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Pizza Underground Digest Volume 3 Issue 04
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ASCii byÚÙ ÚÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄ¿ ³ ßß ßß ßß ßß ßß
[MaF] ³ ³þ³ ³þ ³ \ ßß ßßßßß ßßßßßß
À¿ ÀÄÙ ÀÄÄÄÙ \
ÀÂ/ \ PuD Volume 3, Issue xx
ÚÄÙ Ú´ \ [PUD_3_x.TXT]
ÚÙ Ú´ \
ÚÙ ÚÙ³ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ <Even Numbered Issues by NC>
ÚÙ ÚÄÂÂÄÙ ³ \ ÚÄ¿ ³ WWiV 2506@36 - NC
ÚÙ ÚÄÄÙ ÀÙ ÚÄÙ \ ³ ÀÄÄ WWiV 2506@14 - Baphomet
³ÛÛ ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ \ ÚÄ¿ ³
ÀÄÄÄÙ ³ Ú¿ ÚÄÙ ³ ³ Bless THIS:
³ ³³ ÚÙ ³ ³ .ùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùù.
ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³ ³À¿ ÚÙ ³ ³ : `Whine, whine, whine, whine,:
³ Yep; that's a llama. ³ ÚÄÙ ³ ÀÄÄÄÙ ÚÄÙ ³ : whine, whine, whine." :
ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ ÀÄÄÄÄÙ ÀÄÄÄÙ : - Bentley :
: <Excerpt from conversation :
: with Cameron> :
ù.............................ù
þ Something Worth Reading
"Agony Column"
by Barry N. Malzburg
Gentlemen:
I enclose my short story, "Three For the Universe," and know you
will find it right for your magazine, _Astounding Spirits_.
Yours very truly,
Martin Miller
Dear Contributer:
Thank you for your recent submission. Unfortunately, although we
have read it with great interest, we are unable to use it in
_Astounding Spirits_. Due to the great volume of submissions we
receive, we cannot grant all contributers a personal letter, but you
may be sure that the manuscript has been reviewed carefully and its
rejection is no comment upon its literary merit but may be dependant
upon one of many other factors.
Faithfully,
The Editors
Dear Editors:
The Vietnam disgrace must be brought to an end! We have lost on
that stained soil not only our national honor but our very future.
The troops must be brought home and we must remember that there
is more honor in dissent than in unquestioningly silent agreement.
Sincerly,
Martin Miller
Dear Sir:
Thank you for your recent letter to the Editors. Due to the great
volume of worthy submissions we are unable to print every good letter
we receive and therefore regretfully inform you that we will not be
publishing it, this is no comment upon the value of your opinion.
Very truly yours,
The Editors
Dear Congressman Forthwaite:
I wish to bring your attention to a serious situation which is
developing on the West Side. A resident of this neighborhood for five
years now, I have recently observed that a large number of
streetwalkers, dope addicts and criminal types are loitering at the
intersection of of Columbus Avenue and 124th Street at almost all
hours of the day, offending passers-by with their appearance and
creating a severe blight on the area. In addition, passers-by are
often threateningly asked for "handouts" and even "solicited." I know
that you with me share a concern for a Better West Side and look
forward to your comments on this situation as well as some kind of
concrete action.
Sincerely,
Martin Miller
Dear Mr. Millow:
Thank you for your letter. Your concern for our West Side is
appreciated and it is only through the efforts and diligence of
constituents such as yourself that a Better New York can be conceived.
I have forwarded your letter to the appropriate precinct office in
Manhatten and you may expect to hear from them soon.
Gratefully yours,
Alwyn d. Forthwaite
Dear Gentlemen:
In May of this year I wrote Congressman Alwyn D. Forthwaite a letter
of complaint, concerning conditions on the Columbus Avenue-West 124th
Street intersection in Manhatten and was informed ny him that this
letter was passed onto your precinct office. Since four months have
now elapsed and since I have neither heard from you nor observed any
change in the conditions pointed out in my letter, I now write to ask
whether or not that letter was forwarded by you and what you have to
say about it.
Sincerely,
Martin Miller
Dear Mr. Milner:
Our files hold no record of your letter.
K. B. Karsh
Captain, #33462
Dear Sirs:
I have read Sheldon Novack's article in the current issue of _Cry_
with great interest but feel that I must take issue with his basic
point, which is that sex is the consuming biological drive from which
all other activities stem and which said other activities become only
metamorphical for. This strikes me as a bit more of a projection of
Mr. Novack's own functioning than that reality which he so shrewdly
contends he appreceives.
