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Poor Old Ugly Pompous Electronic Yams 10
+= poor old ugly pompous electronic yams #10 =+
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[ 50 Stories ]
Intro: damn... this thing is gonna be monumental. Just provin I'm
so k00l I can write 50 stories for poupey and put them alllllllll in one
ish. Really making this issue so that people will start reading/writing
for poupey. I don't care what kinda submissions I get. Just something or
other...
Hey.. howda you spell fetal? As in fetal pigs. Oh yeah, this is
just the intro.. you're incapable of answering me. You'd be suprised how
much something like that happens to me. Really suprised. uhh forget this.
REIGN OF THE (alternative) `ZINE DEWDS (part 1 of 10)
-------------------------------------------
cokeacola "Yeah.. we suck here in `zine world"
kettle "We must bring in napolean! He's evil man!!!"
mogel "I got to keep my same name cause I'm elete"
quicksilver "Our enemy.. napolean nybar. yeah. he's goin down.
yeahyeahyeah."
mogel "Crap like this can't last 10 stories."
napolean "Ohhhh yes it can!"
<all> "EEK!"
napolean "Yes.. IIIIIII, NAPOLEAN, Have taken control of alllll
the worlds `zines! Yeah! I rule!@@!@!"
mogel "This isn't the natural balance of things!"
cokeacola "gimme a bigger part in this series!"
napolean "Nooooooooo.. I DON'T think I'll be doing THAT!"
cokeacola "Aww.. dang"
napolean "Shut up.. this is suppused to be a dramatic moment"
Forest Gump "My momma always said `Life is like a box a choclates
.. never know what yer gonna get'"
<all> "GASP!"
napolean "Thats better.. ok anyway.. I've captured all of your
`zines.. and nothing you can do will stop me!"
poopypants "I'm edicus... I mean poupey pants."
napolean "I'm just going to slink off to my TERRIBLE island
fortress now. And rule the world!"
kootch "can I come?"
napolean "Uhhh.. no"
<napolean exits stage left>
quicksilver "Looks like he exited stage left."
cokeacola "Not give me a good part will he?! Lets get em!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Reign of the .. ohh #2
---------------------------------
Quicksilver "Well uh.. here we are.. in newyork."
cokeacola "Wow.. this place really sux.."
mogel "no.. it rox!"
cokeacola "Oh.. ok.. so why did we come here? I wuz drunk"
quicksilver "I think just about allll of us could say that.."
mogel "Ahh.. we were going to get someone to tell us where
napoleans fort was?"
quicksilver "Nahh.. we were lookin for some sex!"
mogel "Ahh.. probably.. but lets do that other thing anyway"
InsuranceSalesman "Perhaps theres something I can help you with?"
<all> "!!!"
kootch "Yeah.. could you direct us to napoleans fort?"
insurancesalesman "For 5 g's"
forestgump "Thennnnn it felt like somethin justa jumped up N bit
me"
<all> "GASP!"
Quicksilver "You.. were hit.. by a bullet"
poopypants punches out forest gump
cokeacola "Guess your good for something other then pooping yourself"
insurancesalesman "Still want that info?"
mogel "Just give it to us or we'll kill you then eat your young"
insurancesalesman "Sure.. .. I don't know.. but the tibettan monks
do"
Mogel "Kool"
<all kill insurance salesman and then eat his young>
----------REIGN---OF--THE WIERD-`ZINE DOODS #3-----------------
Monk "You must finddd the jade monkey before the next full moon"
Slave "I love my massa"
Lady "Is that a banana in yer pocket.. or are you just glad ta see
meeeeee?"
Darth Vadar "I am your father"
Guy "Son.. avenge my deathhhh"
Mogel "Wow.. daja vu"
Quicksilver "Clich'a city man"
Poopypants "Whoops.. pooped myself"
Cokeacola "Deja vu and clich'a city now"
Talking diaper "I'm comin ta get you ed.. I mean poopypants! Your mine!"
<all> "GASP!"
Poopypants "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Jenephar "I'm not jestephar either.. I'm a girl"
Forest Gump "I'll always love you jenny!!!"
Jenephar "Nooooo!!!!!!"
<jenephar kills herself>
Cokeacola "That was wierd"
Mogel "So.. about that fort napolean has.."
Monks "Uhh... it's over there"
Mogel "Thanks"
Monks "No prob"
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-#4=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Napolean "I really don't think my middle name is nybar"
Quicksilver "It is man.. Really"
Mogel "Uhh.. we want our `zines back man. Where would D.ainty T.ulip
O.rganazation be without me?"
Napolean "On the top of the charts.."
Mogel "Shut up"
Napolean <really really evil cackle>
Napolean "Big bird! Get them!!!"
<big bird beats em all up and throws them in jail>
Poopyface "HAHA Quicksilver! Big bird beat you up!"
Quicksilver "He kicked your ass to.. and I bet you pooped yourself"
Ratslayer "I've been in this jail for 10 years"
<all> "GASP!"
Mogel "So THATS why I haven't seen any vermin"
Cokeacola "Uhh.. hey.. exterminator d00d"
Quicksilver "Can you get us out of here?"
Ratslayer "Yeah"
Ratslayer "Hey big bird.. let us out!"
Big-Bird "Ok.. sure."
Ratslayer "Thanks man"
Big-Bird "I'm a bird"
Ratslayer "Oh yeah"
Cokeacola "Where to now?"
Forest Gump "Maybe you should go home.. to ALABAMA!!!!"
Cokeacola "Thats not where I live"
========----======--#V (5.. in lamemens terms)--===----===---===
Cokeacola "Umm.. call my agent"
Ratslayer "What?!"
Quicksilver "Don't try to talk to him.. he's in a little world of his
own"
Cokeacola "So then.. The prez said to me..."
Mogel "Oh crap! Land mines!"
Cokeacola "How do you know?"
Ratslayer "Offhand.. I'd say that `DANGER! Land mines! :):):)' Sign"
Cokeacola "Oh.. probably.. mr. smarty"
Froboy "No one can ever know who I am..."
<all> "GASP!"
Forest Gump "And then I just started runnin.. oll runnin gump.. thats
what they called me.. olll runnin gump"
<all> "GASP!"
Mogel "It seems like he's been following us around.."
Cokeacola "Someone has to walk through that minefeild"
Mogel "Ok.. poopypants"
Poopypants "Uhh.. no?"
Mogel "Umm.. please?"
Poopypants "Ok"
kootch "Man.. I have a really really crappy part in this story"
Poopypants "Cause yer dumb.. whoops.. had an accident"
Mogel "Ok.. walk through the minefield"
Poopypants <walks through the minefield then blows up>
<pieces O poop go flying everywhere"
<all> "EWWWW"
Cokeacola "No wonder he was Waddling so slowly.. he was weighted down"
--------------------Oh yeah.. #6.. kooky and crazy and zany-----------
Mogel "Hey man.. your mines killed poopypants!"
Napolean "Uhh.. but his `zine (poopy pants inc) Was no good anyway.."
Cokeacola "Yeah.. and he was startin to stink"
Ratslayer "Can we have our `zines back now?"
Napolean "Say the magic word! Didn't your mother ever teach you the
magic word?!"
Ratslayer "Abracadabra"
Napolean "Um no"
Forest Gump "Then.. they decided I could fight commies better by playin
ping-pong"
Napolean "Hey.. I'm an elete pong player"
<all> "GASP!"
Napolean "Wanna game"
Forest Gump "Sure"
<napolean kicks forest gumps ass in ping-pong>
Napolean "Dewd!!!"
Mogel "What?"
Napolean "CHICKENBUTT!"
<all> "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"
Mogel "Hey napolean"
Napolean "Yeah?":
Mogel "Ahh.. say what"
Napolean "CHICKENBUTT!"
