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MLiR 001
MLiR - A New Way Of Looking At Life
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Welcome to issue one of MLiR, we were planning to issue it as little 5K
files but we decided it'd be better to release it as a collection of files,
so here we go with the contents...
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CoNTeNTS - iSSue #1 MLiR
Caught By The Fuzz - BaroN
7|-|3 pr0813m 0f 83in9 31337 - DaN aBNoRMaL
Fun Things To Do On iRC - DaN aBNoRMaL
Pissed Off - BaroN
Things To Do When You Are Bored - BaroN
Bored? Broke? Vengfull? - BaroN
Pyscho - BaroN
Fun At School - BaroN
My Teacher Is A Porno Queen - DaN aBNoRMaL
How To Get A Wanker - BaroN
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Caught By The Fuzz...
Last week i learnt an invaluable lesson. Well what is it i hear you say.
If you are gonna smoke drugs and you are at a party do it in the persons
backyard. DO NOT go for a walk to your local bridge, back of shops, or park
as this can be dangerous and costly. Why am i telling you this well me and a
couple of friends got busted by the cops and there aint much you can do
except cross your fingers and watch as they take your weed (probably to go
off and have a toke later).
hahrahrahrr Funny you say well yeah it is sort of but it isn't as funny when
the cops turn up on your doorstep the next day and talk to your parents.
If you do get caught make sure you cover your arse as this can be very nasty
in the way of lectures from your parents.There are a few excuses you can use
1. Someone else must of given my name to the police. (this only works if the
cops ring but could backfire if they come to visit.)
2. It was the first time and you where curious (crying would help)
OR
3. You can just be straight with your parents and tell em straight away.
Of course if you fear your parents i suppose you can always run away and
join the circus but this won't help in the long run. I have learnt my lesson
if you are gonna cone do it in the backyard. To add to my disgrace the holder
of the partys mother wanted a written apology because we got caught. Fair
enough you might say but not really since we went at her house when we where
doing it. Fuck that was my response the next day when i was told... WHAT A
DUMB FUCKEN BITCH.. I have not the time nor the need for these people who
are more worried about what their neighbours are gonna think because thats
what she would of been worried about.
The good news is me and friends smoked nearly all of the evidence before
we got caught. So the moral of the story is FUCK THE HOST if they are
providing their house then why not use it? So what if you offend the hosts
parents it none of their business what you do anyway. Well thats my little
story so good luck in the future and watch out for the fuzz.
BaroN
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7|-|3 pr0813m 0f 83in9 31337 :)
Ok, i havent written an article for MLiR for ages so heres an article...
Hmm i have often thought to myself "whats the big deal about being eLiTe, or
is that Elite, or 'leet or 31337 or err you get the idea....
Yes anyway, why be elite, sorry thats eLiTe, just what makes these ppl eLiTe?
is it their low knowledge of formatting words? or their intelligence of being
able to substitute numbers for words, ie 3Y3 4M 31337 $0 P|-|33R M3! <-- eh?
too the computer illeterate, that could be some weird password or something,
but to the educated its the rantings of an elite person yeesh get away... of
course its always fun to go into #newbies and shout "3Y3 4M 31337" and watch
their responses :)
Now, dont get me wrong, i dont have anything with these warez traders, i mean
without them id have to buy all my software! imagine that! never. So all you
w4r32 traders: keep producing the warez but just dont brag about being 31337
or whatever you wanna spell it...
Hmm this article aint big enough yet....
ill just fill it with some sort of crap :)
wow that mccoy band is on the radio erk you know the band automatic lover etc
love and devotion cool. not.
i know, ill tell you what i did today... <user closes text file>
-=-=-=-MY D4Y - 8Y D4N 48N0RM41 <- sorry i wont talk 31337 ne more :)-=-=-=-=
ok, here we go :)
8:40 am - i woke up, trying to remember what happened the night before...
