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Piss Issue 50
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- P.I.S.S. Philez Number 50 =
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- IT'S 50 DAMMIT =
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- by Most of us =
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Well, we've hit 50 files now. Hell, not even I thought we'd
make it this far. When I actually sit down and read some of the older
files, I laugh very hard because of the way we wrote (well, me at
least) and the ideas I had to swipe from the PLA. Hell, they pretty
much inspired me to start this, and, well, thanks rbcp. You fruit.
I asked anybody who was alive to write something for this file,
so here goes the member compilation stuff, in the order which I got it
so that none of you get pissed off.
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Just Talkin Shit
----------------
Well,here it is,P.I.S.S. #50!!! Defenestrator and the gang have
done a helluva' job keeping the group up and running.Except for my
phone-card phile,I have contributed JACK SHIT 'till now. *L* I have no
idea what this little letter is going to turn out to be at the moment
but it looks like just a little shit talkin' for the time being.
The almighty Raven hooked me up with these guys and I've been working
on new scams ever since.A few of them work all the time and a few of
them very rarely work at all.I'm just too busy to put them in writing
these dayz.So I guess this phile will end up as nothing more than a pat
on the back for P.I.S.S.
The group is a fairly new one to the web but with the talent and
knowledge found on these pages,it will no-doubt be here for many years
to come. =) Those of you that just surfed in and found this phile
should REALLY read all of the previous 49 that are also here.There are
so many "educational purpose only" articles here that you may end up
learning a few things.*L*
Well,it's kinda hard to come up with anything constructive to add
at the moment (this letter being hand-written in So.Regional Jail and
retyped then forwarded to Def by a close friend).I should be out in
about 72 more hours and counting.Thanx to a nut-shot given to a
dickhead that will be Dj's enemy #1 on my new shit-list phile.
Def knows the incident I'm speaking of I think.But not a bad sentence
at all once you think about this cocksucker being attatched to a
colostomy bag for the rest of his life. :) (30 days-time served+a little
probation+who ya' know=less than a week)
Anyways,time to get back to my reminiscing(sp?) of that wonderful
night and how painful a colostomy bag is to install and maintain :).
71 hours,42 minutes,37 seconds left and counting :).
-Djdude
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***********************
- Charred Flesh -
- for Little Jimmy -
- (An Enchanting -
- Christmas Tale for -
- the Whole Family) -
***********************
By Rhodekyll
It was a harsh winter on Christmas Eve and Jimmy was outside
shoveling the snow off of the sidewalk. His parents enjoyed torturing
him by making him fight through the brisk weather to get the job done.
Jimmy knew he had to do as they said or else Santa would be mad and
give him jack for being a little asshole that year.
A while later, Jimmy was getting exhausted and his arms were
going numb. He thought he saw a twinkle in the sky reflecting off of
his glasses. He turned around and to his surprise, it was a big chunk
of lard whipping poor flying reindeer while guiding a sleigh. Then
Jimmy realized it was Santa!
"Where da fuck you been jolly St. Nick? I been out here
since 8:30," Jimmy questioned.
"Well you little son of a bitch, you aren't the only little
jerk in this whole damned Earth that wants gifts for Christmas. I run
a business you know. For being a little prick, here's your gift!"
And Santa pulled a box out of his bag. Jimmy quickly unwrapped
the present and to his surprise, it was Uncle Bobby's charred head.
"Yeah, I snatched it out of his chimney after the mob was done
with him. Put it on your bookshelf as a momento or something," Santa
suggested.
"Thank you Santa," Jimmy crawled up into Santa's sleigh and
gave him a hug. "It's the best gift I've ever gotten."
Santa said I know and he ho-ho-hoed his way off of Jimmy's
front lawn.
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Hanson sucks
and the spice girls have big breasts
-grench
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Ahh, apparently I have been lucky enough to have the unique honor
bestowed upon me of writing a short bit for the fiftieth issue of PISS
Philez. I have spent a bit of time trying to think of what I should say,
what points I should make, and all of that over the last week or so since
Defenestrator originally asked me to write a piece. So here we are, and
heres the point.
It was raining again in Sandy Eggo, (where I live in SoCal,)
today and I figured it would be a good day to go get my tires rotated and
balanced. Dont ask me why, I do strange things when it rains. Just a
brief tangent, surfing in the rain whips ass until lightning starts, then
its a wee scary. Anyway, so I go down to the local Sears Roebuck and
Company seeing as I have a FREE coupon/suppository/emergency rolling
paper from them for what I need to have done to the Yota. I walk in,
messenger bag in hand containing the shit I ALWAYS walk around with,
(laptop, beige box, notepads, over the counter narcotics for various
forms of plague, four flashlights and my collection of receipts from
various El Cash Contraptiones, and six thousand pens.) There is a
waiting room there so since its going to be a half hour or so Ill just
go and plop down there and try and read for awhile and try and glean some
more information about the net from an MSCE book I managed to scam. I
sit there for awhile, (about a half hour,) and I become intensely bored
with reading, (I think I have ADD sometimes.) Being bored, I fire up the
ol laptop and start pecking away at the keys until someone interrupts
me, a young girl, probably nineteen or twenty.