<all> "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!"
Napolean "You can't have yer `zines back till you all write for poupey!"
<all> "NEVER!!"
Napolean "OH YEAH?!?!"
<napolean grabs cokeacola and flys off with him in a jet>
Mogel "WHYYYYYYYY?!?! WHYYYYYY!?!? My.. only son.."
Ratslayer "I feel your pain"
Mogel "Eew"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ #7 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Cokeacola "Cmon.. reveal your diabolical plan now"
Napolean "Ummm no"
Cokeacola "Awww.. comeonnn"
Napolean "I think this has waayy to many clicha's already"
Cokeacola "Aww.. don't be a jerk"
Napolean "Look.. I really don't HAVE a diabolical plan. All of this
is just a bunch of crap that has happened."
Cokeacola "So then why did you steal everyones `zines?"
Napolean "Cause people submitted to all of them! I am going to take
those submissions.. and put them ALL into poupey!"
Cokeacola "Kool"
Napolean "Yeah.. I thought so"
Cokeacola "Hey waitasec.. isn't that a diabolical plan?"
Napolean "What?"
Cokeacola "That thing.. with the putting submissions for other `zines
into poupey"
Napolean "Maybe it is.. maybe it is.. never gave it a thought"
Cokeacola "K00l"
Napolean "Yeah.. I thought so"
Cokeacola "So why did you kidnap me anyway?"
Napolean "I wanted someone to have a reason to say `NOOOOOOO!!! WHY?
WHY?.. my.. only.. son'"
Cokeacola "Oh. NeatO"
Napolean "Yeah. You know.. in this story.. I rule the world.. kinda"
Cokeacola "Krad"
Forest Gump "And then we invested in some fruit company.."
Napolean "MACS DEAD! GET OVER IT!#@%!#$%"
<napolean pushed forest gump off the jet>
Cokeacola "Wonder how he got into this jet."
Napolean <shrug>
---------------------------8----8-------88------------------8-------------
Mogel "Uhh.. hey kootch"
Kootch "Your just about the worst chickenbutter ever."
Mogel "Shut up or I may have to hurt you"
Kootch "Oh.. what are you going to DO to me?! Huh?! Drop something
on me?! huh?! Is THAT what your going to do?!! Big man?!"
<forest gump falls on kootch>
Mogel "hahahahahahahaa"
Quicksilver "You really don't expect a retard to have comic timing.."
Forest gump "He should really not be hitting me!"
Ratslayer "Jenephars dead.. remember?"
<then a bunch of yuppies and yupets parachute from napoleans jet>
Kettle "Oh.. my.. god!!"
Ratslayer "It lives"
Kettle "Not my fault I got a crappy part in this story"
Ratslayer "Maybe if you didn't suck so much"
Quicksilver "Uhh.. aren't these yuppies gonna beat us up now?"
Ratslayer "Probably"
Mogel "Hey look yuppies!! It's fred flintstone!!"
Yuppies "Where?!! Where?!??!"
<yuppies scatter>
Mogel "Lets.. rideeeeeeeeeeeee"
Ratslayer "We don't have a car"
Mogel "Lets just start walking then"
Kettle "Oh.. after the jet.. ok"
Ratslayer "Yeah.. and through that desert"
Quicksilver "Dessert sounds good right now"
######################9######################
Napolean "Well.. here we are at my desert fortress"
Cokeacola "Elete"
Napolean "I'm just gonna leave you in control of my nuclear arsenal"
Cokeacola "NeatO"
Napolean "Yeah"
<napolean leaves>
<cut to the other guys..>
Mogel "Whats that sound"
Ratslayer "What sound?"
Mogel "The sound thats going `EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'"
Ratslayer "IIII.. dunno"
Mogel "Oh.. it's just a big ol' nuclear missile"
Kettle "Uh oh"
Mogel "Doesn't it seem like all of the people who had crappy parts
in these stories have been dying lately"
Quicksilver "In a word.."
<nuclear missile toasts kettle>
Quicksilver "..Yes"
Mogel "Hey! Check out the remains of kettle!!!"
Quicksilver "Dibs on the shoes"
Forest Gump "Bubbah woulda liked it this way"
Mogel "What way?"
Ratslayer "Hey look! It's napoleans desert fortress!"
Mogel "K-Rad"
---------------------#10 (finally)--------------------------
Napolean <pets his little cat> "Ahh.. a Mr. Mogel.. I have been..
expecting youu"
<all> "GASP!"
Napolean "I suppose your wondering why forest gump has been following
you around?"
Mogel "Uhh.. kinda"
Napolean "He's just retarded I guess. Wanna lynch him?"
Quicksilver "YEAH! Kill the bastard!"
Napolean "Ok"
<everyone goes and lynches forest gump>
Mogel "That was fun"
Quicksilver "Can we have our `zines back now?"
Napolean "Uhh.. no"
Mogel "Man.. this has to end in this story!"
Napolean "Yeah.. and if I kept all the `zines it would be a happy
ending.. for me"
Mogel "Stop being a jerk man"
Quicksilver "Yeah.."
Napolean "Admit it!! It's a conspiracy!! Napoleans middle name isn't
nybar!!!"
Mogel "Admit what?!"
<all> "CHICKENBUTT!"
Mogel "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
Cokeacola "Aww.. give em their `zines back"
Napolean "Ahh.. ok."
:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)))))))))))))))))))))))):)))))):))):):))))
Fetal Pig RAGGEEEE!! (1 of 5)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
================================
:( :( <|< :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( 8-= (stickin his tounge out!)
Leroy "Man.. I'm tired of my family.. my children.. my brothers,
being killed and butchered!"
Tyrone "MAnnn.. it's harrddddddddd.. it's harrrrrrddddddd"
Leroy "We gotta escape da pigs N dere OPRESSION!"
Big tom "Hey man.. we're the pigs!"
Tyrone "Hey shut up mannnnnn"
Latifa "We break out tonight guys"
Big tom "I got da knives, da guns.. and da warez"
Tyrone "I can get us outta da cage.. and outta da door"
Leroy "I got some leather jackets.. sun glasses.."
Big Tom "We ready my brothers and sisters? Lez do it"
...
Later that week.. one professor and 32 bio-students were found
dead. Those dorks. They got beat up by a bunch of pigs.
They must be dorks.
Big Tom "D00d.. what are we gonna do now man.. a bunch a pigs on
the street with no money or nothin"
Tyrone "I gotta friend who will give us a place for some warez
and crap"
Big Tom "Kewl J. Money"
------------Fetal pig rage 2.. or: A Bunch of Madddd Pigs #2------
Petrock "So.. you got da warez?"
Tyrone "We got em man"
Big Tom "Mann.. your friend is a ROCK?!"
Tyrone "An elete talkin pet rock dood"
Petrock "You got some fishers dewds?"
Tyrone "Oh yeah boyeeee"
Petrock "Then you BE on da way"
Tyrone "Alllll righttttt!!!!!! Where is it broda?"
Petrock <points to warehouse> "That be it"
Big tom "A warehouse man? You gotta be kiddin"
Tyrone "Be creative man.. we could make it da `warezhouse'"
Latifa "Awww yeahhhhh"
Petrock "It's yours brothas and sistahs"
Tyrone "All rightt.. lets go terroize some innocent doods"
Big tom "Yeah!"
..
Later that week 50 people are either mugged or mugged then killed
by the lil piggy wiggies. Dorks.
Tyrone "Dewd.. members have been joining like deres no snoop
piggy pig"
Big Tom "Elete"
--------000000000000#3*&V!#@$*@#$@#$)----------------=====!!!!!!!!!!
