Pizza Underground Digest Volume 3 Issue 03

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Pizza Underground Digest

 · 5 years ago

  

DAMN IT! Why aren't you viewing the HYPERTEXT VERSION?!?!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!!?..! 
°±²ÛßßßßßßßßÛßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßÛßßßßßßßßÛ²±° 
°±²Û ¿¿¿Â¿ Û  Pizza Underground Digest Volume 3 Issue 03 Epic 67  Û Â¿¿¿Â¿ Û²±° 
°±²Û ³Ù³³³³ Û Serving the modem folks for a very really long time. Û ³Ù³³³³ Û²±° 
°±²Û Ù ÀÙÁÙ Û   This issue composed mainly by: Baphomet the *.*    Û Ù ÀÙÁÙ Û²±° 
°±²ÛÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÛÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÛÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÛ²±° 
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ 

	"...it doesn't line up write on my computer..."[1] 

þ GR@@TS dU0dz! 
	 
    Hello and welcome to more of PUD! Yes, greeeaaaatttt! Woopidty. Okay 
    contain yourself, no premature ejaculation allowed here. So why are 
    you still reading this? Well there can be a number of reasons. One 
    you have no life whatsoever. Two, your just a really PuDRific Kind of 
    guy. Three, you think it's the in thing to do. Well your right it is! 
    MTV recently did an expose on us and it be will airing in between YO!  
    MTV Raps and thier new half-hour PolkAThOn hosted by none other than  
    Jerry Lewis, so look for us there. Now on with the mayhem... 
     
þ MAIL! Really? Yes... 

    Hey mail is great! And getting tossed off of some fido-net echos can not 
    only be fun but is really good for your overall llarma. 'But how do I  
    get tossed off of FidoNet' you whine? Well unlike VNET where you almost 
    have to threaten Roland's life or just crack on VBBS for eighteen or 
    nineteen messages straight, one message will usually suffice on Fido. So 
    what, all mighty baph what do I post about? Well this is the fun part.  
    Anything off topic or offensive. Huh? Okay listen go oh say into the  
    fido gaming echo and say just hold down the return key for while, 14.4k 
    or local prefered, and stop on a message any message. Okay now you will 
    have a message from a really swell person. Oh say like on of the apogee 
    game writers. Now all you do is tell him how much you hate his games and 
    all apogee stands for and you finish it like this... 
     
    [CUT] 
    No flaming intended. No wait a second...yes it was. Damn I hate you.[2] 
    [CUT] 
	 
	And the mail will come ROLLING IN! All kind of great replies from the 
	dregs of modem society stuff like: 
	 
    [CUT] 
    Wait mines a flame on you! you closed minded little geek! 
    get a girlfriend![3] 
    [CUT] 

    Now what do you when you get stuff like this? After all you will more 
    than likely only get a warning from your first message. So here you  
    simply take any reply you get and just trash the hell out of the loser 
    who sent it to you. Tossed. Gone. You'll get kicked off FidoNet faster 
    than a VBBS SysOp can tell what day of the week it is.  

þ AutoPosts? 

    So what do you so with that fine feature of VBBS? Well you use them 
    to tell people how much you enjoy thier company. Here's an example from 
    one of the 400 hundred local VBBS's... 
     
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ AutoPost ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ 
By: Baphomet the limbo king #12 
Damn you ALL SUCK. SOMEONE ON ANY BOARD can talk shit. You correct them and 
all the little fags start crying. Damn your all sad. Besides 4Dos, not dos 4.0  
you idiots, is the only way to go. Ohhh go the fuck back to your Qbasic.Exe 
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ 
By: Suicidal #113 
There is nothing wrong with correcting people, just don't be an asshole about  
it!  Asshole, you suck!  As for fag, well, I don't think so.  You're the one 
who's always hanging on Beanie's right hand side...Hmmmm as for QBasic, C rulz 
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ 
By: NO COURiER #148 
  Talk a little more mess there, C boy.  Programs tend to compile better 
under C when the computer is turned ON. This can depend on whether or not 
you have electricity....   
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ 
By: Vixen #150 
hi... I missed you guys.... 

 
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ[4] 

þ Stealing Campsites for [P]HUN and Prophet. 

