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M00se Droppings Issue 34
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Earwax Issue - Earwax Issue - Earwax Issue - Earwax Issue - Earwax Issue - Earwa
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/ \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \
\_____/ () \_____/ MM MM 0 //0 0 //0 S E \_____/ () \_____/
/ \ M M M M 0 // 0 0 // 0 SSSS EEEEE / \
/ \__/ \ M M M 0// 0 0// 0 S E / \__/ \
/__________\ M M 0000 0000 SSSSS EEEEEEE /__________\
DDDD RRRR OOOO PPPPP PPPPP IIIII N N GGGGG SSSSS
D D R R O O P P P P I NN N G S
D D RRRR O O PPPPP PPPPP I N N N G GGG SSSS
D D R R O O P P I N NN G G S
DDDD R R OOOO P P IIIII N N GGGG SSSSS
A-M00SE-ING ANECDOTES AND ILLUMINATION BY AND FOR THE PAWNS OF THE
M00SE ILLUMINATI
Issue #34| Disclaimer: The Editors will place almost anything in |Dec. 01, 1989
---------- this newsletter out of a frantic desire to fill the --------------
issue, so don't blame them for the quality or content of the submissions. Except
-ing those they may have written themselves, the enclosed items do not in any
way represent the Editors' fnord opinions. In fact, let's be real safe, and say
that as far as this newsletter is concerned, they have no opinions at all. OK?
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************************************* STAFF ************************************
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Editor - Patrick Salsbury <V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET>
Submissions to: DangerM00se <V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET>
Back issue requests: Max Handelsman <MHANDELS@DREW.BITNET>
and Johnathan Clemens <FSJPC@ALASKA.BITNET>
or <FSJPC@ACAD3.FAI.ALASKA.EDU>
M00se List updates and changes: Darkling M00se <V123NKUX@UBVMS.BITNET>
(This space to let): Contact WarM00se <V291NHTP@UBVMS.BITNET>
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**************************** EDITORIALS AND LETTERS ****************************
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Hello again! And welcome to Church Chat! (Oops! Wrong personality cartridge!
Sorry!)
Hi! Happy December! I hope all you happy Turkey eaters in America
(Remember, this is a world-wide, globally conscious conspiracy group, and not
everyone celebrates Thanksgiving) had a good holiday, gorged yourselves silly,
etc. And are now all happy to get back and get your 'Droppings.
One quick plug for what I feel is a pretty good cause:
As the Christmas Holidays approach, remember those who DIDN'T
get to have a nice Thanksgiving Dinner, and probably won't have a good Christmas
or New Years, unless we help. Buy an inexpensive toy, (Or grab one of yours from
you room, I know *I'VE* got a bunch of old stuff! I'm a pack-rat! :) ) and a
can or two of food, and donate them to a local charity. There are lots of
collection places springing up now, keep an eye out for them. After all, we are
supposed to confuse the masses, but we can also help out those who need it.
EAT THE RICH! ;^)
-Pat
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Would you belive I had not one, but TWO Beez sightings last week??
What can this portend?? does it mean the end of the world?? does it
mean I've finally lost the last of my marbles and am hallucinating?
does it mean Elvis really IS alive? does it mean that Sun workstations
really ARE possessed by the devil?????
-GypsyLynx
Coming soon to a store near you, the ultimate in m00sey breakfast cereal:
Fruit Bl00ps with Toucan m00se ("Follow your ears, your wonderful ears, to the
flavor of bl00ps!) --*AND*-- New, Chocolate Bl00ps!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
From "Toast, Sex, & Fig Newtons" <FSDEM2@ALASKA.BITNET>
Any m00ses out there desiring a copy of the Snarbist
many/fisto (manifesto, for those of you not phonetically inclined),
send a SASE to:
Arnold Snarb
Box 84494
Fairbanks, Alaska 99708
So, what is the Snarbist many/fisto? Nothing really important,
truth be told, but it's fun to xerox off and distribute around
campus. If we're not too tight on $, several other meaningless flyers
by Arnold Snarb will be enclosed with the many/fisto.
