parade *not to mention scaring and ocasionally killing people who
tried to take his gold* but M-A-S-T-U-R-B-A-T-I-N-G?!@$ NO WAY! He thought
of how irrational this was.. then remembered something.. some number he
had seen... about... getting rid of republicans and their stupid logic...
just one small contribution could help buy weaponry to end a stupid
regime!
302-555-NYBAR! (it's nybar's work number. call it to send in a donation.
snake face handles calls. please, we are all that stand between,
you, mind control, and col sanders. like this:
YOU |us | Sanders, (and his mind control)
| |here!| ------------------------
\ / | | ||
| | \ /
O | |
-|- | | EVILEVILBADGIVEMONEYTONYBAR!
/ \ | |
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jubjub has a small dick. he no longer edits poupey. I do. he is fired.
fuck him. oh wait can't he has a to small of a dick. haha.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The crazy story I wrote after staying up all night - by nybar
If I were a drummer.. would I not still... not.. know how to play drums?
If.. the universe.. the.. unvierse..r 1342.ed.234.e.1$# -tales from the
ghetto
anyway, as one of my idols, yellow kid weil said: it only takes one
mistake for the criminal to be "fired" it takes the cops a thousand.
and yer no yellow kid weil m'boy. it's time to be realistic. it's like
this: I'm being a condescending dude with no point just because there's no
chance you will respond. get it? ARGHHH I'M SO FUCKING PISSED!@$#
DAMNIT!@$ IN THE NORTH AMERICAN DUB OF SAILOR MOON THEY MADE IT A KIDDIE
SHOW!@$# IT USED TO BE... HOW TO SUM IT UP.. JAPANESE!@$!@$!#@$!#@$ NOT
SOME FUCKING AMERICAN FUCK IT'S FUCKING NOTHING BUT A SHITTY FUCKING SHIT
FUCK!#@$ ARGHHH!#@$!#@$ see.. the cd player agrees with me. it's loudly
playing tom waits. by the way.. my idols are: yellow kid weil. count
lustig. thomas paine. thomas jefferson. and napolean. Though napoleans
inflated ego often got the better of him, he was, most definately, a
genius of the highest callibre. Look at all the reforms he passed in
france. or austerlitz. ahhhh austerlitz.. still talleyrand wuz smarter.
See, like I was saying to mogel.. seen the movie trainspotting.. it's like
about growing up and shit.. ya know? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!! I FUCKING
LOVE THE WORLD!! WHEEEE! I AM THE EGGMAN.. YOU ARE THE EGGMAN.. I FUCKING
HATE EGGS!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH STILL I WISH I HAD A HARD BOILED ONE UP MY ASS
RIGHTTTT.. NOWWW!! Sorry.. random burst of energy.......................
btw fin.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
yellow man.. jubjub sucks.. broke his ass.. with a duck, widda knick nack
jubjub is fired..
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The story I wrote after creed said poupey was a y0lk wannabe.. - by nybar
hah. asshole.
listen up, BUCKO!@$ if y0lk could even APPROACH the amount of SHEER ANGST
professed in poupey, all of you sissy fucking farmy fucks would fucking
explode into nothing but a fucking shit pond full of water. SHIT and
water. sometimes even SHITTY water. If I wiped my ass with y0lk I would be
ruining this computer. tv's sqiggy agrees with me on this..
Squiggy "I'll see it, when I believe it."
listen up abe, the water zombies sold their souls to skull master because
he lied to them, tricking them into thinking that he was saving them from
the collapse of their under-sea thing and would re-animate them. DUHHHH!!
DIDN'T YOU EVEN SEE THE EPISODE YOU FUCKING RETARD! Oh.. and the ants
whose blood hurts you are white. believe me, I know. just looke at this
nose. FISHBAIT!
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH@#$!@4!@$!@$!$@
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The poupey novel is coming soon to bookstores near you.. it's called
jubjub is FIREEDD!#@$
-------------------------------------------------------------------
And now.. a massage (heh, massage) from our author...
I would like to profess my most sincere interest in killing and horribly
mutilfired him. I'm the president of this `zine. he WAS the lowly editor.
now I edit it also. heres how it happened: Me "Hey jubs.. ahh... make
poupey." Jubjub "Sorry.... to lazy. As a matter of fact poupey is
disbanded." Me "Whoops, I think not, I'm the president. You're fired."
Jubjub "Fine.. bet you can't make an issue by yourself within one year."
Me "Oh FUCKING fucked up FUCKIE fucked SHIT FUCK yeah?" Thank you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
http://home.earthlink.net/~doncameron/rapelist.html
over 2000 movies with rape in them now online!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The Adventures of the Non-Horny Guy (who the chicks dig) - by Nybar
*The non horny guy walks into the brothel. He is here to deliver a package.*
Sexy Hooker "Ohh non horny guy.. may I please suck your penis"
Non Horny guy "You MAYYYYYYYyyyyy.."
Sexy Hooker "CAN I?"
NHG "You CANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN..."
Sexy Hooker "Will I?!??!"
NHG "I dunno; WILL YOU?!@#$"
Sexy Hooker "AHH YOU ARE SO SEXY I WANT TO SCREAM! WILL YOU LET ME?!@$#"
NHG "Sorry toots, I'm just not horny enough.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
the last file is over dumbass, this is a page break
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
and now an intermission, please buy our poupey products!! such as ms.
potato face (note the bow)
o _______________________________
________&_______ o | |
/ \ o |why do i have legs in my mouth?|
/ \ o |_______________________________|
/----(.)-----(*)-----\
/ <> <> \
\-/-----| \\ /_ // |-----\-/
| | \\ // | |
| \\// |
\ /
\ /
\ /
\________________/
// \\
_// \\_
---------------------------------------------------------------
and next comes the faked story of how jubjub got fired!! yay!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Jubjub "ok nybar.. I'm thinking for the next issue of poupey.. we'll have
lots of cutesy things! you know! kid oriented! like mr.lemonaid head... ya
know?"
Nybar "Mr. Lemonaid head? Ahh jubjub.. that's the japenese equivelant of
the playboy bunny."
Jubjub "Grr.. ya know.. like.. mr hooter scooter.."
Nybar "Swedish equivelant.."
Jubjub "Mr. The fucking cock sucker that goes in and out of the pussy!!"
Nybar "Nope, thats the irish version."
Jubjub "Shit, irish? ohh I see. should have known. Ok then, I DISBAND
POUPEY! YUP! POUPEY IS CANCELED!"
Nybar "Whoops.. wrong again.. I'm the president.. and for that little bit
of insolence, you.. are.. fIRED!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
wuzn't dat elite?!@ JUBJUB IS FUCKING FIRED! YAY!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
(NOTE: the following was written before jubjub was fired, be warned.)
Primo shoes=Mucho profit: A buisness lesson for the 90's? - by Nybar
---------
One day.. I was going shopping at the grocery store.
Jubjub was there to. It might be noted that we got 3
boxes of fruit rollups.. which are addictive. If they
illeagelized them.. the price would skyrocket. Everyone
I know is a junky. Since this is supposed to be a buisness
lesson.. or at least the title says so.. I think I will
put in alot of ways to earn money without having to
actually do much work.
LESSON ONE: The Fruit Rollup Scam
---
For advanced fruit rollup scammers only
---
Ok.. what you do.. is go to a grocery store,
And scope out the fruit rollup section. Then..
have your partner start making a little
distraction.. such as running naked through the
aisles.. yelling "I'M A REPUBLICAN NUDIST!!"
or something like that. Most of the security will
be called in to restrain him/her (works best with
a female <winkwink>).Then fill up a shopping cart
with all of the fruit rollups or spinnoffs on
display.. and run off. Most of the security will
be gone from the door.. and the rest just run
through. Make sure to conceal your face. Your
partner usually gets off with nothing but a slap
on the wrist or a rat tail in the ass or
something. When you get him/her out of jail, go
to another grocery store.. with you making the
distraction this time. Once you have cleaned out
most of the big suppliers.. you can pick junkies
off of the street and sell the stuff for an
inflated price. Another trick is to divert trucks.
Just be creative.
Lesson 2: Coupon Fraud
You know those things in grocery stores that
automatically give out free coupons? You can only
get two out at first.. but eventually they come
back. If you run through a big grocery store.. the
ones that have run out will have re-loaded by the
time you get back to them. Then.. wait until you
get a clerk that looks kind of wet behind the ears.
Give this clerk the coupons and the stuff they are
for and you can get FREE stuff. YEAH!
Lesson 3: The poupey seminar
Nybar "Hello all, I would like to thank you
for attending the poupey seminar.
Froboy "As would I"
Nybar "Before we can teach you how to make ..
BIG.. <flashes some 100 dollar bills>
money.. we must be introduced. My name
is nybar.. I run a LEGITIMATE buisness
involving smuggling pandas from the rain
forests and having them stuffed.. to be
sold to sweet little girls. Did I mention
it's LEGITIMATE?"