Big Tom "Gimme some suga' honey"
Latifa <frenches big tom>
Tyrone "Mannn.. we got mafia connections.. over 300 members..
like 40 million dollarz.. we be elete pigs broda!"
Big tom "Yeah.. but there are some doods who won't just admit
we da best"
Tyrone "Who man?"
Big tom "A bunch of `zine phreaks"
Tyrone "What the heck is a `zine man?"
Big tom "No idea.. but they be screwin up our operations.."
Hacker "Maybe III can do something about that!"
Big tom "Hacka! Dood! Yer elete man!"
Hacker "Don I know it"
Big tom "What ya gonna do man?"
Hacker "Hack da big dewd.. mogels.. crap.. and den own dem `zine
stuff.."
... later
WELCOME TO AOL!
PLEASE ENTER YOUR USER ID: HACKER
NOW ENTER YOUR PASSWORD: PASSWORD
WELCOME HACKER! You have mail waiting!
From: Your Mother
CC: What does CC mean?
Subject: You stink!
--------------------------
You couldn't hack your way into
your own pants!
Join talk thing: Hakerz
hacker has just joined the channel
Hacker: Dood.. anyone know where mogel hangs out? I gonna fish em.
Dogboy: Who's mogel?
Dumbutt: yeah.. who the hell is mogel@!!?
Joltcola: You mean that `zine dood? He's to elete to be on aol!
hacker has just left this room.
..even later
Hacker "Man tyrone.. those `zine doods are to lame to ever have aol
accounts, there not even worth it!"
Tyrone "Elete"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$Fetal Pig RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE #4$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Tyrone "Man hacker.. I don care what you say.. dem `zine doods be
opressin!!"
Hacker "Yeah! Lets burn there houses down!!!"
... merc's house burns to the ground.
Big Tom "Yeah!"
Hacker "Uhh.. no.. lets take over there `zines! By takin there pwords
and takin over there `zines!!"
... They get alot O crap of mine.. and then they kill me.
Big tom "Now we control poupey! We're elete!!!"
`Zine Guy "Isn' this alittle bit to much like y0lk 100?"
Big tom "Hey.. we eat chicken for breakfast!"
Tyrone "MMMMMMMMMMMMM Poultry!!"
Big tom "Hey.. it's hard writing poupey by ourselves"
... 3 years later
Tyrone "WHY THE HELL DOES NO ONE WRITE FOR POUPEY?!?@!?$@#$
Big Tom "YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!@#_$(@#$_(@#+$@($#!!!@$~@#$"
Tyrone "Can't.. take it.. anymore..
.. later that year a whollllleee lot of fetal pigs are found dead.
Must have commited suicide.. cause no one writes for poupey
man. No one. Why the hell.
---------------FETAL PIG RAGE: CONCLUSION!---------------------------
I really can't die in a t-file. Isn't that cool?
BLAM! I'm dead. Next story.. I'm alive. Hell.. I've destroyed
the universe.. 4... 5 times. Don't worry.. it's fine.
Really.. I can do anything in a text file. Watch
: And then I took over the world.. ate a cheesburgar.. got all the
chicks.. and took a piss"
Pretty kool huh?
If you want to be able to do crap like that.. umm.. write for
poupey. Yeah. Actually.. no matter what.. write for poupey.
Your just not writing cause your jealous. Do you know how
much something like this taxes my creative talents? Those
Pigs were a bunch of dorks! Dorks they were! Dorks!
I'm not that big a dork. No way man. Like remember that thingie
when the `hacker' went on AOL?! Yeah.. very taxing of my
creative talents. Think I'll end this now.
===============================================================
DAMN YUPPIE SCUM!@#$@#$@#$ #1
-------------------------------
Nybar "Damn yuppie scum. Watchin there football.. listening
to whatever the trendy music at the time is.. workin
for there faceless mega corporations. Yeah.. they need
to die."
Joltcola "Killing all of them would be nearly impossible.. but
we can surrrreeee kill a hell of alot!"
Nybar "Yeahh.. and.. thats what we're gonna do. I'm goin on
a crusade.. me N da posse"
jC "Uhh.. froboy.. snakeface... mojo.. bessie the wonder cow..
yipyip.. mewmew; vimto, farmer zed.. that should be
enough for alot of senseless slaughter!"
Snakeface "Lets kick some yuppe ass!"
Farmerzed "Yeah! YEAHYEAHYEAH!"
Joltcola "Elete.. but we can't just pick these doods off the street"
Froboy "Whyyyyy notttt?"
Joltcola "To many targets man! We gotta do something.. like have a
barbEEcue and invite a bunch of yuppies!"
Nybar "Kewl!"
Farmerzed "Good plan man"
(bonus fun thing..)
----------------------------------------
| B-B CUE! YUPPIES WELCOMED!!! |
| Free BEER! Big screen TV!! |
| FOOTBALL CHANNEL!! |
| INVITE TO A BB-CUE! |
| All YUPPIES invited! |
| Fire works! |
| Pig Roast! |
| Bring the kiddies! |
| |
| Don't know where? FINNDDD OUT!!! |
| This is you goin to the piggy roast!|
|So get to it!______ Cause you don't |
|Wanna-------| :) |------ Be lame like |
|_____|__________________|_That ascii!__ |
========Damn FUCKING yuppies #2=======
Yeah.. we know how to throw a barbicue. Yeah.
We just.. threw some cheap crap on the grill.. had people whack
A pinyahta whatever filled with gunpowder with a flaming torch.
Yeah.. that party ruled. And then, it was time for fireworks!
So we got some big ol explosives.. and then.. before lighting them
said "Gotta get those matches.." and went off and lit the fuse.
And then everyone blew up... cept us cause we were just sittin
around twiddlin our thumbs goin "Doddlleee oop doop dooo"
at the time. And it was pretty damn funny. And then.. we started
eating the crap they brought for us. Brownines which I pretended
were poop.. and it was funny. Then snakeface and froboy drunk
all the beer and passed out.. and joltcola.. well who knows what
he's doing. Farmer zed was inspecting the medicine cabnits.
Then.. I discovered some rice crispy squares! ELETE! Ever
heard the joke.. what did the rice crispies say to the asshole?
`Snap crackle fuck you you lamer!' Isn't that a brilliant joke?
But then I drank a whole bowl of punch someone had put alot of
brandy in and I don't remember anything else. Oh yeah jC
tells me that he found some elete ducks out back!!
Yeah! One of my best parties ever!
==========What.. you lookin at me? No one else here! Fuck you yuppie!=#3====
So anyway we only got like 200 people at that party. Not enough
man. Not enough yuppies dead. To many yuppies alive. But then
Froboy was readin the paper.. or his fro was.. and he came upon
something that was sellin tickets for the superbowl! Yeah!
Thousands of yuppies there!! And some free bonus rednecks to!!#@$
And it even said the prez was gonna be there! Elete! Kill the
prez.. the yupsters, and the yellow bellied cow tippers! Yeah!
So anyway.. froboy got the high explosives... zed got the
electric conductors and some sparking wires, snakeface got the
tape recorders and the sterio system.. mojo got the land mines and
I got around 6 bottles of wine for afterwards. Yeah.. we were ready dood.
But then I Watched the movie bambi and I was so sad that we
almost didn't do it. But in the end.. we still did.
And it was really cool. God I wish I got it on tape.
Waitasec.. I don't believe in god! Ok.. potato I wish I had
got it on tape. Hey.. potatoes are just easier to believe in..
you know? So anyway we broke into the stadium a day before
the super bowl and set this crap up.
----------$$$$$$$$$$$$#4 (Where alot of yuppies die!)