Sincerely,
Martin Miller
Dear Mr. Milton:
Due to the great number of responses to Sheldon A. Novack's "Sex and
Sexuality; Are We Missing Anything?" in the August issue of _Cry_, we
will be unable to publish your own contribution in our Cry from the
City column, but we do thank you for your interest.
Yours,
The Editors
Dear Mr. President:
I was shocked by the remarks apparently attributed to you in today's
newspaper on the public assistance situation. Surely, you must be
aware of the fact that social welfare legislation emerged from the
compassionate attempt of 1930 politics to deal with human torment in
the systematized fashion and although many of the crueltiess you note
are inherent to the very system, they do not cast doubt upon its very
legitimacy. Our whole national history has been one of coming to terms
with collective consciousness as opposed to the law of the jungle, and
I cannot understand how you could have such a position as yours.
Sincerely,
Martin Miller
Dear Mr. Meller:
Thank you very muchg for your letter of October 18th to the
President. We appreciate your interest and assure you that without
the concern of citizens like yourself the country would not be what it
has become. Thank you very much and we do look forward to hearing
from you in the future on matters of national interest.
Mary L. McGinnity
Presidential Assistant
Gentlemen:
I enclose herewith my article, "Welfare: Are We Missing Anything?"
which I hope you you may find suitable for publication in
_Insight Magazine_.
Very truly yours,
Martin Miller
Dear Contributer:
The enclosed has been carefully reviewed and our reluctant decision
is that it does not quite meet our needs at the present time. Thank
you for your interest in _Insight_.
The Editors
Dear Senator Partch:
Your vote on the Armament Legislation was shameful.
Sincerely,
Martin Miller
Dear Dr. Mallow:
Thank you for your recent letter to Senator O. Stuart Partch and for
your approval of the Senator's vote.
L. T. Walters
Congressional Aide
Dear Susan Saltis:
I think your recent decision to pose nude in that "art-photography"
series in _Men's Companion_ was disgraceful, filled once again with
those timeless, empty rationalizations of the licentious which have so
little intrinsic capacity for damaga except when they are subsumed, as
they are in your case, with abstract and vague "connections" to
platitudes so enormous as to risk the very demolition of the ]
collective personality.
Yours very truly,
Martin Miller
Dear Sir:
With pleasure and in answer to your request, we are enclosing a
photograph of Miss Susan Sultis as she appears in her new movie,
"Chariots to the Holy Roman Empire."
Very truly yours,
Henry T. Wyatt
Publicity Director
Gentlemen:
I wonder if _Cry_ would be interested in the enclosed article which
is not so much an article as a true documentary of the results which
have been obtained from my efforts over recent months to correspond
with various public figures, entertainment stars, etc., etc. It is
frightening to contemplate the obliteration of self which the very
devices of the 20th Century compel, and perhaps you readers might
share my (not so retrospective) horror.
Sincerely,
Martin Miller
Dear Sir:
As a potential contributer to _Cry_ I am happy to offer you our
"Writer's Subscription Discount" meaning that for only $5.50 you will
receive not only a full year's subscription to (28% below newsstand
rates, 14% below customary subscriptions) but in addition our year-end
special issue, "Cry in the Void" at no extra charge.
Subscription Dept.
Dear Contributer:
Thank you very much for your article, "Agony Column." It has been
considered here with great interest and it is the concensus of the
Editorial Board that while it has unusual merit it is not quite right
for us. We thank you for your interest in _Cry_ and look forward to
seeing more of your work in the future.
Sincerely,
The Editors
Dear Congressman Forthwaite:
Nothing has been done about the conditions I mentioned in my letter
of about a year ago. Not one single thing!
Bitterly,
Martin Miller
Dear Mr. Mills:
Please accept our aqpologies for the delay in answering your good
letter. Congressman Forthwaite has been involved, as you know, through
the winter in the Food Panel and has of necessity allowed some of his
important correspondence to await close attention.
Now that he has the time he thanks you for your kind words of
support.
Yours truly,
Ann Ananauris
Dear Sir:
The Adams multiple-murders are indeed interesting not only for their
violence but because of the confession of the accused that he "did it
so that someone would finally notice me." Any citizen can understand
this - the desperate need to be recognized as an individual, to break
past bureaucracy into some clear apprehension of one's self-worth, is
one of the most basic human drives, but I am becoming increasingly
frustrated today by a technocracy which allows less and less latitude
for the individual to articulate hids identity and vision to be heard.
