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Low Self Esteem Issue 18
Low Self Esteem Issue 18
Drugs as an Escape
Written By: Parker Lewis
Sep. 21th, 1997
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³ Issues of LSE can be found at: ³
³ ³
³ FTP: FTP.EText.Org/pub/Zines/LowSelfEsteem ³
³ WWW: WWW.GeoCities.Com/SouthBeach/3640/ ³
³ Usenet: Alt.Life.Sucks & Alt.Depression ³
³ Email: Parker_Lewis@HotMail.Com ³
³ ³
³ If your interested in writting something for LSE, send it in to the email ³
³ address listed above. ³
ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ
Disclaimer: LSE contains subject matter which may offend some people, LSE may
also cause depression, disorientation and suicidal tendencies, continue rea-
ding at your own will.
Section 1: Before I Begin
Section 2: Drugs as an Escape
Section 3: Drugs Info
Section 4: Anti-depressants
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Section 1: Before I Begin ³
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The last 2 issues of LSE have the release date as: Sep. 19th, 1997, this
isn't the date in which they were written, it's the date that the final edit-
ed copy was published, Sarah's article in issue 16 was written in mid-August,
issue 17 was mostly written in early June and this issue was written in the
last week of August, I've only had time to edit and reformat the issues now
that I'm back from my holidays, and these three last issues will probably on-
ly be released on the Internet in one or two weeks, since I don't have Inter-
net at home at this particular moment. I apoligize for all these delays.
Issue 17 was really doom & gloom eh? Sometimes I scare myself at what I can
write, I'm really not satisfied with that issue, but that's what I was fee-
ling at that time that I wrote it, so I'll just leave it as it is and conti-
nue on, ok, no more stalling, let's get to the article.
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Section 2: Drugs as an Escape ³
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It's possible that once in your live, when that pain has become too unbeara-
ble, you've considered drugs or alcohol as an escape, If you've never experi-
enced with these substances but are thinking about it, read on, I'll be tell-
ing you about my experiences with them, and my personal opinion concerning
them.
At first I wasn't sure if i would publish this article, I didn't want people
to think that I'm into this stuff, I'm not, but there were times in my life
where I turned to drugs as a possible escape, it didn't work, I might have
temporaraly forgotten the problem, but it was always there, waiting for me
when I got back, drugs only complicate things even more. Although now I'm
against drugs, I'm not going to write a whole article on how drugs are bad
and will kill you, cause only a few can cause you serious damage, what I'm
hoping to achive in this article is to tell you what you can expect if you
do run to drugs as a solution. The information in this article comes from
my own personal experience with drugs, as well as some liturature I've read.
I suggest that you leave drugs alone, but if continue to want to try them, I
suggest that you get more info on them, check www.hyperreal.com on the Inter-
net for lots of texts on this subject, and be sure to follow correct proce-
dures. I'm going to repeat this one more time, no matter how glorious I make
drugs seem in the following article, they aren't, leave them alone!
The first time I experimented with drugs was back in January of 1997, I was
looking for something that would make me feel better, so I decided to buy
some hashhish from a guy in school, this was the first and only time that I
tryed this drug, it took awhile to kick in and it only lasted for awhile,
some of the effects were: enhanced hearing, smelling and taste, drowsyness,
loss of short-term memory (I couldn't remember something that happend 10 mi-
nutes ago), and enhanced concentration and apetite (sp?). The effect was
short, within 2 hours it was over. Smoking it tasted horrible, but I'd have
to say that it was an ok experience, I was in perfect control of my actions.
A while later, I read in a book, how shamen used nutmeg to get into a
'trance' mode. Since nutmeg is legal, cheap and easily found in any super-
market's spice section, I decided to pick some up. I broke a nut in half and
ate each piece, it tastes horrible, I discovered later it goes down better
with milk or pepsi, anyways, in 30 minutes I could feel the effects kicking
in, it felt very much like hashhish but it lasted much longer (about eight
hours), it was a pleasent light buzz, I was in control, and nobody could tell
that I was stoned. I found that nutmeg helps concentration, and I would use
it regularly when I would study, it kept me focused on my work and my
thoughts wouldn't just drivt (sp?) away. A bad aspect of nutmeg is that, 8
hours after you intake it, you will have diareha (sp?), it's like clockwork,
I even timed it, always 8 hours after, the stomach ache comes on all of the
sudden and if your not near a toilet at the time, you are in big trouble, af-
ter you go to the bathroom and relieve yourself, you once again feel normal.
