ldt061: Memoirs of a Fuck
#061 - [ Memoirs of a Fuck ] [ Damian Rensh ]
So I have came to realize that I hate this town. With a passion. To hell with the whole bible belt. All these social cow, lifeless drones that surround me every day have drove me into seclusion. I get more mental stimulation from sitting in front of a computer screen than I get from talking to real humans. At least I can find worthwhile information on this bloodless box. Ive decided to take to the pen so I can scorn everyone and everything I loathe.
So its Friday the 13th. I spend the night at a bar in the city with my girlfriend and her thoughtless co-workers. But I got to drink all the beer I could for $10 so I wasnt to upset about the whole ordeal until it was actually over. Im about 20 feet outside the bar and some bastard pigs stop us and say we are drunk. They dont even give us a sobriety test or anything of the sorts. They just search, handcuff and take us to jail. Where I am surrounded by dirty racist low-life goons. They all bleed like me, eat like me, breed like, but they dont think like me. Ninety percent of the people in this town dont even think, five percent think but dont say anything, and the last five percent are people like me. I dont believe I am elite but I do credit myself with atleast having my own my mind and questioning what I am told as opposed to just going along with whatever is laid on the plate and force fed to me. I wont even get into christian america force feeding there children right now.
So Im sitting in jail, actually sleeping. I was lucky enough to be extremely enebriated when I went in there, so I didnt have to much trouble passing out for my seven hour stay in the sewer of Indiana. The cops being the rats that infest the sewers. Im a firm believer that anyone that joins the police department was someone that got picked on alot during there childhood. I mean who else would want to part of a society that is hated by all of americas youth, most blacks, all hispanics and even the some of the upper class whites. I hope they fry the cop that shot that young black man in Cincinatti. I pray they do. Someone needs to let these bastards know that they are not invincible. They are people to and without that badge or gun they would get the snot beat out of them just as fast as the next Joe.
So they wouldnt even let me piss in there. I was in this cell for 3 hours and they wouldnt let me piss. I dropped my pants put my cock through the bars and cleaned some of the dirt off there floor. Then one of the women guards starts yelling at me, so I asked her "Would you like to come suck the rest out?" I would have actually been civil about using the rest room if I wasnt in a 4x14 cell with 15 other men in it and no were to urinate. The previous time I was in jail. I held in my piss and shit for 38 hours because it was so dirty and there was no way my arse was going to touch that metal seat. They finally released me on my own recognizance. And when I went to light a cigarette I come to find out the bastards broke almost all of them. I mean as if locking me up wasnt enough. Its okay one day they will meet the Karma Police. Lets just hope the Judge drops my charges, I have court in a week.
Its Tuesday now. I havent left my house in several days. Only my bedroom to eat, get a drink, and use the restroom. The guy I work for called me and told me that he wont be needing me in until Thursday, which is just great considering Im over my head in debt. Im at a dilema in my life right now also. I realy dont want to work a normal 9-5 job and be another cow, but on the other hand I dont want to be poor and have nothing. Im fairly skilled with computers and if I would study and pass some tests I could get certified. That would just put the nail in my coffin of life though. Working in an office, chatting about how you hate your wife and your boss, working on your house or yard, not having any meaning or worth to your existence. Just another drone. Another worker. Another waste of a mind.
It doesnt bother me all the time being around morons. Its actually quiet healthy for ones ego. To just sit back and look at them and wonder if they ever once sat back and looked at themselves or their lives. I just cant understand living like that. Going along with norm just because thats what was expected of me. Diversity is such a beautiful thing. Why save it for art museums and books? Be yourself, even if you suck, just be yourself. Im not sitting here saying I dont front sometimes but I do voice my own opinions.
The fact of the matter is people just flat out get in where they fit in. Its human nature. The desire to be accepted. We all go through it. Just some of us deal with it better than others.
My friend Kevin called me this evening. He is a student at Boston College studying Bass. I wish I had an artistic talent, then I would have a way to vent some of this stuff running through my head. This is all I have. Computer and keyboard. Almost hypocritical isnt it? There is a plethera of great information on the net though. Its like a sea of information about anything your mind could desire, from anal beads to local government information to cars. Its all there. And its mostly free. You only pay for smut and you really dont have to do that. Possibilities are endless and unregulated.
Are you wondering where Im taking you?
Yeah, me to.
We will get there sooner or later.
I think all of it started for me when I was 6 or so. I grew up on a poor side of town. My family had more money than most the other kids but I didnt notice and neither did they. I fit in. I got in trouble and did all the other troublesome stuff kids do when they are young. I actually went as far as to put a smoke grenade in a 1969 Camaro when I was 6 which actually caused the seat covers to catch on fire which then lead to the cars demise. It was at that time I got prescribed to Ritalin. In 3rd grade I got pulled out of catholic school and put in public school. This was great for me. All my friends went there. All the bad kids went there. The first time I got exposed to pornography was there.
