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Pizza Underground Digest Volume 2 Issue 12
pUd v2.12
[PUD_2_12.TXT]
"Electricity cost less today, y'know, than it did many long years ago!"
MAIL. MAIL. MAIL. THIS COMPLETE SENTENCE DOES NOT DESERVE A PERIOD
(9/0): Sister for sale, cheap!
Name: Digital Saint #1 @2506
Date: Thu Apr 01 22:36:57 1993
For Sale:
One non-talking sister. Responds to "Mandy." Not thoroughly trained.
Just now learning to say "Hello" when she picks up the telephone.
Asking $32.27, obo.
Call me voice 1-205-882-0623 or Mail WWIV 1@2506 for more info.
digital saint
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's April 1st, does anybody know what THAT means?
Cat-Tossing by NC
The PuD Expos! - Digital Saint! by NC
Hot new ORIGINAL Pascal code by Satan's Mutt by Satan's Mutt
Blistex Active Ingredients by Blistex, Inc. Oak Brook, Il.
Cat tossing is more than a mere sport, it's an artform. Personally, I feel
I have near perfected this ancient art, moreso on asphalt. There's nothing
quite like the saticfaction you get from chasing down an innocent cat, throwing
it as far as you can, and hearing it "plop" <onomatopaeia> on paved road.
Of course, you can't always play this down. Sometimes, you need to act as if
you legitamately wanted the cat to land in the grass. You have to lie and say
and that you meant no actual harm in the first place. This is usally enough to
make the compassionate <loosely> forget about the entire incident until it is
brought up some two months later. By then, it's ok.
Let us now look at the scientific aspects of cat throwing. The cat,
unbeknowest to most, is a quite aerodynamic animal. The cat is well suited for
tossing. Quite streamlined, the cat allows for the passage of air quite easily
over the body. Closer examination reveals the fact the cat's tail allows for
stability and flow disclosure through the air. It is recommended that when
throwing for distance, you use either a short-haired or better yet, shaven and
lubricated (With WD-40) specimen, for less drag. When throwing for fun, you
might want to use a long-haired cat, seeing as how they look the most painful as
they hit the concrete. Briefly, an explanation of Catdynamics:
According to Bernoulli's Principle, the increase in flow velocity is relative
to a decrease in pressure, and vice versa. Although the lift dictated by a
cat's somewhat cylindrical body is nominal, we must refer to this principle in
that it will allow for a much smoother toss. The principle corresponds with the
fact that when thrown correctly, the air will move faster over the cat's dorsal
surface than it's ventral. The resulting decrease in the pressure above the cat
results in a small amount of lift. Though this lift will not result in any
gliding, it will defy gravity somewhat and satabilize the cat's flight. The
better the stability, the longer the flight. The greater the upward pull, the
further the distance.
The lack of body hair results in less drag because a smoother surface allows
for sort of rolling friction rather than sliding. A lubricated cat is even
better; the air's fluid friction against the fluid friction of WD-40 reduces
the abrasiveness of movement, and smells good.
The cat is also a very strong animal. The cat is one of the better-suited
mammalian jumpers. Utilize this feature. Always hold the cat in such a way
that it's back paws are in the palm of your throwing hand. Your other hand
should be placed under the rib cage. When you scare the cat, It will try to
jump from your arms, using it's back feet. Make the most of this situation.
When throwing in the "launch" style, the cat's jumpiness will result in greater
distance.
There are two widely used cat-throwing methods: The "Launch" procedure, and
the shot-put procedure. Both of these methods have their pros and cons. The
Launch procedure, recognized as the funnest, usually does not result in great
distance. To Launch the cat, you hold it with your throwing hand cradling the
rear paws, and your other hand holding the rib cage. Holding it slightly above
the waist, run forward about five steps and thrust the cat forward after raising
it to shoulder height. To Shot-Put, hold the cat by it's posterior, with the
other hand around it's neck. Running forward and spinning 720ø thrust the cat
forward while converting the centrifugal force to forward motion.
Other popular cat-throwing techniques:
- Discus Style (Recommended for Kittens)
- Bowling (Recommended for the Manx)
- Ball-and-Chain Style (Not for the Manx)
- Softball Slow Pitch
- Softball Fast Pitch
- Bocci Yard Bowl Style
þ Hot New K_Rad Pascal 7.0 Code by Satan's Mutt!
{ ClearScreen v1.0â by Satan's Mutt [DFX]
coded in Turbo Pascal v7.0 11/24/92 - 04/01/93
I think this release is finally Bug-Free.