8:50 am - realised i went to the drive-in and saw these crappy movies, er
that one with elle macpherson yeesh shes alright! :)
9:00 am - got out of bed and erm.. turned on the computer
9:10 am - ate something and went back to the computer
10:00 am - called my friend and arranged to go to see Rumble In The Bronx
10:10 am - logged onto the net and leeched some files from www
10:40 am - tried out that new GoDSNeT irc server - wow 19 channels!
10:41 am - leeched some more files...
11:00 am - more web leeching
NooN - made some lunch mmm pasta :)
12:20 pm - baron came round, talked for a while bout some stuff
1:00 pm - friend called back confirming the movie viewing for today
1:01 pm - baron left
1:05 pm - i had a shower and made myself look fit to appear in public
1:30 pm - washed up my dishes (ooh im a good boy arent i?)
2:00 pm - left for the movie
2:10 pm - went to the booth and forgot to say what movie i wanted to see :)
friend backed me up by saying "rumble in the bronx"
2:30 pm - went in the theatre and sat there for 20 mins listening to some
crappy sting songs :(
2:45pm - movie finally started woohoo!
4:10pm - movie end yeesh that jackie chang is a legend!, drained the lizard
and made our way for the bus stop
4:30pm - caught a bus home
4:50pm - got home
5:00pm - friend left
5:40pm - went on net again
6:00pm - ate tea
6:30pm - talked to Motiv and Shaman on irc
7:50pm - got kicked off net and was bored
8:00pm - logged onto pinkys to catch up on all the news... wow some tosser
going on about how nirvana rules bah they suck shit hahahhaa
9:00pm - logged off
9:10pm - RaGe called up had a chat err
9:35pm - rage left, leaving me bored :(
9:50ish - decided to write this crappy text file
ok thats the end... DaN aBNoRMaL
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Fun Things To Do On iRC
Well most of you should know what irc is if not then im not gonna tell you
cos you should know by now...
anyway me and my friend recently were using some fake accounts so we thought
we'd have some fun on irc and see how man channels we can get banned from or
takeover etc...
The first channel you go for is all those gay channels cos the poofs seem to
act really nice to anyone who comes in and they dont expect a thing :)
now you usually start off by saying that you're 18 or something cos theres
a hell of a lot of fags who are 18 - scary isnt it?
Anyway they'll start asking you questions about where you work and that, so
you just make up stuff about doing some course at uni, if they ask more
questions they'll prolly be about where you work, (be careful here as if you
choose a work place near where they live they might go try to visit "you" and
you dont want some poor sod being visited by a fag :), altho that could be a
good practical joke to play on ya friend :))
Some might even ask to speak to you by voice, just say you dont wanna take it
far yet or some shit like that. Next once you've got their confidence,
somewhere in the conversation ask for ops, an easier way to get ops is to get
your freind to come in the channel and flood, next you say to the op "can i
have ops so i can kick this guy cos he's sending messages to me" hehe this
usually works and as soon as you get ops say thanx, then de-op all the fags
and kick/ban them harhar pretty funny especially when there is 10 or so on
there..
Now go to another gay channel and do it all again.. or if you haven't got the
time or dont wanna talk to poofs then just make huge ascii file (about 40K)
and do a flood this is pretty funny as they cant kick/ban you cos the flood
goes so fast they cant get the command to work hehe..
BTW: Its best to use a script for all of this unless you are a VERY fast
typer, i use good ol kittykill altho there are plenty others like firefight,
0asis etc etc..
Another fun thing to do on iRC is make a fake channel called #sexpics or
something and make the topic "free sex pics for everyone" hehe now watch all
those horny 12 year olds come in adn ask for free pics, just give them the
grossest picture you can find, they'll never ask for a pic again, and when
you get bored of that just kick and ban everyone off the channel and go for
another channel :)
Ok one of the lamest channels i found so far is #barker i think it's some
uni's channel but im not sure the topic said "free ops for first four ppl
in" so me being quick got in there and asked for ops, sure enough i was given
them heheh their conversation wasn't much so i de-opped "hey give that back"
they say "hahahhaa" you say and kick-ban them.
