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Pizza Underground Digest Volume 3 Issue 09
Lines in this issue: 253 Total K-ege du0d: 14195 bytes.
UNREGISTERED EDITION OF PUD!!! UNREGISTERED EDITION OF PUD!!!
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PuD³ PiZZA UNDERGROUND DiGEST Volume 3 Issue 9 Epic 64 By: Baphomet ³pUd
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ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ ³
º ³
º "Oh yhea well..." ³
º -Snappy quick comback.[1] ³
º ³
º My, my, my. Three simple little words. Used usually in some kind of a ³
º possesive manner. Like oh well let's see, 'The world revolves around me ³
º I don't care about anyone or anything else.' Sure I advocate being a ³
º little selfish sometimes but DAMN do some people take it just a little ³
º teeny bit to far. You know the type. They dominate local message bases ³
º with thier little cliques and punk-ass stupid idiotic traditions. So ³
º how do you get even with these people? You piss them off...[2] ³
º ³
ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ ³
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
þ PUD Stuff or Newz in the world of Pud.
So I know you are dying to know what the hell is going on with pud. Ok
ok so at least feign a little bit of desire to know. Pud is bigger. Um
what does that mean? Well probably nothing other than the fact that the
'cult' is growing. The readership is growing stronger and more diverse
attracting even the ones we lambast so often. Well anyways bigger? Yep.
Squinky is now some kind of member. Who the hell is he? I really don't
know but he has submitted a really swell article to be included. What
else do I know about him? Well God and Satan frequent his keyboard and
he is in a really ssSwAsSss Warez group. I guess you could count the
hymiester as a member although he is my son. Crowe? Well I don't know
he did release a nice rip-off of pud called get this, pud. Gee for those
who are wondering it is pud issue 3:7.5.[3] That's seven and a half for
you little vbbs'ers who keep reading even though well tell you how
morbid and shitty you are all the time. No courier is dead. Now on to
really important stuff.
þ Submissions from sQuinky!!!
My Sweet Erik,
Dear Erik, why have U forsakEn me? Do YOu sTilL DeNy the love we shared? I
wISh to sTick IN it yOu like U stuck It in that dog! What you don't remember?
Let Me DescRibE tHe Events for U!
<VVVVVvvvvvoooooooooooooooooooSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssh!>
It was dark! Erik was K-KOOL N 0N D M0V3, as well as sexually
fustrated. You see, Erik was, for all intents and purposes, a virgin. He had
come very close to having sex with his Dad once, but then the police came,
and took Pops away.
Erik couldn't stand it anymore. *EVERY0NE* else in LoD(Legion of
Desperate Geeks) has had sex! The peer Torment had gotten to him, and he
decided that being a virgin was no longer acceptable at the age of 46.
He had explored various options, but none seemed to work out. All the
town hookers had refused him, at the sight of his oversized clit. Not one
female responded to his ad in Phrack World Gnuz. He attempted Necrophilia,
but, when he brought the body home, found that it was his grandmother, and he
couldn't deal with incest. He went to some gay bars, but was just laughed
out, at his lack of manlyhood. Child Molestion didn't work out either. Then,
while being thrown out of his local XXX Video store, it hit him. He fell into
a pile of dog shit.
"Damn! I suck!", thought Erik, "BEstitality is the answer!". He
promptly ran to his local pet shop, and bought a Great Dane.
Taking the Great Dane home, Erik began to get an erection. By the
time he made it home, he was harder than Ice Cream. The Great Dane quietly
sat in the back seat, licking his genitals clean.
Erik unlocked the door, and turned on some mood music. He broke out
the Wine. Erik and the Great Dane had drank about half the bottle, when Erik
decided it was time to cure himself of his virginity. He broke out the Baby
oil, and started to lubricate his penis. It was time Erik became a man.
Erik creaped up on the dog, and began to enter it's oddly placed
vaginal crevice. Erik was beginning to get excited, and could feel the heat
eminating from it's beautiful, pink, scrumptious vagina. Suddenly, something
began to happen! Erik thought, "AM 1 C0M1NG?". No!@! The Great Dane was
having her period!
