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Pizza Underground Digest Volume 3 Issue 19
Pud issue 3:19 I think, but does it really matter? NO because I hate you.
ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÂÂÄÄÄÄÂÄÄÂÂÄÄÙ
³Special Upload Credit Issue!ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ÚÙÀ¿ ÚÁ¿ÚÙÀ¿Ú¿
ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÅÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÅÙ À¿ÚÙ ÀÅ¿ ÀÅÙ
ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÄÄÄÁÁÄÄÄÁÁÄÄÁ
/
/
/ ++
°°°°°°° / +-----------------------------------+
°°°° °°°° / ++ ++
\ °°° °°°° / ²²² | |
\ °°° °°° / ² | ++
\ °°°° °°°° / ²² | ++
\°°°° °°° / ²² ++ SUPER SPECIAL! UPLOAD ++
°°°° °° / ² | CREDIT ISSUE! HAVING EVEN ++
°°°° °°° / ²² ++ LESS SOCIAL WORTH THAN |
°°°° °°°°/ ±±± ²² | THE NORMAL ISSUES OF PUD! ++
°°°°°° °° / ±± ²² ++ BUT IT'S STILL k@WL TO UL +-+
°°°°°°°°/ ±± ² ++ FOR CREDiT DU0DZ! ++
°°°°°° / ±± ²² | ++
°°°°°\/ ±±± ² | ++
°°°°/\ ± ±± ² | ++
°° / \ ±± ±± ² | ++
°°/ \ ±± ±±± ² ++ |
°° \±±±± ±± ²²² ++ BY: Baph, the f0Nt MasTeR! |
°° ±±±± ±± ²²²² +-+ |
/°° ±±±± ±±± ²²² ²² ++ ++
/ °° ±±±±± ±±± ² ²²² | ++
/ °° ±±±±± ±± ²² ²² + +----------+
/ °° ±±±±±±± ²² ²² ++ ++
/ °° ±±±±\ ² ²²²² ++ +-+
/ °° \ ²² ²²² | +---------------+
-1 \ ²²²²² ++--+
3 9 \ ²²² |
\
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
NEWZ BUlETTiNZ aND ZTUDFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
NEWZ! Pure Energy is kicked out o' PuD! Why, oh why was he finally
thrown from our shimmering masses you ask? Well because Zer0 said
so. That's right Zer0 the H3r0 the sysop, and the new leader of
PuD, of our WHQ BBS kicked his 'PuNK azz' out. Why? Why you ask?
Because according to Zer0 'Pre Energy' isn't a k@wl enough handEL
to use. 0ther sw33ping changes are that Zer0 called fo S0mE NeW
typ0graphy Styles...and I am so afraid of his masculinity that I
had no choice but to comply...
þ eSQUUEZ ME.
So I was marveling at the ability to get hate mail on internet the
other day when it suddenly struck me, hey this guy sitting next to
me sucks. But then I realized that there was no one next to me, it
was a mirror. So does this mean, I Baph, greatest being to ever
walk on this rancid shitty-ass planet suck? Of course not. So it is
obvious that my reflection sucks. So what does that mean? Well it
simply means that this is whole bunch of utter nonsense that you
for some unknown reason continue to read. What? Did you not read
the title I said it had LESS value than the average PuD issue, which
by the way is pretty pathetic to begin with, so less than pathetic
would be pretty damn bad...and it is...so enjoy the rest of this
issue if you can read it all.
þ Why you should go to bed early.
Ya know when you log onto boards after being up a really long time
you can easily make the mistake of saying what is ever on your
mind and well here is a shining example of one such case...
Auto-Message written by BAPHOMET THE LIMBO KING on 7/15/93
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Subject: I heard that...
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
ManDe Is DivIne!
[Not sure if this is a fact or rumor but based on personal experience I
would most likely qualify this as a rumor. Ya know the word colour is
pretty-swell. What's even more swell is you are wasting your time
reading this. Why? Because you don't know any better. In fact you might
as well stop since there is nothing of any value anywhere in here. Not
one single thing. Ok 1! I have found another mandy. She's dumb as hell
and NC thinks she has vd but she has the kind of ass that if you were
to wake up with your face in it in the morning you wouldn't mind. No
sexism intended it's just that nice. If her middle initial is an M, I
think I may be in love. AMF it is meant to be...So I think that this is
by far the best auto-post ever and it gives all of you a chance to get
an inner vision into my most tormentious soul. I think I made that word
up. It seemed good at the time, but then again even life's most stupid
plans seem very good at the time. I remeber a time when I went to call
this girl and sing Lionell Richie's _Hello_, ya know the one that goes:
Hello I just called to say I love you...Wellll I mis-dialed and ended up
dialing my neighbors number and singing to thier daughter, who was quite
attractive by the way. Nevertheless it was something that took me long
to live down. Well seing how I have given you such a vision into my
inner self I think I shall go now, just remember, love is great. But hey
so is ice cream on a hot day, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper and
doesn't leave nasty emotional scars... Sea ya, Baph...]
þ <burp>
Uhhh excuse me.
þ Uhhh stuff about PuD.