Froboy "And you may call me the pillsbury fro
boy.. or bravehair. I run a small..
MILLION DOLLAR A YEAR, FOR ME!! Industry
involving doing seminars for idiotic
individuals and selling infomercial
merchandise which just happened to be
lying in the basement. Buy YOUR yard
golf set.. (yolf), food dehydrator..
and hair-remover TODAY! BUYBUYBUY."
<woman from audience stands up>
Infomercial Women "Well.. my COMPLETELY un-edited, personal...
UN-payed opionon is that everyone should buy
this stuff. Froboy Stupid Products has been
turning out fine products since the first broom
and a half came off the production line. Keep em
coming boys!!" <smiles a smile bigger than the
mason dixon line.. thumbs up>
<woman sits down>
Froboy "Why.. thank you for your... UNBRIBED.... opinion of my
products. I AM RICH!! So anyway.. now it's time for the
POUPEY MONEY-MAKING SEMINAR."
Nybar "The first thing you have to have is ANGST!! If your angsty
enough.. you can do anything. If you don't have any money..
MAKE SOME! Go out on the street and punch someone out and
take their money. Repeat. Then.. buy some herion or cocaine,
put it in some cookies.. sell them.. and then build a multi-
billion dollar a second industry!!!!!!!!"
Froboy "This plan ALWAYS works!!!!!"
<fatguy who we payed to stand up stands up>
Fatguy "I'M NOT CONVINCED!!"
<fatguy sits down>
Froboy "Let my cohort in crime, my buisness buddy, the money making
master: Nybar! Tell you a little story. It's called.. Primo
shoes <points at his nice shoes> MUCHO PROFIT <holds up 20
$100 dollar bills>"
Nybar "Thank you my advanced associate... my shining schemer, my
swift swindler; I believe I WILL tell that story. It allll
began when we were going grocery shopping:
<fade to flashback thingie>
<----------------Flashback Time-------------------->
!!!
Myself (Nybar) and jubjub had just come out
from grocery shopping. We were going into the car.. when
something odd caught my eye. Some redneck who had a beat
hay-truck had left his SHOES on top of the hay in back...
primo shoes.. to say the least. Thinking that I could later
sell them for mucho profit; I snatched them. Unluckily.. the
rednecks dog (who was in the truck) started barking. That
brought the redneck out. But jubjub and I managed to escape,
I, cursing all the while "Primo shoes.. mucho profit.. primo
shoes.. FUCKING MUCHO PROFIT FOR FUCKING PRIMO SHOES!!!"
<-------------------------------------------------->
<fatguy stands up again>
Fatguy "How would that convince me?!?!"
Froboy "Ahh.. but the plot thickens.. care to tell the rest..
my alleged alibi?"
Nybar "Nay.. my panhandling partner.. you my apply the coupe
de gra."
Froboy "Then apply it I will!!! MONEY! <flashes those 20's again>
<--------------------FLASHBACK TIME (AGAIN)---------------->
With Nybar still stinging from being caught by the yellow-
bellied cow tipper, good news would be viewed as deliverance
to the ones who were close to him. HAIL NYBAR, THE RAVE KING,
AND THE MONEYMAKING PRINCE!! That news came in the form of
... well.. alot of people being shot by guns. Let me explain:
While jubjub was watching TV.. he saw a program on CNN..
or some other such channel.. when it came to a thing about
peoples relatives and accquantices being shot by guns. With
the MAN in the white house.. little was being done to stem
the tides of death.. so 10,000 of the guys N gals who had
known those shot were sending in the people who had been
killed SHOES. They were going to put them on the steps of the
U.S. Senate building.. forget what it's called. Now THERE
were some primo shoes.. and .. repeat it with me..
<all> "PRIMO SHOES=MUCHO PROFIT!!"
So.. hopping on the train to washington with many boxes,
bags, and other carrying units.. nybar, jubjub, and I hopped
a cab to the senate building.. took the shoes.. and the rest,
as they say.. is history. That is how we got our start as
infomercial mongers.. exploiting the masses.
<----------------------------------------------------------------->
Nybar "And now.. are you convinced.. my fat friend.. my slow
joe, my big pig?"
Fatguy "... yes"
Froboy "So; my caperous cohort, my mischivous misleader, my
startling stalker.. will you proceed with the final,
short, lesson?"
Nybar "Indubitably"
Froboy "Proceed.."
Nybar "The final, most important, shortest.. lesson
IS: If you want to be rich.. don't waist money
going to seminars that insult your intelligance
and cost $100 admission"
Froboy "Ciao, folks"
Nybar "Before I go.. MONEY <nybar flashes 300 $100 dollar
bills, and 20 buckets of quarters>
Nybar "G'night folks"
Froboy "One last thing.... MONEY!!!!!!
<nybar, froboy.. and 300 dancing broadway girls
start dancing on top of a GIANT vat of money!>
FIN
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
the next thing yo's gonna read is the zinboobi six.. thing. I'm ashamed
because I sold out in these. read ahead.. if you DARE! (the sixth is the
best, the fifth is the second best, ect)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1996: An URBAN Oddessy
----------------------
Bad hangover and little sleep. To much coffee..
Not enough effect. My name is jubjub.. for those of you
who don't know. It's a normal day in my life; another
night in a cheap motel. As I was settling down to watch
some tv and listen to some music.. I was distracted by
a moaning sound.. and a clawing at the door. I opened the
door. It was my brother and then roomate nybar. He was
extremely beaten up. He looked like somethin outta the
toilet. I asked him what had happened.. and he uttered one
one singular; disturbing word: `Zinboobi'. I said `NO..
NOT Zinboobi!' right before he passed out. Let me explain
about that name. Now.. we used to be prize-wrestlers in
world wrestling federation. We were the best out there..
and we wanted to prove it. Those were the good days.
Anyway... about the name Zinboobi; The name Zinboobi
comes from a match we once had. At the end of the
wrestling season.. there is the finale; the champs fight
eachother. They were the other champ. We.. of course.. had
to strive feverously until we beat them. We worked out
for weeks.. often until we passed out. Whenever we talked
to them.. they seemed well-rested.. and confident. And
they never seemed to exercise. When the big match came..
Nybar went to say `let the best man win' in the nybar-way.
He came back disillusioned about wrestlings authenticity.
He told me he had found STERIODS in their warm-up room.
My hopes, dreams, and thoughts shattered around me. I would
never be the same. He thought we had to throw the match..
but I knew that if we threw the match.. we would be no
better then they were. We would be letting down millions
of fans. It would be like shoeless joe throwing the world
series. We had to fight. The fighting was fierce. I nearly
got KILLED. Good thing it was alternating. Nybar bravely
fought Eziekial Zinboobi while I rested. He managed to
win; because I had weakened him. Then.. I fought abraham
Zinboobi to a standstill. We had won. They swore revenge.
Only later did the manager tell me he had known about
the steriods... and if we told.. we wouldn't live to
talk about it. That was the same day he got Me and nybar's
resignation from world-class federation wrestling. We used
to be rich, happy, and beloved. Now we were jobless;
joyless, and avoided. Still.. we fought clean. When nybar
came to.. he told me that while he was bringing the
groceries home.. he was jumped by both zinboobie's at the
same time. He didn't stand a chance. And he said they were
bigger and stronger then before. He also told me that they
were coming for us. He said they said something like
`NYBAR YOU BASTARD! HERES A MESSAGE FOR THAT BROTHER
OF YOURS: THE BIG MAN DOESN'T LIKE RATS!' It was
tournament day all over again. I hadn't said anything
about it. But then I realised it. NYBAR! YOU COULDN'T
HAVE!!
Nybar "I'm sorry man. I couldn't stand it anymore. The
Constant guilt. The searing pain. The thought that scum
like that weren't kicked out. Searing my sould. Grinding
my bones. I haven't slept for the thought of it. I reported
it to my lawyer. He says we have a big case."
Me "I understand how you feel man. I've often thought of
telling about those scum myself. But I couldn't bear the
thought of what they might do to me and mine"
Nybar "The only way we are ever going to live this through
is together. The court date is the 21'st."
Me "THATS A WEEK FROM NOW!"
Nybar "I know. And no one *REALLY* seems to believe me.
Witness protection is refused. Today is going to be ...
difficult."
Me "Today IS going to be difficult. You look bad. Sleep"
....
Thats one of the good things about nybar.. no need to tell.
him twice. He was sleeping like a baby by the time his
head hit the pillow. If I had a pillow. But it was time
I started following my own advice. I hadn't slept for a
long time to. It was a big burder off my shouders that
nybar had told them. I could now sleep in peace. Now..
another burden. Keeping alive until the trial. Out of the
frying pan and into the fire.. thats me. No need for
serious thought now. Only need for sleep.
.....