Murder is easy; it is easy in the sense that the murderer does not
need to embark upon an arduous course of training in order to
accomplish his feat; his excess can come from the simple extension of
sheer human drives... aided by basic weoponry. The murderer does not
have to cultivate "contacts" or "fame" but can simply, by being
/there/, vault past nihilism and into some clear, cold connection
with the self. More and more the capacity for murder lurks within us;
we are narrow and driven, we are almost obliterated from any sense of
existence, we need to make that singing leap past accomplishment and
into acknowledgement and /recognition/. Perhaps you would print this
letter?
Hopefully,
Martin Miller
Dear Sir:
Thank you for your recent letter. We regret being unable to use it
due to many letters of similar nature being received, but we look
forward to your expression of interest.
Sincerely,
John Smith, for the Editors
Dear Mr. President:
I intend to assassinate you. I swear that you will not live out the
year. It will come by rifle or knife, horn or fire, dread or terror
but it will come and there is no way you can AVOID THAT JUDGEMENT TO
BE RENDERED UPON YOU.
Fuck You,
Martin Miller
Dear Reverend Mellbow:
As you know, the President is abroad at the time of the writing but
you may rest assured that upon his return your letter, along with
thousands of other and similar expressions of hope, will be turned
over to him and I am sure that he will appreciate your having written.
Very truly yours,
Mary L. McGinnity
Presidential Assistant
þ K0LBeRT KiD
I would, if you do not mind, like to take a moment to recognize
K0LBeRT KiD as quite possibly the densest, lamest, saddest, sorriest
excuse for a multi-cellular organism that I know of. People such as
K0LBeRT KiD only go to show that pot is indeed harmful; that it does
truly make you an ingrown hair on the fat, sweaty ass of society.
APPLES!
þ Blue light specials
In this world of ours there are many arts; but very few are so
intriguing that they even begin to peer with the art of ransacking
somebody's apartment while they are out of town.
The concept and description is simple, but there are many key
elements, factors, that must be present for your ransacking to be
successful and bountiful.
- The person must be out of town, visiting friends in a neighboring
state
- The person must be on the verge of moving out of the apartment; so
much as to he has already begun packing
- The person must be an acquantaince, but not a friend
- You must of worked with this person at some time or another
- This person must trust you
- This person must never even begin to ponder if you would ever do
such a thing
- For suspense and thrills, you mustn't know when this person is
supposed to come back home
Such "borrowing" of another's possessions usually yields positive
results. Think about. With a little finesse, and a K_RaD KiLLER
ANaRCHY Du0D attitude, you are well on your way to receiving free TVs,
Segas, VCR's, and imitation lead crystal vases.
þ Real Mail
Why would we include real mail, when we included well over 250 lines
of fake mail which was more intellectually stimulating and
entertaining than the real thing?
Honestly, people; can you justify your wanton lust for some measly,
slowly-typed, superficial and mindless drivel which is no more than a
waste of bytes and download credit? Can you allow yourself to stoop
so low that you find it sickly amusing to pry in to thought received
by and intended for a sole individual? Can you begin to perceive how
disgusting and repulsive you sniveling, snotty leeches are? Do you
understand the phrase, moreover proverb and aphorism, "YOU SUCK?"
Thank you for taking the time to read this, for it shows not only
how you agree with what I view you as, but also shows that you both do
not have anything better to do with your worthless existance, and you
unconsciously beg to be humiliated and embarrassed by those who do not
hesitate to tell you who you are.
You kept reading. DAMN, YOU SUCK.
þ Congieniality
PuD has been determined the leader in audience congienality by
_Newsweek_, _Time_, and _Highlights for Children_. Special thanks
go to fReD for discovering this little-known fact for us.
þ News, n00z<fT>
- Contrary to popular belief here in Alabama, General Robert E. Lee
surrendered yo Ulysses S. Grant in 1865 at the Appomattox Courthouse,
at Appomattox, Alabama.
- The new Mr. Bronwstone alias does not have a period.
Buggs Bunny has been deleted.
- The official name of Project/X is now...
"Used To Be Visions Of Chrome Before It Was Hit By A Virus"
(That's utbVOCbiwhbav, for short.)
- Street Fighter ][: Oh.... Nevermind.
- End PuD v3i2 -
"Sometimes, I wish I could be selectively deaf."
- NC @Jeff's
þ Contact Us.
All submissions and E/Mail will be mentioned, included, or ignored;
so what's there to lose?
NC 2506@36 WWiVN
BTLK 2506@14 WWiVN
TBLT EvenInGWaReZ Dept, Dollar General
TS0S Sneed
fReD Attica
Mooga From sea to oily sea
<*** This Is The End o' The File, As We Know It. ***>
