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Krad Issue 015
Issue 015
--- KRaD, The OffiCiaL ELiTE-0, K-NeeT-0 'ZiNE
PreSeNtS:
--------
--_-> KRaD <-_--
[Brought to you in Surround HTML, where available]
K0MPiLaTiON: Panther Modern (KRaD/OWANW!)
pmodern@xln.com
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#(#(#(#(#(#(#
(#(#(# NeeTo ELiTEo
*#*#*#*#*#*#*
I got some E-Mail one day, and was very surprised to find that it contained
a question for me, regarding the source of the essense of ELiTE thought. I
was taken aback by such an obviously brilliant question as to the existance
of an ELiTE diety, that I immediately consulted my online Greek Mythology
reference.
It was not easy to find what I was looking for. It took several hours of
reading, and as I am not too proficient in that art so far, it was a true
strain on my delicate mind. However, at the end of the proverbial tunnel
lies the answer to all questions, and my answer was short, but extremely
enlightening.
Yes, I found it. The diety to warez.
Searching through the dusty archives, I came across such greats as Zeus, the
god of Thunder, Athena, the goddess of War, Posiedon, the god of the Sea,
and many others. However, I could not, on the surface, find any reference to
what I sought, the Ancient Source of the Ware.
Finally, my eye lit upon a small reference... Amongst the tale of the
immortally known Trojan horse, resides a small reference to a certain God,
without whom the Horse would have failed...
"Odysseus called upon Warezooli, the God of zero-day, and he cried out with
great might, such that Warezooli would be torn from his pursuits, and help
Odysseus seize the city of Troy! Warezooli came down in a flutter of
diskettes, and created for Odysseus a great horse made from finely carved
hard drives; a great hollow horse with which to take the city! Odysseus
cried out in joy and praised the great Warezooli, without whom the city
would have been virtually impenitrable. And the Zero-Day flowed down from
Olympus onto Odysseus, thus blessing the great Hero, and Warezooli, being
happy, ascended once again into the heavens."
Yes, there you have it! Warezooli, the diety to Zero-Day. The Immortal
Warezooli, son of the grand Titans of olde. A hidden God all these years,
finally revealed to you in true KRaD style! Who else brings you such
information as this?
I call to you, my Warez Friends! Build a shrine to the all-powerful
Warezooli within your abode! Create a dominion where the grand Warezooli may
reside, spreading the spirit of Zero-Day throughout the land! Warezooli is
not a demanding God, my friends. He requires but a peice of Zero-Day
software every day. If you give him a peice of Negative-One-Day, he'll
accept it as two day's tithing! If you give him Negative-Fifty-Day, he'll
accept it as fifty-one day's tithing! As you can see, Warezooli is an
accepting God, wishing only for a shrine, and Zero-Day.
Warezooli will look down upon you especially nicely if you are wearing
properly stained jeans.
Remember next time you bathe in the Zero-Day electronic stream. The Ancient
Warezooli is watching!
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#########################################
## *** A Brief Review of ##
## KRaD *** ##
## By: Jim Romary (jromary@csn.net) ##
#########################################
The guy actually knows how to phreak and hacque in real-time modes, thus
producing text like we witness on those pages This pre-literate culture may
actually be a viable alternative to the already heterogenous, polyglot,
roughly mainstream society about which we rant and rave daily. Who is to
say? The argot is certainly not economical, as the antecedant 'zine language
originally intended, because economy typically uses *fewer* phonemes, not
more. They have turned a perhaps valid attempt at rapid electronic
communication into an inpenetrable (art)form. Kind of like usenet.
Just my inflationary $.02
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@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*
A story of Transition
... From UnELiTE loser
to ELiTE Kourrier!
*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@
By: TCP (texas@rushnet.com)
**#** With: Special ELiTE Followup Reply by Panther Modern **#**
DeWd!~ EyE LuVd YeR /<-/24D ZiN3! It wuZ s0 3leeEeeT deWD! th3r3 wUz 0l333
wUN pR0Bl3m.. iT H4d w3rDz iN iT s0 3y3 cUdnT r33d iT. mY 31337 M0mMy Iz
tIyPeING tHiZ R173 n0w. ey3 LuV mY M0mMy.
I'm sorry if I'm no good at this.. I am not really into Warez, I'm a stupid
h/p dood, so I'm just learning.. Do you think I have the potential? I want
to get out of this H/P shit.
Here's my story..
I was in a CO last night looking at all the pretty blinking lights, and I
thought to myself.. God.. This sucks. I can't stand this anymore. I mean,
Phreaking is just so unfullfilling! What do I get out of it? Well, besides
K0dEzZzZZZZzzzZZzZZZ! So, I walked outside to a midswitch, and noticed..
