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Mind Warp File 52
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[ Mind Warp - Volume #3, Issue 11, File #052 ]
[ "Top Ten Lists" By Mustaine ]
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Top Ten.
[Mustaine]
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After walking in dead tired today from wading through all the damn snow
that's been plauging the area I decided it was time to do some more "Top Ten"
lists. I've done some before that were never published...so I decided to
start fresh and do some new ones that Raven *might* publish. Enjoy!
Top Ten ways to piss off President Clinton
1) E-Mail president@whitehouse.gov with a really nastly letter
including the words 'hate', 'kill', and 'health-reform.'
2) Get Chelcy pregnant.
3) Kill Socks.
4) Get Hillary pregnant.
5) Call the Star and release a story about how president Clinton is
really a gay man in disguise.
6) Claim to be Clinton's illagitamte son or daughter.
7) Shoot at the white house. You've got about 2 minutes to run
before they will realize what's going on.
8) E-Mail Al Gore telling him that Clinton screwed his wife.
(vice-president@whitehouse.gov)
9) Prank call the white house pretending to be Saddamn Hussein. Ask
Clinton if he wants to come to a Christmass party.
10) Shave off all of Socks' hair, and re-image a photo of Clinton and
Socks doing the wild thing.
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Top Ten Worst ways to Die
1) Have sex with Rosanne.
2) Complain to the stressed out Slurpee boy with the gun.
3) Piss off Mustaine. (you'll see)
4) Die from blood loss incurred from feline puncture wounds to your
penis.
5) Be the old lady in those Doritos Commercials.
6) Play fire fighters with Beavis and Butthead.
7) Drive with Pornlo to the mall.
8) Drive with Raven to the mall.
9) Drive with Essex to the mall.
10) Attempt to have sexual encounters with a sperm whale.
That's all I can think of right now. BUT I KNOW there are readers out
there that have better Top Ten Lists. Type them up and send them to
mustaine@wam.umd.edu and Mind Warp will publish them in future issues.
Until then, peace, happy sex, and large testacles!
Greets : Raven, Pornlo, Danni, alt.gymkana.and.crew, the Chief
[Editor's Note: After #8, see if Musty ever writes for this zine again!]
[Another Note: Of course he will, he's the only one who does! :) ]
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