Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
Milk_Issue_05
Û Û [MiLK] Û Û
Û Û Û Û
Û Û Mighty Issue # 4 Û Û
Û²²²²²²²²²Û illicit "Carrie Jacobson: A Case Study" Û²²²²²²²²²Û
Û²²²²²²²²²Û Liquid By Epic Û²²²²²²²²²Û
Û²²²²²²²²²Û Kollections Û²²²²²²²²²Û
Û²²²²²²²²²Û Û²²²²²²²²²Û
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ
Let's take some time to talk about Carrie Jacobson. She's a MiLK
drinker. She gets a lot of attention, but from me, she gets total attention.
Those are the lines you all know and love. But take a step back, and
the story of Carrie isn't so clear. It seems that Carrie was a crack baby.
Her mother was shot by some wiggers right after giving birth. The hospital
gown that she was wearing was the "wrong" gang colors of the turf she was in.
Well, her daddy skipped town, and poor little Carrie was thrown into an
orphanage right from birth.
Some of you might know how cruel young children can be, and Carrie's
orphan-mates weren't much different. They did evil and unnatural things to
her, such as making her drink draino, and making her eat those nasty green
reject potato chips. They would do illegal and immoral acts, like ripping
the tags off of their mattresses, and when officer O'Malley came busting
down the orphanage door, all fingers were pointed at Carrie.
Carrie didn't even learn to read until much later in her life. No one
cared enough about her to enroll her in the "Hooked on ph0nics" learning
system. Hell, they wouldn't even buy her a Teddy Ruxpin(tm) doll for her
birthday. She was a young, and bitter child, until one of her few friends
introduced her to the healthy, fun filled world of milk.
She got out of the orphanage, and got herself a job packing meat; life
was looking up. Her future was so bright, she had to wear shades (sorry, bad
80's music reference). She began to use deodorant for the first time, and also
learned how to wipe plaque away with Tartar Control Crest. Carrie started to
become a "popular" girl at her school, and she was happy.
But what really gave her inner fulfillment and peace was her love for
milk. She enjoyed milk in all of its forms, homogenized, pasteurized, skim,
%2, %42, even butter milk. She poured her milk over milk products like cheese,
yogurt, and ice cream. She even ate sourdough bread, because the sour taste
reminded her of curdled milk. Carrie had nice hair and a nice smile, and
she owed it all to milk.
I plan to marry Carrie someday. Right now she's getting a lot of
attention from that guy in the commercial, but someday, she will be mine.
Oh yes, she will be mine.
Well, that is all, for this, the first real text file I have written
about anything. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope it hasn't caused any damage
to your vital internal organs. I dream of being accepted into MiLK, where I
can write wonderfully meaningless text files like this all night and day.
My name is Epic, and this has been another piece of your ultimate
assimilation. Thank you very much.
<spurt>
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯[MiLK] Information®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®
[MiLK] Sights - The Obloid Sphere (708)965-3098
[MiLK] Member Listing - James Hetfield
Nyarlathotep
Epic
[MiLK] Issue Number - 5
[MiLK] Issue Size - 3871 Bytes
[MiLK] Date of Production: 01/04/94
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ Happy people are Ignorant People ®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®