Hmm i've almost used up all my ideas for irc fun there are plenty others like
pretending to have sex with someone (ie pretend you are a horny girl, plenty
of channels have the topic "bored 18 yr old male want horny girl to play
with", so go on in and trick him, then after you have "finished" say "hey did
i tell you i was a faggot?" and watch their reply hehehe just make sure its
not some dude with a script cos he might flood you back altho i doubt it..)
What else, oh yeah i was looking in a magazine and was reading a thing about
iRC harassment heheh heres a line from it ...
ANG> so do ppl come on the channel and flood?
Trophy3> i've seen ppl flood <#ozgay> 2 or 3 times (have a guess who :))
ANG> What with? what do they say?
Trophy3> "Fucking Fags must die" etc, one guy changed his nick about 500
times ...must've used a macro.Another one just then did a big cat's face made
up of punctuation (der its called ascii), then flooded the channel with
MEEOWWW (teeheee)
Hmm i never thought id get that well known for the flooding hehe owell
doesn't matter stupid fags deserve it.....
ok that sums up my first article for MLiR and if you wanna become a member:
contact me now!
cya DaN aBNoRMaL
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Pissed Off
Bah fuck it i say.....
what the hell is he on about???
nothing abslotully nothing at all....or maybe just everything. Life doesn't
seem to be going in the right direction these days. Petrol is expensive hell
what isn't?? School is fucked up and it looks like i will be back next year
yayayayy fun time's are a comin my way. Maybe i should spend less time in
front of a computer!! yeah probably but then life looses nearly all of its
fun. Revenge it seems is the only thing that keeps going. Revenge you say,
again what the fuck is this guy talking about? Revenge on the people i don't
like (hmm there are many of those).Even that semms like not so much fun
anymore. Of course drugs are always an option but they to are expensive and
don't do anything for me in the long run. Unless someone wants to just
deliver a crop to my front door (this would be appreciated:). Hmmm this is
turning out to be rather depressing (sad violin music fades in). Too much
work too little inspiration, Anyone got a ciggarette? To add to this shit
month of my life my computer seems to be going rounmd the bend. Strange
things keep happening to the monitor while i am talking. So what bit of
information am i gonna give you this time? Anarchy? nah looks like i am all
out of ideas this week. Too many wankers surrounding me, absolute complete
morons who couldn't wipe their asses by themselves. As DaN would say useless
Well if you are in similar prediciment you might as well try and cheer
yourself up...... SO public transport is the key ..... Go to the O-Bahn
(if you don't know what this is then don't worry about it) ok now make sure
it is late at night. eg the sun has gone down. Now jump the fence and stand
where the bus will be able to see you now WAIT. When you see the busses
lights hit the tracks pull down your pants yep thats right moon the bus. Now
bend over and hold that stance until the bus has passed. Now get the fuck out
of there. TA don't like lightly upon people who tresspass. Jump the fence and
briskly make your way somewhere else. Hopefully that has put a smile on your
face. If you are lucky you might get beeped. Then again you might get a
faggot bus driver who slows down to have a closer look but either way they
can't stop (or if they do not for long). Well there you go another way to
amuse yourself when times are shitty. I'm outta here
cya BaroN
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THINGS TO DO ON A FRIDAY NIGHT WHEN YOU ARE BROKE
Many a time me and my friends have found ourselves bored and broke. So when
this happens its time to make your own fun.
WARNING LIGHTS OR FLASHING LIGHTS (Whatever you wanna call em)
You know the ones they are used on roads and footpaths so pedestrains and
drivers will not hurt themselves when there is work in progress. First thing
your gonna need is a set of allen keys. Go to your local cunnighams warehouse
and buy or steal a set (you can get a set for about $2 so all just chuck in
50 cents or something) Right now that you've got them keep a look out for
these lights. A piece of coat hanger would also come in handy to turn em off
once you've got em. OK now find some lights (there not exactally hard to find
after all they can be seen from a long way away. Right now they should be in
big metal casings. You now have a decision to make you can take them out just
go to the top of the casing where the lid is there will be a couple of allen
screws holding the tops on take these out and pull the light out. Look for a
little hole below the flashing part and poke the coat hanger or piece of
metal, wood, etc in the hole till you hear a click right the light should of
stopped flashing. If not then pull the bottom part out this will dissconnect
the batteries (this will take a bit of force)
OR
You can leave them in. Ok either is good.