So anyway.. we planted the land mines in the playing field so
some players started blowing up. It was pretty damn funny. And then
we hit the prez with a lightning bolt and he sparked to death. That
was really really really funny. Then the tape recorders we got played
things (over the sterio system) like "Without the president the
econemy will collapse?!!?" and "Those land mines were planted by
the reds to start WW3?!" and my faviorate "That lightning bolt that
hit the president was from space invaders from the moon who are
going to destroy the earth! It's doomsday! DOOMMSSSSSDAYYY!"
And that set everyone into a panic. And then the high explosives
detonated and everyone blew up. Wheeeww did they blow up.
Dead pieces of guys flying everywhere. Owch! So I guess your
wondering why didn't we just blow em up in the first place?
Well.. aside from my flair for the dramatic.. I really just
wanted to watch em all run around. And I wanted to kill the
prezident seperately. And those players on the playing field..
well have you ever seen a bunch of guys trying to play
football on a mine field? Pretty damn funny man. Yeah.. I
killed these guys seperately for my amusement. And cause we
wanted to test out our new sterio system.. that got blown
to smithereens. Ka-BAM! heehee.. funnyfunnyfunny.
-------------------Wrap up thinge.. many yuppies dead--------------
J0ltCola went on to.. well.. drink alot of joltcola. Froboy
went on to conquer 3 continents.. leading armies with his
mighty fro. Farmer Zed went on to re-invent the idea of mulching.
Snakeface, later in life.. killed alot of people by biting them..
and then ate them in one gulp. Yum. Yipyip went on to be a really
annoying poodle who wouldn't shut up.. oh and he battled weiner
dogs.. in a far off galaxy. Mewmew went on to be a commander in
one of my cat-duck-cow armies. And I went on to thinking how
lame the things where you just told the jist of the future
of all of the main charecters in a story or movie.. when you
could have just made a sequal or something that.. no matter
how bad... lots of people would see just cause the first one
was elete. Yeah.. so I guess I'm just a jerk for doing something
like this. Yeah.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
`A Cosmic POTATO?!! Are you MAD?!' -Plato Addressing Nybar
%%^^^^^^
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Uhh.. well of course Nybars da elete god and all.. but there were some
doods before him that sucked. Yeah. Well.. lets start at the
beginning of the universe. Uhh.. there was a lil "Pop!" and the
universe was created. And for a brief period of time.. everything
was good and kosher dill pickle. But then the universe got really
bored and decided to have a potato. So it ate the potato and the
potato was good. And now the potato was in the center of the universe
.. and it was using it's godly potato powers to hold off being
digested. So it started creating a bunch of crap like flowers.. bees,
and that stuff. And then he created the wombat. Ohh the wombat
was a cool one all right. Give thanks to the potato for creating
the elete wombat!!! Phear that wombat! Phear it! Phear the elete!
So anyway one night.. when it was dreaming..
it dreamed of a verryyy scary world where pixies.. fairies.. elves,
and escimos reigned. And then it accidentaly dreamed of nybar
(not me.. the god!) and accidentaly created him. And Nybar was
elete. And he made all the elete stuff other than the wombat.
So anyway.. just remembered something.. I explained doomsday
for earth.. but not for the universe. Well.. when the potatoes
godly powers fail and it gets digested.. the universe will get
a bad case of indigestion and croak. Isn't that a terrible way
to die?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
`Republicans seem so innocent...'
Yeah.. some people asked me "Why republicans?! They seem so
Innocent!!!" Yeah well anyway I decided to answer in this `zine
instead of just telling them so they would be really confused.
Anyway.. I don't like republicans cause they offer young
american d00ds quick fix crap.. like a drugg (nothing against
drugs). But then.. once yer hooked.. they reel you in.. and
before you know it.. your wearin bland suits carrying a
briefcase attending PTA meetings. Thats gets scareier and
scareier the more you think about it. And they are just a bunch
of uptight jerks. Say.. I wanted to go on the beach and take
my pet lobsters for a walk. But nooooo. What do they do?
Why.. they try and take my lobsters! Damn lobster grabbers!
And.. you know.. some `democrats' are just vehicles for
republican rule. Bill Clinton is the a good example. See
How he chooses the most mind crushing things likely to
make you so opressed you do something like register
republican.. thinking that that `freedom' would be just as
good. Web decency act.. dress code crap. What the hell is
your problem? Why do you even ask me `Why republicans?'
?!! Ever notice how they attack fictional `zines and
cartoons and crap instead of confronting real issues?!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Puffin.. forget prose.. preferably"
Anyway one day I was walking down main street.. and I came
to a restraunt called `The east end main cafe' and it had
a sign on the door that said "No puffin' allowed!" and it
had a picture of a puffin with a top hat and a cane smoking
a cigar. You can see the great injustice in this! So.. I
told froboy about it and he knew that we had to take action!
So he got a puffin and I got a big trench coat to smuggle it
in in... and we took it in. And then when we were ordering
I said to the waitress "Yes.. I'd like.. uhh.. 2 hamburgars
for me and this fro.. and a chicken special for my invisible
friend here" And I pointed to the empty seat next to me.
But sadly this waitress had heard that one before.. and
she said "I've heard that one before!" and then she searched
me and found the puffin. She took it out and was about to tell
the big ass cook named `Big Bertha' who just might whack me
with a frying pan. But then I offered her a fat bribe.. and
she accepted. Anyway.. the puffin loved to food.. and..
it was ok to us.. but we had been there before. There
really isn't any point to this story. We just liked
smuggling rare birds into forbidden resteraunts.. thats
all.
-------------------------------------------------------------- -----------
"Unrealistic plans for the future"
--------------------------------
jC "Ok.. so first.. we write this big ol monumental issue of
poupey #10.. and then everyone writes for it.."
Nybar "What do you mean `WE' I'm the one who always has to write
these things!!"
jC "And yet you still get introduced as `jC's brother'"
Nybar "Shut the fuck up and finish your sentence"
jC "ok.. Then everyone writes for it.. and we do another special
like this in poupey 50 cept alot of people submit and we have
200 stories.."
Nybar "Are you SURE people will be submitting?!"
jC "Hey.. no one wrote for y0lk till like issue #10 either"
Nybar "The last thing I need right now is you comparing us to y0lk"
jC "Oh sorry"
Nybar "So then at ish #99 we'd have a special classic thing where
we put the best poupey's ever in."
jC "Yeah.. and at #100 we'd have... ONE THOUSAND STORIES!!"
Nybar "No I don't think so"
jC "Why not?"
Nybar "Every story is a page.. every page is a story.. ONE THOUSAND
FUCKING PAGES!! WHOS GONNA READ IT!"
jC "Ok.. we'll just do 250 and the rest will just be alot of
random stuff like `eekek3rq3rt34T4tphreak34R%T#4'"
Nybar "Good plan.. and then at #150 we close it down and take over
all of the other `zines!"
jC "Yeah.. do you know anything about hacking?"
Nybar "Do YOU?"
jC "Um.. yeah.. alittle.. you?"
Nybar "I'm the hacker king"
jC "Yeah... poupey's gonna rule man"
Nybar "Sure is"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
and now for some quoteable quotes
Murmur "Wow.. your productivity is amazing man"
bF "Stop calling me big francine!! And why wasn't I in that
alternative `zine thing?!"
Mogel "Call my agent"
Merc "It's all a diabolical plot with the hipsters and the commies"
jC "Yeah.. right.. In My PANTS!"
Merc "Napoleans middle name was nybar man. I'm telling you"
Frenchie "Djon POOPOO?"
German dood "My name is jestephar"
`zine d00d "I phear mogel"
Fetal pig "The way you told our story really sucked"
Valley girl "Like.. fersher"
edicus "I Think they alllll get the point that I pooped my pants..
ONCE! Stop writing stuff about me and I'll stop banning
you man!"
Fatslayer "I'm not gay.. but would you like a date?"
HomerSimpson "Woohoo!"
