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M00se Droppings Issue 30
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A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE
M00SE ILLUMINATI
Issue #30| Disclaimer: The Editors will place almost anything | Nov 1, 1989
---------- in this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill ---------------
the issue, so don't blame them for the quality or content of the submissions.
Excepting those they may have written themselves, the enclosed items do not in
any way represent the Editors' opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say
that as far as this newsletter is concerned, they have no opinions at all. OK?
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**************************** EDITORIALS AND LETTERS ****************************
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Hi!
Bl00p to all, and all that rot. ;^)
In case you are wondering why this is the Pirated Issue, it is because
I, Patrick Salsbury, a.k.a. DangerM00se, a.k.a. WarM00se, have taken over the
editorship of this here fine newsletter! It all began a week or so back, when I
got this letter in the mail.
Oh! I remember it so clearly! I was sitting with RiffM00se on some
throw-pillows in my apartment, madly trying to learn how to play ILLUMINATI!, by
Steve Jackson Games, when this message appeared on my screen....
**************************BEGIN MISTY DREAM SEQUENCE****************************
Date: Fri, 20 Oct 89 13:48 EDT
From: "Running on coffee and willpower." <DICKSON@HARTFORD.BITNET>
Subject: Hi Pat...
To: v291nhtp@UBVMS.BITNET
Pat, let's say you happened to gain control of the most powerful literary
propaganda newsletter in the world. One that, theoretically, was mailed out
to a bunch of people on BITNET once a week. How good a job do you think you
could do at revitalizing the not-so-ancient-but-extremely-powerful M00se
Illuminati?
If you catch my drift....
Later,
Bill
***************************END MISTY DREAM SEQUENCE*****************************
...Yeah. It's still clear in my mind, as if I had just read it again. :)
ANYWAY! There you have it. The M.I. was in a slumber, but I have come to
awaken thee! (The WHAT? you might ask, to which I will deftly reply: "Don't be
so damn literal!)
In any event, this issue is coming from my own personal archives of
weirdness, the bowels of my literary directories, and such. I only have enough
stuff in there to make about 17 more issues of 'Droppings, so I suggest you all
start submitting things real quick! Or else you'll suffer!... ;^)
-Patrick Salsbury
-DangerM00se
-WarM00se
-Etc.
V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET
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******************************* EVENTS AND NEWS ********************************
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What with the new location of M.D. Headquarters being in the lo-cal
(diet permeates all of our society nowadays) of the UB GIGATHR0NG at the State
University of NY at Buffalo, and seeing as I am the Bull M00se and FOUNDER of
the UB *GIGA*THR0NG, and as *I* was the one who BROUGHT the word of THE GLORIOUS
M00SE ILLUMINATI to ALL of the MILLIONS OF CHEERING MINIONS in **BUFFALO, NY**
...Ahem...Megalomania check!...Ah! That's better! :) Where was I? Oh yes!
Being as we are now in Buffalo, we are going to make production of M.D.
a group effort. (YOU HEAR THAT, GUYS? YOU'RE GONNA *HELP*! ;^) ) Thereby, I
won't freak out of my gourd, and we may even actually get this beast up to a
weekly status!
Right now, I'm taking submissions & such. My address is above. Darkling
M00se is going to handle the Chapter List. So any new chapters or changes should
be reported to him. His address is:
V123NKUX@UBVMS.BITNET
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
FLAG-BURNING!
Yes, one of the other recent developments here at UB has been a VERY
active discussion of the new bill against flag-burning. We have been discussing
various means of protesting this bill. From an out-and-out burning, to the
wearing of the flag, draped around us like our President did when he visited the
flag factory while on the "Campaign Trail". This would be, in my opinion, more
in line with the goal of the M.I. of confusing everyone. People couldn't call us
un-American or non-patriotic, and they wouldn't really know how to react to a
flag-wearer! :)
We are considering trying to make this a national event. Getting m00ses
and other similarly minded people (gak! are there OTHERS like us?) to organize
through the Net and all wear flags on their campuses on the same day. Maybe one
of our illustrious staff-reporters here at UB would like to make a report in the
next issue? [Captain Devious, perhaps?] (That's a hint! :-) )
[Just got this from Devious today.]