H3Y! ThIz LuUkZ KyNDA lYkE Th3 InSiD3 oV My cUmP3wTer aT H0Me. Ew3 kN0,
DaDdys P4cKaRd B3Ll! So, I ran home and called Hacker's Haven.. I was
mulling through the files and saw a 'zine called KRAD. KRAD! I said. A Zine
called KRAD! It was weird.. I never had these thoughts going through my mind
before.. And these words.. It was like I was speaking in tongues! Slowly,
names of boards and numbers began materializing in my head.. DPAMF!
Bubblegum Crisis! I tried typing, bUt Sh1t LyKe Th1S K3Pt HaPPeNinG! I
L00KeD aT My HaNDz! Th3y L00kEd s0 31337!
I said to myself.. C0uLD eYe ReAlLY B3 b3c0MiNG 3133t!?!?! So, I decided to
test it.. I threw my car keys aside, and got my old ten-speed out of the
attic. I turned on the blinker on the back of the bike, and made sure my
little bell on the handle worked. I began to ride. I knew I was king of the
road right away. tHis S3XeE3e 12 Y3Ar 0Ld l00K3d 4t M333! Wh0A! I sAiD! I'm
31337! eYe PiCKEd My NoZe And FlIck3D It Int0 Th3 4iR wItH Gl33! I KneW It!
eYe Kn3W It!! Im 4 Kr4D eLeE3T D00D! eYe SaW jer0me iN fr0NT oV M33. He HaD
ThE WaReZ fr0CoW wItH HiM. MUUUUU! It sEd. EyE LiK3D th3 K0w. It WuZ
S3x33eeEe! 0-DayZzZZzzzZZ!! jer0me sEd!
Then I got hit by a mack truck on I-25 and woke up. It was all a dream. I
was still in the CO, and a USWEST employee was standing above me making
funny noises saying "pwetty. can I dake him home momee? can i pweez? i gotta
go pee pee. Can you hewp me?" He grabbed his crotch and walked away. So,
here I am. Writing to you.
What I'd like to know is this.. Do I have the stuff it takes? To hell with
hacking and phreaking. I don't even remember that shit. (Ring and tip?
That's the name of a cock ring store, right?) I want to be a WaReZ KiDDie!
Help me please, KRAD. I've already sacrificed my whole family to WarEzooLi..
And there is no turning back..
**# Reply #**
I am truely touched by your story. It reminds me of this one time, when I
began my quest for Zero-Day. I saw myself standing on a bridge, looking out
over a sea of floppy disks. It felt as though I were looking into a monitor,
even though I was not. I felt as though I was typing even though I was not.
Suddenly, I felt a strange sensation going through me. I realized that my
life's purpose was simple: Completion of the Zero-Day mission. The quest for
the Zeroest-Day warez on earth. I knew from then on that my life had a
purpose, that I would not be forever doomed to a life of one-day rules, when
my mind demanded the Zero-Day way of life! Yes! I dedicated my very exitance
to the Zero-Day, knowing that it would guide me upon the right path!
Yes, and at that very point, I felt the surge go through me, the surge of
the spirit that's known only as Zero-Day! I became the embodiment, the
Kourrier Surpreme, the transcending Zero-Day warrior!
I am glad to help others upon this, the true path of knowledge and inner
light. Warezooli Speed.
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%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
%% 1-daY? No Way! %%
%% A modern Fable. %%
%% by: %%
%% muwt@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu's %%
%% Friend %%
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
A frend of mine rote this:
The uther day I was kouryink round, cops and shit were caLLing me names Like
1-day and stuff. I hated it. I Looked at myseLf and noticed that my 0-day
cLothes had r0tted into cLothes that a 0-day kourier wouLd not ware. I
thought my dazes as a kourier were over. My name was runed. I can stiLL hear
them screaming "Hey 1-day". LukLy I had a cupLe of spare disks on me fuLL of
-3-day warez. I showed them to the cops and they gave me some neat braceLets
and put me in this car without any handLes on the dors. Beink the 0-day kind
of guy that I am, I got beat up and my cLothes were bLoody again. One of the
friendLy oficers aLso offered to ram his 'biLLy cLub' up my ass. I bent over
and he Lost his d0nuts. I toLd him he was 3-day. I next found out that cLub
was good for more than one thing. When I woke up my -3-day were gone and the
SPA was at my house.
I didn't know they couLd take my puter. I figgered it wouLd not matter since
my -3-day had aged to 1-day. I toLd them "hey.. I can get you some 0-day,
and I wiLL Let you be kouriers". I gave them some free kopies of KRAD and
showed them where to find the stuff about bing a kourier. I evin got to show
them how to make ther genes bLoody. We ended up goink to a warez store and
they got some 0-day. They are not yet true 0-day but they are workink on it.
I think they wiLL be 0|< in a m0nth or sew. I even showed them how to mess
with antz and gave them some of my fLyz. I even got my puter back and they
cLeaned it off so I couLd fiLL it with 0-day!