ForestGump "What was the big deal back there in that alternative `zine
storyline back there? I'm not that stupid!!"
Froboy "Yes you are"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Menace of the valley girls!! #1
Trixy "Teehee.. like.. ya know.. that.. nybar guy.. is like.. a jerk,
ya know."
Roxy "Yeah.. like.. whatEVER girl"
Foxy <blows a big bubble with her bubble gum>
Loxy "No.. I say we.. like.. ya know.. well.. you know.. put whip cream
on his door.. like.. ya know.. WHATEVER!"
Trixy "That sounds GOOD girl!"
Foxy "Lets egg his house girls!"
Roxy "And we can even steal his MAIL! And put the flag down!"
Loxy "Thats just to mean girl.. I.. ya know.. love it"
<all> "Tee hee"
...later, nybars house
Nybar "Aww crap... someone trashed my house!! Man.. thats what I get for
sleeping!!"
Froboy "I know who it was!"
Nybar "But HOW?!?!"
Froboy "The fro has eyes and ears.. my son"
Nybar "I'm not your son!"
Froboy "Oh yeah. You'd be suprised how often I make that mistake"
Nybar "So who was it?! The republicans? The yuppies?! The head of walt
disney?!!?!!?"
Froboy "It was...."
Froboy "THE VALLEY GIRLS!!!"
<all> "GASP!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
`Yeah.. like WHATEVER' -Roxy.. in an intellectual mood
Nybar "You don't understand how big this is man!!!!!! YOU KNOW THE RULES?!"
jC "Uhh.. no"
Nybar "Rules are.. valley girls are annoying.. we pop there bubble gum
all over there hair.. and then they get pissed off but don't do
anything but talk and giggle alot"
jC "And.."
Nybar "It's against the laws of nature!! They took action! And now they
have a firm power base! We have to take them down!!!"
RavingKaamikazeeBomber "IT's A KAMIKAZEE MISSION MAN! SUICIDE! NONE OF US
ARE GONNA MAKE IT OUT ALIVE MANNN!! DON'T YOU SEE MANN!! THEY'LL KILL
US ALL!"
<Nybar slaps kamikazee dood really hard>
Kamikazeedude "I needed that mannnnnnnnn"
Froboy "He's Right! If the valley girls start acting.. we may all be
dead! The time to strike is now!"
Nybar "Hey! I'm the one who gets to talk all dramatic! It's my `zine!"
Froboy "I'm the only one who writes for it other than you, so show some
respect!"
Nybar "But what can we do"
<The ghost of edgar allen poe turns around in nybar's chair.. revealing
himself>
<all> "GASP!"
Poe "Perhaps III can help with that!"
-------------------------------------------------------
Valley girls suck!! #3
Roxy "How else can we.. ya know.. get back at.. like.. ya know.. whatever,
all the jerks out there.. ya know?"
Trixy "They should come to counterstrike us. But when they do.. we'll
be READY!"
Foxy "YEAH! We can get FIVE HUNDRED Valley girls from all over and alot
of football quarterbacks for backup!!"
..in nybars inner sanctum
Poe "You see.. what we would do.. would be to send a man to the inside..
to distract them. Then.. while they were fighting.. we would cut
the lights. Since they are all scared of the dark.. we could then
send mewmew.. who has excellent night vision.. to BREAK THEIR
FINGERNAILS!"
Froboy "And then we could just announce we would turn the lights back
on a lead em to a good manacure if they surrendered and started
playing by the rules again"
jC "Thats BEAUTIFUL!"
Nybar "On problem.. who we gonna send in?"
Yipyip "I might be just the dog your lookin for!"
Nybar "Why you?"
Yipyip "Cause I would have no part in this story otherwise"
Nybar "Oh"
Yipyips Bitch "Don'ttttt do it yippie!"
Yipyip "A dogs gotta do.. what a dogs gotta do.. bitch"
-------------------------------------------------------
HAHAH!! DIE VALLEY GIRLS DIE! #4
Trixy <standing on podium.. talking on loudspeaker> "WHAT DO WE WANT?!"
<all> "HORSES!"
Trixy "WHEN DO WANT EM?!"
<all> "NOW!"
Trixy "WHAT DO WE WANT!?"
<all> "PONIES AND EXPENSIVE CARS!"
Trixy "WHEN DO WE WANT EM?!"
<all> "NOW!"
<yipyip comes in.. barkin like his bitch>
Trixy "Like.. ya know.. ATTACK! or WHATever!"
<football d00ds and vally girls start attacking yipyip>
...nybars point of view
Nybar "Wow.. bet yipyip is kickin some ass!"
jC "Or gettin his ass kicked"
Nybar "Got my mojo workin hard"
jC "Workin hard.. or hardly workin?"
Nybar "Shut up"
Froboy "Both of you shut up.. we're here to take the lights out"
Nybar "Les rock"
<nybar froboy and jC sneak into the building... go into the basement..
cut some wires.. and presto.. the lights go out>
Nybar "Wow.. can't believe we did it"
Froboy "What II Can't believe is that we didn't get caught with you two
yakkin all the way here"
jC "Hey we did it man! If mewmew does his job.. this operation can
be declared a success!"
Froboy "Yeah.. then we can go to TCBY and claim it's we're all triplettes
and it's all of our birthdays again.. can't believe how many
times that has worked!!!"
jC "Elete!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Like.. ya know.. time ta die.. valley girls (conclusion)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
<mewmew runs into the valley girl complex.. not knowing how long
the confusion can last>
mewmew "I don't know how long this confusion can last"
<mewmew runs into the conference room.. where all were battling yipyip>
Mewmew "Wonder where he is.. well.. down to work"
<mewmew starts popping their bubble gum in there faces and breaking
their fingernails.. causing a panic>
Mewmew <shouting> "IF YOU AND OBEY THE RULEZ SURRENDER AND YOU WILL BE
LED TO A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN GET A GOOD MANICURE!"
Fatslayer "Oh that would be DELIGHTFUL!"
Mewmew <yelling> "NOT YOU!"
<valley girls lay down whatever they had.. and are lead away by
froboy nybar and jC.. who have arrived on the scene by now>
<lights flick back on>
Yipyip <out in a corner.. bleeding to death>
Mewmew "You got beat up by a bunch of GIRLS!"
Yipyip "ahhhohhh.. there were those.. ahh.. football d00ds to man"
Froboy "Yeah.. right.. you got beat up by a bunch of GIRLS!"
Yipyip "Just shut the fuck up and get you to a hospital!"
Nybar "Yeah.. on your sheet it will say `Got beat up by a buncha girls'
and the doctor will sigh and say `not another one'"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Partytime!
So anyway I got a perfectly normal looking invite to a party.
Perfectly normal looking. So I decided `What the hell..
the invatation said to bring a friend.. so I'll bring jC"
. Around a week later.. we arrived at the party. And then
we looked around. It was a yuppie party alright. Me and jC
were trapped in the middle of a yuppie party. It was gonna be
tough. To paraphrase the immortal immortal dude.. "I live
forever cause I'm immortal dude." Brilliant. Maybe I should
mention that at that party.. I had a brilliant idea. A bunch
of people were writing on the driveway with some chawk.. so
I grabbed it and in really huge elete letters wrote
"Write for POUPEY!" and I underlined poupey. That should
-------
boost circulation 100%!! So anyway.. they had this elete
pinhyatta.. and they were letting the little kids go first..
and with no blindfolds.. so to get back at them.. I hit all
of the people standing around a gawking and then pretended
I didn't mean to. It was really funny.
Then they were all have fireworks.. but we had already stolen
them all.. so they said `Where are they?' and we launched
them at the yuppies. And then we ran home.