I slept a long.. dreamless night. I woke up feeling semi
refreashed. Right when I woke up.. something hit me. It
was a smell. It smelled like pancakes and sausage. Nybar
was cooking breakfast. No need to get jumpy. I decided to
walk into the kitchen and get my fair share. I was half
asleep.. so it didn't really hit me until I went into the
kitchen. The place was wrecked. There had obviously been
a huge struggle. Nybar was no where to be found.. and
belive me.. I looked. On the door of the apartment was a
note. It said that if I ever wanted to see my brother
again.. I had to go to a particular house that was just
around the block. If I brought help, nybar's life was
forfeit. If I didn't come.. nybar was as good as dead.
It was a no win situation. I wish nybar were here... but
he was still busy being kidnapped. Those BASTARDS!!!
They wrecked my apartment. They broke into my abode. They
kidnapped my brother. I dropped to my knees, and yelled..
in a star trek-like way
"ZINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBIII
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This.... was.... a.... SHOWDOWN! When I arrived in the
building specified by the note.. everything was dark..
with no light switches in sight. I yelled; quite stupidly,
in hindsight; "HELLO!?$#% YOU BETTER BE HERE Zinboobi'S!
AND YOU TO, BIG MAN!" and then waited. No answer. I
shouted again. Still no answer. Right when I was
considering going out and getting help.. I heard a voice:
"Good night, Mr. Jubjub"
WHACK!
When I awoke.. I was in a room as dark as the one I was
previously in. I was sitting, tied up.. to a chair at a
desk.. under a very bright, hot.. light. And then I
noticed something else. I wasn't alone in this room. I
didn't know it then.. but it was the big man.
The big man "Greetings, Mr. Jubjub"
Jubjub "WHY HAVE YOU BROUGHT ME HERE?!@ WHY HAVE YOU
DESTROYED EVERYTHING THATS EVER MATTERED?#@?%@#%
The big man "Isn't it obvious? You've threatened my
operation!! And about me destroying everything that ever
mattered to you.. I assure you that your brother is quite
intact"
Jubjub "WHERE IS HE?$!~@#@%"
The big man "He could be... anywhere. muahahhahahaha!"
Jubjub "Why have you brought me here?!#?$"
The big man "To extend a little.. offer."
Jubjub "Oh.. an OFFER eh? Like WHAT.. SCUM!?"
The Big Man "You and your brother used to be the best
wrestlers I ever had. The public loved you. If you would
just.. drop the charges...."
Me "NEVER!"
The Big Man "Maybe you don't feel like co-operating right
now. A little nap might help your temper. Hanz, franz;
if you please?"
WHACK
I woke up in his basement. When I saw the door.. I knew
there was no escape. It was bolted, and re-inforced.
There was one upside. Nybar was there.. looking better
then I probably did. Having nothing to do.. we decided
to tell eachother what happened. Heres nybar's story:
Nybar "I woke up at around eight. I was really hungry.. so I
decided to make breakfast. Then I heard someone knocking
on the door. It was the pizza guy. Still being pretty
tired.. I didn't notice that it was 8:35 in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to have his pizza... and I said
yeah. When I opened it.. alot of gas came out. I woke up
here."
Jubjub "So why was the apartment wrecked?"
Nybar "I dunno.. I guess they just decided to trash the place"
Jubjub "They don't only cheat.. gamble.. and other things I'm
sure.. they're JERKS!"
....
Just then I heard something. It was the door. Someone
opened it a crack and threw a loaf of bread in. It was
*EXTREMELY* stale. Someone said `hahahahah.. enjoy
your cement bread!!!'. It LITERALLY had cement in it.
It was hard as a brick. I made use of it in an
unforseen way. I threw it at the wall. Now.. the wall
was pretty flimsy.. and I saw one brick that was extra
loose. I threw the cement-bread at it and it gave in.
From there.. we were able to pry loose enough other
bricks to open a hole big enough to crawl through.
WE WERE FREE!!
To be continued.....
Note: What you just read was.. like.. already in some poupey
of the past, but the other 5 weren't. I put it in cause of
consistancy and.. stuff like that, K?
1996: An URBAN oddessy of nybar
------------------------------
Howling whores and haunting hookers. Life in this city,
how could you not love it? My name is jubjub. I work at a grocery
store on thirty second street. But I used to be a wrestler. These
are the chronicles of what.. how, and why it happened. I call them
NINETEEN NINETY SIX... AN URBAN.. ODDESSY!.. except louder.
Now.. a brief re-cap. Yesterday.. when I woke up nybar had been
kidnapped. I found a note.. and it's a long story but lets just
say I ended up right next to him in a dungeon. It turns out it was
because he had squealed some of the wwf's secrets and a shady
manager called `the big man' was trying to have us wiped out.
Needles to say we escaped from the dungeon. But then.. we were
stranded outside.. knowing we couldn't go back to my apartment
because they would look for us there. There was 5 days until the
trial.. and I don't think waiting for them to kill us would be
pleasent. So nybar made a jolly proposal. Why don't WE go after
THEM. This is the story of the daring day2 in our urban oddessy.
----------- Insert Spacer here (poupey prop management)
------------------------------------------------------------------
It was a big city.. and we didn't have the man.. cat.. dog.. horse
, or anything power the scour it. The only logical solution was to
look at the bad mooks last known (to us) hiding place. Yeah.. the
dark room with the basement where I was knocked out twice. Ahhh..
I have to omit that knocked out twice part in future versions.
Anyway... we decided to go there.. for some reason or other.
When we went in this time.. all the lights were on. It looked just
like a wrestling ring. Waitasec;... nybar has a comment to add to
that "Maybe it looked like a wrestling ring because thats what it
WAS.. DIPSHIT!" Thank you for that nybar. There were two shadowy
men standing in the corner. Before we had the oppurtunity to
harras.. I mean question them; the PA system went on.
"DINGDING It's the amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzingggggg match you've ALL
been waiting for. The great, the buff.. the crazy team.. with
captain crazy and his astute comrade.. HAUSS.. in one cornnneerr.
And the great.. the grand.. the GAYbeeni brothers in the OTHER.
Now lets give a special hand to hauss <clapclapclap> And captain
crazy <clapclapclap> and now the gaybeeni's.. FATSLAYER AND KURDT
<boooboooboooboooboooboooboobbbbbboooo> <someone throws an egg at
kurdt> Kurdt "OW! Hey good lookin!" <a really fat guy stand up>
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!"
------
Then the gaybeeni's jumped into the ring. This was obviously one
of the big mans sick mind games. Ohh.. that guy makes me mad.
Needless to say.. we kicked the holy shit out of those fags. I
mean.. come the hell on.. we were the CHAMPS. They were a couple
of homos. The only thing was that it winded me a little.. haha..
it was worth it to toss them into eachother. Then.. I thought it
was over.. and we would get what we wanted. But truly.. it was
just beginning. The PA came on again and said now we had to fight
some other guys.. called the `ChinChaaChaa' brothers. We kicked
their immigrated asses to. But then it came on again... we had
to fight some guys called the `Grassylumpkin' brothers. We got
out a can of whoop-ass on them. But we were both getting seriously
tired. We knocked some sense into about 10 people.. not without
injury.. because they got progressively better... until we came
to the ZINBOOBI'S. This time.. it was a cage match. No ref's to
moderate. They were stronger. We were tired and beaten. There were
also 4 other guys in the cage. The Mad Svedes (actually SPELLED
with a v) Gabriel and Chinvorken, and the Pomper Oppers, Hanz
and Franz. The real turning point was when nybar grabbed a big
rusty monkey wrench and knocked Ezekial Zinboobia out.. and while
abraham was shouting something about revenge to him.. I threw hanz
AND franz at him. Chinvorken and gabriel were easy after that.
During all the fighting.. there was one thing we hadn't noticed..
WE WERE ALL LOCKED IN A FRIKKIN CAGE@@#%!!! THE FRAGGING BIG MAN
HAD CAPTURED US AGAIN@$#%@#!~!@$!!!!!! But this time.. we weren't
going to be trapped. Nybar grabbed some plyers, and I got a
chainsaw that was also in the cage.. and pretty soon we cut our
way to freedom. We searched the place bare to the bone.. but we
didn't find anything. The importance of this was.. we were once
again the wrestling champs!! We had defeated, cage match, 6 of
the best of the best. So of course we called put all the guys who
were still knocked out in the cage.. and while I guarded it nybar
called the police. There were no REAL charges to convict them of..
but since it was new-york.. theyyy worked something out. All of
them got 20 to life. Also.. many of the police force who helped
convict them got a raise. You can thank the overcrowded, crooked;
`Revolving door' prison system for this. It can work in mysterious
ways! Having seen that we were ready.. willing.. and better then
ever.. we decided to go back into the wrestling biz. But there
was no way I was signing up with that sleaze ball.. the big man.
So we both decided to do a tag team thing for the CCF
(crazy chicken federation). They do good work.. and they are like
a family out there. Except when you are engulfing each-other in
flames.. and hitting the other guy with a wooden spoon and the
like. Then they AREN'T like family. Anyway.. just as we had signed
up.. and our first match on the way.. I was on top of the world.