The moraL of this story is -- whiLe kouryink ... don't Let them caLL you
1-day.
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*)#(*)#(*)#(*)#(*)#(*)#(*)#(*)#(*)#(*
*)#(* The KouRRiEr'Z GuiDE To: *)#(*
*)#(* The Fourth of July *)#(*
*)#(*)#(*)#(*)#(*)#(*)#(*)#(*)#(*)#(*
By: The Red Power Ranger
Hi! I'm The Red Power Ranger, and I have been a kourrier for a long time
now! I like to get all of the neeto warez, and I think that warez are kewl.
I found out recently through KRaD that warez are free, and that's why
they're so kewl! I had never realized this before, but now I know, and I'm
glad I do, coz now I'll really love all the warez I get even more than
before when I didn't know that I didn't have to pay for them and stuff! KRaD
has changed my life, and I hope that it changes your life as well, because
my life is now enriched by such things as newer zero-day, and girlz, and
kewler fashion statements!
OKay, well, the Fourth of July just happened a little while ago, and I
learned a lot of stuff that day. It was on my Day of The Month To Go Outside
for July, so I was outside. Suddenly, I saw a bright lite in the sky, and I
was real scared and said that I didn't want to see a bright lite in the sky
coz it makes me real scared!
I tried to run, but could only hobble away, but then there was another, even
brighter lite in the sky, and I knew I was doomed to see brite lites in the
sky, so I screamed, but the twinkie in my mouth blocked my scream from being
very loud.
I kept hobbling, and saw some kidz playing with matches! Kidz shouldn't do
that, coz it's dangerous, and they might burn their fingers! I told them
that, and they laughed at me, and then they lit another match, and then this
thing flew towards me!
It ended up bouncing off of me, but at that point, I was real real real real
real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real
real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real
real real real real real real real real real real real real real SCARED! Coz
there was fire in the sky, and kidz liting matches, and other stuff, and
things bouncing off of my stomach! It made me feel real scared, and not
nice.
I hobbled more, but could not escape the fire in the sky...
Finally, I ended up back at my house, and I shut the door! The fire wasn't
there anymore, and I wasn't scared any more! I got to my computer, and
hugged Him, and told Him that I wouldn't leave him to go outside into the
scary world again, or I might get scared again!
Then, I called a zero-day board, and they had kewl software, and I
downloaded it, and I was real happy. Coz I had zero-day software, and that's
kewl!
Anyway, this just proves that the fourth of july isn't kewl, with it's kidz
lighting matches, and fire in the sky, and other scary stuff that makes me
scared! So if I were you, I wouldn't pick the fourth of july as your day to
go outside, or you might get scared too! And that wouldn't be nice!
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[Image]
**********************
*** KRAD EXCLUSIVE ***
**********************
## ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ##
## Editorial: ##
## Why wash your clothes? ##
## By: Ty-Rone ##
## ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ##
Ah wuz sittin dere an' thinkin one day, jus bout stuff yah know, when ah
thought bout dis theory been runnin through mah hed, bout dem dere clothes
washers yah know what ah'm sayin? They ain't too good yah ask me, cuz yer
clothes be all clean foe a sec, but den dey get dirty again in a min, too.
So what dah fuck be dah point o day clothes washers? Ah seen dis one white
mofoe he been all up in dere washin dem clothes an sheeit, it werent nice.
He be washin dem jeans, an dem shit ain't gonna no moe be zera'-day. Dem was
like several day old at that point. What dah fuck be dah point yah know?
Den, dey all clean 'n' shit, an he walk aroun' foe a min, an' they dirty
again. So ah say what dah fuck. You gonna wash dem shit, you can't wear it
no moe, else it get dirty, you done waste yo wash money on sum shit lyk dat.
Ah just don' understan what dese whites be thinkin bout when dey pull dat
dere shit lyk dat. Dey fuckin on sum crack rock o sum jive? Ah cant tell but
ah bet dey be on sumthin like dat, ya know, coz dey so damn dumb. Dey cant
talk no fuckin english rite, and dont know how tah spel worth a shit. Ah
hate dem whities an' dere fuckin washin machines an shit. Dem whities be all
suckin. Dey lyk be one-day, not zera'-day like me (ah'm Ty-Rone!). Ah lyk
only th zera'day, and ah'm one o' dah only kewl zera'day cuzz's aroun, so ah
dunno where dese whities get off. See yah an stuff later.
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Ew3 HaVe SuRViVeD DaH GNueZT 0-DaY
KRaD iSSuE, AnD WHuT HaVE 3We T0
SHoW PH0R iT!? NoTHiNK!!
HahAHahaHaHaHAHAHahahAhaAHa!
Panther Modern
Kompilation At Large
pmodern@xln.com
