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Low Self Esteem Issue 21
Low Self Esteem Issue 21
A Night Out
Written By: Parker Lewis
Jan. 31th, 1997
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³ Issues of LSE can be found at: ³
³ ³
³ FTP: FTP.EText.Org/pub/Zines/LowSelfEsteem ³
³ WWW: WWW.GeoCities.Com/SouthBeach/3640/ ³
³ Email: Parker_Lewis@HotMail.Com ³
³ ³
³ If your interested in writing something for LSE, send it in to the email ³
³ address listed above. ³
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Section 1: Introduction
Section 2: A Night Out
Section 3: Book Review: Impossible Vacation
Section 4: Lyrics: Pet Shop Boys - It's a Sin
Section 5: Poetry
Section 6: Wrap Up
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Section 1: Introduction ³
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If you remember last issue of LSE, I made a reference to a party I was thin-
king of attending, the name of the party was "The Drunk Party", I didn't go
to that party, instead I stayed home and watched Dead Poet Society and Lea-
ving Los Vegas on TV. A month later there was another party in the same
place, it was called "The Rat Party" (A Festa da Rata), I didn't go to that
party either, a week after "The Rat Party" there was another party at the
same place, the party's name was "A Festa da Guica", I don't know the english
translation for this name, that was yesterday, January 30th 1998, which coin-
cidentally was on the same day as my 20th birthday (damn, 20 already, I sure
don't feel like it), anyways I decided to go to this party, and what follows
in this article is a description of that night, and of an typical Friday
night, here in this crappy island.
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Section 2: A Night Out ³
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I ended school at 17:30, the party only started at 21:00, since I live far
from the city, I decided to stay in the city and try to kill those three and
a half hours. I first went to my mother's work to drop off my school bag, I
then went to a coffee shop and paid 4 bucks for two disgusting sandwiches,
and drank two of the three Red Bulls I had with me, after that, I went to the
cinema and watched Home Alone 3 (even though the story was stupid, the movie
was still funny). The movie ended at 20:30, I still had 30 minutes to kill
so I went to a coffee shop and paid 75 cents for a dinky few milliliters of
horrible coffee (at this pointed I was totally pumped up from caffeine, those
two Red Bulls that I had already drank have the equivalent of three cups of
strong coffee in each can, with the additional cup I just had, and the last
can of Red Bull which I still hadn't drank, I would drink the equivalent of
ten cups of coffee before the day was through. After finishing the coffee, I
decided to go to the party destination which was located near my school. When
I got there was about fifteen people outside, a group of girls laughed as I
passed them by, it doesn't bother me, I'm pumped on caffeine and I just want
to dance, I find a place to sit, and I wait, nobody is going inside yet, so
we stay outside freezing to death for an hour, the people start going in at
ten, there is now about 70 or so people, I pay the five dollar entrance fee
and I'm in, the room was nothing special, it was about the size of a small
school gymnasium, there was one strobe light and four colored lights, it was
pretty crappy lighting, the sound system was no better, the music was fuzzy
and lacking that sharpness of a quality system. The music and the djing was
the worst I've ever seen, they played music which is popular here, like
Marilyn Manson, Smashing Pumpkins, Prodigy (the new Prodigy, which suck, if
they played something from the old Prodigy it'd been better), Beck, Bush, and
Offspring, they played Low Self Esteem from Offspring which made me laugh.
The music was mostly metal, hard rock or crappy popular songs like Barbie
Girl from Aqua. There wasn't much dancing, just a lot of bouncing around
(the pogo dance), of course, how else can you dance to hard rock, there were
some idiots who where trying to crowd surf but since there were gaps in the
crowd they didn't get far. The place filled out quickly, I wasn't feeling too
comfortable, so I bought a vodka, which I was able to drink mixing it with my
last Red Bull and a beer, which tasted like shit, I felt like dumping it out,
I managed to finish it, but I was still unable to be comfortable. There were
some classmates of mine at the party, I just greeted them, and returned to my
corner, they were with other people and I didn't want to hang around them. I
danced a bit, I did their pogo dance, but I couldn't get into the music. I
stayed sitting down against the wall, it was becoming harder to find clean
place to sit down, because of all the spilled drinks and thrown out cups. I
stayed there until 1:00am, I was getting tired of listening to crappy music
and watching drunken teenagers acting stupid so I left. I wasn't the least
bit exhausted, the caffeine was still pumping big time through my blood
stream, I didn't want to let this energy go to waste, I wanted to dance like
a maniac to some good danceable music, I didn't want to do no stupid pogo
dance, so I walked to "Opera", the only dance club in the city, when I got
there, they said that I couldn't go in yet, they were only letting in girls
and couples, and they'd only let the single guys enter later on. I waited in
the freezing night for an hour, at 2:00am I tried to go in again, but they
said I'd have to wait more, I bought a hot dog at a nearby vendor for $3.50
(big time rip off, but I was hungry) and waited another hour, at 3:00am they
still weren't letting in the single guys, I was cold, lost my patience, and
didn't feel like dancing anymore, I decided I wasn't going to wait any longer
so I caught a cab and went home. At home, I wasn't able to get to sleep due
to all the caffeine I had drank, so I stayed up and wrote the poems that are
included in this issue, I was finally able to get to sleep at 6:00am, I woke
up at 8:00am, only getting two hours sleep, and stayed in bed until 9:00am
trying to get back to sleep, without success, I got up, and started writing
this issue, which is what I'm doing right now, the caffeine is still hitting
me hard, my eyelids are wide open and by looking at me you couldn't tell that
I only got two hours of sleep. I was thinking about putting on some music
and dance off this hyperness that I'm feeling but I'm much too depressed,
right now, I'm going to go downstairs and watch some golf on tv, and see if
that can make me get a little more sleep, or else, when Monday comes around I
won't be able to get out of bed.