I did not use a toolkit for this program,
but if you have any to spare please upload
them to my VX .83 <cracked> BBS @2056500302.
Thank you for your support, and may DFX live
long and prosper, because I like being USED.
** Now Supports 50-Line VGA mode screens, unlike v0.50á!
}
uses crt;
begin;
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('Note that the screen is not completely clear. Please Register.');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
WriteLn('');
end.
--- Clear Screen v1.0â in C ---
#include "tpcmac.h"
/* ClearScreen v1.0â by Satan's Mutt [DFX]
coded in Turbo Pascal v7.0 11/24/92 - 04/01/93
I think this release is finally Bug-Free.
I did not use a toolkit for this program,
but if you have any to spare please upload
them to my VX .83 <cracked> BBS @2056500302.
Thank you for your support, and may DFX live
long and prosper, because I like being USED.
-- Now Supports 50-Line VGA mode screens, unlike v0.50á!
*/
main(argc,argv)
int argc;
char *argv[];
{ ;
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("Note that the screen is not completely clear. Please Register.\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
printf("\n");
}
þ The PuD Expos!
Yhea, PuD likes to expose modem disgraces every now and then, thus we must
ruin a life every week or so. This time, we will expose DIGITAL SAINT.
First, the piece of mail that sent PuD over the edge, and ultimately results
in the destrucion of the poor geek's life.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(2/2): Intruder's Phone Number!
Name: Digital Saint #1 @2506
Date: Thu Apr 01 22:36:57 1993
Dammit, you post Intruder's phone number and real name and you forget
mine. Why the hell should he get any special treatment? I want my god damn
phone number and real name put into the VERY NEXT issue you release. I want
world wide fame at my doorstep and on my phone RIGHT now. My real name is Matt
Midboe and real phone number is (205)882-0623. I am sick and tired of letting
everyone else get the limelight. And I realize that PUD has that huge
readership of oh what 11-12 around the world now? But it is still a starting
place!
digital saint
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
** First and formeost, I would like to enforce the fact that this PuD Expos was
** NOT requested. Thank you.
Info on Digital Saint:
Known Aliases: Digital Saint, Acoustic One, Analog Deacon, Satan's Mutt
BBS Run: Project/X (1-205-883-0894)
This BBS is also known as:
"Used to be Visions of Chrome, before it was hit by a virus"
Real Name: Matt Midboe
Voice Phone: 1-205-882-0623
Immediate Family: None <Assassinated by PuD three weeks ago>
Family Embarassment: Mandy <Talkin' Girl>
Spouse: Zazzy Orange Angel
Favorite Food: Gravel
Favorite Color: Puce
Favorite Word: Buttafuoco (That's my favorite word, but isn't it everyone's?)
Number of teeth intact: 4«
-- By the way, Dig:
It's April 1st, and that fool's joke is thrown RIGHT BACK AT YA'!
þ Blistex Active Ingredients
Allantoin 1%
Camphor 0.5%
Phenol 0.5%
-------------------------------------------------------------------------The End
MAIL US.
This ain't no joke, freaks. These are real addresses. Try them yourself.
T0UCAN S0N 0F SAM - Any VX v.83 <cracked> BBS
THe BRaVe LiTTLe ToaSTeR - Home WaReZ Dept, Billy's Mini-Market
fReD tHe HiTmAn - Any k00l board with 7 Co-SysOps
JUNior - Your mother's bed
Baphomet - WWiV 2506@14
NC - 2506@36
If you want, please leave drop a message in the NEW PuD Voice Mailbox!
The number is 1-205-880-9566. Give us a call... NOW!
BoardzZZZzzzZZZzzZZzzzZZzzzz
The following are not "Dist Sites," but their sysops were kind enough to set
apart a file area specifically for PuD, which I think is noteworthy. Keep in
mind, these boards are aimed at quality users only. That is why I never call.
Please don't call these boards unless you are confident you are worthy, because
I don't want to hear Digital Saint whine about shit like that anymore.
Thank you.
Project/X (o-DaY PuD WaRe!)
1200/14400 (MNP« - K00Ky modem)
digital saint
WWiV 2506
1-205-883-0894 - Node 2: 882-0623 (ask for Mandy)
The Obloid Sphere (o-7 day PuD ware)
2400?/14400 (Funky Viva modem)
James Hetfield (Coincidence. Really.)
BLaH Dist Si<gh>t
1-708-965-3098
