ldt033: Total Clarity
#033 - [ Total Clarity ] [ jvaldez ]
Nothing like a warm cup of coffee, a cigarette and a cold, rainy day. As I sit in class, trying to grasp the relevance of understanding inductive and deductive arguments in my reasoning class, I dream of when this meager class will end. At the same time, I dread that I have to soon go out into the rain with holes in the bottom and on the front of my shoes; thank you skateboarding. Wet socks and wet shoes makes the day just a bit worse for me, but that's okay as long as it is worth it. It totally is in the end for the amount of happiness I can achieve. I love to skate, it is my form of nirvana. No code to frustrate me, no book to study, just me, the board, and the obstacle. One fluid motion propels me into complete and absolute freedom. Bliss. It doesn't matter if I fall, if I land it sloppy, or if I land it clean, because either way, it tests my reality. Each trick, each small movement, lets me express my artistic side. I need no pencils here, no paint brushes, no camera; just me, the board, and the obstacle to overcome.
All I really want, is for this rain to end, and the sun to bless me and the ground with its warmth and golden rays. I want this cup of coffee to empty, this rain to stop, and this cigarette to finish its burning, so that I may exercise both my physical and mental abilities. Even if I hinder my abilities by getting hurt, at least I determine my own fate, not mother nature, not my parents, and not another person. Within the time I skate, I am a master of my own world. No one can tell me what I can and can't do but myself. Nobody can have the last word, the best style, or even the last laugh within my skate-zen world. I am all, and all is me.
These precious moments, when I soar through the air, nothing matters. No car payment, no car insurance, no studying, no school, no job, no duty to myself or my country can matter now. For I am free. Within these small time frames of pure and untouched freedom, I can experience what most people work lifetimes to achieve. I gain mental clarity and enjoyment out of something few can understand and even fewer can do. If I summed up all of these moments I would still probably have had more moments of pure bliss than those of pain.
It's not like the pain is bad, I suffer for a reason after all. I suffer, to become better. Not to become better at skateboarding only, but to be a better person, to have a clearer outlook on life without bias or negative thought. As I write this little rant, my hand pulses and throbs with immense pain from falling down while skating. Instead of remembering how painful the event was, or how much I hate the pain, I can only remember how much fun I was having when the pain struck. Only a smile can be shown in such a situation, for these are probably the best feelings I will have in my short time on earth.
Be free in what you enjoy.
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[jvaldez - "sen-no-sen"
[juergevaldez@hushmail.com - Don't mail me, I'll mail you.
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Long Dark Tunnel 2001. - http://ldt.aguk.co.uk - ldt@hushmail.com
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