------------------------------------------------------------------
An exclusive with olive oil
Nybar "So.. to begin.. what do you think of popeye? A real dork isn't
he?"
Olive-oil "He's my man!"
Nybar "So how many times have you dumped him in favor of some trussed
up bluto just to go crawlin back?"
Olive "Oh.. around 250 I'd say"
Nybar "So what about that whole sweet-pee think.. who's was he?"
Olive "Mine and popeyes"
Nybar "Oh.. ok.. been sexin it up eh? Does he take his spinach before
sex?"
Olive "Before the sex that made sweet pee.. yeah"
Nybar "Can you see the problems for sweet pee later in life having
a name with the word `pee' in it?"
Olive "I guess I really hadn't thought of that.."
Nybar "So why do you always seem to abandon popeye.. even when you
2 had those 3 kids.."
Olive "I guess I'm just a ramblin gal"
Nybar "Yeah whatever. So if you can get herculian strength by having
some spinach.. why isn't everyone doing it?"
Olive "Umm.. cause it isn't illeagel?"
Nybar "Or maybe it just tastes bad. Specially cold.. out of a can.."
Olive "I almost didn't have that first date with popeye cause he had
spinach between his teeth"
Nybar "Elete.. but out time is up. Bye"
Olive "Umm.. bye"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why this issue of poupey is elete
---------------------------------
Cause it just is. Just kidding.
...
Cause this is 50 fucking stories in one issue man. And it isn't even
a big deal issue either. It's #10. And I'm writing it all by myself.
Ever tried to write 50 stories like this all by yourself?! It ain't easy.
I hate those d00ds who say "Ain't isn't a word cause it AIN'T in the
dictionary" it's in the dictionary all right. I mean.. shit isn't in
the pussy whipped off dictionarys their reffering to. Crap man.. what
the hell is their problem?! Stop bothering me! Why the hell do I do
this? I just sit up all night writing poupey stories for about 5
people who read half of it and don't get any of the jokes.. or get
them for the wrong reasons. Maybe cause I'm elete.. like the wombat.
Phear me. I'm da `zine machine. 50 stories.. one night.. something
new to phear in this phearful world. And I wrote poupey10 BEFORE
we put together poupey 09. Phear that.
============================================================================
`Well OO' La De DAH Mr. Frenchman' - by Nybar
---------------------------------------------
It's not pronounced like a frenchy. Poupey that is. Not like poupe.
Like poopy. We just couldn't think of an acronym for two o's.
RAD=Rat Ass Deadbeat, DTO= Dainty Tulip Organization.. and poupey=
Poop old ugly poumpous electronic yams. None of them really MEAN
anything.. and I just asked someone randomly on the street what the
other acronyms were. Actually.. Poor old ugly poumpous electronic
yams doesn't MEAN anything. It just sounds nifty. Rollsss off the
tounge. There have been so many of these stories.. at least one
of them must have been a classic. So now the night is just ending.
And here I am. Still writing poupey stories. Poupey: The crazy
playground of my mind. You see.. first it was so stupid/bad it
was funny.. now it's so funny it's funny. Or so they tell me.
I don't really see the difference. Except I think howard the
magical chipmunk is one of the most elite stories ever. Really
elite. Pretty much what I'm trying to do is uhh.. well get alot
of mini-serises in this.. and just some random stuff in between.
Potato.. that olive oil thing was brilliant. Really brilliant.
You know.. if you stick, a nail.. in a potato.. it will cook
in half the time. elite.
------------------------------------------------------------
`CRAP! I STUBBED MY elite TOE!' -Nybar
Well maybe this should have a different title. Cause you really
can't base a story on stubbing your toe. Actually.. you can and
now that I mention it think I will try it in the future. It will
be elite. Anyway.. this is about an average day in my life.
1:00 woke up.. went to bathroom.. wrote for poupey
2:30 finished writing for poupey.. go on IRC
2:45 Get banned from all the gay channels.. wrote for poupey
3:00 Finish story.. go to froboys house
3:15 Me and froboy drive around in his elite car
3:30 Really annoy waitresses with froboy at gold hawk road cafe
4:00 Went to bathroom
5:00 Was reading a magazine.. but will pretend was constapated
5:20 Stubbed my elite toe. Just sat around.
6:00 Wrote for poupey
6:30 Watched simpsons
7:00 Drunk alot of coffee.. decided to stay up all night writing.
3:00 Took a bathroom break
5:00 Took another bathroom break
7:00 People wondering why I seem more out of it than usual.
8:00 At this point.. I was one of these people
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Brilliant observations galore.
Think of what bugs bunnies day must be like.. :
Find whoever comes into the forest and make their life hell.
If no one comes get your friend daffy blown to bits.
Make sure not to run out of carrats. If elmer fudd or porkey
pig in elmer fudd garb comes along.. make sure to BLAST EM!
...
This is no way to live.. for a hunter or for a rabbit. And then they
made they crappy spinoffs where.. they all had kids and moved to vegas!
butchers. Wish I could have a life like bugs bunnies.. so I could
harrass a bunch of phreaks and.. harrass them. A word to the
hamsters: BROWN FUR IS HELL! SHAVEN SPLENDOR IS DIVINITY! OPRESSION
BY THE FUZZZZZ.. OR FREDEEOM OF A BUZZ?
...
So I try and make poupey a gooooddd like jumbo kosher pickle.. and
believe me.. I HAVE tried.. with alll the culture I have at my
disposal. Not much. So it comes out like this.. a peice of poop..
you say? Hey.. it's a way to write a bunch of stories for no
reason.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
My worst day ever -Nybar
000000000000000000000000000000000000
First I awoke at 7:00. Bad headache. And I thought to myself:
OHHHHHH BOYYYYYYY Am IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII GRUMPPPYY!!
GRUMPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYY MOOOONNNKKKKKEEYYYYY!!!!
So I got outta bed.. went and choked down some cerial..
which tasted more shitty then ever. Then I walked up to
my room and wrote for poupey.. But no AC in that room so
I went to jc's... and he kicked me out. And then I fell out
a window. Low second story.. into a street where someone was
shavin his head. Now I have a mini bald spot to testify the
momentous moment. Then I walked into the barber shop across
the street to see what they could do with my har.. but for
some reason they seemed to think I was `Poisioning there
country' which I thought was just bullshit. Then I had
a sub for lunch and I think it was the mayo made me vomit
this time. After that.. I read some books.. and wrote for
poupey. And then we went to the golden hawk road cafe for
dinner.. which I always love to do cause we have poupey
-worthy discussions. But they were closed. Renovation or
something.
Doesn't that suck?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some elite movie reviews
Independance day was.. ok. Meaning it wasn't baddddddddd.
I think they should have been so predicabile.. letting us win.
It's not very damn likely we would win anyway. Twister had
another weak plot.. something about a guy who leaves his wife
to go chase twisters with someone whose father got sucked up
by one awhile ago. A time to kill.. you can tell the plot by
watching the commercials. Special cameo by the klu-klux clan.
The rock was neatO. Some 60 year old beating up a bunch of modern
well trained marines. Those dorks. Also.. they almoooosttt blew a
football stadium up. Almost. Damn I forget. What the hell else
was there. Umm.. trainspotting? One of the best movies of the
(lame) summer. Real realistic. Uhh.. drugs. Lotsa them. Drugs
drugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugsdrugs.
Oh and there was sex.. underage, aids.. contracted from cat
shit.. and a bunch of other totally cool crap. Umm.. I saw other
movies.. but they were totally lame. So instead.. I'll tell some
TV stuff. Uhh.. I saw the net.. and the main charecter
was a fucking retard: In the middle of a crowded mall.. 2 people
with guns after her.. her work on the computer done. So what does
she do.. SHE RUNS TO THE FUCKING SECLUDED CATWALKS!! RETARD!