Th/hank/s,
Mugwump
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******************************* EVENTS AND NEWS ********************************
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From Joanne Rosenshein <JROSENSH@SBCCVM.BITNET>
=========================================================================
The Surgeon General's Report on AIDS
(All Internal Destruction Subprograms)
The Surgeon General's office report a computer virus of epidemic
proportions growing in the computing community. These viruses
are deadly and there is no known single cure for all of the
strains. The virus attacks the comupter where it has the least
defense: the operating system. Then it slowly destroys the
system by slowly eliminating small portions of data. The
original strain has been shown to be suppressed by the program
AZT (Anti-Zealous program Terminator), but the product may be
over-marketed, and lesss effective than promised. Additional
strains have shown little effect when exposed to this program.
A virus may be contained in a disk or memory for long periods of
time before showing any of the effects. Some are time triggered
to go off at certain times (Columbus day, Fri 13, Halloween,
ect.) but all viruses seem to have some effect on all of its
victims.
Some users and computers are at greater risk than others. Those
computers that communucate with their own kind (homocommunals)
are the apparant target of many viruses, although the virus can
be communicated to other computer types, as well. Those
computers using DOS seem to have the highest concentration of
the virus, compared to non-DOS machines. Data recovery experts
are often exposed to viruses by accidentally putting their own
disk into an infected computer, or having an infected disk used
on their own systems. These experts should take extreme care in
workign in these environments so they will not contract the
disease. Virus hunters have much the same risk.
The Surgeon General's office reccomends the following measures
to the US Government and its citizens:
1) Don't do DOS. If you MUST dont share your disks, or at least
use a cleansing program on those disks before using them.
2) Do NOT copy programs from another computer, or if you must,
try to only copy programs with another or a small, closed
group that has been tested for the virus, and do NOT have it.
There must be NO outside input into this group, or the whole
group may be exposed.
3) Avoid BBS's and Software pools known to carry illegal or high
risk programs that have been uploaded and downloaded.
Especially those that require payment for copy priviledges.
4) Also, we should regulate and heavily test all Public Domain
programs and distributors and recovery specialists for signs
of the viruses. These are especially at risk since they
draw programs from those who don't know that they have the
virus, or those that don't know that it is contageous.
The Surgeon General's office feels that these precautions will
curtail the spread and magnitude of the disease, if the public
is willing to act now. Soon, everybody in the nation will know
someone with the virus, and you may have to work next to a
computer that has it.
C. Chicken Coop
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Still no word on M.I. T-shirts. I think they're just a myth.
"A what?"
"MYTH! MYTH!"
"Yeth?"
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Submissions are starting to lag. Send in your material!
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Dominations are on the rise. Stock up on your whips! :)
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Mega-Thr0ng-A-Thon?
Where?
Big M00se, NY?
Sounds good to me! When?
Dunno. Maybe in the spring? Maybe as soon as school lets out (May-ish)?
Maybe over winter break?
SEND IN YOUR IDEAS!
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***************************** FICTION AND POETRY *******************************
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(*Right about now, you are about to be possesed by the sounds of Emcee M00se
Base and DJ EZ M00se*)
Hit it!
Bl00p! Yeah! Bl00p! Yeah! Bl00p! Yeah! Bl00p! Yeah! Bl00p! Yeah!
It takes m00se to make a thing go right!
It takes m00se to make it outa site!
It takes m00se to make a thing go right!
It takes m00se to make it outa site!
Hit it!
I wanna m00se right now!
I'm M00se Base and I've come to get cow!
I'm not internationally known.
But, I can eat a microphone!
Because I am stupid and outrageous!
Get away because it's contagious!
Because I'm a window, no not a cruiser.
Bein' insane is what I choose-uh.
Ladies snub me. Girls abhore me.
I mean even the ones who never saw me.
Hate the way that I pick my nose.
The reason why, man, I don't know.
So, lets blow chunks!
(Bl00p! Yeah!)It takes bl00p to make a thing go right!
(Bl00p! Yeah!)It takes m00se to fill my appetite!
(Bl00p! Yeah!)It takes bl00p to make a thing go right!
(Bl00p! Yeah!)It takes m00se to fill my appetite!
********************************************************************************
RuprechtM00se
RN:1814
ps-I have the tape of the real song. And the words sound exactly like this.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
[Wow! A double-shot of RuprechtM00se! Pretty hip, eh? :) -Pat]
Description: what is a wilbury?