    Okay so you want to become a god. Well it's damn easy and with a little 
    bit of help from me on the proper way to steal campsites you too may  
    one day become a proficent and great Phrophet of the World. Now becoming 
    a god can sometimes be a difficult and trying time. In this time you  
    will more than likely have to handle undo hardships such as death, small 
    ugly children and many late night prayer sessions. So how do I prepare 
    myself you ask? Well the answer is easy. Steal Campsites. Although many 
    will not make the connection behind a good camp-site thief and a god, I  
    in all my greatness, glory, masculinity, despera...oops...anywayz I have 
    found the many benefits and godlike attributes that come from campsite 
    theft. So how do I steal a campsite? First of all you must plan to go  
    camping but UNDER no circumstances are you to prepare in any way other 
    than invite people and take some tents with you. Do not check the tents 
    for all parts and rely only on your memories of the tent as a small  
    child. Next get a caravan of cars, more than is allowed at the campsite 
    and drive to the gate[If they don't have a gate ignore the next part]. 
    Now at the gate you won't know the passcode to get in. That can be a big 
    problem but not if you come adequatly prepaired. What do you need? A  
    female. Preferebly one with an extrananous amount of some body-part or 
    the other. Have her sit at the gate holding up traffic. Until someone 
    who actually know the keycode comes up and lets her in. Then your in! 
    Now for the theft. The best way to do this is to cruise through the many 
    campgrounds looking for PAID lots, no use it getting those nasty unpaid 
    ones. When you see one pull in and set up camp. Now if a ranger comes up 
    you have to feign stupidity or you can always blame it on somebody else. 
    That's the road I would take. The ranger goes by, you look for another 
    camp and take it. If the man bothers you again, you kill him. Contrary 
    to popular belief ranger uniforms when tightly wrapped around bodies  
    burn rather well and they help you to build a great fire. Now I know  
    you are asking how in the fuck does this make me godlike? Well it hasn't 
    yet but that's because the night is still young. After finding out you 
    are missing a great number of pieces needed to erect the tents here is 
    where your godlike abilities come out. Simply stand around until some 
    one who knows how to put up the tent does it. Here you have proced how 
    menial tasks are below you and no god does menial tasks. After the tent 
    is set up now you play stupid games based around the sport of your  
    choice. Why? all gods need to be loosened up in case of a late night 
    trip to the bathroom. Also if you piss people off playing your sports  
    then you are doing well, after all every god must have enemies.	Okay now 
    for the fun part. But alas this is an unregistered copy of PUD and being 
    such this story is stopped here. If you would like to recieve the full 
    section on Phrophecy and CampSites then send $19.95 to Me. Care of DAMN 
    THIS WAS A STUPID SECTION. 

þ Hymie [PART2]  

Hello. I'm Doctor Hymie. I will answer all of your C00L QueSTi0NS about  
medicine. You will find all you need to know from my "Univerisity of  
California at Berkeley Wellness Letter". In it, you will find tips like: 

	 Enrichening your diet with beta carotene. Beta carotene  
	  is the nutrient in fruits and egetabes that your body  
	  converts to vitamin A. Vitamin A plays a vital role in  
	  the production of sphygma (commonly known as "eye crap"). 

	 To cut fat and calories, use less oil when cooking your  
	  deli delights. Often, the fat present in the food you  
	  are cooking is more than enough to thoroughly cook your  
	  food. For instance, did you know that the average ten  
	  pound baby has more than four pounds of fat? 

	 Eat a raw potato. The average uncooked potato has enough  
	  micro-organisms thriving inside it to give you a rush, an  
	  alimentary rush, but a rush nonetheless. You'll be the  
	  envy of all of your friends. They will think that your  
	  case of diarrhea was caused by a visit to exotic Mexico,  
	  but only you will know that it was caused by eating an  
	  ordinary household potato. 

	 Accentuate the positive. Researchers have found that the  
	  keys  to reducing stress are finding the good in all  
	  things. For example: Call it "a chance to catch up on  
	  your relaxation," don't call it "total unreversable  
	  paralysis." Call it "not having to worry about athlete's  
	  foot", don't call it "an amputation." Call it a "really  
	  close haircut," don't call it a "scalping". Remember:  
	  focus on the good things. 

	 It's not true that dark sunglasses cause your pupils to  
	  dialate  and thus admit more ultaviolet rays. Suprisingly,  
	  you can massively dialte your eyes by merely taking one of  
	  your mom's perscription barbituates. 

	 Allow microwaved food to stand after cooking. Heat tends to  
	  concentrate on the inside and only several minutes after  
	  cooking will it radiate outwards. Anyone who's ever micro- 
	  waved a cat can tell you that while kitty's fur is still 
	  all soft and cozy and kitt's nose is still cold and snotty, 
	  kitty's internal organs are hot enough to burn your tongue. 
	  Be careful with that microwave cuisine! 