From: UBVMS::V061REGM "CAPTAIN DEVIOUS" 31-OCT-1989 11:01:06.95
Subj: protest update
Description: flags'n'stuff
FLAG BURNING STATUS REPORT
The Flags: We're getting a bunch of little paper flags from a party store
to burn. I'll find out how much they are, and whoever wants to can
chip in.
The set-up: I have yet to get in contact with the necessary groups. I'm
checking P.S. today or tomorrow, and I'm hoping that Thom will get
me the list of possible groups together.
The date: The protest date is tentatively set back to Friday, 11/10.
The figuring is that a) more people will be in Founder's on friday, and
b) we probably won't get everything together till then.
The hype: The press releases will be done by tomorrow. Send out by this
friday at the latest. A copy will be posted here, on POLITICS, and
wherever else i feel like putting them. I need help with flyers.
The Group: This demonstration will be the kick-off of a new organization,
the Thousand Points of Light. We will be a pro-rights discordian
organization, affiliated with the Secret Society, and possibly the
M-I, A.P.E., and the third church of Eris whatever. (guys, get
back to me on this)
The network: Kidd Vicious and the other S.S. members cross-country will be
notified of these things, and great things will be afoot. Whoever
is in charge of the M-I network should disperse info quickly, also.
more later...
CAPTAIN DEVIOUS!
O
+
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ANARCHY!
We've been promoting anarchy here at UB, also. Having a nice, heated
debate on our POLITICS bulletin board. (And I think we are winning!) Here are
some things I posted:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The following is an excerpt from "Never Whistle While You're Pissing", by
Hagbard Celine, as quoted in "The ILLUMINATUS! Trilogy", by Robert Shea and
Robert Anton Wilson. (pp. 622-624)
DEFINITIONS AND DISTINCTIONS
FREE MARKET: That condition of society in which all economic
transactions result from voluntary choice without coercion.
THE STATE: That institution which interferes with the Free Market
through the direct exercise of coercion or the granting of privileges (backed by
coercion).
TAX: That form of coercion or interference with the Free Market in which
the State collects tribute (the tax), allowing it to hire armed forces to
practice coercion in defense of privilege, and also to engage in such wars,
adventures, experiments, "reforms," etc., as it pleases, not at its own cost,
but at the cost of "its" subjects.
PRIVILEGE: From the latin /privi/, private, and /lege/, law. An
advantage granted by the State and protected by its powers of coercion. A law
for private benefit.
USURY: That form of privilege or interference with the Free Market in
which one State-supported group monopolizes the coinage and thereby takes
tribute (interest), direct or indirect, on all or most economic
transactions.
LANDLORDISM: That form of privilege or interference with the Free Market
in which one State-supported group "owns" the land and thereby takes tribute
(rent) from those who live, work, or produce on the land.
TARIFF: That form of privilege or interference with the Free Market in
which commodities produced outside the State are not allowed to compete equally
with those produced inside the State.
CAPITALISM: That organization of society, incorporating elements of tax,
usury, landlordism, and tariff, which thus denies the Free Market while
pretending to exemplify it.
CONSERVATISM: That school of capitalist philosophy which claims
allegiance to the Free Market while actually supporting usury, landlordism,
tariff, and sometimes taxation.
LIBERALISM: That school of capitalist philosophy which attempts to
correct the injustices of capitalism by adding new laws to the existing laws.
Each time conservatives pass a law creating privilege, liberals pass another law
modifying privilege, leading conservatives to pass a more subtle law recreating
privilege, etc., until "everything not forbidden is compulsory" and "everything
not compulsory is forbidden."
SOCIALISM: The attempted abolition of all privilege by restoring power
entirely to the coercive agent behind privilege, the State, thereby converting
capitalist oligarchy into Statist monopoly. Whitewashing a wall by painting it
black.
