Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
Pizza Underground Digest Volume 1 Issue 06
(insert Rico Suav ASCii logo here)
ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄ-ùúù-ÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿
³ K-RaD/[PuD] '93 ³Ü
ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄ-ùúù-ÄÄÄÄÄÄÙÛ
ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß
Volume 1, Issue 006
- MY EXPERIENCE WITH GOD -
- BOY, WAS SHE GREAT!! -
by NO COURiER
[PUD_1_6.TXT]
D¡SCL¡MäR
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
The opinions, views, ideals, and tasty canned soup recipes expressed in this
T/FiLE are expressed without intention of execution. The authors of this file,
as well as all of the K-RAD/[PuD], áçá, PGA, and r members assume absolutely
¯N0® liability for you personal stupidity.
Thank you.
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
WELCoME BACK TO PuD!
þ SaD-ASS iNTRO:
Thank you for turning your ghastly, bloated head in the direction of Pud
again. Your rude attempts at finding lives have obviously not prevailed.
Featured in THiS ACTiON/PaCKED Issue of The Pizza Underground Digest:
NO COURiER's SWaSS RAMeN N0000DLeY G00P RECiPE by NO COURiER (Line 62)
CONFUSiON OF THE WEaK-MiNDED by NO COURiER (Line 87)
IF SHE IS AS G00D AS SHE SAYS, WHY IS SHE MiNE? by fReD (Line 194)
**** ALL IS INTERRUPTED BY NO COURiER'S PATENTED `Quote of Today's Line #38'****
"My pinto beans are bigger than the llama's"
- Anonymous
**** RESUMiNG:
PUD VIRII DISCUSSION by NO COURiER (Line 218)
SEXuAL AiD FORuM by NO COURiER (Line 244)
The Lyrics to "We Are Family" (Line 329)
HeRE WE G0!
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
þ ENTeR THE REaLM OF NO COURiER; SENiOR EDIToR OF PuD
Ahh yes. The feedback I received from both PuD #5 & 6 was unbelievable.
Unortunately, you idiots don't seem to realize that WE WaNT YoU. No, not in that
way, you Wolf/3D playing freak! We want your participation! We want your
divine insight, no matter how lame it is! The more offensive, the better!
We NEED MEMBERS! CALL A WWiVNeT BOaRD AND SiGN UP NOW!
N0 EXPERiENCE NEEDED. ALL SUBMiTTED WoRKS CONSIDERED. LaMENeSS N0T FRoWNED UPoN
E/MAiL FOR ANY REaSON ==== NO COURiER 2506@36
Baphomet the Limbo King 2506@14
úùÄÄÄÄ-þ FORWaRD, MaRCH! þ-ÄÄÄÄ-ùú
þ NO COURiER's SWaSS N0000DLeY G00P S00P
Ingredients:
1 Pack ) Cheap RAMeN N000DLeZ
2 Cups ) Water
1¬ tsp ) Urine or Tequila
2 Tsp ) Clear Spring's PGA (190 Proof)
3 Tsp ) Worcestershire Sauce
To Taste ) Sweet Basil
To Taste ) Onion
Directions:
Mix all liquids thoroughly, and bring to a slight boil. Add RAMeN N000DLe
flavor packet, as well as Basil and Onion, stirring slightly. Add N000DLeZ,
crushing with spoon and then stirring. Continue to let boil until N000DLeZ
achieve PARTiAL completion, being soggy on the outside, and crunchy in the
middle. This should be about two minutes.
Remove pot from stove. Rest right hand on H0T burner. Remove when pain
ceases. Pour the soup in to a bowl, and decorate with chocolate srinkles and
mayonaisse. Serve immediately, so as to burn tongue.
--------- Yum, yum! ---------
þ CONFUSiNG WEaK-MiNDED WiLDCAT USeRS 101
The following is an actual account of a chat on a local WildCat! BBS system.
This segment should give you some insight as to how to confuse simple-minded
WildCat users, as well as their Sysops. Also, this file just goes to show that
PuD is an ATTiTUDE, as well as the world's best Underground Newsletter. Names
have been changed slighty to avoid making these people look as stupid as they
really are.
Comments & analysii made by me are denoted by paranthesis.
- NO COURiER
Good evening, NO COURiER, you are caller number 144,106.
-- ATTENTION -- JAVA COFFEE from Operation:Mindcrime is PAGING.
Use the MAIN MENU command [T]..Talk with other Node(s) to respond.
# Chat Status Name From User Status
--- --------------- ------------------ ------------------- ------------------
2 Being paged NO COURiER ³The WildFire West
3 In chat JAVA COFFEE Operation:Mindcrime In a private chat
(`The Wildfire West' is a direct
attack on a certain user, who
calls himself "The Wildfire.")
JAVA COFFEE wishes to chat with you. To respond press [R]
[#,#], [A]vailable, [R]espond, [G]roup, [H]elp? r
Type "/QUIT" to exit or "/HELP" for help
2 - NO COURiER : What?
(Typical polite PuD greeting)
3 - JAVA : Hey dude
(That's d00D, isn't it?)