"You work for the phone company?" She is eyeing me with obvious
skepticism, automatically assuming I am a criminal for some reason. Now
I realize that a freakishly tall blonde skinny guy with a laptop is not
something you see in a Sears Auto Repair and Confabulation Center
Officious Waiting Room everyday but hey, come on now.
"Pardon? Oh, that." I swivel the lid down a little bit and indicate
the Pacific Bell Corporate Security Division: Armed Response Team banner
plastered there. "No, just really into computers."
"My brother does that stuff. Does computers and stuff. You got the
internet on there?" She is rotating between staring at me and the
television trying to decide which is more interesting, the freaks on
Jerry Springer or the phreak in the waiting room with her.
"No, no modem. Just mostly write on here. Got a bigger terminal at
home I use for that."
"Oh. Do you like *umm*" There is this look on her face like she needs
to take a shit. For some reason I cannot believe that I am being asked
The Question here of all places. ";Are you like a hacker or something?";
"No, Im what they call a cyberpunk." I go back to typing figuring
this is not what she wanted to hear and will now leave me alone. WRONG.
I am a TOTAL FUCKING MORON for ASSUMING.
"A what?" She sits, afraid to say it lest someone hear her say it and
now everyone will think she is some sort of porno viewing USENET slut
straight from Hades.
"Cyberpunk, its similar to being a hacker except Im not that good at
outright computer stuff. Think mostly and write a lot." Not that
hackers dont think, I just do better at building things than compiling
code.
"Oh." She goes back to watching the television and I go back to
writing something that is now intended for my page but hasnt made it up
yet. Go figure, work sucks right now. We never exchange another word
for the rest of the time that we are sitting in the little room. Two
ships passing in the night, and another victim of a criminal. Happy 50th
PISS. Theyll never get us all.
-At2Screech
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Hate Notes
By: Author Parselon
Contents:
**********
I. Things that piss me off
II. What Really Gripes My Ass
III. Why I wrote this
Things that piss me off
**********************************************************************
What pisses me off is going into some burger joint like McShit and Burger
Queen(obviously not the real names) and having to wait in line for 2 hrs
to get a hamburger and a soda....Sometimes I just wanna jump over the
counter and kick some ROYAL ASS! Like one time I was in Burger Queen and
this dumbass says to me, "Would you like to try our new crispy fries?" I
looked at him like he was stupid and said, "Do you mean your new crappy
fries?" That guy looked at me then went to his manager and told him what
I said and the manager looked at me and asked why I had called the new
fries crappy and I told him that I didn't like them and that I was telling
the truth when I said that they were crappy and to get off my ass about
it....Well, what do you think he did? He gave me a free pack of those
shitty fries and I said I don't want these I want a cheeseburger and a
Dr. Pepper and the guy forced me to take them so I said that I was going
elsewhere for my business...BTW, I tossed the fries in the trash as I
left...
And when it comes to department stores you don't really even want me to
get started but I'll talk about it anyway.....One day I went into Wal-
Mart to check out the computer proggie inventory, when I did this guy
called security on me and said that I was stealing a game....I HADN'T
EVEN TOUCHED THE SHELF WHEN THIS SHIT STARTED HAPPENING!...but anyway,
the security officer came up to me and searched me looking for the
program that I had SUPPOSEDLY stolen and couldn't find it....well,
he talked to the man who had turned me in and the guy said that in
the security camera I was seen taking something off the shelf and
tucking it into my jacket....which as I said earlier I hadn't even
touched the shelf when this happened so...the guy showed the security
officer the security camera tape and it in fact was not me....but I had
to say in the store for like 2 hrs going through all of this bullshit!
As you can probably guess I hack Wal-Mart very often now.....and I
haven't even been in there since...
**********************************************************************
What Really Gripes My Ass
**********************************************************************
What Really Gripes My Ass....is pizza delivery. One night I ordered
pizza for a party I was having at my house...now this was a big party/
pay off for the guy delivering the pizza, because I'm a very big tipper
most of the time....I ordered 25 pizza's from Dominut's Pizza(obviously
once again not the real name) and I was hoping to have my order in the
time they told me which was like 1 hr(preparing time) and about 20-30
minutes(delivery) so I told the guy on the phone that was cool and went
on w/ the party...well, 2 hrs went by and I called them back...the
following is the conversation..."Where are my pizza's?","Sorry sir, we
haven't got a delivery boy to come back yet.", "Well, you better get a
damn delivery boy out here.", "Sir, don't swear at me. I can't help
what happens with my delivery people, it's not my business what they do
on there free time.", "FREE TIME! I'VE GOT A LOT OF HUNGRY PEOPLE HERE
AT THIS PARTY AND YOUR TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR DELIVERY PEOPLES FREE TIME!