SO ya know PuD is dead. Yhea, yuh I know you are whining, again? Well
yes it is. You see PuD dies for a good twenty days of every month. In
fact it's a damn miracle that we still write any issues at all. What
with NC counting change now and me becoming the head editor for Phrack.
Sometimes the work load just gets to be a little to extreme...it's those
time that I do it the deed. The most evil one know to man...
þ [THE DEED!]
Killing cats! Cats fucking suck! There is nothing better than a dead
cat to look at first thing in the morning. And I should know because
my cat is very dead. Cats as a specious SUCK. What are they good for?
You skin them and stuff and barely get enough hide to make socks out
of. Thier teeth admittitly are good for scrubbing but what other worth
do they have? NONE. You kick the hell out of them and what do they do?
They just go lay down somewhere else. You set them on fire and all
they do is run around for a minute or two and die. Boring. Now if you
cut off thier tails and tape it to thier forehead you can have some
real fun as the cat in agony still tries to play with it's tail. Fun,
fun, FUN for the whole entire family.
þ [MaF] ASCii
This one requires 50 line mode to really enjoy!
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ßßßßßßßßßßßßßß °°°° ß
°°°
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°°°° °°
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Ú ³ ³ °
ÚÙ À¿ ³ °
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ÚÙ ³ ÚÙ
³ [Mooga: Taking a dump.] ³
ÚÙ ³ ÚÄÙ °°°
³ ³ ³ °°°
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þ MuSiC.
Imagine if you will a place of ultimate pain and sorrow. What would it
look like? Just like MTV? Well you are completely right. MTV has to be
the most self-rightious group on the face of this planet. So what do you
do about it? Nothing. Why? Because the alternatives are far worse. The
alternatives? YES! Have you ever forced yourself to watch any CMT or
VH1 for exteneded periods of time. If you have you wouldn't be reading
this. You'd be dead. MTV fucking sucks, but hey so does life.
þ L0D.
[Below is a private chat with me and eRikBl00dAxe on #hack it's all true.]
Edited into a much more readable form by me and by god every last damn
word of it is true.
Y = Me as the infamous and well loved Y-WINDoZE.
B = Erik Bloodaxe the lumbering fag.
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Y> Damn LOD is a piece of shit.
B> You don't know what your talking about.
Y> Oh shut up you pansy ass little fag.
B> I am going to kick you.
Y> Ohhh please don't shithead.
* You have been kicked off #hack *
* Y-WINDoZE joins #hack *
Y> Damn your k@wl for a L0D gimp.
B> hehehe
Y> NO YOU FUCKING REJECT I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!11!!
B> Your just jealous.
Y> Yhea cuz I only get to do your mom once a week.
Y> Me and U iz LuVrS
B> Look your nobody and I am elite.
Y> Your a pathetic shit-covered ass kissing piece of slime...
B> I'm telling my mommy.
Y> Yhea and tell her she still owes my 5 bucks, damn whores never pay.
B> Look you are mean.
ACK!$KK$$# Ok sorry I quit that! I was just going to sit and make fun
of Ebl00daxe and NeWLOD for a really long time but after thinking about it
they are so damn pathetic they do a good enough job of making themselves
look like complete and utter asses without my help.
þ PuD_3_18 n stuff.
So ya know I have been working on this PuD also for like a month. So ya
know writing shit like this crap isn't that easy. You see being such
incredible artistic moguls like mE anD nC isn't an easy task. Especially
when neither one of us wants to work on this trash anymore. Why? Because
it's stupid. It's moronic and damn it I don't see enough rejects around
any more to crack on. I don't call VBBS's. I don't hang on FIDONET all I
do is nothing...ok something...so I have now turned into the biggest
loser on the face of this planet, YES bigger than NO COURiER, I am now
a, *gasp*, IRC Lamah...please forgive me...
þ LYrICS.
Here are some lyrics to a really cool song, just sing it at LARGE public
gatherings at the top of your lungs.
1st:
Theres a little chicken by the barn yard gate.
That little chicken is my playmate.
That little chicken goes cockadoodle, cockadoodle, cockadoodOOOO.
2nd:
There a little cat by the barn yard gate.
That little cat is my playmate.
That little cat goes Meow, meow, meow.
[Repeat First]
3rd: And all further.
There a little *animal* by the barn yard gate.
That little *animal* is my playmate.
That little *animal* goes, *animal sound*, *as*, *as*.
[Repeat all previous back to number 1.]
[Really good to sing at 2600meetings and WaReZ du0D GatHeriNS]
þ AwA.
Anti_waReZ-Association. I'm like a member and stuff. They like rag WaRez
Du0dZ n StuFf. It's like 3Lit@ee!!!1!!!!.
þ IRC Lameness.
Along with me being a total fucking reject and hanging on internet a lot
I have actually found that there are a lot of hilarious people there. So
like I would just like to mention some of them here. And ya know some of
you are mentioned more than once.
[*** Long long list of people deleted because I really hated them. ***]
þ Uhhh like NEW PUD MEMBERS.
[Not to be confused with NEW LOD members.]
So here is the offical PUD membership list with like Uhh comments N
stuff for you to enjoy.
o- Baphomet the Limbo King .
