ldt019: Those Annoying People on the Side of the Streets
#019 - [ Those annoying people on the side of the streets ] [ BlackShark ]
Today i was walking around town and i went from the south end of town to the north end of town and there was a guy shouting,
"Big Issue, get your big issue here!"
Except it sounded more like this
"Beee isss gee yooo biii issss heeee"
Now ok this guy did look like an illegal immigrant that had just got over in the first wave from france along the tunnel but really, he could at least learn english. Secondly, i know selling the "big" issue is a legal way to make money but really i think there is some counter advertising in the name of the magazine. Its neither Big nor are there many issues in there, secondly i don't think i have seen more than 3 people buy the damn things yet i see people selling them everywhere, i suspect that there are more sellers than buyers.
Now my GF had the misfortune of buying one of these magazines a long long time ago and she has informed me that the free magazine you get on Virgin and GNER trains is more interesting than the tripe you get in the not so "big Issue".
Now ok i know you might be thinking im a bit harsh on these poor homeless jobless people but they have started to migrate into "I will make you feel sorry for us" tactics, they keep their kids with them and wear their crappiest clothes and stuff like that just so you will take pity on them and buy the crap they are selling. (If they want to make some money they should buy lots of copies of Viz goto an entrance of a university and sell that, hey i know id buy it once a month!)
The I'M POOR AND DEPRIVED tactics work on some people but if i think about it im poorer than they are, 500 + Pounds in debt to the bank and about 6 grand or more in debt to the student loans people and it will be 2 or 3 K more by the end of my degree, yet they are considerably richer than I am but they are worse off, this makes me think they should all ditch real life and come back to the relatively padded world of Studentism............
The next thing to hit me as i was comming back from Wilkos was a nice looking mobile McDonalds, so i got a burger from there it wasn't bad, thats a way to make some money rather than selling the small insignificant. After my 1/4lb burger (which was more like 1/8lb burger i trundled back along the town centre until some Yank stops me in the street and starts talking gibberish to me, He thusts a book into my hand and he says,
"hi, Im from the Buddhists, you know those religious people in Nepal, you know where Nepal is don't you, that cold place in the Hymalayas?"
And im thinking, "fuck, do you think im fucking stupid as well as thick?", so i reply
"yeah i know the Buddhists, The Dali Lama and all that stuff, My friend was a Buddhist and he loved the Dali Lama and I know of Nepal, im going to go trekking and hiking around there, Tibet and China, I have seen great videos of it and i will do it soon."
And he says
"Ah right, well the group i am with prints books on meditation and self spiritualism."
he thusts a copy into my hand
"There take a look at that!"
The first thing that punches me in the face is the title.....
"Self-Realization."
FUCK!!!! Im a hardcore ANTI AMERICAN SPELLING fanatic, so that doesn't go down too well internally for me, but i continue to listen and mock and laugh. He then continues.
"Turn to the back page and have a look"
So I do, and this is not some 10 page pamphlet, this is a pretty hardcore book, at least 500 pages long and well made so this starts to make me think, This guy is an American, saying he lives in Nepal and Tibet, is a Buddhist and prints his own Material with his group much better than the Big issue Group seem to be able to. Yet he looks like a spin off from the big issue group knowing that the big issue doesn't sell so he has migrated to selling self meditation books while wearing clothes that shout "IM AN AMERICAN TOURIST!!". Then he asks for a donation to help with the printing of the book, and i think... Why would i give you a donation? I am not Buddhist, I dont really give a shit about meditation (i have tried it and its good, but if i miss my yearly dose then i cant really care less) and if you stop printing these books its not as if i am going to have a mental breakdown, cry and then commit suicide cos you can't brainwash more of the civilised world!
So i make up some bullshit excuse that i have used my credit card all day as i have no money and so i couldn't anyway. Then he tries the "lets be friends" tactic......
The games hotting up..............
Who is going to win?
I can feel that he knows the tide has turned and he is no longer the tiger, the pursuer but is now the pursuee, or the Gazelle being chased by the tiger and im now the tiger!
"whats your name By the way???" he spurts out.
I reply, "BlackShark."
"HI, My names Dave, how are you today BlackShark?" he enquires.
Im thinking, why the fuck do you care, if you can get some money you aint really interested whether I get run over on my way home.
So I have a quick flick through the book, just to see if i can find ANY interesting pictures but there is nothing, he starts to say that the books were written in original Buddhist language but have been re-written so that modern man can understand it. To which I perk up.
"What you mean its been translated into English?"
And he says..."Erm yeah."
So I continue to flick through just about finding nothing in there except some queer words I could not pronounce if i had buddhist speech lessons for all my life!! Stuff like "Thsessseszzjqqs - thergesttgwys" And i'm like. What the fuck does he mean its been translated, they have forgotten half of the book!
So he says, "Are you interested in giving a donation then?"
And I say, "well I would if it were not written in American"
And he says "American??????"
I say yeah, "Its gots Z's instead of S's, there are no U's where there should be some and the re are the wrong way round."
He says "What do you mean?"
I say "Look at the title, Self Realization, in proper english that should be an S not a Z, the letter Z was used as a temporary letter as no other letter would go in its place, it is the least used letter in the english language except american has taken it out of its context and used it exactly how it was not supposed to be used."
And he says "ahh i see what you mean, what other words?"
so i flick through the book showing him stuff like Centre and Honour and maximise and words like this, after a few seconds i think he realised that he was not going to get one pence from me and gave up and let me go on my merry way after doing unto him what he wanted to do to me....
TEACH.
BlackShark - usrhlp@yahoo.com
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Long Dark Tunnel 2001. - http://ldt.aguk.co.uk - ldt@hushmail.com
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