I remember it well. I was in 3rd grade she was in 4th. She asked me if I "Wanted a blow job." I had no idea what she was talking about. I had been naked with a girl before and touched her and stuff with a girl named heather that lived around the block from me. Never anything like this though. She pulled out a dirty magazine with some cartoons and showed me a picture of a green muscle guy getting his cock sucked by a blonde toon babe. I was scared as hell but I let her. It was at the bottom of a stair well in school #57's playground. After school hours of course. At first I didnt even have an erection. Then I thought I had to go pee. I never reached apex through all this but it felt so good to me. I actually didnt ejaculate for my first time until a week before my 14th bday. This girl proceeded to act out other stuff in the magazine. Now that I sit back and think about it Im curious as to whether or not this girl was getting abused at home. I dont know. I saw her at school the next day, she didnt say much just smiled and then met me after school. We rode our bikes to some trails by the high school. This is when I made my first attempt at kissing a girl. A few months later we moved to the house I live in now. The north side, castleton, fishers, carmel, giest all one big money boat.
I realy liked my new house. It was bigger and it had a pond in the backyard. That was until I went to school. My parents had always raised me listening to rock and roll music; GnR, Ramones, Aerosmith, CCR, ACDC, 80s glam rock. So I guess I had more of a "hood" style that I didnt know I had until I was exposed to a prep. This was a total culture shock for me. All these kids were dressed like business men to me, but the girls, oh I loved the girls. Wearing there skirts and saddle shoes or eastons, Im not sure what they were called. It was interesting though, I made friends with one of the most popular guys in school. We both rode the same bus and liked to fight. He lived a few blocks from me and was a wrestler so whenever me and him fought each other he always beat my ass. Also he had an older brother who would beat him up all the time. No one realy messed with me a whole lot except a few preppy pricks.
One day on the play ground a kid named Andrew threw gravel at me on the play ground and it got in my eyes. I was so mad that I pushed him off the playfort and then jumped on his stomach from the top of it. Wonder what that guy is doing now. The only other fight I got in was with a guy named Joey. It was funny because I gave him a black eye after school at a neighbour kids house and the next day he came into school and tried to fight me again. So I blackend his other eye. I feel bad now because he blew his own brains out sometime in 2000. I heard it was over a girl.
Middle school was totally different. There were other hoods in middle school. And I was one of the only guys that had both ears pierced. I was smaller though and my hair wasnt as long as the other guys. This one guy Dennis Cherry I hung out with was by far the meanest most insensitive bastard I have ever met in my life. He would kill puppys, ducks, fish, anything he could find. He wasnt scared of anything. He fought the biggest black guy in school. Got punched in the head several times with a pad lock and just kept getting back up. Screaming "fuck you nigger" the whole time. This was right around the time of the Rodney King riots. He later moved to Texas and got big into heroin. I remember last time he came back into town we sat around his moms apartment all day shooting up. There were rumors that he ODed but those all turned out to be false. The thing is he still looks the same now as he did when he was 13. Middle school was great. I got turned onto drugs, metal, girls and being criminaly minded. I would vandalize, steal, take acid, smoke weed, steal beer from my dad and his car, whatever I felt like doing I did. It was great. Even if I got in trouble I didnt care. My parents didnt really discipline me and school just suspended me, which I didnt mind. Even if I got arrested it really didnt affect me because my parents would pay for a lawyer and due to the fact cops are morons I would always get off. I realy enjoyed middle school even when I did get picked on. High school was alot better though I actually got to grow into my own person there. Even if people didn't like who it was.
The summer before my freshman year was when I got my first taste of pussy. Christina Curtis was her name. She was best friends with a girl named Kara that Dennis went out with. She was the first girl to ever make me cum. I actually came several times that day. Mostly off her jacking me off but a few were from head. The next day she fucked me. I say she fucked me because she tore a hole in her panty hose and rode me. I came so many times that afternoon. I would pay billions of dollars to re-live that time of my life. Sex was so new and fresh to me. And I lost it to the perfect person. Someone that wasnt scared to give it to me anytime I wanted. Thats all we did was have sex. She gave me love bites all over my thighs and stomach and I was in summer school gym class. We had to wear thong style bathing suits for swimming. So when I put mine on the whole class saw them. I wasnt embarrassed. The guys in my class had probably never seen pussy before let alone been inside it. I dont even think she was ever my girlfriend. Thats what made it great and led to my attitude towards girls now. I still see her and sleep with her off and on to this day. Well I guess its been about 2 years now since I was last with her.
Ill finish this later.
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Long Dark Tunnel 2001. - http://ldt.aguk.co.uk - ldt@hushmail.com
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