I also have to mention the effects that it has on your sleep, you can use
nutmeg as a cure for insomnia, you'll be sleeping like a baby for atleast 10
hours.
I usually never ate more than one nut, but there was a time I had 3 nuts, and
I discovered that nutmeg is pshycadelic. It was a Friday night, and I took
my cousins, who were visiting us from Canada, to a dance club, so I ate the
three nuts at 30 minute intervals to feel more loose, at the club I had a
couple of Red Bulls (Red Bull is an Energy drink with caffine and vitamines
which gives you more stamina when dancing) I am mentioning the Red Bulls be-
cause I don't know if they had anything to do with what I would experience
later on. Anyways, we got home at around 4am, I was buzzed but still in con-
trol. I went to bed, I couldn't sleep so I just layed there thinking. Thats
when things started to get weird, I was feeling so creative, I created two
songs in my head. The songs were beautiful, I remember wishing at the time
that there was some way to transfer this music from my head to a tape. One of
the songs was a Spanish flaminco-type song, the weird thing is that the ly-
rics that I created were in Spanish, and I don't know nothing about Spanish,
somehow theres part of my sub-conscience that knows Spanish, and while I was
under this state I was capable of thinking thinks which I wouldn't think of
when I'm in a normal and awaken state, somehow my mind had full access to my
brain. Those couple of hours were amazing, I created beautiful landscapes in
my mind, which I would fly through, I remember riding on 'star waves', and
floating around a big palace. I eventually drivted into sleep, I would travel
between a sleep state and an awaken state several times before morning came,
I had no control over myself, I was laughing my head off for no reason, I
would slap myself in the head to stop laughing, but I couldn't stop. When it
was morning I felt terrible, I had trouble breathing, my limbs would occasi-
onally become stiff and I couldn't move, I was extremely thirstly and had to
make trips to the bathroom every ten minutes to get a drink, I couldn't move
correctly, it was like i was in another dimention looking into reality, it
took a great amount of concentration to be able to communicate with people,
my eyes were bloodshot, and my mom could tell there was something wrong with
me, I told her that I had a fever and I think she believed it. I would feel
insects crawling over my face, it wasn't scary, it just felt strange. I also
remember always having to feel my pants to make sure I hadn't pissed myself,
I must have looked so stupid. I spent all of Saturday in bed, when I heard
voices I would get so paranoid, and think that everybody was talking about
me, I tryed to listen to what they were saying but I just couldn't concen-
trate. I had lost all of my personality and emotions, I felt really empty, I
couldn't feel anything, I was emotionless, just an empty shell, when I went
outside to feed my dog, some assholes in the bar across from my house started
to call me names, it didn't really effect me the way it usually would, I
didn't feel the hurt and anger which I would regularly feel, if you ever
wished that you had no emotions, I can tell you, based on this experience,
that even emotions like sadeness and loneliness is much better than no emo-
tions. Luckely for me everyone went out and I was home alone, I went down-
stairs and had something to eat. I put some music on upstairs, the music
sounded enormous and 3 dimentional, the sound quality was amazing, and it was
coming from an old radio my dad had bought back in the 80s, the music was too
much, I was starting to get a headache, so I turned it off and returned to
bed. I spent most of that Saturday in bed, I was afraid that I was going to
be stuck in this 'trip' forever, I even prayed to God to get me out of the
trip. When I woke up on Sunday, I felt better, I was still a bit buzzed but
I could concentrate better, control myself, and I felt more normal. By Monday
I was back to my old self.
