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Poor Old Ugly Pompous Electronic Yams 08
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_Poupey: Crazy Driver Enthusiasts_
This issue of poupey is all about crazy drivers, even though nybar
has never driven a car in his life.
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Driving on the Sidewalk, How wise a career choice is it?
#_@#$(_@#$(@_#$(--------------------@#$@)#$(*@#$*($@#)348-----------------
Driving on the sidewalk is a great way to get kicks..
PLUS you can run down some annoying pedestrians there.
It's a great way to escape cops.. and when on the sidewalk..
it's easy to pass other cars. Also.. traffic lights don't
apply to sidewalk drivers. Maybe the hardest part of driving
on the sidewalk is actually getting on.. and managing to stay
on without hitting a fence or something. Overall.. we thought
that driving on the sidewalk was good fun the whole FAMILY
could enjoy. Make sure to turn the music wayyyyyyy up when
doing this.
Danger Rating: 8 (No wussies!)
Fun Rating: 9 (woooooooooowheeee)
Pedestrian Kill Ratio: 9 (Ouchie!)
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Bonus Fun Things to do!
When pulling into a driveway.. make sure to turn and stop
real fast. The noise is like a badge, showing other crazy
drivers that your a motorist of high calliber.. the bigger the
noise.. the better!
If you encounter another crazy driver on the road (you can tell
it's another one by their driving... how fast they're going,
how many people they cut off, blahblah) it's fun to have a
race with them. This is the kind of extreme competition that
seperates the men from the mollusks. In the race.. there
are no rules.. but don't be a dick... or I'll spank you.
A fun game is to see the speeding sign.. and see how much
faster you can get than that. Once you either double it..
or the speedomiter spins off real fast.. you win!
Driving on the wrong side of the road is FUN! It's, 1: A
game of chicken. 2: A way to meet new people 3: A way to
scare away new people 4: Pretty damn fun 5: Kinda dangerous
it's five, five, five, five.. count em FIVE things in one.
(make sure to swerve before you hit anyone)
Whenever you see a No U-turn sign.. make sure to make a
monumental triple skid u-turn.
Driving on the sidewalk.. for advanced crazy drivers only!
See more on that in our `Driving on the sidewalk: How wise
a Career Choice is it?'
When you see some pedestrians.. jam on the accelerator..
stick your head out the window and yell "NO BREAKS!"
Look at those rats scamper!
See how many laws YOU can break.
SMILE!
------ - ----------------------------------------------------------
Escaping Pigs: Do's and Don'ts!
When Practicing many totally innocent things such as having
races with other crazy drivers, pretending to climb out of the
car while on a major highway.. and speeding like theres no
tommorow.. (which are all HIGHLY reccomended.. try em!)
you often run afoul of a pig or 10. Here are some simple
guidelines for escaping them: They're siren causes people to
move out of the way. Use this to your advantage by speeding,
running lights.. ectect. Sometimes, if they're about to
catch you, stop real fast. It will USUSUALLY cause them to
go into a skid.. fun to watch to! If, when they're
chasing you, you turn around, a nice game of chicken
comes.. Remember.. they're wusses.. they always swerve.
Cops are usually lousy drivers.. but they might have
a better car than you.. if you know you can't get away
by speed alone.. try going along like nothing happened
...they often just break off persuit, lazy as they are.
If still caught.. pretend your either deaf, dumb, blind
...or some combonation therof.
Oh.. and one final guideline. If brought to court,
NEVER plead insanity! They will lock you up!
-- - -----------------------------------------------------------------
L A W S of the Road
I don't care what they told you in college.. THIS is higher
learning. Now.. I will teach you the... <dramatic pause>
L A W S of the Road
- Make sure to blare adrenilan pumping music as loud as you can
whenever practicing crazy-driving.
- Please do yell out the window to people things like "YO! BANANA BOY!"
- I don't care where you are.. ALL the windows stay open.
- When it's raining.. make sure to splash puddles on lozers who
are out.
- Raining=SKID TIME!
- Ice=FUN! Make sure to drive around on it! Or just flush someone
else into some!
- Make sure to have adorable troll dolls/crocodile toys or something
in the back window.. with a note that says something like
"TROLL FROM HELL!"
- Try not to crash. If you do.. unless you were trying some daring
feat, or avoiding the pigs.. you aren't worthy of the title
"Crazy Driver"
- Bonus fun hint : Make sure the troll dolls in the back of
your window have real funky hair! spike! batman! be
creative you uninspired.... gok.
---- - - - ---------------------------------------------------------
Signs of the Road
Like any good organization.. the crazy drivers have alot of
signs. They differ from city to city.. one that saved my
butt was the double blink=pig trap ahead. Signs must be
earned.. well.. a bribe counts as earning them. The question
"How can I earn those signs?!" Struck me as something that..
by answering.. would prolong this story.. so heres the answer:
Same as the question "How can become a crazy driver?" ..
you have to be good enough at crazy drivers that someone
who was impressed and recognized you as a crazy driver
initiate would race you.. beat you easily.. then tell you
some of the signs.. taboos.. and tricks of the road.
So if you have savoy.. and you have already taught yourself
all you can teach yourself.. someone will christian you a
crazy driver. If not.. practice a little.. then become a crazy
driver. By the way.. being a crazy driver is about making
superior time.. but then crazy driving became SO superior that
we needed something to do, so now it's also about having fun.
If you ever want to be a crazy driver.. make sure to smile!
- - ----------------------------------- ------------------------------
Crazy Driver Info
As mentioned in the signs section.. make sure to have fun.
If you see anyone with a pet in the car with them.. the might
just be a redneck. If they don't prove themselves innocent..
Make sure to do SOMETHING to piss em off (if it's cold.. drive
em into some ice!)
Crazy drivers RULE the road!
There is no real established way that anyone has to be a crazy
driver.. it's just something you do.. then get good at.
Some day.. you may want to complete a driver in training.
To do this.. tell them basically whats in this poupey ish..
The signs you've learned.. and some tricks. And don't try to
Complete someone if you're not completed yourself.
You know those cars that are convertabiles.. with alot of
chicks in them? They loooovvee crazy drivers. Use your
imagination!
fiz-in