2 - NO COURiER : YeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeSSSSSSSSSSsssss?
3 - JAVA : just wanted to say hello.....
2 - NO COURiER : Surinam is where my lizard plays the misty clavicord.
3 - JAVA : huh?
(Obvious confusion already. Yes!)
3 - JAVA : what is that supposed to mean....
2 - NO COURiER : Oh, nothing. It is for the one to which I may seem the
2 - NO COURiER : harmonic steps of the dancing wildebeast
(I sounded serious for a second... SURPRiSE!!!)
3 - JAVA : are you on drugs NO COURiER???
(I JuST MaDE N0000DLeZ)
2 - NO COURiER : I for one, am the thing that which things are thinged
2 - NO COURiER : on thingies. I am the thing to which things are thinged
2 - NO COURiER : upon the thingy of which things originate from.
(Read it again. It makes perfect sense.)
2 - NO COURiER : "A hair in the head is worth two in my mouth"
(Double B00M! A double whammy! DaMN DRAMATiC LITERaRY POiSE!)
3 - JAVA : So does this mean we have to call you "Thin"
2 - NO COURiER : And shall PuD confuse you, and yes it most definately
3 - JAVA : Thing...
3 - JAVA : that is
2 - NO COURiER : will, May visions of sugarplums burst you skull.
3 - JAVA : keeep your sugar plums to your self...
(Yes, another homophobic. A positive identifier.)
2 - NO COURiER : Rinny rinny rippy roop kill the chicken before he goes
2 - NO COURiER : away.
3 - JAVA : And what the hell is all this pud stuff?
2 - NO COURiER : Woopity woopity loopy perloop.
2 - NO COURiER : Winky, slinky, it rolls down stairs.
3 - JAVA : Dude, you really need to go easy on the pain killers
(I broke my arm, and hand surgery a little while back.)
3 - JAVA : son't you mean stinky
2 - NO COURiER : It's time for our one and all wish to wich the great
2 - NO COURiER : pumkin may conquer santa.
2 - NO COURiER : I type, therefore I misspell.
3 - JAVA : Too late the great pumkin got it a halloween,and I got
2 - NO COURiER : Hello, theeeeEEEee
3 - JAVA : to use that saying more often
2 - NO COURiER : Oooga booga... loog Dr. Scholl's
3 - JAVA : Hello???/
3 - JAVA : So what is the pud thing
2 - NO COURiER : Hoooooooooon?
(I think that is sort of like a peacock mating call)
2 - NO COURiER : I shall go now, the flying worms are calling.
2 - NO COURiER : May you have a PuDdy DaY.
2 - NO COURiER : /quit
Total time logged was 12 minute(s), with 59 minutes remaining for 02/22/93.
Thank you for calling, NO COURiER.
--------- End of Chat -----------
As you can see, it is quite simple. A superficial attempt at proverbial
poetic philosophy with references to excretions or food products is all it takes
to really get one of these innocent little modem freaks lost. If you think you
can play it off, have an entire group of people pull him in to chat on a 4+ node
BBS, and act this way. Better yet, do it in person, without ever stopping.
This can result in severe nervous dissention as well as a lack of
self-confidence and security for youre idiotic pal.
Have fun, and shall my stare be the guide to the armadillo's
moonlit banquet of Eve and potatoes.
þ IF SHE IS AS G00D AS SHE SAYS, WHY DOES SHE WaNT ME? by fReD
wELCOME FRIENDS. i AM fReD, THE MOST FEARED USER IN ALL OF HUNTSVILLE AS WELL
AS ON ANY OTHER vbbs IN nORTH aLABAMA. tHE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY LOVES ME IS MY
WIFE MiLDReD, BUT i AM MORE THAN SUCCEPTABLE TO THE GLARE OF A ROBUST REDHEAD.
yOU SEE, i AM THE MODEM USER THAT ALL OTHERS WISH THEY COULD BE. mY CAMEO
APPEARANCES ON BOARDS ARE RESPECTED AND FEARED. i AM A sYSoP'S WORST
MIGFHTMARE, AND PROUD OF IT. i HAVE BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DOWNING OF MANY A
bbs, THE CRASHING OF MORE THAN ONE SaD-ASS ide HARD DRIVE. iT'S AMAZING HOW
sYSoPS LOSE SUPPORT, AND HOW THEIR hdd'S LOSE CYLINDERS. rOT.
aNYWAY, LIKE i SAID ABOVE, i AM PERSUED BY THE WANTON LUST OF A ROBUST
REDHEAD, WHO CAN REMOVE THE TOP OF A yOO-hOO BOTTLE WITH A CERTAIN MUSCLE. i
HAVE SEEN HER PATIENTS, HER eX'S WHO WERE UNAWARE OF HERE HATRED FOR THEM. tHEY
USED TO BE ACTIVE, BOUNCY YOUNG MEN. nO MORE.
gOOD. i SHALL GLOAT FOR HERE, CAUSING THE SUFFRAGE OF HUNDREDS. i SHALL BE
THE NEXT hITLER, THE NEXT bONAPARTE. i SHALL TAKE YOU ALL IN MY HAND, AND HAVE
mRS. rOBUSTO CRUSH YOU ALL.
