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Pork Issue 03
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pOrk numbah 3! farm animals aren't even this cool.`$$$$$$$
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$$$$$$$"""""~ `~""""""~ `"üüS$Sü" `"üüS$Sü" `"üüS$Sü"
$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$ a purty lil' ascii mag about the ascii scene...
d$$$$$$$, ...brought to you by misfit
`"üüS$Sü"
° ---(w00w00w00! pOrk 3!)----------------------------------------------------- °
yes, yes, settle down. pOrk numero tres est en la casa. and hey! we got our
selves some contributers! woo hoo! (well, actually, one so far, but damn it,
that's something :). many thanks to cypherhex of trank for that bitchin pOrk
logo up there (sorry i had to strip the color, i'm including the original in
the archive :). see, you too can be cool like chex and contribute. yay!
° ---(cha-cha-cha!)----------------------------------------------------------- °
oh, before i get to far into this issue, a little apology. sorry number two
sucked as much as it did, i was just kinda.. ugh. suffice to say, i was hav-
ing a bad day when i put that together, so it was kind of a downer, but well
fuckit. this issue'll be fun.
° ---(goodie!)---------------------------------------------------------------- °
okay, one more note. despite that line up there next to the font, pOrk isn't
-only- about the ascii scene. granted, there is some shit in here about art,
and artists, but i like to think of pOrk as kind of a free-for-all, yknow?
alrighty, keen.
° ---(2nd generation ansi artists, by trip)----------------------------------- °
Hey look, I'm writing something for pOrk. w00w00.
" Wow Trip, you must be hella bored. "
Nah, just wanted to get this down while fresh in my head.
Hell, I'm even writing it in ACiDDraw, one hell of a word processor.
" Processor is a big word. "
Ok. Now for like, my article or something.
Me and Misfit were talking.... Here's something to ph34r: 2nd generation ansi
artists.
Ya know, there are some ppl in the the scene that are old enough to be dads.
If RadMan ever has kids <sidenote: a scary thought: RadMan having sex>, will
he be cruel enough to raise his kid into the scene? If so, will he make his
son/daughter be Radboy/Radgirl? Scary indeed. Just think, getting into Acid
because of your heredity. " Everyone say hi to ACiD's newest, up and coming
artist, RadMan's 7 year old son, Radboy! "
" Hey dad, come look at the new elite, k-rad pic I did from Spawn #92! "
" Wow son.. that's pretty good. Might wanna touch up the shading on his arm
though. And the font needs a background. "
"Ok dad.. thanks! I bet H4X0R will love this ansi i did for his board, Bob's
Backyard Cemetary and Grill! "
" I called that board once. Pretty elite, being 32 nodes and all. "
" Yup.. and I'm getting paid $240 for this ansi! "
" Wow. thats almost enough to register ACiDDraw 4.7. You'll have enough money
in no time. "
I ph34r, you ph34r, we all ph34r.
< Note : If this seems like I'm picking on RadMan, chill, I'm not, I think.>
< note #2 : I bet Misfit drips like a leaky faucet when he's on his period. >
The End.
° ---(trip's cool definition of the month)------------------------------------ °
casútraúto (ks trt') n., pl. -ti (-) [It. < L. castratus,
pp. of castrare, CASTRATE] formerly, esp. in the 18th century,
a singer castrated as a boy to preserve the soprano or
contralto range of his voice
<taken from _Webster's NewWorld Dictionary_, Second College Edition, (c)1980>
castrato : a dude who gets his nuts chopped to keep his voice high
<taken from _Trip's OldSchool Dictionary_, First Doodleboy Edition (c)1995 >
° ---(ahem. thank you trip.)-------------------------------------------------- °
i was at work the other day (mcdonalds sucks leprous monkey shlong) and some
old chick came through the drive-through, and it made me wonder...
"why the fuck do old chicks dye their hair black?"
i mean, who do they think they're fooling? lesee, you're a 93 year old bag
with wrinkles on wrinkles, one tit chopped off, the other one sagging down
to the knees, fucking white eyebrows, and they have black hair. uh huh.
° ---(and speaking of old chicks, a story by misfit..)------------------------ °
a man (we'll call him mark) is incredibly horny, so he walks into a whore
house, and says to the pimp "gee, i'm incredibly horny, but i'm sorta broke.
what can i get for fifteen bucks?" well, the pimp thinks about it, and says
"all of our girls are busy, except old granny and i don't think you want her
that bad". mark checks granny (who's an old decrepid bag with tits that sag
down to her knees) out and decides he wants fuck her anyway (he's incredibly
horny remember?). anyway they start fuckin and he says "ow, damn, this hurts
bad.. isn't there anything you can do to limber up a little?" so she goes in
to the corner and does something to her cunt, and then comes back. he starts
fucking her again and says "ah, thats much better, what'd you do?" to which
she replys "oh, i just peeled off all the scabs."
° ---(oh, man, thats sick)---------------------------------------------------- °
i know, i know. humor at its lowest form. anyway, on that lovely note, let's
bring this issue to a close. here's the neato member list:
misfit head pOrk guy
cypherhex contibuting pOrk dork
trip contibuting pOrk dork
and you can reach me on these boards..
alderaan 908-224-8780
illegal immigrants 602-589-0791 (nup - methane)
evil intentions 408-251-6220
tainted meat 614-799-0670
or call my vmb at 1-800-256-6269 box 7543..
there. neat.
° ---(the end)---------------------------------------------------------------- °
i wish i was stoned. buh-bye.
(eof) (eof)
SAUCE00pOrk numero tres pOrk gimps 19951030æ P 
