Persistence of Time 02 poser

eZine lover (@eZine)

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Persistence of Time

 · 5 years ago

  

 
			Posers. Kill Them All 
			  by: Killer Wombat 

 

Posers. What are they? and why do they suck so bad? By definition, a poser is 

a person who tries to be something they aren't.  Usually posers get more com- 

plex than that, but that is the basis of all poser-dom.  I hate posers because 

generally they are ignorant.  Not un-intellectual, but just un-educated.  Not 

"hip" to the world around them.  Posers don't necessarily act like skaters. 

They normally try to act cool in front of a person or group of people.  My 

school bus is a living, breathing, cess-pool of posers. There is this one girl 

who said, "yeah I LOVE punk rock, Green Day and Offspring are my favorite 

bands!" When I asked her which Green Day albums she had, she said, "What? Dookie 

is their ONLY album!" I swear I'm going to kill that fucking whore. 

	Then there is this girl who has flower-power patches and mushrooms and 

shit sewn onto her backpack.  She also has an anarchy sign written on it, yeah 

she's a real anarchist. FUCKING HIPPY BITCH! So you see, posers aren't limited 

to skaters who can't skate.   

	One day I was walking with my best friend, and another kid. (Who is a 

complete fucking poser.) We were walking to an electric fence so we could have 

fun electrocuting ourselves, (it's a blast!). It was dark and the air was cool 

enough to see the steam coming from our mouths when we exhaled. So my best 

friend pulled out a pack of Marlboros and offered the poser one of them, (I 

don't smoke cigarettes,) and he took one for himself.  They lit up and I was 

watching this poser as he lit his cig. He held up the lighter and almost, (but 

didn't,) light the cigarette. Then he inhaled, because he thought it was lit. 

Then he exhaled, the steam coming from his breath looked like smoke, and he  

exclaimed, "Wow, these are good cig's! I'm soooooooo buzzed" This is the same 

fucking poser who told us stories about how he smoked a foot-long joint and 

dropped acid and fucked his girlfriend.  These all turned out to be lies, lies, 

lies! FUCKING POSER!  

	So, you ask, what if I am a poser? Well here is a little self-exam- 

ination. They are all yes or no questions... 

 

*  Have you bought merchandise lately in order to make yourself look cool 
    in front of a group of people? 

 
*  Do you copy other people's original ideas for popularity? 

*  Do you tell other people lies to make yourself look cool? 

*  Are you often asking yourself, "If I wear/do/say this, will ________ think 
    that I am cool?" 

*  Do you collapse easily under peer pressure? 
 

Ok.. here is the score sheet. 

* If you had no 'yes' answers, then CONGRATULATIONS.  You are your own person 

  and probably are a complete freak. Way-to-go. You have defied the mainstream. 

  But chances are, you're probably lieing to yourself which makes you a big time 

  poser. 

* If you had one 'yes', then that's good. You're someone that should be commend- 

  ed for your originality. Of course, most likely you act like this because you 

  are a momma's boy and have been told how 'good' you are for your whole life. 

* If you had two 'yes' answers, you are an average joe. A nobody. You probably 

  have no friends, but wish you did. You can barely stand on your own two feet. 

  Suicide is a maybe. 

* If you had three 'yes' answers, You are a poser. Not a big poser but still a 

  poser. Don't worry though, you have a lot of anal retentive friends just like 

  you. You will grow up normal. 

* If you had four 'yes' answers, you are a moron. You're really stupid and think 

  you're so cool. You're probably a racist bastard and everyone picked on you 

  when you were little because you are such a dork. May a big, ugly, fat man 

  come along and tie you to the railroad tracks. 

* If you had five 'yes' answers, you're a goddamn idiot motherfucker who is 

  afraid to act like anything but a walking clone of the rest of your fucking 

  poser friends. You're so fucking insecure it's pathetic and you'll probably 

  end up failing school and getting addicted to heroin because Kurt Cobain, 

  your fucking idol did it. You fucking poser. I hope you die real soon. 

* If you had 'six' yes answers than you have the intelligence of a marble. 

 
Well that about sums it up... I hope you now feel a strong hatred for posers.... 

they are the scum of the earth.