I was thinking how all the good stuff happened to me.. and, since
I am the one who would ultimately write this.. all the bad stuff
happened to nybar. Yup.. things couldn't be better. And then it
happened.
BLAM!@#%
Nybar "DAMN! SHOOT JUBJUB WILL YOU?@#5? BASSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTAAAAA
RRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!"
NEXT WEEK: With jubjub in the hospital.. waiting for death,
and nybar on the streets.. searching for the answer to
his seething question: WHO IS THE BIG MAN?
Ciao next week, dahlin.
1996: An URBAN Oddessy
-----------
Ever notice how hard a good beginning is to think of? I'm
jubjub.. albiet comatose. Now heres a ironic story. Little
billy used to read comics..and he loved all the powers the
people in them had. But he espically lovvveeddd the idea
of psionics. He tried everything to get them. Finally..
when he was busy bombarding himself with cosmic-rays.. he
passed out. He was in a complete comatose state.
There was an up side though; while he was passed out.. he
had the thing he had been dreaming of!! He had madd.....
psionic skillllllzzzzzzz. He decided to telepathically
monitor peoples bathrooms.. that sicky!! But when he
recovered.. he had lost his mind powers. No one would
believe him, that was what drove him insane. What I am
trying to say is... being comatose gives you psychic
powers. The psychic network is a HOSPITAL! First I chose
to turn my great powers inward. I saw me being shot; most
likely by one of the big mans men.. and being carried to
this damnable hospital!! Oh my god.. can't believe I just
said damnable!! Anyway.. here I am. Psychic. I think I
will look at some bathrooms.
Meanwhile.. at the white house....
Hillary Clinton "Hmmm.. I am getting some mind vibes from
the aliens I connect with's invisible flying psychic monkies
GET OUT OF MY HEAD, JUBJUB!!"
And now back to jubjub....
Man that really sucked. I think instead I will watch nybar
jumping around the city. I bet he's on his high heels
looking for the scum that shot me. Hmmm.. there he is now;
at the PIZZA parlor?!@#@% What the hell is he doing there.
hmm.. probably looking for clues. LETS GET SOME SOUND!
Cut to pizza parlor......
Nybar "`ey tony... I wanna know whats up with all this
grease man!!"
Tony "I dunno.. I ask da godfather"
godfather "<mumblemumble>"
Nybar "You have straightened me out, oh godfather"
Jubjub "NYBAR! I AM CONTACTING ME PSYCHICLY!!"
Nybar "No your not.."
Godfather <mumblemumble>
Nybar "Oh of course, godfather"
Jubjub "WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU LOOKING FOR THE GUY WHO
SHOT ME?!"
Nybar "I WAS LOOKING FOR CLUES <whispered> to why there
is so much grease on tony's greasy pizza"
Jubjub "ahh.. I heard that.. I can read your mind"
Nybar "OH YEAH?!@#%"
Jubjub "YEAH!"
Nybar *thinking*: Jubjub is a jerk.
Jubjub "Stop thinking about me and look for my gunman!!"
Nybar *Thinking*: Ok... jerk.
And so nybar begins his little oddessy. How can he
possibly keep this realistic.. while at the same time being
original?! The answer is.. he CAN'T!
Cut to nybar narritive...
It was a dark and stormy night. Thats as far as I got on
my murder mystery novel. Anyway.. back to the hunt.
Shouldn't be hard to find whoever shot jubjub. I'll just
have my cats scour the city... and I can sit back.. waiting
for one of them to page me.
<five minutes later>
beepbeepbeep. <click> bopbopbopbopbopbopbop <ringring>
Nybar "Heyyy... rusty? MY CAT! You made quick work of that
one!!! Where is he now? Ok.. me and some pussy will go and
do.. something.. to him. Love you to. It's in the fridge,
next to the casserole.. bye"
<click>
And so our not so heroic hero went along his gelatinous
journey into suspense. And so.. we cut to the chase; literally:
Cut to nybar and four cats chasing a petty thug in a GTI `96:
======
Nybar "GIVE IT UP!"
Thug "NEVER!"
Nybar "THATS IT!! I'M RAMMING YOU!!@$"
<BLAM!>
<scccccccckkkkkkkkkkkrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeee>
<BOOM!>
ARRRRRHGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
.... a slight bit later
Nybar "TALK! TALK! WHO PUT YOU UP TO THIS?!@#"
Thug "Slow down buddy..
<nybar slaps the petty thug in the face wayyy to hard>
Nybar "Don't try to smooth talk me!@##### WHY THE HELL
DID THE BIG MAN TELL YOU TO SHOOT JUBJUB??!!!!!?$!@$"
Thug "He just wanted ta show you guys that he was
tracking you. It's nothing compared to what he'll do ta'
YOU... buddy!"
<nybar gives the order.. and the cats suck the breath
out of the petty thug>
Vimto "Good taste..
Nybar "Yeah.. but we've lost our only lead.."
*jubjub and nybar mentally converse*
Jubjub "Not necessarily.. ever think of searching him?"
Nybar "No.. not really.."
Jubjub "I'm breaking off communications, idiot"
...
Nybar gives the order
<the cats search the thug>
TailyPo "Hmm.. well.. we found the big mans buisness
card.. mightttt be useful."
Nybar "Ahhh.. right. Any address on that thing?"
Tailypo "Nope. It does have his name.."
Nybar "Ok.. His name is Guy Incognito. Wow.. I just
have NO idea who that is."
Tailypo "Hmmm... we could look in the phonebook..
A short time later...
<click> bopbopbopbopbopbopbop <ringggg>
The big man "Dude. Dude. This is the big man"
Nybar "Ok man.. it's me.. nybar. I wanna ask a few
questions.. ok?"
The Big Man "How the hell did you get this number?!@#%"
Nybar "Man.. you musta been no copus mentus when you
gave that small time jerk who shot jubjub your buisness
card.. now listen up; There's 4 days before the trial.
If you confess.. you set yourself up for <not so>
leniant punishment."
The Big Man "HAH! Never! And remember that job you
signed up for?#% With the CCF?!(crazy chicken federation) Well,
I've taken the liberty of taking your boss, who; just scant
months ago.. was generally acknowledged as the best wrestler
ever!!"
Nybar "Are you really that lame? I've already been through one
wrestling match cause of you... I don't need another. Can't you
just shoot me@#? It would be better then this unyielding
corniness!!"
The Big Man "That.. could be arranged."
<suddenly, a booming voice, jubjub's.. is heard within the
playgrounds of the big mans mind>
*RELENT*
*SUBMIT*
*ADMIT IT; YOU ARE CROOKED*
The Big Man "Ahh.. jubjub. I was once in a coma myself. Well..
heres a suprise for you: I had a psychic backwash unit installed
in my noggin.. So that anyone within 100 miles of here, and with
telepathic powers, will be able to recieve my little gift. Pain
beyond belief! Of course... you can't hear me. It's hit you by
now. MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHQ#W%)*!#@%)#@%*#@%_*!"
<cut to jubjub in hospital>
Jubjub *thinking* "YARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
PAIN! WHERES MY ASPECREME WHEN I.. ARFRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH@!#$@
@#!%_(% Can't.. Reach.. utilitAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#@%@#%_(@#%_@#(%!
only way is to.. heal my own wounds.. turn my ACK!$ great powers
inward, and heal my body with my mind, So that I will no longer
be comatose, or telepathic.. and thus I won't get all this pain!
Well.. this is as good a YARGHH! time as any"
AND THUS, JUBJUB WAS HEALED
Jubjub "I'M HEALED!"
Head Nurse "Damn. Then I guess we can't charge you for all that
quack surgeory we had planned."
Back to nybar, who in the meanwhile has heeded the big mans call,
corny though it was:
Nybar "Why.. it's Wrestlin' Crazy Chicken himself! I used to love
to watch your show! I never dreamed I would work for you.. much
less wrestle with you."
Crazy Chicken "I only work with the best kid, cause thats what I
am. Now.. as a way for his employer to evaluate his employee's
skills.. I shall wrestle you."
Nybar "But what about the big man? What does he have to do with
this?"
<suddenly, the all elusive PA system comes on>
A question I was hoping you would ask! I; THE BIG MAN <lightning>
Am taping this little bout. You will both, wrestling together..
be the biggest draw of the century. Think.. Fightin Mad Crazy
Chicken and Captain Crazy, back in the ring, better then ever!!
Why.. I'm even selling tickets.. why do you think I chose THIS
location?
Nybar "I.. don't.. SEE.. any people. This place still looks like
a glass house with a wrestling ring inside."
<PA system>
I.. don't.. SEE.. why your so stupid!! You are behind one way
glass!!
Nybar "I guess that makes sense.. but what would you do if I
said I wasn't wrestling?"
<PA system>
I would have several of my guards shoot both of you down where
you stand
Nybar "Good answer. Lets wrestle, Mr. Chicken."
AND SO THE BATTLE IS JOINED! bumbadumbadumbaduma.. DINGDINGDING!
