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Pizza Underground Digest Volume 4 Issue 01
[=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=]
THiZ Iz IT!@#$@#$!@#$!@#$@#!$@#!$ PossItivl3 The LAST IssuE Of GNuPUD++!@#1@
Ever!@#!@# Trade ON local WaREZ boards!@#!@# WOrTH 3x UploAD kreDIT!@#!##$
HOT waREZ@!#$!@#$@ DooM k0mPatibLE!@#$!@#$ MOre@!#$@#$ AnsI wAreZ Itz ALL!@
..
.. GGGG N N U U PPPPP U U DDDDD
... G G N N U U P P U U D D
.... G NN N U U P P U U D D
..... G N N N U U PPPP U U D D
.... G GGG N N N U U PPP U U D D
.... G GG N NN U UU P U UU D DD
... G GGG N NN U UUU P U UUU D DDD
... GGGGG N NNN UUUUUU P UUUUUU DDDDD
..
.. PuD Volume 4 Issue 1: The Underground Strikes Back.
..
...
..."And damn it we are still better than you can
....ever hope to be, honkies."
......
.......
[=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=][-][=]
In the past all puds began with a supra eleet opening. Usually a
qoute and a diskr33t paragraph about what was on mine or nc's mind
at the time when we write this dribble out. Bah. I think there is
only one small thing can some up what PuD is all about ... a slight
paraphrase of NWA. This iz what we feel about all the fuqin honkiez.
"Real HOnkiez"
Smackola like a hostage
yo! you should have covered your mutherfuqin head like a ostr1ge
keep it in the dirt cuz u iz a sucker
put ur ass up high so I kan kick da motherfuqer
dont try to hang ur little ballz
cuz I'll put my foot so far up ur ass u'll get hemoroidz
when you try to fuq with Roast
I'll put 2 in ur ass and u will be shittin old toast
Firzt come, firzt serve
who everz got da nerve step up and get what u deserve
from da word of a motherfuqin hip hop maniac, braniac
so what u oughta do iz step da fuq back
Now how long did u think ur tfile would last
wit ur ass putting out wack shit that pazz
Yo, be original ur shit iz sloppy
get off da dick u motherfuqin carbon copy
following da wordz, with many a stylez
iz one of the reasons a honkey went 100 milez
cheatin, and now beatin da crowd, I kept seein
and weak motherfuqerz bitin off and dey kept eatin
stylez, that kept em on da floor cuz da fuqerz
were on warez boardz not gettin paid in full
aint got da nerve to cuzz
only reason honkiez picked up ur tfile, cuz dey thought was uz
yo killin what I gotta kill, doing what I gotta do
u dont care for me so who givez a fuq about u?
u kant harm me, alarm me
cuz were the generals in dis fuqin tf1le army
the pizza underground, if u didnt know
we blow 'Flo' n didnt move slow from da get go
yo stylez we takin
yo fuq dis shit mooga kick da breakin
u kan run but u kant hide, u know were going to find ya
cuz a group like pud iz onl3 2 stepz behind ya
dont look bak cuz ur shakin and all skared
some honkiez in plaid can be ur skariest nightmare
So sleep wit da lightz on
forget dat da fight iz on
dont step on my motherfuqin style when u write somethin
dont say were psycho, and den u just might go
mentally fuqed up wit, when I let da writin flow
All theze honkiez with a jibber-jabber
but couldnt kill a fly wit a motherfuqin sledge hammer
honkiez in plaid are out der
but only becuz, yo, itz da shit we wear
on my sisterfuqin dik
but I am gonna luv it when u drop like a motherfuqin brick
so yo step off go to bed, cuz if ur mislead
u get a motherfuqin bullet in ur 4head
White, the good, da bad, da ugly see
a little streewize honkie u know me
rollin wit some real honkiez playing for keepz
but u motherfuqerz gno who run da streetz
wit dat hard core tfile-ass shit
Now how much harder kan another honkie git
Try to be like uz, write like uz, drezz like uz
ashes to ashes, bust to bust
so honkie honkie honkie honkie honkie honkie pleaze
since ur on da dik why dont u drop to ur kneez
cuz Im a tfile reject datz out to kill
NC, a honkie datz real
Real honkiez, straight out da streets of alabama
quick be gettin ur shit without a second thought
and if ur ass get smoked
itz my bullet u caught
so if ur talkin shit about the honkiez in plaid
bow down to the ford and da chevy hatz
[...]