OK i've done that what now???????
Well if you didn't take them out of the case then find a road that is nearby
and block it off completely. Great for pissing the neighbours and tourists
off. Another thing to do is turn the light off inside and leave them
somewhere dark on a footpath so the unsuspecting pedestrian will hurt
themself. Doorsteps are great fun why not leave someone that extra special
present. These are just a few and i'm sure you can think of some.
OR you can take em out ......
What now i've got all these fucken lights what the hell am i gonna do with
em? Well you can hang them from a bridge with low clearence that'll fuck
people up. Make a light display (that ones pretty lame tho). See how far you
can throw them perhaps through a window? Most of these are pretty boring but
... They make great party lights and are also good for decoration.
Why not engage in some mindless vandalism?
VANDALISM AND OTHER ASSORTED CRIMES
There are many forms of vandalism and somepeople enjoy fucking other peoples
lives up. Again this will cost nothing but is good for entertainment value
There are old favourites such as breaking windows, letting down car tires but
why no go that one step further and do something more original. One funny
thing i once heard at school was a group of guys who used to fill a bottle
with petrol and other assorted goodies place it on their neighbours doorstep
and get the fuck out the way and watch it explode leaving glass on the front
doorstep. The neighbour better watch out when they go to get the paper in the
morning cause glass in the foot wouldn't be much fun.
Swapping street signs is another funny one. It might take a while but imagine
the effects. Especially if you can do it to some fairly main roads. Why not
make a fake letter up from the council complaining about where they park
their car and issuing a parking fine that should get em angry.
o well i'm outta ideas so
cya BaroN
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Bored? Broke? Vengfull? Don't like your Neighbours?
Well it's time to have some fun with padlocks.
OK first of all you are gonna need padlocks. How many is up to you.
If you don't wanna pay cunnighams warehouse is an easy target.
The next bit is optional. Boot up your computer and load a word proccessor.
Mow find a nice big font and write some piece of text like "SUCKED IN
MOTHER FUCKER!!" and print out the amount of copies that you want.
OK now wait till it's nice and late and go out with some friends.
Go to your enemies, neighbours, wherever and padlock their letterbox
shut. ( snapping the key in the lock will make it more difficult and adds
to the humour.) right now get your note and put it in the letterbox.
Now when they go and check their letterbox it will be padlocked shut will
a note saying "SUCKED IN MOTHER FUCKER" in the letterbox. hahrahrarharharr
that should fix em up for a while and is good for a laugh.
If you have a few padlocks leftover why not lock their front gates up if
possible. That way they will be late to work or where ever they normally go.
Remember to snap the key in the lock that way they can't pick it open.
cya BaroN
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Pyscho
Well i hade a fuck of a week so i thought i would share some ideas with you.
Most of these are just ways to let off some steam but some are to make you
feel better by making other people around you feel worse. OK so here we go...
This one will hurt nobody but yourself punch a wall, kick a door, go beserk
smash bricks, bottles anything it's a great way to let frustration out.
Go to your kitchen and pull out of the cuboard all asorted cooking
ingredients. eg flour, vegtable oil, cocoa, etc..
Now find a plastic bag a small one. Like the type your mum might of put your
lunch in when you where young. Now fill it with a whole heap of subtances
make sure to add something that'll make it stick like flour and vegtable oil.
OK now make it as sick as you can try to make it smell as well. ok now go to
your enemies house or any poor sap and throw the bag at there windows, wall,
fence whatever hopefully their house should be covered in sludge witch will
smell rather bad and won't make them look very tidy.