Nybar fakes a left punch, and goes for the groin with his right
foot!
DIRECT HIT!
Crazy chicken is staggered.. WAIT.. FAKING IT! He does his famous
KFC: With a VENGANCE! Frying Foot Move on nybar.
Nybar seeeeemmmsss to be down for the count. Wait.. he's getting
up!!
WHAP! Nybar gives him famous whap attack! It's a butt cheek..
right where you need it the least! The mouth!!@%
Crazy chicken doesn't look like he even felt it.. and he goes
into his patented crazy chicken pork chops, the OTHER white meat
hold..
It holds!! Nybar can't move!! Waitaminute.. he's using his famous
cat-fight move! Know those things in heithcliff where, when
some people/cats/dogs/horses are fighting.. a big dustball comes
up? Nybar can duplicate that move!! No one can escape it until
all but one stand. And now.. the wait..
<blamblam.. SMASH!>
Hours Later....
<the dusball dies down, with nybar lying; UNCONCIOUS, and crazy
chicken, victorious.. bleeding in a bloody mess alll over the
place>
More hours, and many band-aids later..
<nybar and crazy chicken sit at a cafe.. covered in mickey-mouse
bandaids from head to foot.>
Nybar "God damn.. I've *NEVER* been beaten after ensuing my
famous cat scratch fever move!! Where did you learn to fight so
well?@#%"
Crazy Chicken "Well.. there is only a certain amount of potential
that can be reached without making pilgremage.. to HIM."
Nybar "Who.. Might `him' be?"
Crazy Chicken "The Ancient Yiddish god of wrestling. FROBOY!"
Nybar "Hmmm.. who is this froboy?"
Crazy Chicken "Originally.. he was a brilliant yiddish monk. His
masterworks of literature, art, and science impressed all. But
he was not satisfied. He wouldn't be satisfied until he, and ALL
yiddish monks.. weren't such wimps. He was developing wrestling.
And he has been developing wrestling for 1356 years since. Like
the fonz; no one is worth his punches. He is simply to good to
wrestle.. so he teaches. He is almost as good a teacher as he is
a wrestler. I remember when he was teaching me. I was full of
empty bravado back then. I dared challenge him to a wrestling
match. He didn't even respond. So I had the nerve to attack him.
I used my best hold on him. He didn't move. But his fro did. Oh
did it move. It threw me off.. and beated me repeatedly about the
neck and shoulder area. When I awoke I was back at my house. I
never saw him, or went to his temple, again."
Nybar "So.. where does he live? Can I just give him a knock?"
Crazy Chicken "To get to him.. you must make a PILGRIMAGE! That
means giving away all of your worldly belongings. Oh.. and a
travelling partner helps to."
Nybar "Hmm.. jubjub would be the choice for that.. but he's
hospitalized.."
<jubjub jumps in>
Jubjub "It would seem reports of my hospitalization are quite..
exaggerated! I Over heard the whole conversation.. and I would
love to develop my talents to the maximum level also! I SHALL
PILGREMAGE WITH THEE!"
Nybar "No need to be so dramatic. Take a seat. Have some coffee..
or that would be co-co.. for you. Let us catch up."
Jubjub "Not right now.. maybe while we are on the long journey
to froboy's temple."
Nybar "Ahh.. how are we going to get there?"
Crazy Chicken "I can be your mystical guide. I CAN SHOW YOU THE
WAY, TO DESTINY!"
<all> "TO DENSEITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Froboy's temple, worthy pilgremage or big fat phony?
NEXT WEEK, FIND OUT!
1996: An URBAN Oddessy
--
Must.. push... on. Must.. reach.. wrestling.. perfection. My.. name.. is...
jubjub. I... can.. only.. talk..
incredibly.. slowly. The.. cause.. of.. this.. affliction would be.. not
enough.. food. I fear we shan't be making it. For those of you just joining
us in this realm of zinboobi's and.. sleazy managers.. We, (I, Nybar, And
our boss/mystical guide.. crazy chicken) are trudging through these ancient
snowed over yiddish lands to find.. DESTINY! DESTINY IN WRESTLING!!!! We..
seek.. RETRIBUTION FOR THE SINS OF THE MANAGERS! In other words.. we were
going to see the god of wrestling himself to ask him if he could help us
reach full potential while at the same time protecting us from the big man.
But then.. I saw it!!#$ THE TEMPLE OF FROBOY, THE GOD OF WRESTING! YEAH@!
Was it true? Had we done it? It was true. We had, momentarily.. shaken off
the yoke of this hard society. No more anything.. but peace and bliss.
Someone named mogel greeted us when we entered. I extended my hand of
all is well in the univereness. In response to this, he said "GET THE HELL
AWAY FROM ME, FAG! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!$ GET YER HAND OUTTA MY
FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ahh... all WAS well in the universe. I kicked him in the
balls and nybar engulfed him in flames. We were on our way. The next room
was made entirely of fro picks that had been bronzed. On a throne of hair,
in the middle of a wrestling ring.. was the almight god of wrestling.
FROBOY HIMSELF! WOOHOO:P!@#% He smiled as nybar and I entered.. but when
crazy chicken walked in.. he grinned in wimsical amusement. "Ahh.. the
insolent one returns. Care for another wrestling bout?" he said. Crazy
chicken kind of slinked off. Jubjub "We've come to.. ahh.."
Froboy "Have me teach you how to kick major beefed up wrestler ass.. while
keeping you in my sanctuary, to make sure you don't get killed?"
Nybar "Basically.."
Froboy "First of all.. I ask one question of YOU.. and one only. How the
hell did you find this place; crazy chicken?"
Crazy Chicken "Well.. I once had a bet with someone that he didn't even
know his own zip code. So he said that he did. When it turned out he didn't
(hehe.. 5 dollars right there) I bet him he couldn't walk to his own house
from 3 blocks away. Well.. he started walking, with me following. We
eventually ended up in the sahara desert.. where we found a temple. The
goddess of baked potatoes temple. I asked her a few questions about
wrestling.. and she; disgusted.. teleported me to you. And thats pretty
much it. I think the guy who didn't know his own address is still wandering
the world. Or maybe he has become a high priest of the potato order. (High
priestism not being hard to attain.. she just had one baboon as a worshiper
when we got there.)"
Froboy "And now.. you may ask many questions of me."
Nybar "Why.. are we here?"
Froboy "No exastential questions please."
Crazy Chicken "Want to wrestle again?"
<silence>
Crazy Chicken "I've learned alot of new moves, ya know."
<silence>
Crazy Chicken "I really think I have a chance of winning.. and all.."
WHAM!
Jubjub "Will.. he be waking up?"
Froboy "It is beneath me to use lethal force"
Jubjub "So.. you gonna send him back to his place, like last time?"
Froboy "Yup. I think I will send him there naked.. with the hypnotically
implanted idea in his mind that he has had an alien encounter"
Nybar "Elite"
Jubjub "But there is still the matter of how you will teach us to be the
best."
Froboy "This question is most simply answered. I sense *GREAT* angst within
both of you two. You have been slighted many a time. That is why you are
two of the greates wrestlers who have ever graced my doorstep. Training you
shall be SIMPLE! Your angst levels must reach the infinite level!"
Jubjub "But.. isn't this infinity level just quack science? It's impossible
and you know it!"
Froboy "Oh please.. don't insult me. I have many the means to make your
souls *BOIL!*. Please.. gaze into my ORBS OF INFINITY!!"
<three orbs arise from the dankest depths of the fro>
Froboy "These orbs hold the *KEY* to angst. They sense what will best set
your soul aflame FOREVER!#$% May I have a volunteer?"
Jubjub "Me! Me!"
Froboy "Gaze first upon orb #1 (obviously..)"
Jubjub looks into the orb.. and see's...:
<three small girls of 10 play truth or dare>
Bamby "Ok.. DARE!"
Roxine "I *DARE* you to show the guys those pictures we were drawing!"
Bamby "<teehee> Ok! <annoying nasal gigle>"
...
<bamby, roxine, and foxy walk into the room jubjub is in>
Jubjub "Get OUT! We're having a PRIVATE conversation!!!"
Roxine "We just wanna show you something <teehee>"
<bamby thrusts a quite poorly concieved naked woman in jubjub face>
Bamby "Does this give you a woody?"
<TEEHEE>
Jubjub "HAIMACRIA!#@$!"
Bamby "Does.. that mean you <teehee> like <teehee> it?"
Jubjub "No.. it means I'm going to rip your larrings out.. feed them to you;
and thoroughly ENJOY it!!@"
Roxy "<teehee> Fucckkkkkkkkkkkk youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"
Bambi "Yahhhh.. we're gonna report you for threatening us. <teehee>"
<end image>
Jubjub "YARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH@#$@#%_(#$^)_#^$_*#$^_*#$^_*$#^_
#$)%*^%#$_^*#$)*^@#_%*@$_^)*#%)*#$_%)@#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#@%)%#ACKKKKK@!#$!
HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Froboy "As I expected. But there are still to MORE orbs for your *WEAK*
constitution!"
<jubjub looks into orb #2>
<an extremely snotty looking high school valley girl confronts a guy>
Bambi "Like.. ya knowwwwwwwww.. whatEVER! Want a <teehee> DatE?"
Joeie "Duhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. ya sure.. duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
Bambie "Teehee. It seems I get every<teehee>thing I want."
Joeie "DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
<end image>
Jubjub "ACK!!!$~ HAS SHE NO RESPECT FOR.. UQWERWERYAYRRRRRRTGGGGGH@@$!$"
<jubjub looks into orb 3>
Queen Elizabeth "It gives me great pleasure to pass on the flame to a new,
and hopefully.. bright.. generation. Bambalicous, Esq., I proclaim thee..
Queen of Mother England!"
Prime Minister "TO THE QUEEN!"
Bambi "Like.. ya knoww.. <teehee> ta me!"
<end image>
<jubjub passes out>
Froboy "And now.. NYBAR. Your turn.. to reach *THE HEIGHT OF ANGST!*"
<nybar looks into orb1>
<nybar is in a dark and smelly room.. working feverishly to shave 100
gerbils>
A GROUP OF HUMANATARIANS JUMP IN!
Dr. Lovejoy "Stop being so cruel to these gerbils!!"
Nybar "NAY! THEY HAVE ASKED ME TO! THEY FEEL.."
he never finished his sentence
Dr. Lovejoy "SHUT UP.. GERBIL HATER! TAKE HIM!@%#"
Nybar "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!@$@#%"
<40 policemen beat nybar to the ground>
Dr. Lovejoy "Can't you see how happy the gerbils are now?!"
and.. in the backround.. a single tear.. falls from a single gerbil. Hairy;
.. the one nybar was going to shave next.
<end image>
<a single tear rolls down nybar's cheek>
Nybar "Those hypocrites. They say they were doing it FOR the gerbils!!!!!!"
<nybar looks into orb #2>
<Dr. Lovejoy sits, in a petshop full of gerbils>
<a little kid walks in>
Dr. Lovejoy "Would you like to sample our FINE gerbils?"
Little Kid "hmm.. gerbils are a little to plain for me. Got any armidillos?"
Dr. Lovejoy "If you think gerbils are to plain.. why not look at our special,
SHAVED variety!"
Little Kid "Oh.. that would be GREAT!"
A BLACK grin comes over Dr. Lovejoys face
<end image>
Nybar "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@$@#% NO MORE@!!!!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@$$$$$$$@$(%(!"
<nybar gazes into the third and final orb of infinity.. and it gazes into him>
<Dr.Lovejoy and alot of the other `humanitarians' sit around a banquet table>
Dr. Lovejoy "CHEERS, TO THE SUBJUGATION OF INNOCENT GERBILS!@@!"
<All> "CHEERS!"
<clink!>
<end image>
<nybar passes out>
Froboy "I know you two can hear me. You may spend ONE night in my sanctuary.
This will mean only two days before the trial. Sleep well, my children."
End Story
1996: An URBAN oddessy
----
1969
Here is the story of Tommy Winesworth. He was born in
poopoo city.. where his father had great hopes that he could
someday go to bireland.. and get a monopoly on the potato crops. Vain
hopes. He ran away to america when he was eleven. There was no way
he would have made it anywhere there.. except for one thing. He had
the almost super-power of learning. Any obstacle that stood in his
way.. he would learn something `NEW' to get around it. He decided
the best way to put this to work was to become a wrestler. Many
years later.. he was nearly the champ of the world. He would have
been years ago.. but he was extremely lazy.. and.. he had other
interests... by then he had a beautiful wife and a son, Robbie
Winesworth. One day.. he decided to box a charity bout.. with two
virtually unknowns.. nybar and jubjub. It was a tag-team match.. so
he decided to bring his wife. Hey.. if she was in danger.. he would
just learn something `NEW' to save her. Nybar and Jubjub were very
worried about his learning power. But they had a plan.
...
<DINGDING>
ROUND1
Nybar "I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO A PULP!@#%"
Tommy "LOOK!.. I learned something *NEW*.. I can conentrate
SO hard.. whoever tries to beat me.. just beats themselves!"
<nybar and jubjub take guns out of the spandex they were
wearing>
JubJub "LEARN THIS!!!"
<BLAM!>
<tommy and his wife, dorris.. fall over; lifeless>
Robbie "WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!@$!@$ MOM!!! DAD!!!
I'LL EAT MY PEAS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!@$@!#$@#%@#%@%#"
The present, 15 years later
-------
<nybar and jubjub sit in a cafe>
Jubjub "And then I watched little robbie winesworth..
being carried off, screaming.. for his lost parents. I
didn't know the jerk had a kid at the time <sniffle>"
Nybar "Why are you telling ME? I was THERE!"
Jubjub "ohhh yeah"
<nybar lights a big cuban cigar>
<someone walks over to the table>
Robbie "Please.. no smoking.. and.. waitasec......."
<nybar, jubjub.. and robbie, in unison> "I KNOW YOU!!!!"
Robbie "YOU KILLED MY FAAAAATTTTTTHHHHHHEEEEERRRRRRR!@@$
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!%)#@!#)%@*@#)%*@#+%*!"
<robbie runs.. and jumps out the window of the cafe>
CRASH!#$
Ol' Crazy.. the cafe owner "Hey! You crazy Kid!@#%"
...
Robbie "I have no father.. I have no father.. I have no
father.. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.. PUT THE SHARP THING..
IN THE TUNAAAA!@$#IIIIII.. PUT THE SHARP THING.. IN THE
TUNA!! IIIIIIIIII.. PUT THE SHARP THING.. IN THE TUNA..
IIIIIIIIIIIII.. PUT THE SHARP THING.. IN THE TUNA!@#$
KILL MY FATHER WILL THEY@#%? THEY ARE DEADD!@@$@#% I HEAR
THEY ARE BACK IN WRESTLING!@% MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHWQ!@$!1
BLOWFFFFFRRrffff134! THEY ONLY FIGHT TAG TEAM HUH21/%
I'LL GET AROUND THAT!@$ BLLLLLAAAAHHHHHHBEORGT@#%@!@#"
In that building.. at approximately twelve midnight,
a loud cry was heard.. "LOOK! I LEARNED SOMETHING
*NEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW* I CAN MAKE A CLONE OF MYSELF!$"
...
<nybar and jubjub sit in crazy chickens office>
Crazy Chicken "Great news guys! You get to make your
comeback bout with a great wrestler whos nearly the
champ.. and.. his exzact lookalike. His name is robbie,
and.. the other ones name.. is.. also.. robbie."
...
DINGDING
ROUND ONE.. THE JUBJUB NYBAR COMEBACK SPECTACULAR!
Jubjub <hmphh>
Jubjub punches robbie1
Nybar punches robbie2
Robbie "LOOK! I learned something *NEW*. I CAN CONCENTRATE
SO HARD.. I HIT LIKE A SLEDGE-HAMMER!"
Robbie2 "Ditto"
Nybar "YOU CAN'T DEFEAT US!#@% WE HAVE FROBOY TRAINING!!"
Robbie "LOOK! I leanred something *NEW*! I can concentrate so
much.. I know froboy's entire life story!! And.. Oh.. my..
GAWWWWWWDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@#!@$@14!@$ IT'S ALL CLEAR
TO ME NOW!@$ CHAOS AND ORDER!!@$ THE GREAT WAR!!!!!@$ THE
EVIL ONE HAS RETURNED!!!!!!!@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
<robbie faints>
<robbi2 stands there.. before being pulverised by nybar and
jubjub>
<several hours later.. nybar and jubjub try to console
robbie>
Robbie sips his hot co-co.
Robbie "I learned.. about.. froboy's life. And it all made
sense. Chaos; order. Two sides of the same coin. Human
nature.. wrestling.. forever intertwined. Good;.."
Nybar "I get the point.. enough with the paradoxial things,
boyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
Jubjub "Shut up nybar.."
Nybar <growl>
Jubjub "So.. what did you see?"
Robbie "Long ago.. far away.. froboy was creating the world
of wrestling. Aye.. he was creating the world of wrestling..
and he cast a shadow. This shadow had no real name.. no real
form.. he was simply all that was evil in wrestling. And so,
as froboy created.. the creature destroyed. Froboy discovered
this treachery.. and was most displeased. He showed his
displeasure in a most.. err.. direct.. way. He wrestled the
vile fiend. It broke all the rules. He fought clean. Through
wits.. superior skill and strength.. he managed to force it
into a cave in the center of a marshmellow. Don't laugh. It
was a *BIG* marshmellow. But it was not truly dead. It was
festering. Growing powerful. Raising.. AN ARMY! It .. through
sheer bitterness.. created a construct of PURE EVIL. The
beast had no proper materials.. so it used what it had at
hand. So; thus.. it created the Great General of the
Insidious Army of `25.. THE STAY-PUFF MARSHMELLOW MAN.. LORD
OF EVIL!!! With this army.. he martched on froboy's temple.