Submitted by RuprechtM00se <V067LUFD@UBVMSD>
(Originally From V201LRXA@UBVMS)
the original wilburys were a stationary people who, realising that their
civilisation could not stand still forever, began to go for short walks - not
the "traveling" as we now know it, but certainly as far as the corner and back.
they must have taken to motion, in much the same way as penguins were at that
time taking to ledges, for the next we hear of them they were going out for the
day (often taking lunch or a picnic).
later - we dont as yet know how MUCH later - some intrepid wilburys
began to go away for the weekend, leaving late friday and coming back sunday. it
was they who evolved simple rhythmic forms to describe their adventures.
a remarkable sophisticated musical culture developed, considering there
were no managers or agents, and the further the wilburys traveled the more
adventurous their music became, and the more it was revered by the elders of
thetribe who believed it had the power to stave off madness, turn brunettes into
blondes and increase the size of their ears.
but as the wilburys began to go further and further in their search for
musical inspiration they found themselves the object of interest among many
lessdeveloped species - night-club owners, tour operators and recording
executives.
to the wilburys, who had only just learnt to cope with wives, roadies
and drummers, it was a blow from which many of them never recovered. they became
hairdressers or tv rental salespersons.
but a tiny handful survived - the last of the traveling wilburys - and
the songs gathered here represent the popular laments, the epic and heroic
taleswhich characterise the apotheosis of the elusive wilbury sound. the message
of the music travels, as indeed they traveled and as i myself must travel for
further treatment. good listening, good night, and let thy wilbury done...
sleeve note (c) hugh jampton, e.f. nori-bitz reader in applied jacket, faculty
of sleeve notes, university of krakatoa (east of java)
wilbury record company is a subdivision of the trans-wilbury corporation of
bulgaria.
and that, my friends, is a traveling wilbury.
the supreme wilbury
********************************************************************************
this is possibly good for the newsletter, huh? You never publish my stuff*.
RuprechtM00se
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Here's a copy of the M00se Quiz and Its answers from somebody at Buffalo
The origional Quiz was deleted, This is the best I can do.
>1) Do m00se ever wear red jackets ?
Yes there are three times:
a) They are waiters at a Chinese Restaurant
b) They live in a specific area of Ellicott
[Ed. note: UB has part of a housing complex (Ellicott) called
Red Jacket Quad -Pat]
c) They join the Shriners (Sit on a happy fez!)
-- that last comment applies to hats, not m00ses.
>2) How would a m00se...
> 2a) .....hot wire a car?
The general m00se technique of car hotwiring does not actually
involve the wires. Since any respectable m00se carries around
a good assortment of Craftsman hand-tools, he simply uses a file
to file down his antlers into a key shape. This key-template can
be broken off and used as a key, or kept on the head, and copied
at a local hardware store.
The second method is preferable to m00ses, as it is becoming
increasingly popular or m00ses to have sculpted antlers, and a
good set of keys is as attractive as a good Michelangelo copy.
If all else fails, m00ses have been known to hire anarchists to
either hot wire it (using human methods), or blow it up (if it
was a particularly hard job, wasting much good antler space.
> 2b) ....Pick up a girl in a club?
Very carefully. Antlers can be damaging.
> 2c) .........climb an elevator shaft ?
What a silly question! But in case it's not obvious to everyone:
He would hire a union crew to tip the entire onto its side, thus
creating a horizontal shaft. The m00se would gingerly walk up,
being a relative term, the shaft until the desired floor is reached.
The same union crew would then be re-hired to set the building up
in the position it was originally in -- ie: standing up.
Climbing down the shaft is a bit trickier, and involves very
difficult quantum physics, the nature of which is proprietary,
and therefore cannot be divulged.
>3) When is it a good time to avoid m00ses ?
After they've been climbing elevator shafts. (Do you know how much
a union crew of building tippers costs these days??)
>4) Can m00ses ever be charmed ?
Yes. A good m00se costume of the opposite sex works, but is danger-
ous without chain-mail underwear around male m00ses.
Another good method is giving them a free building tipping certifi-
cate, as the number of m00ses taking up this hobby is increasing
daily.
>5) What's the average speed of a running m00se?
For an automatic m00se, about 600 rpm. That's the normal idle. With
air conditioning, 750 is average. For manual m00ses, 500 with no A/C,
650 with. These averages can be used for timing and tuning up.
Actual speed of movement depends on the model. The older Bl00ick
Electras average only 90 or so, while the latest Antler-gini can
has been rumored to reach 200 miles an hour.
>6) What do you do when a m00se wants to sell you a used car?