###
### Mail
###
Again in the once proud PuD tradition mail from a faithfull
PuD favorite. The one, the only:
From: John McAffee
To: Baphomet my once proud love
Dear Mister King:
Baphomet where have you gone? It has been months since I have heard
from you. Or for that matter your strong group of followers who used to bury
things in my yard. Alas it has also been long since you have made a pass at
my wife or even a lude remark about my busty young daughter who is maturing
rather nicely. Mister King what happened? We used to be in constant contact.
While I admit at first your mail bothered me, hell it made me want to rape,
maim then kill you. The dead animals in my yard? Yes, yes they bothered me
greatly but you should have seen my grass the next year. Man I was the envy
of all my neighbors and if it hadn't been for the smell I would surely have
been the toast of the whole block! But I digress...Mister King as much as I
hate to admit it I sorta miss your mail...hell why lie know? Mister King I
love you damn it. I refuse to lie any longer. I kept all those damn naked
pictures you sent my wife and the videos too. I cherish them. I masturbate
quite frequently to them. Why hide it any more. I JOHN MCAFFEE AM GAY. And I
am not in the least bit afraid to admit it. Screw my wife [not litterly]. I
want you. And ONLY you [well maybe my daughter too]. Baph come back to me
together we can experience a love like no two men have ever felt before. We
can get a little log cabin high up in the mountains and sit and write
pathetic virus scanners on a tandy full multi-media system...ahh life would
be oh so very wonderful...Baph please reply my life is so, so, so pointless
without your hot ramming love. Come back...
Waiting forever,
John McAffee
###
### SnAcKMaZTeR TheIvIng by the BLT.
###
Lesson 16.
In the past I the most incredible thief in the world have told
you how to steal various household appliances. Such as toasters
and, yes, even toaster ovens. But what if you want to remain a
thief who is up on the times, a thief that is full, one who is
in vogue? Well the times are a changing but so is the modern
toaster thief. I am sure you have all seen the wonderous god
inspiring snackmaster commercials that have been coming on tv
in the past few months. The snackmaster. It makes pies, snacks,
and even meals. Take some bread slap it in and put some crap in
between it then just let it cook. Ahhh nourishment. Now take
your hands out of your crotch we got thievary to think about now.
Now how, how, how, you ask does one steal one of these things?
It is now common knowledge that the snackmaster can be bought at
your local wal-mart or k-mart but lets be honest. They suck.
Obviously inferior and it is often rumoured that they cause male
impotence; something a modern toaster thief can do without. So
how do you steal one from tv? Well it involves an old technique
called 'carding'. 'Carding' is where one 'borrows' someone's
credit card number and uses it to purchase items. A popular use of
these numbers especially among 14 year old phreakers who try hard
to impress all their friends is 1900 numbers but that in itself
is a whole other lesson. So how does one get these credit card
numbers? There are two methods of which I prefer the second. The
first method is called social engineering. It is where you try
to weazle the information out of someone usually over the telephone.
This method simple invloves calling someone from your home phone
and trying to get them to divulge a little information. Now I have
heard rumours that say it is not good to call from your home phone.
THOSE ARE COMPLETE LIES. As long as you hit the flash button 3times
before you make a call the phone company can not trace your call! It
is really good to use this technique to prank call the police and
fire stations. Anyways back to the phone social enigineering. Below
are a few examples:
[click, click, click, dial]
"Uhh hello..??"
"Mr Goggins?"
"Uhh yeah ... what do you want ... it is 3 am?"
"Mr Goggins we have your daughter if you dont give us your credit
card number we will kill her and return her to you in small boxes."
"... I dont have a daughter"
"Uhhh I meant your son."
"... I am single ..."
"Your cat?"
"nope"
"Dog?"