Of course if you are just plain physco thewn you can get a can or bottle of
petrol, metho, whatever pour it over someone's brush fence light er up and
run like crazy. THIS IS NOT RECOMMENDED
Why not make the local supermarket a target. Walk in casually and drop things
on the ground. Take a compass ans stab all the milk cartons. Use your
imagination the possibilities are endless. Just don't hang around too long or
you might get in a small bit of trouble.
Do you drive a car ??? If the answer is yes then brake down to speeds like
10k round corners and 5 for round a bouts. That'll really shit the people
behind you. When you are at a set of traffic lights pretend you are doing
something else eg looking for something. Now when the lights go green keep
doing it once they go red again stop and pretend like nothing has happened.
Although this one could get you and your car beaten up by the angry motorist
behind you. If you are over 6foot and rather well built you shouldn't have a
problem. OR just act really phsyco hopefully they will go away. Chances are
you'll just get a lot of fingers stuck up in the air and car horns.
BaroN
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Aaaarrrggghhh!!!!!!! - My Teacher Is A Porno Queen, By DaN aBNoRMaL
Ok, the title might give you some idea of what the following text is about...
In my business studies class there is a teacher. Her name is Ms Habel.
She is a bitch, but also one day me and BaroN discovered that she has another
occupation and it is starring in porno movies. We are sure of it, first of
all she looks like ones of porno stars, i can just imagine her being the mean
teacher in some porno movie with crappy names like "The Teacher" or "You've
been bad" or some other crappy title you'd expect from those movies...
It just seems that every time you look at her you think to yourself "gee i
bet she's a porno star" no doubt she has swallowed gallons of young mens
"hot cum" as they like to say in those movies and text files :) Also, i bet
she's had it up the arse a few times as well maybe thats why she walks funny
and sometimes her face seems to show pain hmmm maybe flashbacks perhaps?
Ok, another thing she is always picking on the girls with big tits so perhaps
she has starred in a few lesbian movies as well? hmm mabe i should ask her
one day, then she will reveal the truth about her other occupation, ooh yeah
she always talks about her 15 yr old daughter - perhaps they are a team in
the movies now, 2 girls onto one guy? hmm or just plain mother and daughter
movies hhehe i shudder at the thought of all these things i have just said...
Yuck yuck yuck thats all i can say...
Gee i dont know why i wrote this text pretty stupid and short.. owell maybe
it brought a few laughs out or a smile ot your face heheh it didnt for me cos
ive thought about it so many times now although occassionally is, hmm another
idea, all the teachers engage in mass orgies at lunch and recess in the staff
room. perhaps thats why we are never allowed in hmmm and i bet those teacher
training days aren't for what they say they are too... gee i jump to
conclusions.. hehe funny stuff sort of
owell its time for me to go that x-files episode that just showed was pretty
stupid in the end yeesh cant they just decide whether its aliens or not?? bah
owell once again i'm off so i'll cyaz all l8r :)
DaN aBNoRMaL
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Fun At School
As i was sitting in school today listening to the teacher drone on about
business studies i came to thinking of ways to amuse oneself when all seems
dull and boring. So here is my list of things to do in school (although i
can't take credit for all of them.)
IN THE CLASSROOM.....
Why not liven things up a bit and get the class jumping. You will need a few
tacks or sharp small objects. Right got em, now before class or when someone
you don't like gets up to talk to the teacher, go to the toilet whatever the
reason place one on their chair. Once they sit down (hoping that they don't
look at the chair) their arse will fall nicely on to the pin or whatever it
is you used. They should make a bit of noise and hopefully get kicked out of
class. For extra excitement place one on the teachers chair that should shut
em up for a while.
Then there is the old april fools prank of putting chalk in the duster. This
one is a little boring but if the teacher has a short temper should do the
trick.
Does the teacher read notes out aloud which he confiscates off his students?
If so it is time to devise a note which could be quite damaging to your
enemies reputation or life. This one can backfire but if it does work then
could be quite funny.
IN THE TOILETS.....