First see if he has the proper license. There has been a rash of
m00ses opening up used car lots without licenses, which is ironic,
as a m00se's license to operate a car lot it much easier to get
then a human's.
If the m00se can produce the license, make sure he/she is a m00se.
There are a bunch of unscrupulous humans out there wearing very
convincing m00se costumes, just so they can get a m00se license,
thus avoiding the necessary literacy and urine tests humans are
subjected to. An easy way of doing this is to look at the antlers.
A real m00se does not have mold seam lines, nor the words "MADE IN
JAPAN" imprinted anywhere.
If you can determine that the m00se has a legitimate license and
is a real m00se, use the charming methods I outlined above to get
the best deal possible. (I saved over $8,800 on a '53 Studebaker
using this method.)
>7) If a m00se is seen on a highway, what should a driver do?
Pull off and take public transportation! M00ses are notoriously
bad drivers -- they're much better at selling cars.
BL00P!
Chris M00spaw
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*************************** M00SCELLANEOUS NONSENSE ****************************
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From V093P9AX@UBVMS (Who STILL hasn't supplied a name of any sort, but it
doesn't really matter much, as this is the last episode of "Things" that I
have.)
Here I go with THINGS V : DIETETIC GRASS
(yes, each sequel gets worse)
PRUNES
-----------------------
Okay, a guy has no arms, no legs, and a face: what's he gonna do? If he
had only suscribed to SPY, he could have become ruler of Croatia. But no, he
went for curtain number 7.
hopPING MAD
---------------------------
Beneficially, we are often forced to do things that we find are necessary.
But they can be quite pleasant if you accuse it of lighting up in a subway sand-
wich. Non-metaphorically, life can be a bowl of francs if you mark it now and
yen with a lire of milk.
TwO much to SOON
_______________________________
Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,
please, please, please. Don't try it, you'll like it. I think it sucks when
things are cut off and continued at a later t
*******TO BE CONTINUED*******
[Maybe. -- Pat]
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Hey! I located an Oracle on USENET! I'm not sure if it's the same source as
previous Oracle stuff, but it's funny! :)
-Pat
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> O Oracle most Unburdened with Mortal Affairs! Why is it, that no matter
> how hard you try, you can't bend a potato chip?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Seeker, you are trying too hard. You yourself must bend, like a blade
} of grass in the wind, before you can bend a potato chip. You must spend
} long years learning to center yourself, learning to quiet the multitude
} of voices in your mind, learning to be calm, learning to walk across
} vast bonfires, learning to chew with your mouth closed, learning to
} levitate and fly. Then, and only then, can you bend a potato chip.
}
} Or you could soak it in water for a day or two.
}
} -- the zen oracle
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
> What is the meaning of lif?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Th meanin o lif i butterfl hoverin ove flowe. Th meanin o lif i lov an
} ligh an happines. Th meanin o lif i purit o spiri, an blessednes. Th
} meanin o lif i lif.
}
} Yo ow th oracl Ne Ag sourceboo.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Why have I never read an Ernest Hemmingway book that I thought was very
> good with the possible exception of the "Old Man and the Sea." Did he
> sell his soul to the devil as a claim to fame, or is it that I have no
> taste?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Ernest Hemingway lived in a simpler time. A time when men were men and
} women were women (except for Dorothy Parker, who was Marie of Romania,
} and Marilyn Monroe, who was an android from Mars, but it's basically
} accurate). A time when what was important was deeds. Deeds were
} important! Leins were pretty important too, and certificates of title,
} but deeds were king. So, anyways, Ernie wrote about deeds, but his
} editor said to him "Mr. Hemingway, you have no head for real estate.",
} so he wrote about other things instead. He also threatened to take
} several of the most important reviewers on drinking expeditions with him
} if they wrote bad reviews.
}
} He didn't sell his soul to the devil, although at one point he offered
} the devil Van Gogh's ear in exchange for a new typewriter.
}
} You owe the Oracle some AM radio jamming equipment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
> What are text editors made of?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} It depends on the editor. MacWrite is made from congealed sparrow farts
} woven together with absurdities. Most editors running on IBM PCen under
} DOS are made of cholera and bubonic plague germs compounded with the
} smell of rancid butter and marsh gas. Vi is made of the glint of
} moonlight on steel, the smell of violets, and the gurgle of a brook.