    But that's just a preview. In the newsletter you will also find out: 

             The First Thing to do After Accidental Finger Removal 
             How to Pop your Brother's Arm Out of Socket 
             How to Painfully Re-Socket Your Brother's Arm 
             The Benefits of a Good Beating 
             Ten Reasons Why Inhaling Glue is Good for You 
             How Running from the Police is Aerobic Excercise 
             Early Detection of Prostrate Cancer for Fun an Profit 
             Convincing you Sister's Friends to Jump Rope for Their Health 
             How to get a Quick High from Walnuts 
             Healthy Llama Recipes 
             Why Beating your Red Meat is Unhealthy 
             The Healthy Way to Tenderize You Red Meat  
             The Smart Way to Get a Mammogram 
             The Benefits of a Wet Nap versus a Wet Dream 
             The High Tech Way to Hit on Babes 

     And before you ask "How can I get a copy of the newsletter?" there's 
     more: 

 
              ALL SUBSCRIBERS WILL RECEIVE A COMPLIMENTARY 
              LESSON IN YOGA POSITIONS FROM TALKING GIRL!!! 

 
        Now you can ask. Thanks for asking. The only way to obtain the  
newsletter is to read PuD, the only place (so far) that has accepted the  
newsletter for publication. Obviously, the taste of modern day publications  
has declined to the point of not appreciating the subtle humour of Dr. Hymie  
and associates. Their loss. 

<----------------------------------------------------------------------------> 

EDITORIAL BOARD OF ADVISORS: 
Chairman:                       Adivisor of Gynecology: 
   Buster Hymen, B.S., M.D.        Mike Hunt, M.D., OB/GYN. 

Associate Chairmen:             Tuber Advisor:     
   Baph O. Met, B.S., Ph.D.        Digit Al Saint, B.S., Dr.T.S. 
   N. O. COURiER, B.S., GYN. 

 
þ [MaF] Artwork! 

	Yes! Here is a ton of [MaF] artwork for you discriminating collectors. 
	 
      °°°°° 
       °°° 
    ÜÜÜÜ°ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ        ÜßÜ 
   Û±±±±ß±±±±±±±ßßÜ   Üß±±ÞÝ 
  ÞݱO±±±±±±±±±±±±±ßßß±±±±±Û 
  Û±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Û 
  Û±±±±Â±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÞÝ 
  Û±±±±³±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Û 
  ÞÝÄÄÄÙ±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÞÝ 
   Û±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÜÜßßßßÜ±Û 
    ßßßßßßßßßßßßßß       ß 
     [Mooga, the Whale] 
      
             ÛÛ 
      °°°°°  ÛÛ 
       °°°   ÛÛ 
    ÜÜÜÜ°ÜÜÜÜÛÛÜ        ÜßÜ 
   Û±±±±ß±±±±ÛÛ±ßßÜ   Üß±±ÞÝ 
  ÞݱO±±±±±±±ÛÛ±±±±ßßß±±±±±Û 
  Û±±±±±±±±±±ÛÛ±±±±±±±±±±±±Û 
  Û±±±±Â±±±±±±Û±±±±±±±±±±±±ÞÝ 
ÛÛÛ±±±±³±±±±±±Û±±±±±±±±±±±±Û  ÛÛ 
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 
ÛÛÛoÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 
 ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 
    [Mooga, on a Sailboat] 

      °°°°° 
       °°° 
    ÜÜÜÜ°ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ        ÜßÜ 
   Û±±±±ß±±±±±±±ßßÜ   Üß±±ÞÝ      ÛÛ 
  ÞݱO±±±±±±±±±±±±±ßßß±±±±±Û     ÛÛÛ 
ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÛÛÛÛ 
³ÛÛ²²²ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 
ÛÛ²²²²ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 
³ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÚÄ 
ÀÄÄÄ¿ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÚÄÄÄÄÄÙ 
    ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ 
     [Mooga, on a Plane.] 

ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 
 ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 
  ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 
   ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 
     ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 
       ³°		   ³ 
    ÜÜܳÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ    ³   ÜßÜ 
   Û±±±³ß±±±±±±±ßßܳ  Üß±±ÞÝ 
  ÞݱO±³±±±±±±±±±±±³ßß±±±±±Û 
  Û±±±±³±±±±±±±±±±±³±±±±±±±Û 
  Û±±±±³±±±±±±±±±±±³±±±±±±±ÞÝ 
  Û±±±±³ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ³±±±±±±±Û 
  ÞÝÄÄijÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ³±±±±±±ÞÝ 
   Û±±±³ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ³ßßßßÜ±Û 
    ßßßÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ     ß 
     [Mooga, on a Hot Air Balloon] 