DAMN! WHAT'S WITH YOU PIZZA PLACES, ONE MINUTE YOUR NICE AND SWEET AND
ALL `Your pizza will be there shortly...'AND THE NEXT YOUR `My delivery
boy isn't here and I don't give a damn...'I DON'T GET YOU PEOPLE....I
THINK WE'LL ORDER FROM PIZZA HUT NEXT TIME!"*click* and we called Pizza
Hut w/ the same order and they had it to the party in like 1 hr and 30
min...then about 3-4 hrs after the fight on the phone dominut had the
pizza's at my party and I sent the delivery boy back to his boss w/
a message...SUCK MY NUTS!
**********************************************************************
Why I wrote this
**********************************************************************
The reason that I wrote this is to not only to warn you of these things
happening to you but also to blow off some steam...I hate the places
listed in this .txt file and I hope that you will not let the things
that happened in here happen to you...
Thank you,
Author Parselon
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Well I'd also like to say thanks to anyone/everyone who knows that we
exist, because we're not exactly high profile. If you catch my drift.
But I've had thoughts about killing all this stuff more than once, only
to rethink it and write something. I'm also thinking about
merchandising (who the hell would buy some PISS stuff?) and hell, we
could end up going in any direction. Let me hear some ideas, it's not
real easy thinking up all this stuff (i'm lying). It would also be
better if SOME PEOPLE WOULD NOT BE SO LAZY (boy that's really subtle,
which is what I told you). But why pick fights, I'm happy with the way
it's turned out so far, and maybe we might actually become big. Hell,
by the time this file actually hits the web, we'll probably have at
least 5000 hits, which isn't bad. Hell, this was just something to do
when I was bored. And since a whole bunch of the people are lazy, I'm
just going to write a short bit about everybody.
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Defenestrator - That would be me. No offense to everyone else, but I do
most of the stuff around here.
PhrostByte - My best friend for 6(?) years now, and guitar
player/programmer extroardinaire. And we're going to make a band when
I get some plane reservations to go see him this summer.
Author Parselon - Another founding member, who keeps submitting stuff
but none of it ever gets printed for one reason or another.
Wu Forever - A friend of mine from my early days on ICQ, who I don't
talk to much anymore because we never run into eachother.
kQs - Wu's friend who I haven't seen in months. Hrmm, wonder what
happened to him.
Extinction - Harassment master who keeps a rather low profile.
Grench - Weird but cool warez guy who hooks me up with stuff.
Occasionally contributes stuff which is useful.
Rhodekyll - Games maniac with a warped mind. Funny though.
Dial Tone - Keeps a very low profile occasionally coming out to reveal
some very good stuff.
Psycho Phreak - A good friend of mine until he moved around and dropped
off the Internet.
Djdude - Not great with computers but can kick some ass on the phones.
Funny as hell if you ever talk to him.
Circular Reclusion - Secretive guy who knows his crap, but just never
writes.
Havok Luther - Ummm...
AT2Screech - Cyberpunk Navy guy, who actually knows where I live. Ohno.
Phantom Operator - A good friend of mine off IRC, and co-ruler of
DALnet.
Skrike - Occasionally makes appearances on DALnet, and a pretty cool guy
if you ask me.
Apocalypse - Hell I haven't seen this guy in a long time. If anyone has
seen him please tell me.
Sameer Ketkar - Another friend of mine from Singapore (where me and
PhrostByte lived, I think it's safe to say that now) who won writing
contests there and contributes with stories. Not that great on the
computers though.
The Axess Phreak - I just met this guy recently and he seems to have a
good knowledge of the phones and computers.
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Thanks to all the people who showed everyone else this site, especially
Kwantam Pozetron (have fun at MIT man), RedBoxChiliPepper and the PLA,
and anyone else who gave us some links or tips. And to everyone who
reads this, thanks to you for helping to keep it alive.
Well, this is about it. Pretty anti-climactic.
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PISS - People into Serious Shit
Founders - Defenestrator, PhrostByte
Members -
Author Parselon
Wu Forever
kQs
Extinction
Grench
Rhodekyll
Dial Tone
Psycho Phreak
Djdude
Circular Reclusion
Havok Luther
AT2Screech
Phantom Operator
Apocalypse
Skrike
Contributors-
Sameer Ketkar
The Axess Phreak
PISS, the author, and anyone else does not take responsibility for what
you do with the stuff contained in this file. If you get busted,
don't cry to us. We don't care. We have never done any of this.
Really. And we don't condone it. Uh-huh.
Want more stuff? Go to http://piss.home.ml.org
E-mail the group at davematthews@rocketmail.com
(C) Copyright 1998 PISS Publications and also copyrighted by the author.
This file may be posted freely as long as this notice stays on the end.
All rights reserved. Or something like that.