Erik was so disturbed by witnessing this event, his harder-than-chalk
erection left him within seconds! Erik let the Great Dane loose in the street,
where it was promptly run over, and decapitated by a car.
Soon, he began thinking, "MAYB3 1'M N0T SUPP0Z3D T0 HAVE S3X. EVERTYME
1T ALM0ST HAPP3NZ, S0M3TH1NG HAPP3NZ TO PR3V3NT 1T. GH0D, 1 W1ZH M0M WUZ ST1LL
AL1V3.".
As Erik finished his sentance, a strange formation began to appear, it
was indeed, Mom's ghost, back from the modem past!
"my son i loved you now more in death than i loved you in life i have
something i think u should no."
"Y3Z, M0M? W0T 1Z 1T?"
"i died a virgin yes it is true my son i never had sex except with my
fingers vibrators and turkey basters also your father was a gay child molestor"
"B0T M0M. H0W D1D I G3T C0NC1EVED?"
"i was articfically insemenated"
"N0! THAT C0ULD N3V3R HAPP3N! WH1T3 TRAZH LIK3 UZ C0ULD N3V3R AFF0RD
ART1FICAL INSEMEM1NAT10N."
"son i had ur father masturbate and then i took his cum and put it on
a turkey baster and shoved it in me to impregnate myself i was hoping i would
get a great son like u erik"
"M0M WH1 D1D U APP33R TO M3?"
"so we could cure each other of our virginity i no this must be hard
for u so i am going to assume the shape of a dog so u can be more comfortable"
"0K M0M! L3T'Z G3T AT 1T!@!"
Mom's ghost took solid form, and then went down on her knees, and
phased
herself into the shape of a dog! Erik soon became hard once more, and was ready
and rearing to go at it with his Mom/Dog.
The Mom/Dog did something unexpected, she took Erik's erect penis,
and placed it, in her mouth. Erik was shocked to have this happen. Never in his
wildest wet dreams did he expect this! Erik attempted to come in Mom/Dog's, but
was unsucsessful. Eventually, after half an hour of a head job, Mom/Dog gave
up.
Erik was still Chalk-Hard, and ready to go.. He approached the vagina
with his meatless penis, and entered it! Erik began to rhythmically thrust, and
Mom/Dog soon matched his great movements. Mom/Dog began to orgasm! The thought
of making something orgasm was too much for Erik, he released his spermless
semen. Erik was no longer a virgin. Mom/Dog evaporated, without even saying
goodbye.
Erik was now a true man! No longer was he Erik the Virgin, now he was
Chris the Modem Stud!
<VoooOooooooooooOOoooooooooooooooSh!>
AnD ThAt ErIk, iS ThE SToRy, AS If U DID not AlrEADy know, you BiG mOdem STUD,
U. AnYwaYs ERik, pLEASE reSpOnd, I LoVe U DAMMit@!@
-sQuinky
þ DEAD!
Yep NO COURiER recently died. It's true.[4]
þ Mail: To be or not to googa-monga.
I prefer googa-monga but do I want to include mail. [Notice how I let
you in on my thoughts, that's some kind of literary crap du0d!] Mail is
really fun and it takes up space in every issue but actually releasing
it to the fine general readership [Damn I crack myself up] of pud is
well sometimes more than a little questionable. I mean that mail I got
from Brett Salyer after he came in his pants was rather well rude. I
guess brett didn't know I wasn't gay. So don't worry brett I will not
be releasing it to the public, a man especially one like yourself with
that affliction and all deserves the respect of not being mentioned in
public. By the way brett, don't pick the scabs.
þ Imagination is swell.
Imagine, if you will how wonderfull the world would be if all the cats
were dead. Just think of a cat free world. No famine, death or evil.
