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M00se Droppings Issue 01
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A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE
M00SE ILLUMINATI
Issue #1 | Disclaimer: The Editor will place almost anything | June 17, 1988
---------- in this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill ---------------
the issue, so don't blame him for the quality or content of the submissions.
Excepting those he may have written himself, the enclosed items do not in any
way represent the Editor's opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say that
as far as this newsletter is concerned, he has no opinions at all. Okay? Good.
===============================================================================
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EDITORIALS AND LETTERS
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EDITORIAL: By Pickle
Well, here it is. The first issue of M00se Droppings: A-M00se-ing
Anecdotes and Illumination By and For the Pawns of the M00se Illuminati.
(Big inhale....long, slow, bl00ping exhale.) With this innovation we move
one step closer to confusing the entire world. Just think -- even now,
the FBI may be opening a file on you. "John Doe, June 17, 1988, began
receiving literature from a possibly subversive organization...." I don't
know about you, but in five years, I'm going to write and ask for a copy
of mine. I understand they have to give it to you, but they can black out
anything they don't want you to know with a magic marker.
For a sudden change of topic, the newsletter distribution may be changing
soon. This first copy is being sent from me directly to everybody on the
list. However, as the list expands, Bitnet may start complaining seriously
every time I send an issue. What I'd like to do is send an issue to one
m00se at each node, who would then be responsible for sending it on to all
the rest of the m00ses at that node. This will be most beneficial with
the expansion of the Governor's School chapter to a thr0ng of about 150
chapters, something due to occur in several days. Please let me know if
this is satisfactory to everyone.
Now, the newsletter itself. It will be divided up into sections, the
first being editorials (like this one), and letters from anybody to all
the m00ses. Send important news, and letters, to me with 'Editorials'
somewhere in the Subject of the letter.
The second section will be for non-fiction accounts or announcements
of m00se events: Party invitations, reports on how parties went, reports
on projects for the promotion of confusion, whatever. Send any mail for
this section with 'Events' somewhere in the subject.
The third section will be for fiction and poetry. I'd prefer original
stuff, and I'm not copywriting it or anything, it that's important. If
there's something non-original that you think is really great and want to
post, send it along. Whenever possible, list the author with it. Send
mail for this section with 'Fiction' somewhere in the subject.
The fourth section will be for miscellaneous nonsense. For example, the
perhaps slightly tasteless horoscope in this issue. Send anything that doesn't
seem to fit into the other three sections to this one, with 'Nonsense' in the
subject.
The last part of each newsletter will be an updated list of all those
m00ses who want to be on the general list, assuming there are any more.
One last thing before I go and leave you to the rest of the newsletter.
In the rush of adding new chapters to the list, I may have added people
without sending them M00se.Info, the basic file. If you receive this issue,
and you do not have a copy of the file, let me know and I'll send you one.
Well, that's all from me for now. On with issue 1, and the first
submission ever received for M00se Droppings!
---------------
EVENTS AND NEWS
---------------
(Submitted by Sabre)
There is now a public csnews forum created by fellow m00se
RainMaker called m00se csnotice! This is open to anyone with bitnet
access and can be subscribed to by the simple sending of the following
message to csnews@maine:
csbb subscribe m00se csnotice.
Please send this info out to any and all m00ses, and you may
just have your job with m00se droppings made that much easier.
Bl00p! Sabre!
------------------
FICTION AND POETRY
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0de to M00seNess
--- -- ---------
OH! to be a m00se,
not an ordinary moose,
but an extraordinary m00se!
Spreading confusion through
peaceful means, I roam the streets,
bl00ping softly to myself as I peer
into the gloom of the average lifestyle,
pitying the trapped souls of those who
know not deliverance - the deliverance
of the m00se illuminatus, and the
Illuminati with which I thr0ng!
bl00p I say, and bl00p again!
bl00p bl00p bl00p BL00P!
In my peaceful eyes confusion reigns,
yet I shall not drown, for in confusion
I find peace, tranquility, harmony...
and in my pocket I find a fully-inflatable
four-man (or m00se) raft to keep me above the currents.
And now, my m00se stomach tells me it is time to graze,
so graze I must, until *munch* *munch* *munch*.............
*burp*
co. Frank 0rzech0wicz, Villan0va Thr0ng, June 13, 1988
--------------------
(Submitted by Lord Rassilon)
If you're an Illuminatus, El M00se won't hassle you. That's
his calling.
El M00se, Illuminati agent extra-ordinare, was on his sixth
absinthe when he finally got tired of tolerating the plebian
banter which was indigenous to his locale. He ground out his
Marlboro on his left wrist and rose, unslinging his Uzi. He
squeezed off a couple hundred rounds, leisurely wiping out the
bar's blue-collar patrons. The bartender tried to nab him from
behind, but El M00se cut him into two pieces with precise bursts.
Re-shouldering his weapon, he sighed and strode from the premises.
Hhhmmm, he thought, my boss will have to pay the cops a pile
of money when he discovers I wasted a barful of proletarians.
----------------------
MISCELLANEOUS NONSENSE
----------------------
* * * YOUR STAR SIGN HOROSCOPE * * *
(Submitted by Lord Rassilon)
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ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in
contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are
a prick.
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TAURUS (Apr 20-May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and
bull-headed. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20) You are quick and intelligent and a thinker. People
like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too
much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are liars,
notoriusly bad lovers, and thrive on incest.
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CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's
problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off.
That's why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit.
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LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are
pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest
criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and
kiss mirrors a lot.
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VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This
shit-picking is sickening your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often
fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
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LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
reality. If you are male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and
monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores. All Libra's die of
venereal disease.
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SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21) You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You
shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.
You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio people are murderers.
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SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a
reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of
Sagittarians are drunks and potheads. People laugh at you a lot because you
are always getting fucked.
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CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You
are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any
importance. You should kill yourself.
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AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 19) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be
progressive. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and
impractical. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
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PISCES (Feb 20-Mar 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are
being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends
and people resent you flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are
generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses.
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