ANARCHISM: That organization of society in which the Free Market
operates freely, without taxes, usury, landlordism, tariffs, or other forms of
coercion or privilege. RIGHT ANARCHISTS predict that in the Free Market people
would voluntarily choose to compete more often than to cooperate. LEFT
ANARCHISTS predict that in the Free Market people would voluntarily choose to
cooperate more often than to compete.
********************************************************************************
Typed By Patrick G. Salsbury <V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET> on Sat., October 28, 1989
********************************************************************************
From: V291NHTP
Date: 28-OCT-1989 22:01:43
Description: RE: Anarchy Definitions
And there you have the definition of anarchy that I work by. When you
look at it, it really isn't all that bad. Granted, we can't have it, given the
current mentality of our society, but that may change someday.
As I typed that in, I realized something rather profound. TRUE
anarchists (not those fools who just go around spraypainting the "A"-in-a-circle
anarchy symbol on walls because it's a trendy thing to do) are Global Citizens.
They feel no fealty to any one nation, but rather think of all humans as equal.
(Unless, of course, they feel slightly smug about being intelligent enough not
to blindly follow a government like sheep. ;^) ) They can think in terms of an
entire planet, whereas "subjects" are confined to thoughts of "us" and "them".
What's more, the planet will never reach a state of true harmony with a
unified, planetary government while people cling to ideas of patriotism and
nationality. Therefore, I put forward the idea that TRUE anarchists are at a
level of maturity where they respect each person's individuality and rights,
and don't need the protective umbrella of a government to "keep them in line".
They have "grown up" and are capable of acting as adults should. Perhaps, as
I've hinted at, TRUE anarchy is somewhere down the road in the direction of
Global Citizenry, where people don't need rules telling them what they can and
cannot do, but they know how to "behave themselves" without threats of penalty.
If that is the case, then anarchists are the next stage in human evolution, and
are just a bit ahead of their time at the present.
-Pat
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I met some m00ses over the summer at the Sterling Renaissance Faire in
Sterling, NY. I met Lord Trelf, Half-Elf, Scamp (A Scamp-Sighting!), Gypsy-Lynx,
and some others I've forgotten. (Sorry!)
Maybe they will collaberate and write a story/thing about the meeting!
(Boy! If you people aren't catching the hints I'm lobbing at you, you're worse
off than I thought!) I'll add my bit when they submit it to me. :)
-Pat (again)
{Why do I get the
feeling I'm talking
to myself?}
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Oh, This is Halloween, as I write this bit. I realized the significance
of this date, and thought, "maybe I should try to get it out a day early", but
I've been having problems figuring out how to mail it out to all of you people,
so it won't be there on Halloween. :-( (It's 10.27 pm EST, now, so I'm fairly
certain of this. Hell! It may not even be out on the first! Maybe I'm just going
to amuse myself with this, and never be able to mail it out! :-)
-Pat
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
5.52 pm EST, Nov. 2nd. - I hate vague listservs that won't tell me
what's wrong! But Bill Dickson finally figured it out! It just wanted ALL
CAPITALS IN THE RETURN ADDRESS!!! Sheesh. What a stupid machine. Or is it me? :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
***************************** FICTION AND POETRY *******************************
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is from O.D.M00se. See that date? I TOLD you I had lotsa old stuff in my
files! :)
-Pat
Description: Another forgetable post by a certain vogon poet/ltd
From: V109MEN5 Date: 27-JAN-1988
ltd....the poem
ltd and fisheggs
ltd and dead sparrows
ltd and jimmy hoffa
ltd and the key grip from the making of the making of the filming of Jaws
ltd and ford motor company
green sausages
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Date: Wed, 11 Oct 89 23:56:00 EDT
From: "L. Daniel York" <D_YORK@UNHH.BITNET>
Subject: *joke* Fish Spill at Exxon
Sender: "Biosphere, ecology, Discussion List" <BIOSPH-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: UNHH::M_SANGILLO 11-OCT-1989 16:52:50.70
To: D_YORK
Subj: Fish Spill Hits Exxon
|
| ALASKA PRESS INTERNATIONAL
|
| In a tragic accident at the Exxon corporate headquarters, the fish
| truck Prince William Express slammed into the side of the main
| building of the new corporate headquarters, spilling more than 20
| tons of dead herring, salmon, sea otters and various other wildlife
| onto the pristine lawn of the Exxon complex.
