Milk_Issue_03

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Milk

 · 5 years ago

  

Û         Û                       [MiLK]                          Û         Û 
Û         Û                                                       Û         Û 
Û         Û       Mighty                     Issue # 3            Û         Û 
Û²²²²²²²²²Û       Liquid       "MiLK's Guide To Being An Asshole" Û²²²²²²²²²Û 
Û²²²²²²²²²Û       illicit                    By James Hetfield    Û²²²²²²²²²Û 
Û²²²²²²²²²Û       Kollections                                     Û²²²²²²²²²Û 
Û²²²²²²²²²Û                                                       Û²²²²²²²²²Û 
ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ                                                       ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ 

 
        Are you like me, the kind of person that gets easily depressed? Do you 
have a low self esteem?  Do you feel like you don't have a real friend in the 
whole world? Well, we here at MiLK know what it's like to be friend-less. To 
have absolutely no social life.  To live a pitiful life.  We here at MiLK were 
once like you, we used to have no lives also! But then we discovered the secret 
to social control! Now we're the talk of the town! we're the people you look 
forward to seeing at every party you go to! We are the Mr. And Ms. Popular of 
the town! What did we find out, you ask? what really IS the big secret to 
popularity? 

        Totally Ridicule anyone in your path to the top of the social ladder! 

        How do you go about doing this? It's all very simple and chronicled 
in the official MiLK Guide To Being An Asshole! Yes, that's right, the assholes 
of society are the popular ones leading the best lives! In 5 easy installments, 
we can teach YOU how to be an asshole!  The MiLK Guide To Being An Asshole is 
Detailing out the 5 easy steps on how to totally metamorph into an asshole.. 

1.  Make fun of those that are less fortunate than you! That's right! Those 
    Elderly don't stand a chance when you apply the witty remarks within The 
    MiLK Guide To Being An Asshole!  Those Paraplegics will be running home 
    to mommy when YOU throw the insults at them!  Those Epileptics will be 
    shaking in their boots from the knowledge of how to throw the best put 
    downs in The MiLK Guide To Being An Asshole! 

2.  Make fun of those that are more fortunate than you!  The Best way to make 
    those friends you've always wanted is to bitch about a common bond; Hating 
    people that have all the power in society!  You'll learn how to make a 
    preppy boy get so frustrated they'll go grunge! 

3.  Forget about the people that got you where you are! Leave your old good 
    friends one you've learned how to become an asshole, and a popular one 
    at that, from MiLK! 

4.  Run for Public office!  Yes, one of the best ways to make friends is act 
    like you Care about the government!  Look what MiLK did for Once-Stoner 
    with no friends, Bill Clinton!  Now he has people waiting on him left 
    and right.  And Yes, You too just Like Bill Clinton can be an Asshole 
    with the help of MiLK! 

5.  Finally, the Last Step in becoming an asshole is to constantly drive 
    during rush hour!  Driving during rush hour automatically makes you 
    an asshole, but with MiLK we can teach you how to annoy the maximum 
    possible people! 

        It's all made to look like Child's Play with the MiLK guide to 
Being an Asshole!  You can pick up your copy at any MiLK Courier, or 
send 5 easy installments of $19.99 to: 

                        MiLK's Guide To Being An Asshole 
                        P.O. Box 5049 
                        Kennelworth, IL 
                        25125 

 
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯[MiLK] Information®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®® 

[MiLK] Sights - The Obloid Sphere       (708)965-3098 

[MiLK] Member Listing -         James Hetfield 
                                Nyarlathotep 

[MiLK] Issue Number -   3 
[MiLK] Issue Size -     4022 Bytes 
[MiLK] Date of Production:      12/27/93 

¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ Happy people are Ignorant People ®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®