"Nada"
"Mr Goggins we know where you live, we will come and rape you."
"Are you male?"
"Uhhh yes."
"Cool. I will be waiting."
[click]
As you can see the above exmaple failed. Why? Because you were not
direct enough. Be direct it works.
[click, click, click, dial]
"....mmm hello..."
"Mr Goggins?"
"Look what the hell do you want this time?!?!"
[click]
Never call the same number again. Redial is your enemy.
[click, click, click, dial]
"hello?"
"Mrs. Bunny?"
"Yes this is Mrs. Bunny."
"Mrs Bunny I am from the [insert local credit place]. We are calling
to confirm some information we have on you, is your chest size in
fact 33d?"
"Uhhh...no it is not."
"It isn't? Gosh is your social security number xxx-xx-xxxx?"
"No."
"Wow, it looks like our records are really bad so your mastercard
number is not xxxxxxxxxxxx is it?"
"No it is xxxxxxxxxxxxx."
"Thank you very much Mrs. Bunny"
[click]
The above example workz every time!@#@ I have used it to get 5787685
credit card numbers. It is divinity itself. Now on to the second way
of getting credit card numbers. It is the way I prefer because it is
simply much more direct and it even gets you a drop off site for all
the neeto snackmasters you order. This plan can be considered much
more difficult than the first one.
Method 2. First stake out a well to do house. Make sure there are
people home, as matter of fact make sure ALL family members are
home. I find that affluent white streets are best for this. Why?
Because you also get the personal satisfaction of gaking some damn
whiteyz. Now you need to gather a large assortment of weapons, I
prefer akia'z and glock-9's. Simply go into the house late at night
and begin to blow the hell out of sleeping whiteyz. When they are
all dead comb the house for credit cards. When you find them go
downstairs and order your snackmasters with the address of the
house you are at. Now all you have to do is wate for them to be
brought to the house. Simple as pie. And since you ordered from
thier phone it is almost untracable. Hell eat some food while you
are there I doubt the homeowners will mind. Enjoy your stay. But
most of all enjoy your new snackmaster. Life is good.
###
### Poetry. Oh My.
###
* BaPh Th3 UnDaUnTeD P03T
A lot of people think of me as nothing more than a flat hate-monger
who joys in the ruder and more crass things in life. While mostly
true there is also a much deeper side to me. One that very few get
to experience and what is that side? My poetic genius. Not to
deprave your morons any more here is a sampler of what will be in my
new book coming soon, _Poets_Are_Not_All_Fagz_.
-----
87/200: 3 minute poemz
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
I wrote this on the bus while some old guy felt up me.
"Love"
Oh my oh man
My how masculan
When u touch me there
Oh so near my pubic hair
I wonder if I can cantrol
These feelings in my asshole
Oh gee oh may
will u eat my chocalate "wizway"
Oh gee my plight
hey wait a second your white
Get the fuck away from me!
-----
91/200: crap
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
crap
krap
crappity
krappity
crap
krap
krap
-----
98/200: Counting.
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
Counting - a product endorsement.
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Drink Pepsi
Seven
Eight
Ten
Nine
It makes you stupid.
-----
102/200: Money.
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
Bob had a dollar
Bob was rich
in his own way
-----
113/200: Velcro.
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
John was a tragic man.
His wife died when he was 37.
Who knows if she went to heaven?
Bob had a dollar.
Bab was rich
in his own way
John had no velcro
they got together
now both are happy
velcro
-----
115/200: Death.
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
Joy
Laughter
Smiles
Sun
Opposite
-----
122/200: Mouse.
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
Mouse
Squeek
Eeek
Squash
Death
-----
135/200: Bob's story.
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
Bob was born an only child.
Bob died some 67 years later.
There is nothing important to tell.
For Bob was like most people, wasted
opportunities and a wasted life.
-----
147/200: Death of a Used Tile Salesman.
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
*BANG*
-----
[ Here is a contribution that was deemed worthy of PuD]
157/200: an elite poem.
Name: Necrocixelsyd #26 @2
d00d.
it was c00l when I haked that sistem
it won't be l@me agin.
