Persistence of Time 11 cats

Published in

· 5 years ago

  

I know there have been more than a few articles on how to torture poor defens- 
less cats, but none of them have impressed me, so I decided to write a new one! 

                TOO LONG'S IDEAS OF HOW TO TOURTURE CATS 
                ---------------------------------------- 

1>Buy a can of PET OFF and get a box (I prefer an animal travel cage thingy) 
  Spray the PET OFF in the box and drop the poor cat in. Then listen to the 
  screams! 

2>Take a stretchy rope or bungie and tie it around the cats legs. Throw the 
  cat off your deck or roof. Its cat bungie jumping!! (Holding on to the end 
  of the rope is optional) 

3>Here's one you can do with a lighter. Take the cat and light its tail on 
  fire. The cat will fly across the room screaming and trying to put out the 
  fire! (Just like Tom and Jerry!) 

4>This one is a stupid, but fun. Take a water gun and shoot the cat! Also try 
  using an air rifle, (but only pump it ONCE! We just want to tourture the 
  cat not kill it!) 

5>Here's a good one! Light the joint and hold your hand over the cats mouth 
  and nose. Then take you hand away from it's mouth and let the cat inhale 
  the fumes! 

6>For this one you need like a aluminum bucket or a aluminum mailbox. Stick 
  the cat in mailbox or under the bucket. Then bang the fuck out of it! 

7>If your extra cruel you can melt the cat's wiskers off and stick the cat in 
  a closet with the door open just a little bit (about 7 inches). The cat will 
  not be able to find it way out. It is funny as hell! 

8>Cats are very light. If you were to kick them they would fly, TRUST ME. So 
  when mom is not looking, try playing some soccer with the little kitty! 

9>For this one you will need a blackcat (not a M-80). Stick it in your cats ass 
  and light it. When it explodes, the cat will scream. Don't worry about little 
  pieces flying all over... They won't if its only a little black cat! But its 
  funny to watch. The cat will heal up after three to four weeks! 

10>For this one, you need some kind of alcohol, (hopefuly very strong). Fill 
   the cat dish full of it and let the kitty drink!! Cats our more funny drunk 
   then people! 

O.K. thats it! I have tried everyone of these but #2, I used a frog and some 
fishing string, (frog bungie jumping). But, I will try it with a cat! I have 
to do another boring disclaimer! So here it goes: 
This little guide to cat torture is for reading entertainment only! <GRIN>