Mind Warp File 35

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Mind Warp

 · 5 years ago

  

 
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               [ Mind Warp  -  Volume #2, Issue #8, File #035 ] 
                  [ "The DAVE Continuum" by Slartibartfast ] 
             
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                             The DAVE Continuum 
                              [Slartibartfast] 
  
   This is Slartibartfast again and if can't figure it out, my name is Dave. 
I'm sure that you all know about the "Q" continuum on Star Trek. Well, I am  
a member of the even more omniscient "DAVE" continuum. My distinguished 
colleagues include Dave Letterman, Dave Barry, Dave from the movie Dave,  
and Forrest Gump, who upon hearing of the continuum, immediately changed his 
name to Dave. We hold power over all wisdom and humor, and we will release  
bits and pieces of it here from time to time. 
   To give you an idea of what we do, the following is our latest project: 
    In a parllel universe, we just made everyone a Dave, named all the  
 animals Dave, named all the institutions Dave, and just for variety we asked 
 God if we could call him David. Needless to say, the Dave World exists in  
 perfect Dave and Dave with Dave, and Dave gets along with Dave else, and  
 David is a really Dave Dave. In your universe the translation goes, the 
 Dave World exists in perfect peace and harmony with nature, and everyone  
 gets along with everyone else, and God is a really happy camper. 

   This has all been established to counterbalance the Bob continuum, which 
I was offered a position in because of my middle name, but, I declined. The 
Bob continuum has been credited with pretty much screwing up most of the  
world. Some members are Bob Dole, Bob B. (my manager), and another Bob who 
shall otherwise remain anonymous, but I went to high school with him. Their 
basic motto is, "When things are going ok, and people are generally happy, 
then we show up to put an end to it."  
  
   There you have it. If you feel that you have what it takes to be a Dave,  
i.e. your name is Dave, then email me at slarti@wam.umd.edu. The continuum 
will discuss your prospects and potential within the continuum. Look for our 
articles on wisdom, humor, and also music in the future. For the sake of  
someone we all know, I have just inducted Dave Mustaine into the continuum,  
along with Edward Dave Van Halen and Eric Dave Clapton. 

                        Slarti-Dave-bartfast 

      [Editor's Note:  I am very proud to also be a Dave.. :) ] 

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