Necrocixelsyd
-----
171/200: CreATiVE WriTInG
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
Blam bloom blamp
The old man busted the hell out of the tramp
She cried, like a good tramp should
He pried at her soul just because he could.
She was morally bankrupt, he was rich being despair
Every so slowly they became a pair
He payed her money
she did him
it was all quite funny
they made a move about him
"pretty" llama walkin down the street
"pretty" llama the kind I would to eat
your mu bonita, and pretty too
Nobody stir fries like you do...
[Parts sorta stolen from pud_1_14]
-----
185/200: A ditch
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
Dont dig a dictch
Your brother is my bitch.
This may be offensive.
So go kill your self.
-----
189/200: krap
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
I love you
you love me
lets make one big happy family
I get the young daughters
you get the sons
together well have sex with the young-uns
-----
194/200: Death is a many colored whore.
Name: Baphomet The Limbo King #86 @2
Blue
Green
Violet
Whore
Red
Velvet
Death
Black
Gray
Purity is evil
DIE YOU WHITE HONKEY SKUM
-----
###
### Another, yes quit whining, history of PuD.
###
[ This is the real and honest truth behind all of PuD as best as I can
remember it. -baph ]
It was a rainy stormy night. The wind was high. And the stench of sweaty
llamas was high in the air. Kerry looked over his proud llama lover and
thought how wonderful the world was; what bliss he was in; life was good.
Kerry was happy. He tipped his straw hat and set off to make him and his
queen llama some pizze. Kerry didn't know. The llama was pregnant. Kerry
worked hard on his pizze, "It was good and cheap!" all the while not hearing
the pitter patter of little feds coming to take him away. The windows burst
open and the walls came tumbling down. The feds had him. He time was up.
The pizza layed there...unfinished...uncooked...waiting. And so it was for 4
years. Until kerry's own son, mc-llamashoniquea found the pizza in it's
pathetic state. He ate it. He got gas and died. At that same time I was
born. In a small hospital in Finland. Fuck, everyone knew I was elite from
the second I was out of the womb. Maybe it was my constant uttering of
"du0d@$!@#$" or the way I slapped the hell out of the doctor when he touched
me in that special place. I lived a happy peacefull live in Finland hiding
away with my new found llama love, Teka. Pure llamarian divinity. God she
ruled. Somewhere along here NC was born...I think in the back of a chevy
although it may have been a buick, but he dies later on so who really cares
right? Anyways after being deported from Finland I found myself stuck in the
ultra layme state of Alabama where I cried and sighed about losing my love
Teka. They shot her and ate her. I would later kill those damn honkies but
that is another story in itself. So here I was in the ultra layme capital of
the south when I thought "Jesus I rewl; I am just so much better than
everyone else here." So I set out about proving it. I thought maybe I could
accomplish this at first by showing love and attention on young tennis
girls...err.uhhhh..yhea that almost worked. Then I met NC. He was like
slapping this old lady around one day outside the mall. I, being the most
noble gentleman intervened. NC quickly explained "ThE BItCH OweZ My monEY".
So of course I had to jump in and help my fellow capitalist. We beat that
old lady down hard. She cried and even had the nerve to bleed on my damn
shoes. That alone cost her four teeth. Me and NC hooked up later on when we
were taking shots at school kids on a playground. NC was a damn good shot.
He could nail a kid out of a slam-dunk everytime. I found it was much easier
to shoot them after they fell on the ground covering their heads. About this
time we met fred. We were robbing a local "Lee's chicken" and kidnapping
HigHHAirED h0'z went this rather fat greasy nasty guy came up to us. With
his first phrase, "Du0dZ I gOT some Y for SaLE" We knew he was elite. Fred
got in the car with us dragging his "daughter" along. We were living life
high and fast. Then the unthinkable happened. Nc got gakked. In the back
.... but hey he was like holding out on 5 dollars he owed me. So I shot
the damn bastard. Err uhhh yhea that's the story of PuD.
###
### Tis the season to kill white ass fat men...err no that was last season.
###
* Santa Loves Me.
By: BApHoM3T ThE MiGHtY SaNTA SLaY3R
It was a cold december night when I found out that santa loved me.