I saw a movie called the million dollar duck. elite! Watch this
crap!! I also saw a movie that had a cat much like orangey in
it called `Rhubarb' eliteeliteelite! About a cat who leads a
baseball team.. but then the mafia kidnaps him.. but he escapes
cause he's an elite 0-day cat.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Our (ELEET) Day (1 of 5.. phear it!)
Here are some of the elete things that happened to
the poupey crew on tuesday. Watch N phear.
...
<me, froboy.. and joltcola are standing in the poupey sanctuary>
Froboy " Damn.. it's gonna be a GREAT day today!"
Nybar " Why do you say that?"
Froboy "Well.. you know that chick that sits next to me in
social malice class?"
jC <whistle>
Nybar "Go for it man!"
Froboy "Sitting and waiting for half a year.. TODAY IS THE DAY!"
Nybar "Oh.. ohhhhhhh yeah."
jC "Yes.. an elite party line!"
Nybar "What?"
jC "Just got invited to one.."
Nybar "Can I go on?"
jC "I can't see why not.."
Froboy <under his breath> "You fool"
Nybar "Yeah.. this is gonna be a k-rad day for all O us. Maybe
I'll write about.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
`Yeah.. this is gonna be a k-rad day. Maybe I'll write about it' (#2)
<Nybar and jC connect to party line.. while froboy confrots `Sweedums'>
Nybar "Heyheyhey..."
Metalchic "I'mmmmm nettle"
Nybar "Uhh.. nybar here.."
Mogel "NYBAR!"
Mercuri "Nybar"
Nybar "Yeah?"
Mercuri "Nybar?"
Nybar "Yeahhhhhhhhhh WHAT?"
Creed "hahahhahhahhaha!!!#@$"
Mercuri "Hey mogel, gimme y0lk 99."
Mogel "Ok d00d"
Mercuri <reading y0lk>
Metalchic "Hey nybar.. say something funny"
Nybar "Ahhh.. to shave, a gerbil."
<all> "HAHAHAHHA"
Mercuri "Hey?! NYBAR! Whats this about me in y0lk 99!?!?!#%@"
Nybar "Ahh.. what?"
Mercuri "The thing about stick juggling.. me being a hillbilly.. ect"
Nybar "THAT was in Y0LK?!#@% IF I WANT SOMETHING IN Y0LK.. I'LL
WRITE IT FOR Y0LK!@#% YAHHHHHHHH@#$!_@``#(!!"
Mercuri "Well.. I'm just gonna have to go crazy and KILL you now.."
jC "Wow.. you'd have to be cool like the fonze to get out of
this one."
Nybar "Thats BRILLIANT! jC! Genius!"
jC "What?"
Nybar "The fonze will teach you the secret of being cool! You just
gotta find him!!"
jC "What about you?"
Nybar "I'll try and stall mercuri"
<everybody but mercuri hangs up>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
`Awww.. teach me the secret to bein cool.. pleaseee?' -jC (#3)
Froboy <stands around.. waiting for the right time>
Chick <Looks tortureingly at froboy>
Froboy <takes a deep gulp>
Froboy <approaches>
Froboy "Ahhh.. wanna.. get ta.. know me, better?"
Chick "A date?"
Froboy "Yeah kinda"
Chick "When.. I may be busy (for the rest of the year)"
Froboy "Saturday night?"
Chick "Where.. somewhere not crowded"
Froboy "Well.. I can't afford much.."
Chick "Get on your knees and beg like a dog!!"
Froboy "What?"
Chick "Didn't you hear me?"
Froboy "Ahh.."
<froboy begs like a dog>
Chick "Hahahah.. maybe I WILL go out with you.. then again.. maybe
I won't."
Froboy <still begging> "Please?"
Chick "Nymabeeee"
Froboy "Whats that supposed to mean?"
Chick "It means you have to convince me why I should go out with you."
Froboy <takes a deeper gulp>
Froboy "Wellllllllll.."
<the fonze enters.. knocks on the juke-box to play some music.. and
checks the place out>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coooooooooolllllll like the fonzzzzzzee (#4)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
<jC runs in.. panting>
Fonze "Woah.. my coolness tells me you are jC."
jC "Yeah.."
Fonze "So whaddaya want, my man, j0ltcOla?"
jC "Ahh.. the secret to bein cool?"
Fonze "Just cause you ASKED.. I can't tell you!"
jC "Awww.. teach me the secret to bein cool.. please?"
Fonze "Hey.. You wanna see the secret!?!? YOU WANNA SEE THE SECRET!?"
jC "Yes.. that would be nice"
Froboy "...I Have a neat fro.. with alot of, stuff living in it."
Chick "That all?"
Froboy "And in conclusion.. I..."
<fonze snaps his fingers>
Chick <Walks over and puts her arms around fonze>
Froboy "Ahhhh.. damn"
jC "Sorry man"
Froboy "She probably had aids anyway"
jC "Sour grapes"
Froboy "Shut up"
jC "Well.. I guess that was the secret to bein cool"
jC <snaps his fingers and a bird poops on his head>
Froboy "Seeing as how we're inside.. either that was an amazing
coincidence.. or you have no idea what being cool is
about.."
jC "Ahh crap.. forget this.. goin back to the Nybar.. maybe
we can roll mercuri up in a carpet and throw him up a
bridge"
Froboy "Sounds good"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
`Ahh.. doody crap.. we're screwed' -Nybar (Conclusion)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nybar "So merc.. ever heard of the indians of zsjaii?"
Mercuri "Kill me.. kill me"
Nybar "Thats not suprising.. cause they don't exsist!!"
Mercuri "Oh god.. please shut up"
Nybar "So I says to the crocodile `Hello mr. prez.. I'mmmm a trolll
mann'."
Mercuri "This, is torture."
Nybar "And he says to me `I'm not the prez! You are! I'm the queen
of england! Silly!' And boy didn't I feel stupid."
Mercuri "Can't take much more.."
Nybar "Oh waitasec.. jC's back."
<nybar puts down phone>
Nybar "So.. how'd it go?"
jC "IIIIIIIIII..."
Froboy "Failed miseribly"
jC "Not the way I was going to put it.. but.. yeah."
Nybar "Ahhh.. doody crap.. we're screwed."
Nybar "Maybe I can still reason with him.... <picks up phone>"
Nybar "Ahh.. theres something that froboy once said to me while
we were both in the process of `Liberating' a gerbil from
it's fur.."
Mercuri "Can't TAKE IT ANY MORE!!@#@$ YAHQHHAHAH!@$214'!!!"
<BLAM!>
Nybar "Guess.. he committed suicide.."
jC "That worked out pretty well"
Froboy "Better him then us."
jC "Hey.. when he said he was going to kill you.. I think he
was just kidding"
Froboy "Welllll.. doesn't make any difference now"
Nybar "You said it brodda"
Worthless.. obsessive (brilliant) Junk (1 of 2)
-----------------------------------------------
<me and froboy are sitting alone in the golden hawk road cafe.. waiting
for jC>
Froboy "Aww.. do it.. do it man"
Nybar "Ahh.. comeone.. I don't like doing it in public places.."
Froboy "Why not?"
Nybar "If I do it.. You'll see why not.."
Froboy "Than do it!"
Nybar "POTATO! OK!"
Froboy "Get to it man..."
<nybar.. in a bill cosby type voice> "Gawwww.. gawwww.. ya see.. the kiddss,
ta the rap mussssssiiii
iiccccc.. they don know bout the JAZZZZZZ
musiciansssssss!!"
<all> "BILL COSBY?!?! AUTOGRAPH?!?!"
Nybar "CRAP man! Now I got a bunch of people staring at me! I'm not
Bill Cosby!! I'm white for nybar's sake!"