} Emacs is made from the glint of starlight on purest gold, the echo of
} distant thunder, the smell of a ``La Reine Victoria'' Bourbon rose, a
} reflection of a shy maiden's smile, and the taste of the best champagne.
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******************************* MEET THE M00SES ********************************
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Nothing this time. Sorry.
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*************** AND, OF COURSE, THE UBIQUITOUS M00SE LIST UPDATE ***************
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I Bid Thee Greetings And Salutati0ns !!!!!!!!!!!
My Name is M00se... DArkling M00se!
And I'm here with y0ur issue by issue update:
But First An Edit0rial Resp0nse:
<*CENS0RED*>
That's right... Y0u've guessed it... N0w 0n with the c0untd0wn(I mean update :>
)()()()))()()))()()()()()()()())()()NEw M00ses)()()()))()()()())()())()()()()(
Welc0me t0 the realm 0f M00sed0m:
Wizard M00se (MHANDELS@DREW)
BL00P!
Fr0m this day hence y0u are welc0med, Arise:
Ice L0rd (DICRESCE@CTSTATEU)
BL00p!!
Y0u have travelled far...Y0u t00 are welc0med:
Emile Leblanc (LEBLANCE@MATH.UT0RN0T0.CA)
Bl00p!!!
ALth0ugh y0u have n0 name Y0u are still Welc0med:
(TIETJEN@CTSTATEU)
BL00P!!!!
M00seketers 0f Marist, I salute thee:
Rescue M00se (STJT@MARISTB)
Sensu M00se (KKJM@MARISTB)
Raistie M00se (KJE2@MARISTB)
Bl00p!!!!!
I welc0me thee, Me thr0ng Su Thr0ng:
LadyBlue M00se (V087Q5JD@UBVMS)
BL00P!!!!!!!!!
And 0f C0urse we must n0t F0rget (Again ,S0rry :>)
Welc0me t0 thee:
W0rld M00se (V129J6ED@UBVMS)
BL00P!!!!!!!!!!
And t0 0ur fell0w M00se fr0m The Realm 0f the Net,
C0nsider Thyself A part 0f the Family:
-GreyF0xM00se (NET%"GREYF0X@UUNET.UU.NET")
BL00P!!!!!!!!!!
Greetings And Welc0me t0 the Newest Chapter(S0meday T0 be thr0ng!)
I Am Pr0ud t0 Welc0me Thee, James Madis0n University's first M00se.
Amy S. Fitzgerald (STU_ASFITZGE@JMUVAX1)
BL00P!!!!!!!
Last But n0t least, Greetings and Salutati0ns t0 the newest additi0ns t0
0ne 0f the Fastest Gr0wing Thr0ngs in the nati0n. SBCCVM !!!
Arise and Be C0unted As M00ses Am0ng M00ses,
I Bid thee Arise:
Mark R0vner (MR0VNER@SBCCVM)
Mike Mathews (ASYMPT0T@SBCCVM)
Chris Halecky (CHALECKEY@SBCCVM)
Drew Riggi0 (ARIGGI0@SBCCVM)
Dave Klingman (DKLINGMA@SBCCVM)
Steve War0nek (XRAYSR0K@SBCCVM)
BL00P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Welc0me T0 all the new M00ses!!!!!!!!
)()()()()()()()()()()(()(BE M00sey t0 each 0ther()())()()()(())(())()()()))(
0ne m0re thing...
I am sad t0 rep0rt that we have l0st a few m00ses.
(*SNIFFLE,SNIFFLE,SNIF,SNIF*)
G00d bye t0 :
"0ZER@CHEME.TN.C0RNELL.EDU" (D0n't take any w00den dr0ppings)
The entire 0ld D0mini0n Thr0ng!!! (Hasta Lueg0!!! DUDES!!)
0h well, that's the way the the M00se chips crumble!
(Y0U may BEH0LD and TREMBLE, n0w)
_ /\ _
/ \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \
\_____/ () \_____/
/ \
/ \__/ \
/__________\
_ /\ _ _ /\ _
/ \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \ / \_/\_/ \_/\_/ \
\_____/ () \_____/ \_____/ () \_____/
/ \ DArkling / \
/ \__/ \ M00SE / \__/ \
(J0M00se(*blush*)/__________\V123NKUX/__________\ *updates fr0m N0v 14-29*
)()()()()()()()()()()()()()(@UBVMSD)()(()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(
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