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Mikes Madness Issue 01
And now it's time for Mike's Madness (Part 1)
TERM PROJECT:
Explain the Universe. Give three seperate examples. Due tomorrow. No philo
sophizing. Worth 50 points.
MATH ASSIGNMENT, GRADUATE LEVEL.
Create a new number system. It cannot contain the number 3.
POLITICAL ASSIGMENT.
A current unrest in El Salvador has lead to the arisal of two countering
factions trying to take San Salvador and control of the country. Given 50
billion US dollars, 500,000 combat ready Marines, the 1st, 6th and 9th Air
bourne divisions, 200 F-16 and 150 F-14 fighters, 75 F-111 Fighter/bombers
350 A-10 anti-tank low interception level aircraft, 9 fully loaded B-52s
(conventional weapons only), the entire South American Intellegence Division
from both DoD and CIA, plus 2 free-fall 50 megaton hydrogen/cobalt nuclear
weapons, come up with a solution to this problem.
+ SCORING +
Per H-bomb left: 1000 points
Per aircraft left: 10 points
Per Marine/Airborne left: 1 point
Delivering San Salvador into US Hands: Extra man
Finding the magical egg: 250 points + new ability
Killing dragon at end: 800 points, plus STAR by name in high score file
----+++++====== POLITICAL ASSIGNMENT ======+++++----
High Score Table
----------------------------------------------------
NAME : SCORE
----------------------------------------------------
: J. Stalin : 12
: A. Hitler : -3
: W. Churchill : 8 1/2
: C. Hi-check : 4
: A. The Great : 9
: A. The Hun : 10
: Good day, A. : 0
: R. Reagan (*) : -36
----------------------------------------------------
Some famous (and not-so-famous) quotes:
"Shit, higher education will rot your mind."
-- T. Bundy
"I NEVER said that!"
-- M. Antionette
"No, we haven't got Prince Albert in a can!"
-- Queen Victoria
"Alright, who is the wiseguy with the arrow?"
-- General G. Custer
"Now THAT'S entertainment!"
-- Jack the Ripper
"Look mummy! An areoplane!"
-- Half the population of Hiroshima
"What the fuck was that?"
-- The other half.
"WHAT?! Who shot at a commercial aircraft?! Oh . . . Was it Russian?"
-- R. Reagan
"Look mummy! An areoplane!"
-- Billy Smith, resident Pearl Harbor.
"Now THAT'S entertainment!"
-- A. Hitler
"At least they got Hiroshima first!"
-- T. Yakamoto. Mayor of Nagisaki
"I feel great! I'll live another 80 years!"
-- Emporer H. Hito
"Hey, what are these black things that keep biting us?"
-- Half the population in Europe in 1560
"Hey! Where did everybody go?"
-- The other half.
"Who is there?"
-- S. Tate, March 17, OqOy1969
"I dunno, what do you want to do tonight?"
-- C. Manson, March 17, 1969
"I think I'm gonna be sick . . ."
-- J. Hendrix, last words.
"Dan? Is that you, Dan?"
-- President G. Bush, last words.
"And furthermore, we're gonna party like pagan viking barbarians . . ."
-- President Quaile, Inauguration Speech.
"All the sudden, I feel like Jimi Hendrix . . ."
-- J. Joplin, last words.
"Hey, who is the guy with the moustache?"
-- Germany, 1936
"Who is there?"
-- Czar Peter, October 17, 1917
"OH YEAH! I wonder what this fucker'll do in fourth gear!"
-- J. Dean, last words.
"This is gonna be a pain in the neck . . ."
-- J. Mansfield, last words.
"Oh wow, are we having some more champagne?"
-- V. Rappe, last words.
"Oh, such a beautyful night for a swim!"
-- N. Woode, last words.
"Did you hear something?"
-- Entire passenger and crew of Flight 201, somewhere over
Lockerbie, Scottland.
"Hey! I have an idea!"
-- Lt. Col. O. North, A. Hitler, A. Hun, G. Khan, L. H. Oswald,
T. Bundy, C. Manson, J. Hinkley, S. Sirhan, etc.
"I'll bet you do."
-- he American people, Europe, Eastern Asia, Rome, Eastern Asia,
J.F. Kennedy, 13 women acorss the U.S., S. Tate et. al.,
R. Reagan, Robert Kennedy, etc.
"Oh shit!"
-- Challenger crew (last words), every kamakazii who ever completed
his mission, Japan (1945), Europe (1940), crew and passenger
list from Hindenburg, Titanic, et. al., San Fransisco (OqOy1906),
"OH SHIT!"
-- Germany (1936-1945), Britian (1776), Anastasia (1917), Wall
Street (1929, 1987), Los Alamos (1945), American Indians (1492),
The Fry Guys (1988), Karacatowa residents (1898).
"Damn."
-- R. Nixon, O. North, J. and T. Bakker, G. G. Liddy, A. Hitler,
T. Bundy, R. Dewey, C. Manson, U.S. of A. (1972), B. Arnold,
A. Capone, [D N. Bonapart, G. Powers, J. Tower, D. Peunte,
"Double damn."
-- R. Nixon, T. Bundy, C. Manson, B. Arnold, N. Bonapart
"Triple damn."
-- R. Nixon, T. Bundy
"Quadruple damn."
-- R. Nixon
"Who axed ya?"
-- L. Bordon
"I'm telling!"
-- J. Hoffa, last words
"Did you say something?"
-- J. C. Lilly, walking passed dolphin tank.
"Hello, what can I do for you, Mr. White?"
-- San Fransisco mayor G. Moscone, last words
"I think I'm gonna be sick . . ."
-- Elvis Presley, last words
"Do you smell something?"
-- Oh, lots of Jews in lots of showers.
"I'm SURE I smell something!"
-- Bopahl, India.
"Do YOU smell smoke?"
-- Guests at MGM Grand, Las Vegas; Triangle Waist Shirt Co.,
Boston
"You married WHO?"
-- E. Braum's mother.
"You think it'll work, huh?"
-- E. Teller, Los Alamos (1945)
"Oh really? So how much you want for a couple of 'em?"
-- R. Samuals, first man in America to buy a slave, after being
told they wouldn't cause any problems.
"The End"
-- Message written on a 190 megaton hydrogen/plutonium bomb
kept at S.A.C. Headquarters.
But don't quote me.
M. Beebe