Waitress "But.. so what michal jackson"
Nybar "Shuttttt upppppppppp"
Waitress "You stars are all alike.."
Froboy "How so?"
Waitress "Your all a bunch of jerks.."
Nybar "How many other stars have you met..?"
Waitress "SHUT UP!"
Nybar <supressing a snicker>
Nybar "MUAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHASSAH!@$H@#%_@#)$!"
Waitress <slinks off>
<a big robot with buzz saws for hands.. and ears like a bunny.. breaks
through the windows>
Robot "I HAVE JOLTCOLA! COME TO DANGER PASS AT 9:00 TONIGHT IF YOU EVER
WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!"
<froboy and nybar> "GASP!"
REALLY worthless.. obsessive (stupid) junk (2 of 2)
- ----------------------------------------------------------
Froboy "Crap man.. what are we gonna do?"
Nybar "Umm.. go to danger pass?"
Froboy "It's OBVIOUSLY a trap!"
Nybar "Yeah.. well this is my `zine.. so we'll be fine.."
Froboy "What about that last thingie where merc almost killed us.."
Nybar "But we killed him"
Froboy "Bahhh humbug.. I STILL say we shoulda rolled him up in a
carpet and thrown him off a bridge."
Nybar "That doesn't work!"
Froboy "Yes it does!!"
Nybar "Well.. carpets are expensive.."
Froboy "Not that expensive.."
Nybar "Why don't we send our mechanical duplicates to danger pass?"
Froboy "We don't have mechanical duplicates!"
Nybar "This is a `zine man! We HAVE mechanical duplicates!!!"
Froboy "Waitasec.. danger pass?"
Nybar "Yeah... danger pass.. so?"
Froboy "No where around here called danger pass!"
Nybar "THIS IS A `ZINE!! DANGER PASS EXSISTS!"
Froboy "Just trying to add some consistancy."
Nybar "Oh.. then I guess it does exsist"
Robot <dummm deee dummmmm>
Froboy "Ok.. we send these `MECHANICAL DUPLICATES' to this `DANGER
PASS' which both DON'T EXSIST!!"
Robot "Oh forget it"
Froboy "Forget what?"
Nybar "CHICKENBUTT!"
jC <jumps out of robot>
jC "I was just kidding guys"
Nybar "Pretty lame ending"
jC "Yeah.. overused."
- woof -
The POUPEY Cafe-
Where the elete go to meet, greet, and eat our tasty `zine treats.
jC "Why do you say `elete' so much?"
Nybar "Cause everything in my life is"
jC "You're just saying that so the first time readers who don't know
much about you will think it's true"
Nybar "No.. I just say it for ego-satisfaction"
jC "Whats that?"
Nybar "I dunno"
Froboy "Nice string of rhymes in that slogan"
Nybar "Thanks"
jC "Hey.. what does this has to do with the toilet?"
Nybar "Well.. we are having this conversation in the poupey cafe..
so it's like.. a family place."
jC "Like cheers"
Nybar "Yeah"
Froboy "Yeah.. the families bring in the bucks"
Nybar "The food here tastes like poop!"
Froboy "So does the coffee!!"
Yes.. The POUPEY Cafe.. the food.. tastes like poop.
(and now back to something that could.. in the realm of probability..
not be worse than this)
____________________________
Why ducks.. cats and cows?!
___------------------______
Some people ask me stuff. STOPPPPP BOTHERINGG MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!@$_@~#*$+@!$*@#+$)*@#+$*#@$!
Anyyyyyway.. did I cover that poupey thing up.. we pronounce
it like poopy.. but call it whatever you want *frenchie*.
Couldn't think of an acrynom for two o's. So there. Anyway..
this issue is convienant to clear alot of stuff in. So.. some
people ask me `How did you come up with the name.. nybar'
well the answer is I dunno.. it just sounded good. Anyywayy..
other people ask why I worship cats.. ducks and cows. Well..
quacks are (FUNKY) elete. They waddle and eat bread and go
QUACKKKKKKKKK! If you are ever my neighbor.. you may see me
throwing a loaf of bread out the window at night. Feeding the
ducks. Cats are just alot like me. What can I say.. I'm elete..
they're elete.. I take short naps during the day instead of
sleeping.. they do that to.. when I drink.. I like to lick it up
real fast. And all that doody crap. Cows.. well they say moooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
And thats a perfectly good reason. Theres also the thing that
they are the power source of my (elete!) god nybar. Hail nybar!
**************************************************************************
A common happening (1 of 2)
**************************************************************************
Nybar "So who do you phear?"
Zinester "I PHEAR MOGEL!"
Zinester2 "PHEAR MOGEL! AND DTO!!!"
Nybar "I make fun of BOTH of them allllll the time.. well.. I made
a point of making fun of as many people as possible in the
first 10 stories of this."
Zinester "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Zinester2 "IT CAN'T BE!!"
Nybar "And the sad thing is.. you two are still dorks."
Zinester "Awww.. teach me to be eleet"
Zinester2 "Yeah.. what he said!"
Nybar "Welllllllllllllll.. ok!"
Zinester "Why are you helping us though?"
Nybar "Cause I was bored.."
Zinester2 "Oh ok"
Nybar "Ok.. first off.. who do you two phear and worship right now?"
Zinester "Ahh.. mogel.. phorce.. creed.. merc"
Nybar "Write really disrespectful stories about them! Well.. beyond
disrespectful! Be jerks!"
Zinester "But we don't WRITE"
Nybar "So your just those dorks who hang on `zine dOOds?!"
Zinester2 "Uhh.. well.. in a word.."
Zinester "Yes"
<nybar annhiliates both `zinester and his brother `zinester2>
-----------------------
A Common Happening (#2)
-----------------------
Zinester3 "Youuuuu killeeedddd myyyyy broooothhhheeerrrssss!!!"
Zinester4 "I'll kill you!"
Nybar "Do you need some kinda special passport.. for that EGO TRIP
your taking?!!"
Zinester4 "Grrr"
<nybar obliterates both zinester3 and zinester4>
Dirtyrat "You lookin at me? Are YOU lookin at ME!?! No one else here!!"
Nybar "What? What?"
...
And then I fell into a parralel world much different from our own. With
a bunch of purple, walking talking stick figures.. with squiggly
purple (or for the funksters.. red) Hair.
Stick "Hi nybar"
Stick2 "In this world.. you rule the `zine scene!"
Nybar "rad"
..
so they took me away in my King `ZINE Chair.. and I made sure they had
plenty of poop.
And then I woke up
-----------------------------------------------------
YES!!#$@$ I DID IT MAN#@!$@#$!!
*****************************************************
Nybar "YEAH~#!@!! 50 STORIES! ONE ISSUE!!@#"
OVER 5 MINI-SERISES! ALL TOGETHER IN ONE ISSUE!! WHERES
THE SUSPENSE?!?!@ MUAHAHAHAHAH@Q$_@1$#+!(1!!!
OF COURSE I WROTE THIS BEFORE I WROTE POUPEY 9!!
SO JC SAID THAT IN 1-3 THE ZIPS SUCKED! SO NOW.. IF YOU HAVE
A ZIP.. BOOTLEG! I HAVE BOOTLEG POUPEY!!@$# (or maybe he just didn't
want you to see his really crappy ansi.. it really.. sucked)
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I FINISHED!! TIME TO TAKE A BREAK!#%@#$!!
YEAH! GOLD HAWK ROAD CAFE HERE I COME!@$!_+@#$@!1
jOltCola "WHAT?! NO FUCKIN BREAKS! POUPEY09! AND THEN WRITE POUPEY
ELEVEN! YOU'D THINK I DID ALL THE WORK!
Nybar <comes close to punching joltcola>
----------------------------------------------------------------
