Milk_Issue_05

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Milk

 · 5 years ago

  

Û         Û                       [MiLK]                          Û         Û 
Û         Û                                                       Û         Û 
Û         Û       Mighty                   Issue # 4              Û         Û 
Û²²²²²²²²²Û       illicit         "Carrie Jacobson: A Case Study" Û²²²²²²²²²Û 
Û²²²²²²²²²Û       Liquid                    By Epic               Û²²²²²²²²²Û 
Û²²²²²²²²²Û       Kollections                                     Û²²²²²²²²²Û 
Û²²²²²²²²²Û                                                       Û²²²²²²²²²Û 
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ                                                       ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 

 
         Let's take some time to talk about Carrie Jacobson. She's a MiLK 
drinker. She gets a lot of attention, but from me, she gets total attention. 

        Those are the lines you all know and love. But take a step back, and 
the story of Carrie isn't so clear. It seems that Carrie was a crack baby. 
Her mother was shot by some wiggers right after giving birth. The hospital 
gown that she was wearing was the "wrong" gang colors of the turf she was in. 
Well, her daddy skipped town, and poor little Carrie was thrown into an 
orphanage right from birth. 

        Some of you might know how cruel young children can be, and Carrie's 
orphan-mates weren't much different. They did evil and unnatural things to 
her, such as making her drink draino, and making her eat those nasty green 
reject potato chips. They would do illegal and immoral acts, like ripping 
the tags off of their mattresses, and when officer O'Malley came busting 
down the orphanage door, all fingers were pointed at Carrie. 

        Carrie didn't even learn to read until much later in her life. No one 
cared enough about her to enroll her in the "Hooked on ph0nics" learning 
system. Hell, they wouldn't even buy her a Teddy Ruxpin(tm) doll for her 
birthday. She was a young, and bitter child, until one of her few friends 
introduced her to the healthy, fun filled world of milk. 

        She got out of the orphanage, and got herself a job packing meat; life 
was looking up. Her future was so bright, she had to wear shades (sorry, bad 
80's music reference). She began to use deodorant for the first time, and also 
learned how to wipe plaque away with Tartar Control Crest. Carrie started to 
become a "popular" girl at her school, and she was happy. 

        But what really gave her inner fulfillment and peace was her love for 
milk. She enjoyed milk in all of its forms, homogenized, pasteurized, skim, 
%2, %42, even butter milk. She poured her milk over milk products like cheese, 
yogurt, and ice cream. She even ate sourdough bread, because the sour taste 
reminded her of curdled milk. Carrie had nice hair and a nice smile, and 
she owed it all to milk. 

        I plan to marry Carrie someday. Right now she's getting a lot of 
attention from that guy in the commercial, but someday, she will be mine. 

        Oh yes, she will be mine. 

        Well, that is all, for this, the first real text file I have written 
about anything. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope it hasn't caused any damage 
to your vital internal organs. I dream of being accepted into MiLK, where I 
can write wonderfully meaningless text files like this all night and day. 
My name is Epic, and this has been another piece of your ultimate 
assimilation.  Thank you very much. 

<spurt> 
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯[MiLK] Information®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®® 

[MiLK] Sights - The Obloid Sphere       (708)965-3098 

[MiLK] Member Listing -         James Hetfield 
                                Nyarlathotep 
                                Epic 

[MiLK] Issue Number -   5 
[MiLK] Issue Size -     3871 Bytes 
[MiLK] Date of Production:      01/04/94 

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