|
| Skipper Joe Woodhead was passed out in the sleeper compartment of the
| state-of-the art fish truck when the truck struck the clearly marked
| building. "Bobo", the skipper's dog, had the wheel at the time of the
| accident. Bobo, whose certification does not permit him to drive
| on planet earth, was unavailable for comment, and confirmed sources
| suggest he has a history of drug abuse.
|
| The skipper contends that he was not drunk at the time of the accident,
| but when he realized the seriousness of the spill he ran out to a
| local tavern and pounded down a half-dozen beers. Woodhead also
| contends that he told Bobo to give him a "Bud Light" not a "hard right."
|
| The President of Prince William Express Co. said that they would assume
| full responsibility for the spill and would submit a plan in about a
| month on the proposed clean-up procedure. He also stated that they
| ship over a million tons of seafood a year and that an accident like
| this is just the price we have to pay to eat fish.
|
| When asked about clean-up equipment for such a spill, company
| officials commented that a small pickup with a shovel in it was in
| Gopher Spits, Iowa, but had a flat tire and therefore would be unable
| to be dispatched to the scene.
|
| On the market side of things, fish prices will increase by 20% for all
| species.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: V061REGM
Date: 6-OCT-1989 09:53:38
Description: Secret Society Manifesto #1
SECRET SOCIETY MANIFESTO #1
---------------------------
BEING disgusted by the constant rip-offs being
perpetrated by such infamous musical institutions such as
Record Theatre, Camelot Records, etc., and
BELIEVING that all music should be done for the sake of
music alone, and not for any personal gain, monetary or
otherwise, and
BELIEVING that all people should be exposed to the
maximum variety of music possible, and
BELIEVING that all music should be available to the
public in general, with no profit gained by any party,
WE, the Secret Society hereby conspire to distribute
all available music to any or all available persons by any
means possible, and
ALTHOUGH this may be in violation of the copyright
laws of the United States and other nations, we propose to
do this by transferring copyrighted material onto blank
audio cassettes and distributing them to whomever desires
them, and by bootlegging until we are busted.
THESE practices shall hereby be known in our circles as
the Secret Society Music Exchange ( SSME - pronounced "sesame" )
SO BE IT!
(signed,)
CAPTAIN DEVIOUS, HIGH PRIEST
KIDD VICIOUS, MAGISTRATE
p.s. If you wish to use the SSME, contact
the Secret Society. If you don't know
who we are, FIND OUT!
O
+
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*************************** M00SCELLANEOUS NONSENSE ****************************
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I found this on Alt.Sex.Bestiality ( ;^) ) and just KNEW it belonged here! I've
tried to contact this guy, and get his permission, but he hasn't responded yet.
Chalk up another one for the Pirated Issue!
I don't think this guy is a m00se, yet, but I think he belongs! :)
-Pat
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X-NEWS: ubvmsc alt.sex.bestiality: 9
Newsgroups: alt.sex.bestiality,alt.sex.bondage
Subject: An alternative story
From: sf1@rosemary.cs.reading.ac.uk (Fruitbat)
Date: 24 Oct 89 09:55:41 GMT
Organization: Comp. Sci. Dept., Reading Univ., UK.