The supra eleet local PuD du0dz and I were out commiting our usual allotment
of k-spiffy ultra clean felonies when we happened to come across an
incredible amount of Christmas displays. To be perfectly honest like the
holiday all the displays sucked. But off in the far corner of this one porch
stood an object that made up for this morbid world. A 4 foot tall santa. But
not just any santa, a santa who stood proudly lighted with the warmth of
human love and tenderness. At once we realized that this abomination must be
destroyed.
"Du0D EyE Th1Nk W3 ShOuLd FuCKiN RaP3 SaNta," fred quickly said.
"Bah," I said as I began to beat the hell out of him. We were
quickly yanked apart by No Courier [well his ghost anywayz]. Kolbert Kid sat
in the front dazed and confused as usual obviously thinking about the pink
sweltery skin of his younger sister.
"0K Du0D DoEz SaNTa RuN A WaREz BoARD? CuZ..." fred began but was
promptly cut off as me and NC started to beat him. I wondered to myself how
fReD kept getting out of jail but what the hell it wasn't our fault. After a
few minutes we tired of beating on FrEd as he had passed out. We sat and
pondered a way to liberate this most noble santa from the evil dungeon in
which it was trapped.
"MosQueZ must be white," NC stated.
"Damn FuCKiN HonkEyZ," I added.
"uhhh NO COMMENT uhhh," suggested Kolbert Kid. Sizeing up the porch
we figured no more than 3 people would have to loose thier lifes for our
liberation of the santa. NC broke out his 9 while fReD checked the AK. fReD
began to chant his usual phrase as he licked his ak47 up and down...
"A to the K to the 4 to the 7 little honkeyz don't go to HeaV3n."
Fuck fReD was sick, how we ever got hooked up with him. KoLBeRT KiD drove the
car up into the yard as the cv joints on his car screeched. The doors flung
open as we launched out of the car ready in our hour of liberation. They cry
of "PuD" echoed out from all of us. FrEd launched his fat ass through the
the front window and NC starting shooting into the dining room at the
unsuspecting home owners. I lept over a fence and stumbled onto the porch.
The sounds of returned gunfire echoed high in the air as a little kid in the
house pulled out a colt and started shooting at NC. Stupid kid. FrED rounded
the corner from the living room into the dining room and with a quick
"ratta-tat-tat" all those damn honkeyz were on their backs. I unplugged the
santa as NC grabbed him by the neck. We were off. And santa was free. Santa
rode in the back with me and fReD as NC emptied his few remaining shots into
some old people who were out walking. The night was young but santa's hours
were numberd.
[To Be continued or Not]
###
### Submitted Stuph.
###
Has been cut out because I didn't feel like including it. Woop
woop playing god n stuph. Like damn I fuqin rewl.
###
### /usr/bin/more ~/poetry
###
* Mooga VI [Mooga gets a pimp]
Slap, whap went the sound of the pimps hand
Mooga pondered her stupidty
As the pimp smacked her again
If she hadnt been so upset at her own infertility
She remembered the days of old
swimming in the sea
She remembered being bold
and her once wonderous divinity
But now she was fat
Like a whale should be
About herself? she didnt give a crap
To make money? "A pimp is the only way for me"
Being a whore and a whale
mooga found out was rather tough
no longer was she free to sail
the seas and the waves which were rough
Her life was bleak
Her only thoughts meak
Jesus this really sucks
god damn do I need to fuck
A cow.
###
### Closing of all.
###
This pud is over. Suprise! If you would like to get in touch with
any of the once great pud people then all you have to do is get a
fuqin life. We don't want to talk to you; hear from you; even know
that pathetic vermin like you exist.
[q] Where can I ftp pud?
Unfortunatly there are still places that choose to waste disk space
with this dribble. If you would like a list of them then send mail
to root@prodigy.com Subject: XXX-GIRLS-under-11-pud-list. They will
thank you for it.
---
PuD is now over.
We are still the best.
You still suck.
And you guess it?
I fuqin rewl.
--
Unless you are born in finland you can't be finnish.