Original Member. Lame as shit. Loves MaNdE.
o- NO COURiER.
Orginal Member. Dead.
o- Hymie.
Uhhh member because he has a large penis.
o- Squinky.
Given membership because of his wonderfull congeniality.
o- Crowe.
cUz He WaS a VbBS SiGHs0p.
o- fReD tHe HitMan.
He's in jail, again.
o- Mooga the Whale.
Still searching for her one man.
o- ZER0 THE HER0.
tHe 3Lit@sT gUY zU wIll 3v3r M3@T!!!!!!!!1!!!
o- JizMAk.
He's a pud member for no particular reason.
o- Megad00d.
Because he is so fucKiN 3Lit@!@!@@!#!11!!@!
o- ErIC Blo0dAxe.
Cuz he is in NEWl0D.
o- Muffin.
Some lame-ass punk, I think called Runaway-do-me-up-the-ass's cat.
o- G-Bunny.
Some stupid ass idiotic primate type thing.
o- Other people.
I really dont feel like listing anyone else. Oh well. Who cares.
þ SuBMiSSioNS.
Ya know I said I wouldn't alter any PuD submissions in any way. Oh well
I wish I dadn't after this fine piece of litary work submitted by the
one and only squinky. Alas we all say stupid things sometimes. But I did
in fact say it so I will stick to it.
PuD Exclusive: The Bust of Baphomet the Mighty Kitten Slayer(as I remember it)
So, Baphomet gives me a phone call saying "D0UD!@ I AM AT PAYFONE!@ it IS
1:00am
, It iS a Dark Outside! There is a tree on the left, and a building behind me!
I am in the m00d, let's call Molly!@#"
<For those of you not K-ElYte enough to know, Molly is a machoistic IRC model
for fat people's clothes, she also has a big ol' crush on Baphomet>
I replied, "Ok! What is her number?"
And he said "3144348902, ask for Tom(iT's her c0de name, D0uD1@@@@)".
So, I called it, paying for it like I usually do.
Then the phone RanG, and Molly answered. "Hello@!#?@!?#!@? Iz Tom TherE?"
"Yeha, this is M0lly, d0ud!@#!@!@#!@"
So, the conversation went on for a little while, with the occasional red box
beep, and I decided to go to the bathroom. As this happened, I am not to sure
as to what actually took place, but when I came back, Baph and Molly were goin
at it pretty Heavy.
"Oh!@!!@# BAby1@#!@ Let me here your RED Box!@!@#!@"
"Oh!@!@#!@#!@ Interface with my warez PorT1@!@#!@"
Then, all of a sudden, Baph screams, "D0ud!@#!@#@! I GOT BUSTEDq2WE!@#!@#@!@#"
Then I say, "D0ud1@#!@#!@ HAng Up!P@#!@!@@!#!@#!@#!@@!"
<This is where my memory gets kinda fuzzy, but I'll try to make it as accurate
as possible>
This is how I was told as it went:
Baph hung up, and decided the best way to get out of this was to the offensive.
So, when the first cop got out, he promptly recieved a red box to the forehead.
This was not to effective. The cop got angry, and decided to fist Baphomet, for
elicit toll fraud devices.
Baphomet agreed to the deep cavity search, as it is one of his favorite past
times. The cop also seemed to enjoy seaching his innermost facits.
The other cop sat around and watched. He was probably enjoying the red box,
because he seemed to be pressing the buttons a whole lot.
When the search was over, the cop was not very pleased. Baphomet had nothing
stuck in his anal cavity, and his asshole was already pretty loose, so the cop
had nothing to break, and was not happy about not getting to live out his male
adolescent fantasies.
Baphomet promptly undid the cops pants, and dropped to his knees. He began to
suck, like he's never sucked before. The cop was almost immediately on the
brink of orgasm. Before long, the cop was jerking hard, and his cum spewed
into Baph's mouth, like a Jew blowing his nose on the sidewalk.
Next, Baphomet decided he was being raped, and pulled the cops gun away from
him and shot him dead. The other cop was to pre-occupied with the red box to
notice Baphomet boarding the incoming cow. Baphomet sterred the cow right over the cop
and ran his sorry punk ass over. The Red Box was not damaged, because baph
grabbed it up in the chaos.
Soon, Baph was in the mood again, and found a wayward teen hanging out on the
street. He ran him over with the cow, and began to ravish his hoff-imprinted
body.
Then he went home.
The End.
-sQuinky '78- COZ I M JEWBOY N STUFF.
So uhh I didn't edit it in any way...gee and who says we here at PuD are
not open minded? Huh?
þ Support Sites.
Uhhhh there are none.
We narced and got all the little punks busted.
þ Mail Stuff.
Uhh dont send any of us mail we have gone into hiding until the whole
problem with us and the former member of [VALiANT] ANSI blows over. They
like said they were going to kill us, and I don't know about you but
nothing striked fear in my heart more than the net threats off a 12 year
old ANSI artist. Especially one with a copy of thedraw, registered.
Released on the Date: Mon 08-23-1993
"I was talking about the song hand job. Gee what do you take me for?" -Laura