He hadn't a chance. He managed to flee.. and raise an army
of his own.. all the wrestlers in the world!! The battle
lines were drawn. Though the marshmellow constructs and
walking reptiles that Great Beast employed were somewhat;
how should I say it.. puffy, they were quite numerous. The
fighting was fierce. Froboy himself single handedly destroyed
the marshmellow man. Both armies were locked in combat. There
was nothing to keep froboy and his shadow off eachother.
Froboy.. already nearly out for the count from the beating he
took at the hands of the marshmellow man.. was severely
outmatched. So he resorted to thinking. And then.. a
revalation struck him. The Great Shadow sought to instill
order in the world.. his order.. but order none the less.
On the other hand.. froboy himself sought nothing but to keep
things as they were before (they were in a state of general
chaos.) Thus.. he championed chaos.. and his shadow wanted
order. He preclaimed these words.. which are now engraved in
the corner of his fro "Armies of chaos.. take heed! I, FROBOY,
patron god of wrestling.. CHAMPION OF CHAOS.. MASTER OF THEE;
proclaim that you will fight he who would instill order in the
land! LETS KICK HIS ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
...
The rest of the battle was quite predictable. This time..
after being defeated.. the dark one was completely destroyed!
If he had had no form before.. now he was barely even a part
of reality. He now had to assume others shapes to take power.
He usually took the form of well off mortals. He has been
growing in power since then. Are you aware of how the
wrestling federation you used to work for did buisness?"
Nybar "OH POTATO YES!!!! WE HAVE BEEN FIGHTING THEM!!!!21#%"
Robbie "Well.. the manager is The Black Prince. The Dark
Lord! The Master Of.."
Nybar "Robbie! Shut up!$ I get the point!"
Robbie "Okok. Anyyyyywwwwwaaaaaaayyyyy.. an army needs
raising!!!!"
<crazy chicken jumps in from nowhere>
Crazy Chicken "I'mmmmmm *JUST THE MAN* for that"
Nybar "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Don't scare me like that!!"
<meanwhile.. at The Dark Lord's (the sleazy manager's)
Ezekial Zinboobi "Who do you want chief?"
The Dark Lord "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
VVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEE!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Next issue: THE BATTLE!!$@ THE FINAL ISSUE!!!!!!!!!!!!#%@#%@^%@^%
note: oh man.. what the fuck was I thinking..
1996: An URBAN Odessy; OMEGA!
----------
<jubjub, nybar.. and crazy chicken.. stand over a map in the war room>
Crazy Chicken: "Hmmm.. I think that our plan of attack
should be divide and conquer. If everyone
does his job.. our victory is ensured."
Nybar: "Just as I was thinking. We could use a mix
of the final formations of the boer war.. the
confederate strategam at chancelorsville.. and alot
of late night spy movies"
Jubjub: "Just what the HELL are you two talking about?!@$"
Nybar: "Hmm.. I was proposing a plan based on the
relative size crazy chicken federations army as
compared to the Prince of Despairs. Now.. we
would split the army in 2. Jubjub and crazy
chicken would be in command of the two sides.
The two sides would be on the top and the
bottom of the grand army of darkness.. which
intelligence reports is going to be marching
en-masse. After that.. the two sides split
again.. into 4 units.. lead by Stinky Kanoot
and Robby Winesworth. Stinky kanoot and Robby
Winesworth's units will go to the left and
right of the Insidious Army.. flanking them.
While this is happening.. the sides under
command of jubjub and Crazy Chicken will be
attacking from both sides.. while the other 2
sides will be dug in.. cutting off the supply
line, reinforcements.. fleeing units.. and
communications. We should, eventually.. be able
to wear them out sufficentaly to have won the war!"
Jubjub: "In ENGLISH!"
Nybar: "IIII.. think I'll take command of your part of the
army.. any objections?"
Jubjub "Ummm.."
Crazy Chicken "Just what will jubjub be doing, at the time?"
Nybar "He will *BE* going to froboy's.. who hopefully will
be able to raise re-inforcements.. and come up with some
kind of brilliant plan."
Crazy Chicken "Elite"
Jubjub: "Ok.. *THAT* I understood.. I just have one question,
why the hell do you have a WAR room inside a wrestling
`stronghold'!@$?!?$@"
Crazy Chicken "Shut up.. your waisting time! RUN.. Don't
WALK.. to froboby's"
Jubjub "Ohhh noo.. I'm going to LIMP there. Jerk"
<jubjub limps out the door>
Jubjub eventually reached froboy.. who was glad to supply
troops.. fine wrestlers one and all. They marched back to
the WWF HQ.. where nybar plan seemed to be working. From a
distance. From a distance.
...
Nybar and crazy chicken.. taking their respective sides of
the army to WWF HQ.. and following the plan.. soon had the
whole of the WWF army tied in knots. For some reason.. all
of the WWF army didn't move at all.
Tick.Tick.Tick.Tick.Tick.Tick.
<Froboy and jubjub arrive with re-inforcements>
Froboy "Whats that ticking?"
Nybar "Nooo ide--"
BOOM@!$!@$!@$
Most of the CCF and Froboy's army were completely decimated.
The only thing that would win the day now was on the spot
tactical manuevering.. which was nybar's specialty. Which
was when the second bad thing happened. Nybar vanished. No
explanation.. no flashing lights.. just; gone. The world of
organized wrestling as we know it was in trouble. *BIG*
trouble. I kind of phased out. A little later on... I phased
back in to find that I was the only survivor. It was all up
to me. FIE on this kind of responsibility!#$% All I really
wanted was a cheese burger!@#$ So I decided to get one.
Contrary to popular belief.. there are great elite cheese
burger stands at certain great elite cheese-burger liking
states across america. So I decided to grab foders latest
guide. By a funny mix-up in the space/time continuim.. the
latest foders guide to cheese-burger stands happened to be
the one from 2050. Well that was just great; I thought. My
whole professional life was collapsing around me.. and I got
to learn about the cheese burger of tomorrow. But no
problem. I'm great at waiting around.. and it said that; if
wait around enough.. the best cheese-burgers anywhere will
be located in nevada.. cleveland.. I think it's in. Nevada..
odd.. thats the one place that nybar could never find on the
map. Actually.. whenever cleveland came up in casual (or not
so casual.. as the case usually is with nybar) conversaition
... nybar would say something like `where? What the hell are
you talking about? Cleve..how did you say it..cleaveblonde..
don't know what you are talking about.. my friend.' Hitch
hiking is fun. Wait for the person or people who are crazy
enough to pick up a complete stranger and take them; in close
proximity.. to a destination of their choice. Alot of
hitch-hikers had consience problems robbing people who were
kind enough to pick them up. I didn't.
<meanwhile.. in the place where nybar re-appeared to.. nybar
is watching TV>
Baba Wawa Juniow "hahaha.. yes.. hope this doesn't turn out
to be like the notorious hitch-hiking robberies of 54 years
back."
<system lady who sometimes comes on TV and just talks> "For
the information of some of our younger viewers.. the hitch
hiking robberies were a series of robberies that occured in
1996. They involved a still unknown hitchhiker being picked
up.. stating his destination as closer to nevada.. and then
.. upon arriving.. beating the holy shit out of the one who
was kind (stupid) enough to pick him up. Back to you baba!"
Nybar *thinking* "hmmm.. this hitch-hiking robber sounds
like my kind of guy. Wow.. 1996.. that was the year I
dissappeared.. wow does that bring back memories!"
<the present; jubjub>
NEVADA OR BUST.
----------------
That was my brilliant sign. I should be there soon. With the
money from those people I have been robbing.. I should be
able to buy several good cheese-burgars. Maybe set up a new
life in Nevada. Oh yeah.. I just forgot something.. I have
a freaking lot of waiting to do before nevada will be cheese
burger capitol of the world. Still.. I have a plan...
adapted from old episodes of `Star Trek' and some of froboy's
teachings. All I had to do was use the images from the orb's
froboy had showed me to get all mad and angsty.. and when
I was about to pass out like I did before.. I would `take
a chill pill' err.. in laymens terms.. jumping in a tub of
extremely cold water that was fast being cooled by the air
conditioner place. Then.. let myself pass out when it had
iced over. Bet you are wondering how the extreme cool would
last for 54 years. HAH! I have that worked out. I will put
some of the money I have stolen.. scammed.. and just plain
beaten off of people to use on a 54 year warrenty guarenteed
air-condition. And if it doesn't work for 54 years.. I will
sue for enough money to make sure I can buy one that lasts!
Ahh.. my plan is so damn perfect.
<nybar's perspective.. 2050>
Man... is my job great. I think Mr. Hapsburg really likes me.
I like him at least. I can feel a promotion coming on. Maybe
someday I will become vice-president of our outpost.