Keywords: Fruitbats, leather
Summary: A kinky story
Lines: 56
Daydreams of a kinky fruitbat - All rights reserved
By Steven Fruitbat Foster
Helped, hindered and exhausted by
spo1: Inspiration, leather at 3am and Re: Altruism
shugoffa: For being cute and talking about nymphs a lot
whb1: 'You can't put THAT in your plan!!'
nab1: The sunglasses say it all
dwr1: Well, I HAD to educate him SOMEHOW
nrp1: He'd moan if I didn't mention him
potten@dec: 'A few ideas...'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kinky lubricated leather studded necrophiliac fruitbats liberally
smeared with mashed potato and tomato sauce, marinated at gas mark 4 and
whipped severely with a rubber glove and a sticky thong that has been
used by a band of nubile young wood nymphs glistening wetly in pools of
sun drenched lubricant for purposes of extreme nymphomania with a group
of pleasantly inebriated (and therefore uninhibited) elves practicing
various forms of bondage hanging by thongs from a tree which is covered
with thrash marks from a well-worn riding crop that has seen better days
with more vital and effervescent water nymphs who alas perished one
midsummers morning in the throes of extreme pleasure after experimenting
wildly with a rubber hose and an air compressor that was covered with KY
jelly and many other strange liquids, some of which occur naturally and
others which were stolen by a helpful goblin from the local Tesco to pay
the aforementioned water nymphs for some rather personal services that
they rendered him one day and he doesn't really like to talk about,
although unbeknowst to him there are some photos of the said occasion
currently waiting to be collected in the local photo-processing shop
eagerly awaited by the water nymphs so they can get some more jelly, or
it would have been, if they hadn't all perished that midsummer morning
but luckily leaving the riding crop behind for the benefit of the wood
nymphs and the elves who are still drunken and are now entering a state
of complete uninhibitedness which has caused even the tree to shut his
eyes in shock which is unusual for a tree, as they are usually pretty
thick barked, except, perhaps, this one, which has had most of the
stuffing knocked out of it by the riding crop, which, although it has
seen better days, is still capable of a good thrash, even though one end
needs gluing and the other end is now angled at forty-five degrees, ie,
thoroughly bent, which is what the casual observer would think the elves
were, if he didn't look closely at the wood nymphs on the tree, who were
doing stunningly odd things with paper clips that occur naturally,
seeing wood nymphs don't get served in Tesco for reasons of hygiene, as
they tend to drip various sticky substances over the meat counter, which
doesn't really matter, except for the fact that species discrimination
is very upsetting to various kinky necrophiliac fruitbats who only
really want to be loved and played with very roughly with a riding crop.
----------------------------- Sent to you by ----------------------------
sf1@rosemary.cs.reading.ac.uk | WHERE IS ALT.FRUITBAT!!!!!!!!!
foster%dec.jumbly@com.dec.decwrl@rl.earn | Is a homomorphism a gay lump
jumbly::foster, pobble::foster | of plasticine?
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Date: Tue, 31 Oct 89 15:18 EDT
From: "Good for your soul." <DICKSON@HARTFORD.BITNET>
Subject: Submission for M00se Droppings
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I do hereby pronounce Superguy Digest dead. Dangerousman has destroyed
Washington, D.C., and with it all superheroes who were (A) at the convention,
and (B) had no means of escape or protection (in other words, if you want your
character to still be alive, make something up).
All characters who have fallen into disuse are, therefore, dead. The only
surviving character I know of is Dangerousman. The slate is clean.
I hereby announce the beginning of: SUPERGUY II -- THE NEXT SEMESTER. If your
old character survived, start writing again. If you have a new character,
start writing. If you've never had a character, make one up and start writing.
Let's get this thing back off the ground.
Subscribers to this list will of course, be hearing the exploits of
Dangerousman, as he flees the government that created him for destroying their
home town.
But who else will be here? Did Qwyntor throw up a force field? Is the Awesome
Force still lurking around in western Connecticut? What of Trash Man, The
Armadillo? Will Superm00se join in the fun? Is Flatphoot still alive? How
about Punk With A Gun? Did the Stealth Beetle protect him? And what of
Dangerousman's fiancee, the lovely Relativity Woman?
And how about some new characters?
Let's all hope something's going on out there....
Pickle
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******************************* MEET THE M00SES ********************************
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I don't have any m00se ids.... :-(
-Pat
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*************** AND, OF COURSE, THE UBIQUITOUS M00SE LIST UPDATE ***************
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Will come once we get it all figured out. :)
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