          °°°°° 
           °°° 
Tandy   ÜÜÜÜ°ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ        ÜßÜ 
 /     Û±±±±ß±±±±±±±ßßÜ   Üß±±ÞÝ 
ÄÄÄ¿  ÞݱO±±±±±±±±±±±±±ßßß±±±±±Û 
ÛÛÛ³  Û±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Û 
ÛÛÛ³  Û±±±±Â±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÞÝ 
ÛÛÛ³  Û±±±±³±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Û 
ÛÛÛ³  ÞÝÄÄÄÙ±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÞÝ 
ÄÄÄÙ   Û±±±±±±±±±±±±±±ÜÜßßßßÜ±Û 
ÛÛÛÄÄÄ¿ ßßßßßßßßßßßßßß       ß 
ÛÛÛÛÛÛ³  [Mooga, Leeching WaReZ] 
      

þ J0KeS fOr FuN! 

    ***NOTE*** this can be an extremely dangerous and unhealthy joke to 
    play on someone if they are not prepaired for the Earth Shattering 
    consequences it can have. You have been warned, proceed... 
     
    Phone Joke number 1: 
    First you need a really great person on the other end, oh someone 
    like K0LBeRT KiD number whatever. Then when you have decided that  
    15 seconds you have already spent talking to him is hell you play 
    the really groovy joke on him. All you do is ask him to count to 
    some easy number, I recommend 5. Note that hear the prey may seem 
    to struggle but just keep prodding them, they will give in soon. 
    When your pray begins to count, hang-up. Fun and efficient. Now  
    call someone else so the line is busy when they dial in. They may 
    or may not depeneding think that the hang-up was an accident. 
     
    Phone Joke number 2: 
    Next you need a really bright operator. Tell her you want to call 
    any foriegn country. ANY one. All you need is the country code no 
    use in bothering with a real full number. Now that you have the 
    operator on the line tell her the number you wish to dial. When  
    she asks how will you be paying, you answer change of course. She 
    will already be really pissed just at that fact. So she will now 
    wait on, oh say 3 bucks and then she starts to dial...Let her get 
    almost all of the way done then INTERRUPT her. Tell her you gave 
    her the wrong number. Repeat this wrong number process three or  
    four times and VIOLA! The operator will actually HANG up on you!	 

þ Sources for Qoutes: 

    [1]: Acoustic Saint aka Digital Saint: 
         Said when asked about how he liked the hypertext version of PUD 3 
         1. It seems he couldn't understand the coherant and docile screen 
         made for us by [MaF] to be the main menu. 
    [2]: Cut from one of my posts to some head apogee guy... 
    [3]: A rebuttal from apogee freak's really protective friends... 
    [4]: AutoPosts stolen courtesy of Midian. 
    [5]: Or whatever the current name may be. Right now it is 'used to be 
         VOC before it got hit by a virus.' The name varies from week to 
         week and with the number one poster on the board. 
    [6]: Based on an actual statement from a local WWiV sysop when he was 
         telling us how the Doughnut girl actually called him a regular. But 
         wait she even knew what his table was and what the 'usual' means. 
    [7]: A word of advice for all of us to follow... Sent in mail to Digital 
         Saint when he was saying something about his 'really good coded'  
         BBS locking up. 

þ MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL 

    PuD senior editors can always be reached at: 
    Baphomet the Limbo King  14@2506 WWIVNET 
    NO COURiER               25@2506 WWIVNET 
    Or call Project-X[5] and EMAIL us there at (205)-883-0894 
     
    Contributing users may be more difficult to find: 
    HymieÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ84@2506 WWIVNET 
    fReD tHe HiTmAn          Currently a 'Regular' at a doughnut place.[6] 
    The BrAvE LiTtLe ToAsteR At a stolen Camp Site. 
    G-BUNNY                  Sid's Mouth O'Rama. 
    Biscuit and Gravy        Hunting BasketBalls. 

Date Released: Mon 05-27-1993  
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¿ÀÙÀÙÀ¿ÙÀ¿ÚÚÙ¿À¿Ú¿¿ÀÙÀÙÀ¿ÙÀ¿ÚÚÀÙÀ¿ÙÀ¿À¿ÚÀÙÙÀ¿ÚÚ¿À¿ÚÀÙ¿À¿Ú¿¿ÀÙÀÙÀ¿ÙÀ¿ÚÚÀÚÀÙ¿À¿Ú 
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ÙÀ¿ÙÀ¿³    Perhaps you should take a look at VBBS...               [7]³À¿Ú¿¿ÀÙ 
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