<a genitically and synthetically enhanced cat flies in>
"MROWL!$@"
<drops a mouse on nybar's head>
Nybar "Nice catch!!@$!@$"
<back to jubjub..>
Hmm.. wonder if I will dream in my angst-induced sleep. Well
.. guess I will see soon. ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHH!@$!$ IT'S
COMING BACK TO ME!#$!$ BAMBALICIOUS `ESQ' INDEED@$!@$$!@#
MUAHAHAHAHHA~!#!#
<SPLOOSH (sploosh being the sound of jubjub falling into the
cold water)>
A long.. dreamless time later..
<jubjub rises from the deeps of his bathroom.. just in time
to avoid the warrenty-expired air condition falling on him>
Jubjub "Okk.. let me see. Good.. still got the money where I
left it!@$ I just hope we haven't drastically changed
currency. Then I will have to sell my body. And you know how
much I *HATE* doing that. <grin>. Waitasec.. who the hell am
I talking to!?@$"
Hmm.. think I will go and get some cheeseburgers now.
<jubjub opens door>
SQUACK!$@!@#
Jubjub "Hi; bird."
...
...
...
Jubjub "BIRD?!#@$?!$ WHERE THE HELL AM I!~!#@????"
<jubjub looks down; 300 feet>
Jubjub "ehh.."
<jubjub steps back inside>
Jubjub "Hmm.. that angsty freeze thing worked.. maybe some
other froboyish star-trek tricks will come in handy. Ok..
gotta sound real official!"
<jubjub pauses for a sec as he gets *THE LOOK*>
Jubjub "Computer! Status Report!"
Computer "beep.Click. Ahh.. call me carl. By the way.. what
are you talking about.. `status report'?"
Jubjub "Just tell me why the hell are we 300 feet in the Air!"
<at this moment.. several mighty advanced gods ponder how
jubjub knew that he was exzactly 300 feet in the air. One of
them plants the seeds of war.. somewhere in the past.. to
help him concentrate>
Carl "We're 300 feet in the air.. because one day.. someone
who really LOVVVVVVEEEEEEEDDDDDDD the jetsons as a kid was
elected president. He decided that; in a jetsonsish way..
everyone should live in the clouds. But.. since the poles
that the jetsons had used were a bit dated.. they decided to
use anti-grav pods."
Jubjub "Ahh.. yeah.. real interesting.. I'm sure."
Carl "Thanks for the classic brush off.. shit head!!@$"
Jubjub "You know.. I used to be a proffessional wrestler. I
eat punks like you for breakfast!@$"
Jubjub considers that the threat he just uttered was to some
smarmy computer. Just for a second.. though.
Jubjub "Okok.. anyway. How the hell do I get down?"
Carl "Grade A Vexme shot. It implants a self replicating
piece of pig DNA in you system"
Jubjub "Pig.. DNA?"
Carl "Remember the old saying `when pigs fly out of my ass!'
well.. one day.. a part time farmer.. part time biochemist
with good backround in genetics.. got really annoyed by that
saying. So he decided to do something about it. He puzzled
over what to do for a long time.. and eventually decided
that he would crossbreed a species of pig with a species of
piegon. Finally.. he had a flying pig. Then.. to have it
fly out of someones ass.. he fathered a son with a pre
implanted self replicating gene of flying pig.. placed
in just the right spot so pigs would fly out of his ass over
and over. But it didn't quite work.. the metabolism of the
boy adapted to that of the flying pig.. and pretty soon they
had a messy.. flying boy. To make a long story short.. I
poke you with needle. Ouch. Hurts. You fly."
Jubjub "Yeah.. thats real intersting. Just give me the stupid
shot."
<carls robotic arm pokes jubjub with a needle>
Jubjub "Ouch. Hurts."
<jubjub steps out the door and begins to fly>
Jubjub "This is a pretty elite feeling! If I didn't now have
a mini snout and long ears.. that would have been the perfect
shot!@$"
<jubjub sets down right next to a Mr. Happy-Burger>
<jubjub walks inside>
<jubjub walks upto the counter>
Jubjub "I would like a double decker triple cheeser with
bacon please"
Nybar "Want fries with that?"
Jubjub "NYBAR!@$#"
Nybar "Yeah.. nybar. Want fries with that?"
Jubjub "It's ME! Jubjub!"
Nybar "JUBJUB!@#$ What are you doing here? By the way.. where
are we?"
Jubjub "We're in cleveland."
Nybar "Where? What the hell are you talking about?! Cleve..
how did you say it.. cleveblonde. Don't know what your
talking about.. my friend"
Jubjub "aahhh.. never mind. Doesn't matter right now. So what
happened to you?"
Nybar "Noooooo ideeeeeeeeaaaa."
Jubjub "So.. did you happen to notice that both of us are 54
years in the future.."
Nybar "Hold up.. run that by me again.."
Jubjub "nevermind.. anyway.. didn't you notice how advanced
everything is?"
Nybar "Yeah.. I had wondered about that. But your looking
well."
Jubjub "yeah.. same to you. Hmm.. soo.. I guess that decent
wrestling will be destroyed if we don't get back there.."
Nybar "ohhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhh.. the *WRESTLING* thing. I
thought there was something important I should be doing."
Jubjub "Soooo.. what do you know about time travel?"
Nybar "Wellll.. the logic of 1996 says there can be time
travel.. but it will never be precise. Well.. That is the
logic of 1996. These days.. we coast through life using TV
logic. As you well know.. people like us, in TV.. travel in
time every day of the week. So anyway.. ready to back to 1996
..?"
Jubjub "Suresure."
<BOOF! (boof being the sound of nybar and jubjub travelling
back in time to a point in time slightly after the explosion
that decimated both good and evil armies)>
Froboy "LET US DO BATTLE.. HOOTCH.."
<BOOF!>
<jubjub and nybar appear>
Now.. before going into the next sequence.. I would like to
say that.. since the ultimate lord of all dispair and froboy
are both merely reflections of eachother.. thought varying
in matters of good.. evil.. chaos.. order.. they tend to think
about practically the same thing at the same time.
Froboy *thinking*
First nybar dissappears and jubjub slinks off... and
now they both reappear.. I'm getting confused
The Guy Who Has A Name That Changes ALOT *Thinking*
Nybar and jubjub.. appearing out of thin air! Think I will eat
them!
(both god and his shadow.. at the same time) "WHAT THE FUCK?"
Nybar "DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN!@$ I've *SEEN* This exzact scene
... though from a different perspective. It was about a war
and obscure techno-god planted the seeds of to help him gain
concentration. This was a picture from the final battle sight.
Hmm.. wierd."
The Dark and INSIDOUS lord of dark and INSIDIOUS stuff "hmm..
I fail to understand your logic."
Nybar "let me explain. Baba Wawa Juniow.. from the year 2050
...."
Froboy "2050?!~!@$"
Nybar "after I dissipeared I was in.. nebarbera..... 2050."
Froboy "ahh.. right."
Nybar <SIGH>
The dark and insidious lord of all evil, froboy.. nybar.. and
jubjub sit around a card table.. sipping tea.. while they all
hear the whole story of how nybar lived and worked in nevada,
2050.
....
Nybar "so anyway.. baba wawa juniow hacked (or as she would put
it.. hawcked) into the techno-god system.. and read an obscure
article from some obscure techo-god that he had planted a data
packet in the mind of a young tibettan infant many years ago
teaching him all the tricks of wrestling. I believe that young
infant grew into you.. froboy."
Froboy "So.. it was all a scam?!@$ To help some fucker
CONCENTRATE?@#%?@?#?@!#$?!?@$?!@?$?!@?$??$#!?@?$?!@$?!@"
The Dark Lord "I do not appreciate being used in this way.."
Froboy "What do you say we use.. what was it you called it..
`TV Logic' to go and give all those fucking `techno gods' what
what for"
The Dark Lord "For once.. I side with you.. <shudder> pal."
...
The rest few hours were a breeze. With The Dark Lord learning
some rules.. and froboy breaking some.. and finally travelling
to another place.. another time.. Nybar and I were left alone
with our lives again. We were wrestlers. This is what we did.
Now.. I wasn't so sure. I felt really screwed over.. actually.
I mean.. we had helped steer the destiny of wrestling more then
any mortal to date.. but lets face it. Wrestling was just some
absurd invention of a lesser techno-godling. It really pissed
me off. But nybar had a plan. Sell the story. It wouldn't be
hard.. I mean.. it is a pretty good story. And if your reading
this.. maybe it means things worked out pretty well.. after all
.
FIN
Nybar "MUAHAHAHAHHAHA!$!@$!$ Sorry.. I just had an
insatible desire to get the last laugh in. Fin.. for real"
oh man that fucking sucked.. ohh man.. oh fuck sucky ohh
man that fucking sucked oh man fucking sucky I hated that
oh fuck I sold out so much oh fuck ahh well.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
well.. wasnt that a dandy little lesson in eliteness (except I still think
I sold out in all of those zinboobi things..)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
EOF