School getting you down?? Why not cheer yourself up while putting the janitor
to tears. Go into a cubicle and piss all over the floor, wall whatever you
want. Go on paint the walls the stench should put people off. It may even
lead the janitor to quit.
This one is REALLY sick but is quite funny. Put the toilet seat down so
everything is down eg. you can't see the water. Right now put your arse on
the lid and take a shit then procede to wipe your arse throwing the used
toilet paper all over the floor. That'll get the staff buzzing. I wouldn't
recommend telling your friends about this one unless they have a twisted
sense of humour.
One of my favourites is to walk up to someone taking a wizz, or in a cubicle
and screaming at the top of your lungs. Now hopefully they should get
themselves the walls or whatever. Watch them jump it'll be funny.
One not so hygenic one is to take a shit then take your arse and wipe it on
the walls leaving skidmarks on the walls. Just make sure no teachers or
students without a sense of humour come along and dob you in. Just get a
friend to stand watch (watch for teachers that is). Most of these are
repulsive but i suppose how far you go is up to the individual.
OTHER ASSORTED GOODIES.....
Spitballs are always funny. Tear off a slip of paper and place it in
your mouth. Now chew until it is quite soggy. Now place it on your ruler
and flick it onto the roof above it'll stick for ages. Probably for as long
as you are at school.
Take a packet of chewing gum and chew like crazy now grind that chewing gum
into the carpet. Great fun for the janitors.
Wanna see someone pick up papers? Well steal some of there work and throw
it out the window. Now when a teacher comes along they will see their name
on the paper and asume it is his/hers and give em paper duty.
Go to your computer room and take a HD key along (someone you know should
have one that'll fit) now lock up every single machine. That should cause em
some trouble. Of course if you want some real trouble make a disk bomb and
leave it in the room someone will try the disk eventually and when they do
the disk drive will be FUCKED. That should cause em some headaches.
The other easy computer realated quick trick is to load up a word proccesor
and write something like "HELLO WORLD" and go to print setup and enter 300
copies or so to be printed then walk on out of that room. If it requires a
login then just find out a year 8's login name and the default password then
they'll get the blame.
cya BaroN
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How To Get A Wanker
How often have you thought to yourself everyone around me is a wanker?
Well guess what you are probably right there are more wankers than feral
cats these days and they deserve everything they get. The wanker
differs in many ways and there is a way to fix every single one of em.
Whether its your parents,"friends",enemys,neighbours,company that ripped
you off, used car yard who ever the fuck it is. Its time to stop complaining
and do something about it.
OK LETS GET THE FUCKERS........
Do they drive?
Ok this one isn't mine but its still funny... If the person knows nothing
about cars it's time to take advantage of this fact and get em. Right go to
their house (at night) and remove one of their hubcabs. Now take out a few
bolts or metalic objects put them in the hubcab and put it back on and leave
quietly. Now the next time they drive there should be a nice clunking noise
that'll make em shit their pants.
If there car is their pride and joy its time to get a bit more drastic.
Shaving cream works great at a paint stripper, just take a can spray it on
and leave. By morning their paint job will be FUCKED. I am told brake fluid
also does a good job but i'm not sure (try it anyway).
Does their car have a petrol lock? If so you are in luck. Ok now you will
need a piece of metal, superglue, selastic, selly's all clear anything like
that. Now go to their house and casually walk up to their car. Now place the
piece of metal (must be about the size of half a key) and jam it in there.
Snapping it would also work well. Now get your selastic, all clear, superglue
whatever you wanna use and fill the lock up, now walk away. Next time they
are out and need petrol they will be in a bit of shit cause they aint gonna
be able to get their petrol cap off or not at least without a hell of a lot
of force. harharhararhar that should fix em up for a while.
Ok well there it is my list of NON drastic ways to fuck your enemies car up.
There are HEAPS of other ways but it depends on how far you wanna go. I will
probably get around to doing the DRASTIC ways of getting em good some day.
But for now cya
BaroN
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