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Section 3: Drug Info ³
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crack/cocain/heroin/opium: These are the badies, keep away from them. They
are addictive and will eventually end up killing you.
marijuana/hash/hashhish/pot/dope/hashhish/hemp/ganja/maryjane:Harmless drugs,
death is rare. Light, lasts a couple of hours, increases thirst & hunger,
enhances hearing & taste. Loss of short-term memory. Will cause bloodshot
(dopey) eyes.
lsd/nutmeg/acid/shrooms and other psycadelics: Under the right situations and
in a controlled enviroment, it could be used for mind expansion or as a crea-
tivity booster. By a controlled enviroment, I mean a well planned out trip,
with correct supervision and nothing to worry about, in any other condition,
the trip will most likely be unconfortable, like the one I had. If psycadel-
ics are done under a controlled enviroment, the trip will be enjoyable, psy-
cadelics are fairly safe, the worst that can happen is that you may have a
bad experience, and allergic reaction, or if you do something stupid while
under the trip, few people die from psycadelics, those that do die, the
deaths are caused by allergic reactions or improper use. This drug has a po-
tential as a creativity booster, while your tripping you should find some-
thing to do, don't let it go to waste, using it as a form of recreation seems
like a waste to me, it can be productive in problem solving situations or in-
ventions.
ecstacy/crystal meth/speed: I don't know much about these, they are 'up-
pers' and are supposed to give you energy and stamina and make you all hyper.
There have been some deaths caused by these drugs in the past due to heart a-
ttacks, dihydration and high blood pressure, speed kills about 8 times more
people than ecstacy, crystal meth kills 16 times more people than speed.
Sometimes drug dealers have been know to mix speed with ecstacy. Extacy is
know as the 'love drug', it's not an aphrodesiac (sp?), but it makes you more
comfortable around people.
alcohol: Having a little bit to help you to dose off isn't too harmful,
drinking too much will make you stupid and you'll be puking out of your ass.
In my opinion the safest drug is marijuana or hashhish, followed by extacy
and finally LSD (if done properly), I wouldn't try anything else.
pheuuuu... I finnaly finished, I feel so dirty writing about drugs, now, I'll
finish up by writing about anti-depressants...
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Section 4: Anti-depressants ³
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The reason why I tryed drugs in the first place was to try to get rid of my
depression, I would never have tryed them if I'd had access to anti-depress-
ants, but since you could only get anti-depressants like Prozac, by seeing a
doctor, and having him/her write you up a perscription , I gave up on the
idea, it's ironic how it's easier to get illegal drugs than legal drugs. This
past summer when I was in Canada, I ran into a book called "Hypericum & De-
pression" at a book store, I read through it a bit and discovered that there
is an alternative cure for depression, it's called "Hypericum", it's also
know as "St. John's Wort", and the best part about it is that you don't need
a perscription to get it, it's cheaper than the other anti-depressants and
it's better and safer. I was happy with this new discovery, I went to the
nearest "natural foods" store and bought 2 60-capsule bottles for about $22.
On my way home I pasted by the occult/witchcraft shop which is near the house
where I was living, and found out that they also sold St. John's Wort there,
the hypericum that I bought at the occult shop is unprocessed and still in
it's original form, and it was really cheap. I haven't started using the hy-
pericum yet, I'm saving it for when I start school once again, which is in 3
days, hopefully the stuff will work and I won't run out of it before the
school year ends, I really doubt it that I'd be able to find Hypericum here
in Shitsville, Portugal. You can find capsuled Hypericum (St. John's Wort)
at Nutrician Shops/Natural Foods Stores for about $11 for a 60 capsule bottle
or you can buy the original stuff at your local occult shop for just a couple
of cents. When buying capsuled hypericum in a bottle be sure that the bottle
says "300mg" & "Standardized Potency", take 3 capsules per day, if you buy
the unprocessed stuff then about a teaspoon a day should do it. Hypericum is
a progressive drug, you shouldn't expect instant results, rather you should
judge your improvement after six weeks of daily use. Hypericum is perfectly
safe, it doesn't have the harmful side effects of other anti-depressants,
although on the bottle, is a warning, stating that you shouldn't stay too
long under the sun after taking it. So if your thinking of trying drugs to
combat depression, try hypericum first, it's natural, safe and it doesn't
have the 'evil' image of illegal drugs.
That's it, I hope I've been of some help to you, but remeber I'm no expert on
these matters, some or alot of what I've written may be incorrect, consult
some scientific liturature before you dive into the world of drugs or call
one of the dozen helplines available. You can find info on Hypericum at the
following Internet address: WWW.Hypericum.Com
Quote of the Day: "Life is a long walk home..."