Cats suck. Go kill yours. Or your friends. They may be upset at first
but after they figure out how you saved them from that evil vile beast
they will literally lick your nuts in thanks.
þ [MaF] 7bit ascii!
xxxxxxxxo
xxxxxxxxxoo oo
xxxxxxxxxoooo o o
xxxxxxxxooooooooo <-Frontal View of an Elephant.
xxxxxxxxooooooo
xxxxxxxxxxxooo
xxx
xx
xx
þ Hypertext?
Is K-RaD c00l! I swear I will digitally-remaster these issues soon
so you to can see them in really swell hypertext form. I'm just a
sorry lazy punk. So when I get around to it you will soon see and
feel the might power of the HYPERTEXT[5] puds.
þ Is PUD Dead?
Yes. But guess what? We are still making more really stupid files
for you to read. Know why? Ahhh I didn't think so well I will tell
you why we are doing it. Because I for one have way to much free
time on my hands. Waaaaaay to much. And this is better than my
former hobby of cat killing and tennis girl molestin'. No really it
is much better. Shut up, it is. Damn it. So has anyone ever accused
you of rambling? I thought so. They have done it to me. Have no
idea why they would something like that. I guess they are just so
damn jealous of my obvious greatness that they have nothing better
to do than reek in my super great glory. So bow now don't do it
later after it's the 'in' thing to do. That's right submit to my
every whim now before you are accused of jumping on the bandwagon
you spineless little trash. I am GOD. And in all my fury you shall
do only what I say when I say it. So no cashews on sundays! Or face
my torturous wrath you mortal scum. Have a nice day. -GOD
þ South Central Bell.[6]
A bell south company.
They hate you. They bill you every month. Strike back. The big bad phone
company is evil. They must pay. Bad, bad, bad phone company. Bad they
must be forced to pay in any way possible. Bad phone company. Did you
know they really like replacing stuff? They do. So take all you want
and phreak. Why? Because it really makes them happy.
þ Sourced for Qoutes!
[1] This qoute can get you out of any trouble. And it sounds really
witty to. Sure to impress your friends and the person you have
the balls to say it to. Only real men use this qoute...
[2] Not that I under any circumstances believe in pissing people off.
People who do that suck. I can safely claim that I have never once
ever offended anyone before in either a public, private ior face to
face conversation. Ok so maybe once or twice, but who's counting...
[3] There is also a PUD3_8_5 by hymie detailing a trip we took.
[4] It is true, I read it in the weekly world news something about him
and elvis dying in a car crash.
[5] The best way to view text files, well next to on a 110baud connect.
[6] I like the phone company. They are our friends. They love us.
[7] Said by fReD right after he quit his last job.
þ MAIL <-You can send in some you know.
You can send in mail. It's a fact.
Send mail to:
----------------------------------------------------------------------
NO COURiER 25@2506 [He's dead you know.]
Baphomet the Limbo King 14@2506 or [crfisher@nyx.cs.du.edu]
Hymie 86@2506 or [mpruitt@uahcs2.cs.du.edu]
Squinky Um I don't have a local address for him.
Try [squinky@cowz.com]
Crowe 240@2506 or on Vnet! haehehheehahheehhe
----------------------------------------------------------------------
FReD tHe ChiLd MolEstEr Priceville City Jail. Again.
Mooga the Whale The seas of evermore. Searching for her
long lost love of unknown times.
The Brave Little Toaster At NO COURiER's Funeral.
Roast Searching the streets for people to eat.
Biscuit Wondering if sausage will make her as
complete as gravy did.
G-Bunny Playing NBA JAMS n0w du0dz! Why? CuZ he is
hip and we all know Mortal Kombat is old
boring NeWz.
T0UCAN S0N 0F SAM Learning to Program in TurboQuickBasic
the newest product from Bill Gates ]I[.
Acoustic Saint You guess it! Off in TALK.
Released on the date: 06-06-1993
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
³ Closing Qoute: ³
³ "There's no business like the bottle business..." ³
³ - fReD[7] ³
ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