i AM FILING FOR A DIVORCE FROM MiLDReD. sURE, SHE WAS A GOOD LAY, BUT SHE'S
ALMOST 87 NOW. tHE ONLY THING i REALLY HAVE TO THANK HER FOR IS MY SON, junIOR,
THE PRIDE OF THE hItMaN FAMILY. mAY HE MAKE HIS FATHER PROUDER.
bACK TO mRS. rOBUSTO. wHY DOES SHE WANT _me_? wHAT IS IT THAT i HAVE THAT
SHE THINKS WILL SATISFY HER NEEDS? aM i THE CHOSEN ONE? sHE'S AWFULLY rOBUST,
SO i MUST CERTAINLY BE.
þ PuD VIRII DICUSSION: H0W TO IDENTiFY WARTS By NO COURiER
Warts are most basically thickenings of the skin, caused by bacteriophagic
virii. Warts may be contagious, varying from one to the next. Most likely, any
warts you have were given to you by somebody else. Contrary to Old Wive Tales,
warts cannot be spread to a human from a frog or toad. First and foremost,
toads don't even have warts. That is the way their skin is supposed to be,
stupid. Secondly, the virii carried by toads are completely incompatible with
a human's potential host cells. Virii link to a host cell by connecting with a
receptor site. The way they fit is comparable to as jigsaw puzzle. An inhuman
virus can not connect with a human cell. Therefore, it cannot inject its
nucleic acid in order to reprduce. It is quite common for a wart to have hair
growing out of it. Never treat a wart with an over-the-counter remedy if it has
hair. This should be common sense folks. I hate life sciences. Physics r000l.
If a wart changes color, size, itches, etc, have it checked immediately by a
dermotologist. Don't be an idiot. You could be dead soon. fReD would like
that, but I wouldn't.
Be sure that you do not confuse warts with moles. Moles are most often
pigmented, and may very well have hair growing out of them. These are simple
normal thickenings of the skin, and should not be taken too seriously. HOWEVeR,
if you have a mole which changes color, size, or bites at your neck while you
are sleeping, you may have a SEVeRE cancerous condition, such as melonoma, which
can result in death in as little as 72 hours after irritation begins. Ouch.
To be continued..........
þ The PuD Sexual AiD FORuM by NO COURiER
-------
Anita Cock, of Washburn PA writes:
"Dear NO,
recently I have been doubting my own sexuality. Sometimes it seems as if
it simply isn't worth it; sex seems to be a farce, a pasaad anymore. My husband
has never submitted to any of my desires, and I have never orgasmed.
What shall I do?"
~~~~~~~
Dear Anita,
shut the fuck up. If you have never orgasmed, maybe that's why you don't
enjoy sex. Why don't you go find a real man instead of the pencil-necked Walter
Mondale supporting geek that you live with and fuck your brains out!?!?
C'mere bitch. You may live in Pennsylvania, but I can reach.........
- NO COURiER
-------
Candy White, of Ontario Canada writes:
"Dear NO,
You are such an informative, objective, modest, and caring Sex Aid forum
writer! I admire your work. How do you do such a good job?"
~~~~~~~
Dear Candy,
get a life and stop writing such idiotic letters. I could care less about
what your government cheese-eatin' ass has to say. Why don't you find a fuckin'
life and go harass some other writer, such as a loser from CUD.
- NO COURiER
-------
John Hoffest, of Columbus GA writes:
Mr. NO COURiER,
"I sometimes can not find it within myself to satisfy my partner. Moreso, I
often have problems with stamina and achieving erections. What should I do?"
~~~~~~~
Mr. Hoffest,
Don't look inside yourself for the problem. Lokk outside. Grow a dick. No
stamina? No erections? See the first sentence, you putz.
- NO COURiER
-------
Ed Meese, Director of the FCC, writes:
To whom it may concern:
"The Sexual Aid Forum featured in the Pizza Underground Digest is completely
distasteful and is in danger of being cited for obscenity. It is expected of a
public newsletter to provide objective, decent information which may benefit
many. Instead, we have found that your column is extremely biased and without
dignity. You should be ashamed of yourselves."
~~~~~~~
Mr. Ed Meese,
FuCK YOU. Go find a life and stop jacking off all over your printouts of
THE ONE AND ONLY PiZZA UNDERGRoUND DiGEST!
- NO COURiER
- THE END OF PuD #1:6 - I hoped you were offended! -
WRiTE US AND SUBMiT YOUR BeST LAMeNESS!
NO COURiER (Senior Editor) WWiV 2506@36
Baphomet the Limbo King (Senior Editor) WWiV 2506@14
SPeSHuL THaNX G0 T0:
Digital Saint (WWiV 2506@1) for all of his support for PuD
Call PROJeCT/X - The place for the NEWeST PuD FILeZ - NOW!!!
> I'm a moper, I'm an eloper, I'm a cattle rooooooooopppppeeeeeerrrr..... <
<*** End of FUCKiN File ***>