I'm back from watching tv, after watching golf, formula one racing, the Ger-
man channel and some music videos, I still can't get any sleep, I saw the new
Prodigy video on TV, "Smack my Bitch up", I doubt that the video will ever be
shown in the US due to all the nudity, sex, and woman bashing in it. The
Prodigy used to be my favorite group some three or four years ago, but now,
with their new image, they suck big time.
Ok, returning back to the subject of my night out, I had a miserable time, I
regret not staying home, but the good thing about it is that I got to exper-
ience it so someday I won't be regretting never have done it, it would proba-
bly have been better if I was with someone but seeing as I probably won't be
having a girlfriend anytime soon, I'll never know.
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Section 3: Book Review ³
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Title: Impossible Vacation
Author: Spalding Gray
Category: Fiction - Drama
Back cover Description:
Impossible Vacation is the story of a perpetual malcontent who, in trying to
recapture the bliss, innocence, and purity of childhood, seems doomed to find
only the opposite. Brewster North's last moment of unblemished joy and unme-
ditated experience came on a Rhode Island beach at the age of five, when he
was transported by a dream of earthly paradise on the island of Bali - a vi-
sion he can neither forget nor regain. Fleeing from the memory of his mo-
ther's suicide - he was on (an imperfect) vacation in Mexico at the time -
Brewster wanders from crash pads in New York's East Village to the Bhaqwan
Rajneesh's sex commune in India, and to the beaches from Provincetown to
Santa Cruz. And though his life continues its inexorable spiral into squalor
and complexity, he experiments with such various ways of escape as LSD, Zen,
acting even girl-watching. If, at the end of this tragicomic quest, Brewster
North achives at least a measure of peace and contentment, it's been well
earned. And in this tale of Job-like frustration and haplessness, Spalding
Gray has written a novel at once funny, strange, and true.
My Opinion:
I bought this book for a buck fifty at a book fair, it was an interesting
book which kept me so hooked that I read it in two days. This has got to be
the most melancholic book I've ever read, depressing as hell, the type of
stuff I love to read. The story is based around the dissatisfaction of life,
confusion and madness, the back cover description gives a better run down of
the story. The novel is described as funny, strange, and true, I disagree
that it's funny, I can't remember ever reading anything that could be dis-
cribed as funny, strange, yes, definitely, not to mention the raunchiness of
some parts. True? Yes, I think it's quite possible to live such a life. Well,
there you have it, if your feeling too happy and need something to bring you
back down to reality, this is definitely a choice book.
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Section 4: Lyrics ³
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"It's A Sin"
When I look back upon my life
It's always with a sense of shame
I've always been the one to blame
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too
It's a, it's a, it's a
it's a sin
It's a sin
Everything I've ever done
Everything I ever do
Every place I've ever been
Everywhere I'm going to
It's a sin
At school they taught me how to be
So pure in thought and word and deed
They didn't quite succeed
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
It's a sin
Everything I've ever done
Everything I ever do
Every place I've ever been
Everywhere I'm going to
It's a sin
Father, forgive me
I tried not to do it
Turned over a new leaf
Then tore right through it
Whatever you taught me
I didn't believe it
Father, you fought me, 'cause I didn't care
And I still don't understand
So I look back upon my life
Forever with a sense of shame
I've always been the one to blame
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
It's a sin
Everything I've ever done
Everything I ever do
Every place I've ever been
Everywhere I'm going to - it's a sin
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
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Section 5: Poetry ³
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Yes boys and girls, time for some more cheesy poetry written by yours truly
on a sleepless night.
A New World
Waiting for the sun to burn out
And the moon to drift away
Waiting for the stars to fade out
And for the arrival of doomsday
Hoping for a clean new world
Where we can start from new
So we can make the same mistakes
And mess up that new world too
Worthless Opinions
I'm like this...
This is my philosophy...
I'm, me, my...
And no one gives a damn
Everyone has got their own problems
And everyone's got their own philosophies
Write what you must
Write what you can
But in the end
Yours is just the opinion
Of one in a billion insignificant men
Crappy Poet
Don't got the writing skills
Or the right education
Don't got the will to live
Nor the determination
Don't got an ounce of love
Nor any positive emotion
I'm just a misplaced kid
In the middle of all this commotion
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Section 6: Wrap Up ³
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This issue is about done, I'm working on a simple web page for LSE and that
should be online by the next issue, until then take care everyone...
Quote of the Day: "Make sure you're always frowning, it shows the world that
you've got substance and depth..."
